I am 30 yrs old and have been married for almost 5 years...<BR>To start matters off, I had been dating my husband for about 6 years when we got married...I was living with him and his family (mother and sister), for about 5 of those years (mistake #1) and I got saved 2 years before marriage and continued to live in this type of arrangement (mistake #2)...he has been walking in a backslidden state for about 14 years now..<BR>Anyways,we decide to get married, and continue to live with the family (mistake #3), and during this time there has been a great deal of family issues that I have endured (some pleasant, some not so pleasant), and I have done nothing but been there to support during all these times, even though it may of went against what I believed and felt was wrong in <BR>my heart (mistake #4)..so during all this time, my husband has been inconsistant with employment, having a habit of working some where for a couple of months, getting in disagreements, quitting the job, not having anything lined up, thus having gaps in between employment..guess who <BR>bears the financial responsibility? At 1st it didnt bother me as much,because I was in "love" and wanted to take care of him, no matter what. I would take up his slack and his mother would be around to back that up, telling him everything would be alright, trying to encourage, etc..not <BR>realizing at the time that I was only hindering the tuation...so for the past 1 ½ to 2 years I have been getting tired of the pattern.. in turn because I have felt stressed about playing the "head", and picking up the slack by working overtime, and the stress had got me to the point to where I didnt really want to peform physically because this <BR>situation was in my face all the time. Then when he would have a job, I would begin to think "how long is this going to last?", and sure enough something would happen and we would be back to square one. So in turn for me not peforming physically (as much as he would like and for not really <BR>iniating it)he began to have an issue with me. When I presented the issue to him last year, (I wrote him a letter), he threw it down, and blew up, and said that "if I cant meet your standards then we need to end it",...I probably should've left then, but we talked things over (never really adressing the root issue), but the pattern still continued to exist.On top of that, a couple of weeks ago we took separate vacations (I paid for the flights) and he was calling from vacation telling me that he felt unwanted because we didnt do anything before we left, low <BR>self-esteem etc.... so the week we returned it continues, and next month will be the 1st anniversary of my mom's death. I am already feeling the affects of it...so I bring the idea to him that I would like to go back (where I took my 1st vacation) to get away during that time (it is where <BR>my mom is from). He immediately blows up thinking I had an ulterior motive, (to hang out and "party" with my cousin or that I have another man) and when he asked me he was invited I told him that I could not afford both of us (he is not orking again), and he went off, said F*** the marriage, you <BR>go ahead and do what you have to do,,, and we had just bought rings a couple months ago, he took them back,and was like forget it!! He told me that he thought that he was the one that should be with me during an importantant difficult time as this, and that if money was an issue I should've suggested somewhere else much closer...I told him it you felt like that, then why didnt you just suggest it, instead of going off? At the time this was just an idea ,nothing concrete, and he told me that he should've been my 1st thought. I told him that I thought it would help me cope, and that I was not trying to intentionally leave him out of <BR>anything. That just really devastated me to know that he thought I was lying and for him to take the rings back just like that! He tells me that he felt this way because of him feeling unwanted and said anybody would've thought the same thing....so it is up to this point, where he says he feels unwanted and I tell him why, that my emotional state effects <BR>my physical state (does any women understand this?!??!?!) that I feel burdened all the time with the finances, and now he is seeing what I am saying, and claims he doesn't remember me telling him this last year (?). But I guess now it has really sunk in, and with everything that has happened over the past couple of years up until now, I am tired. He <BR>doesnt seem to understand the relation between the emotional and the physical that has me where I am. He has not went out to look for a job yet, and I told him that just because we are physical, it is going to take more than that to fix what is going on...he said that he didnt want to start over like we are courting, does not want counseling (never did)and <BR>said if that is the case then we need to separate..to I let him know that I was leaving in a couple of weeks a few days ago), and it seems like ever since I said that he has wanted to work things out...(hmmmm.. ) <BR>I think he is only doing this because he is afraid up me leaving in the mess we are in )...Also, after he blew up about the "little trip" I wanted to take again, I said "forget this mess" and I went a bought the plane ticket so I could go anyway. Now that he is in the mood he is in, I <BR>still have not told him otherwise that I wanted to work things out, as far as he sees it we are still "to be separated" and he still thinks I am going to leave...The Lord told me to get out of His way so that He can do what He needs to do, and I feel the only way to really do that <BR>is to leave... but my husband is the type of person to say "if you leave then it is over" type of thing..so I am like how is the Lord going to do anything with a mentality like that? And what about the trip? I see no reason why I cant go, but I feel that when I tell him that I did buy the ticket he will probably flip again....<BR>And by the way.. his mother and niece (another loooonnnng story) is still in the house...on top of what we are going thru I already feel like I cant completely be a wife in my own home... <P>Way to Heal
