I'm sorry everyone. I've been pretty positive lately, but I have the Sunday night blues and just need to vent a little. If anyone has any words of encouragement, I could use them. I hate to be so needy - I know that writing in my journal, and praying and reading is what I need to do to pick myself up.<BR>Weekends are the worst time for me. My H seems to just drop off the face of the earth on weekends. I don't hear a word from him. I usually hear from him about once every day - somtimes every other day. <P>I'm so sad today. I saw Pearl Harbor and I cried the whole movie. It'a a good movie, but the love story and the whole war thing just got me down I guess.<P>So, in addition to weekends sucking my H into a black hole, of course, it's back to work tomorrow, too. yuck. I have such a hard time concentrating at work ever since D-day. <P>I'm so sad about my H. I really thought he would've snapped out of this by now. In 11 years together (married 7), he's always been so thoughtful and committed - he's always said we'd always be together. We've been trying to get pregnant up until he left and had the A. He's always been close to God and had strong moral beliefs. It just blows me away that he would do this, so I had hoped he would wake up by now. He says the most hurtful things - the typical: not "in love", marrying me was a mistake, been unhappy for 2 years, I'm not the same person he married, etc.... I never know if he's lurking or not, but anyway.... here goes.... he battled cancer for 2 years, and I was right there by his side helping him and taking care of him. I kept us floating financially for the first few years of our marriage. I've taken care of all the bills, taxes, etc, and my family has helped us and supported us all these years. I feel like I invested so much in our marriage (believed in him, the stuff I just mentioned, etc.), and now he's financially successful, beat cancer, and found himself a new woman, and doesn't need me anymore.<P>I'm so disgusted thinking of him having sex with someone else. Whether he's still doing it or not. He was my first and only. The thoughts won't leave me alone.<P>I'm so sorry to vent, and you may not can tell me anything. I just feel so angry at him today, and wish he would wake up. Do vows mean nothing to him? I'm so scared that he will never wake up - that he just doesn't love me anymore.<P>

Dear Faith1, i know you are special to the Lord and He is workin out all the details for your blessings and restoration. your H at this point has no idea how blessed he is to have you for a wife. That day will come. The Lord will give you a new marriage to your H that will be far better than before. <BR> I know all the lies and they are just that, lies. My W has even told me all those things were lies and she said them cause she was angry at me. I asked her why back then was she so angry, and she said she didnt know why. I can relate to the cancer also. My wife had cancer and God healed it very quickly. My faith seemed to be so strong then. Years later she took his grace for granted and now has Hep C. I suppose she figured i wouldnt be there for her after all she has done, but i still am and always will be. Love never ends... <P>Dear Lord, I pray that you would continue to draw nearer to my sister Faith1 and encourage her when she is down. Lord i would ask that you would do immeasurably more than she ever hoped for or prayed for and give her a vision of what your going to do in her life and marriage In Jesus mighty name,Amen<BR>Mark

thank you mark.. that is beautiful. I will re-read your reply and pray that beautiful prayer. I want to trust and believe that God will restore my marriage and make it better than before. I confess that waiting is so hard.

I need to reply to own post. This was my Daily Bible Verse e-mail when I got to work this morning. A gentle whack on the head from my Loving Heavenly Father. <P>Today's selection is Ephesians 4:31<P> * American Standard Version<BR> Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor,<BR> and railing, be put away from you, with all malice.<P> * King James Version<BR> Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor,<BR> and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all<BR> malice.<P> * New American Standard<BR> Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and<BR> slander be put away from you, along with all<BR> malice.<P> * New International Version<BR> Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling<BR> and slander, along with every form of malice.<P> * New King James Version<BR> Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil<BR> speaking be put away from you, with all malice.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Your anger is real and is justified. So what do you do with it? You can try to pray to the Lord to take it away. You can turn it to sadness and cry it out. Or you can yell at the demons who caused it and scare the heck out of them... Afterwards, it is a good idea to pray humbly to the Lord.<P>One of the very hard things about this little trip we are all on, is that you cannot take what your spouse says SERIOUSLY. <P>Really, if you do, you'll put yourself over the edge.<P>Listen to what Mark says, his wife now admits they were lies and doesn't know why she said them except out of fear maybe or out of anger. <P>All these WS are lying and you have to pray so hard and so often that you build a protective shell around you which prevents you from being hurt by the lies. Keep looking above their heads to the Lord and try not to be hurt by a lie. Fix what you believe needs fixing but don't believe what they say. It's the only way to go on and not get stuck on a roller coaster.<P>Give your WS to the Lord and let Him deal. He will. <P>Mine is showing little teeny signs of cracking. We still have time but a change has been made. Yours will follow soon - be faithful.<P>Lord, Hold Faith1 in Your mighty arms and allow her to feel the Peace of being one with You. Help all of us who read this to bask in the love of Your Friendship. Heal our wounds and help us to remain faithful to You and helpful to each other, here on earth. Amen.<P>