Right now I really need lots of prayers. My H & I were alone last night. He came onto me very strong. Please read my post under Question II " He left for OW house"<P>Today my H called me at work around 4:15pm He asked what I was doing tonight. I said I thought we could get a movie "Family Man" He said he would not be home tonight. I asked where he was going to be at. He said OW house. I said I felt hurt and uncomfortable with that. There was silence. He said it just has to be that way. He said he loved me & he would call me later. He mentioned too that he was going to look at a house to rent today too. My H and a single male officer were thinking about renting it together. I didn't say much. I am VERY uncomfortable with this of course. I needs LOTS of guidance. I WILL LISTEN to all your wisdom and advise. The reason why I am SO scared is because my H will have the fun of three lives now. His fun & exciting life with OW he can spend as much time with her as he pleases, then he can still see me and spend as much time with the girls, have fun and games with them, plus he can enjoy his "single" life in the bars with his roomate. How wonderful for him. Me, I will have ALL the work, make the rules with the girls, pay the bills, let me come an go as he pleases I WILL ME MISERABLE AND LONELY. How should or would you handle this? I know he's getting paperwork ready for divorce papers. I saw a card of what he all needs. He already has some of it together.<BR>I really need God to come in our lives and restore our marriage. Please pray for us. I have NOT been checking up on anything. I have been reading and reading making changes in myself. I am not trying to educate him anymore or to put guilt on him. He knows I want to work on the marriage. I wrote a letter (followed lostvas letter)it says it all. I told him to trust in it and keep it with him to remind him of what I believe can and will happen.<BR>I can NOT change him only he can change himself if that's what he wants. I know he's been praying to ask God for help. He cancelled his appointment with a counselor tomorrow. He called and left a message that he rescheduled it for Monday at 1:00pm. At least that's a plus. I go to this same counselor myself tomorrow. I still talk to Dr. harley too. I just wanted to talk to someone face to face.. I am also going to seek guidance from our Pastor through Gods word. I feel this is all I can do unless you can think of anything else to try???<P>LoveMess

Dear Lovemess, when all else fails theres God. He is the only one who can fix this and give you strenth enough to make it thru until He does. when we are first faced with trials of a broken marriage and home, we tend to exhast all possibilities and try with all our strenth until we fail. Then we turn to God. We also tend to look to pastors and counselors for answers when there really is none. They are there for guidence to see this thru and nothing more. The only answer i can see as to why homes break is that we put the Lord almost last on our list of priorities. A home built on sand will fall. Jesus needs to be first in our homes or the enemy can destroy them. And as most of us can see is destroying them. For those of us left behind to deal with the mess, we need to get the Lord first in our lives, then God takes it from there and starts to heal. He is not going to restore until He knows He is going to be first in our homes.It wouldnt last. It starts with us and our relationship with Him and our prayers of faith. Without faith we cannot please God. Without God we cannot have faith. It is a gift from God and it doesnt come easy. It is the enemies job to make us give up. God allows it to test our faith and trust in Him and not circumstances. I wish it was different , but it isnt. <BR>As far as your husband wanting his cake and eating it also, your going to have to let him go for now. Its one of the hardest things we can do but it brings them to there bottom sooner. This isnt tough love, its reality. Ultimatums dont work either. Your husband has choosen how he wants to live already. sharing him is not an option. Tell him when he turns his heart back to the Lord and to you, he is more than welcome to come back home. If he wants to talk at times still be willing to listen, but try not to give advice. Tell him you love him and always will and will continue to pray until God changes his heart and you dont care how long it takes and divorce papers wont change a thing. Right now God wants to be your everything and you might as well accept it. when we have a close relationship with the Lord, we cant go wrong and He gives us peace to see our trials thru. God will restore your marriage, but your going to have to let go of it and give it to Him first and dedicate the restoration to the Lord. It took me almost 2 years to let go. when i did 7 months later my wife hit bottom hard and she turned her heart back to the Lord and to me. We are still not back together because she created such a mess and is in a drug treatment half way house and we are financially devestaed , but we are in love with each other again and working towards putting our marriage and family back together. My situation was one of those hopeless ones. Most didnt think we would of made it even this far. Especially the devil. The enemy is very angry. Thats ok, it tells me im on the right road. God carried me thru all of this. He will carry you also. Start reading your own bible and not expecting pastors or others to read it for you. No one is going to have a relationship with the Lord for you. Psalms is a good place to start. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you understand Gods word and to put it into your spirit. Believe Gods word and not the enemies lies. Draw near to the Lord and He will draw near to you. <BR>Lovemess, your in my prayers and may the Lord grant you peace thru your trials and see you through to compleation of His will as you continuse to trust in Him.<BR>Mark