Hi All,<P>I've posted most of this message on GQII, just hoping for a reply real soon!<P>Today I feel so low. I talked a lot to my W last night. She has been seeing a counsellor, and has found over time that she has learned to find her inner child. She says her ethnic family backgound, and the church had certain expectations the repressed her inner child. She thinks she did a lot of things to meet the expectations of her family, and the church. Also, now she knows she can't have kids this has changed things a lot.<P>She says she wants 'closure' on our relationship so she can move on, and finds that when i say 'my wife' to people, it is beginning to grind on her. I told her I don't want a D because it will break any bond that I have with her, she says its just a piece of paper and she doesn't want to give me a false hope. She won't file, unless I agree. And as I don't want to then she is happy to see what happens in time. This really hurts me, in the past she told me she didn't want a D!<P>I still search for answers from her as to why we seperated. I haven't heard a reasonable answer yet. I say that there must have been needs in her that I was not meeting. She just keeps going on that, the expectations of her family etc. meant that she wasn't the 'real' her that exists now. The person that she has found through counselling. This leaves me so stranded. I wish she could say something like, you werent a great lover, or you were inconsiderate. But there is just nothing like that.<P>I wish I had some sign from God. Sometimes I think, is it just me that wants this marriage. How do I know that this is what God wants too?<P>I wish there was a little bit of emotion from my wife. I just wish she knew how lonely I am, and how much I miss her hugs and kisses. Maybe, it's that she does know and that she keeps her distance to save me more pain.<P>I've got tears in my eyes, and I haven't felt like this for such a while. My 24 yeah old body is yearning for sexual fulfillment, and I keep having thoughts that I will just go off and have sex with someone. In my mind I know for me that will destroy the bond I have with my W forever. The last time I had these sort of thoughts I was on the brink of doing it, at the point where I was looking up old girlfriends in my address book. But then I stubled across this site. And to me it was a sign of what I should be doing at the time. But now I can't help but feel discouraged.<P>Sometimes I ask God why I have to go through this. Why did my wife come home after her travels, why does she still want to live in the same house with me? Why? Why? Why? I feel dazed and confused and just want to run away from all my commitments and just forget it all sometimes.<P>I ask for your prayers at this time. I just wish that God could give me some sort of sign that I should fight for my marriage.<P>One tearfilled Plec.

YOu have two replies on the GQII board.<P>I believe God has brought you to this place, just as I believe He brought me too. We can all help each other through these struggles. <P>Perhaps it is time for you to stop asking God "why?", and ask him "what can I do?". I held myself in bondage for too long when my H left and had an affair, by asking "why" all the time. SOmetimes, we will never understand why. But then I started praying for guidance, gave my prodigal husband to God to do the changing and leading, and began learning and applying the principles on this web-site (Plan A).<P>Father, lift plec from his desparation and lonliness. Fill him with your love, comfort, and peace. Give him strength and courage to be willing to work on himself and his marriage. Father, show his wife your truth. Fill her with your spirit and love. CHange her heart, and continue working in her life. <P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

HI - Oh I am so sorry to hear you so down and discouraged. I don't think there is a real reason other than a spiritual one as to why your wife left. The enemy wanted her and somehow she wasn't protected enough to resist the attack.<P>Your stand is so important. I know it is terribly hard and you feel like the whole world is saying "Go forward." Just remember that the world's idea of going forward is exactly the OPPOSITE of the Lord's idea.<P>All the mass media - TV, books, magazines - all point to the big lie that only if you're having sex all over, dressed in the latest fashion and driving a BMW or whatever are you really happy and cool.<P>So why is it that the new idols of today - the Hollywood people who supposedly have everything - why is it that they turn to drugs, alcohol and weird religions? Why do they kill themselves at the height of the world's concept of success?<P>And why are the little nuns in India who treat the poorest of the poor so happy? They sure are out of it - no cars, same clothes every day, same food, no cool bars to visit...<P>So what's the deal?<P>All this materialism is a big joke. You can't find happiness in a cool pair of shades or the latest jeans or by finding multiple girls to feed your ego.<P>You just end up wanting more and more, being envious, learning to be cold, forgetting how to share, forgetting how to put others first. And feeling emptier and emptier.<P>Plec, feel sorry for your wife because she is getting lost. You are not lost. You are one of the few real men around - real men handle hardship, fight for what's right, have strong moral values and know how to sacrifice. Don't give that up to be just another superficial guy at the bar.<P>Hang tight. Your wife is not stupid which is why she wants to still see you. She'll figure it out, as long as you hold on and keep praying. Stay away from girls and from trying to be attractive - trust me when I tell you you are attractive and unique. You don't have to prove that to anyone. You can be strong enough to stand if you keep the right company.<P>Keep praying for us and we'll keep praying for you. I know how you feel - it is so human to want the touch, to want to be desired again. (I was attacked like that big time and I still have to watch it.) But right now we are being asked to go beyond that, to fight our own flesh for the sake of those we love. If you give up, it's like letting go of your wife's hand while she's on a cliff. Don't do that to her. Trust in God. He made the stars. He can bring her back healed.<P>Jesus, I ask You please to break the chains of physical desires of Plec. Break those chains so he can fly free and be filled with the Holy Spirit. Break those chains so he can laugh at the old desires of the flesh and become strong enough to carry himself and his wife on your path.<P>His wife needs him to stand. Help him to DESIRE to stand. Let Plec's will be exactly the same as yours, so that it becomes natural to stand. I know it can't be easy every day but give him a break this week, Lord. Push the demons away and let him have peace so that he is strengthened. Bless him profusely Lord. He is really special and unique.<P>I ask this in Jesus' Holy Name. Amen.<P>

Hi Tryingtohope,<P>Thanks for your words of wisdom, and your prayers. I really appreciate this right now. I get the feeling you have a few years more life experience from me! I mean that in a friendly way, I'm not saying your old! HaHa!<P>I love your analogy below, I had never thought of my situation like that:<P>If you give up, it's like letting go of your wife's hand while she's on a cliff.<P>My wifes faith has never been that strong, and I guess what really broke the camels back was when a really close relative died. This is when things started going wrong in our M. My wife just lost any faith she had. I remember asking her what she thought of God, as the person that died was a strong believer. My wife just said "I don't believe in that rubbish, but if it makes someone feel happy then I guess it's ok"<P>Something that I find hard is that I feel this barrier between us. Conversation seems to flow sometimes, but then most of the time I feel like she is holding back. It sounds wierd, but intimacy kind of broke that barrier in the past.<P>Thanks again for your encouragement and prayers, I do appreciate it.<P>Plec.

Hi - yeah, next to you I'm REALLY old 37<P>But the more years pass, the happier I am inside even through all of this.<P>Take care and keep writing.<P>Love, T

Hey guys - I am even older, 38 going to be 39 in a couple of months....Imagine my chagrin Plec, when the 24 yo who lives across the street comes on to me - all the time. He has made it very clear that i am welcome in his bed anytime. I am in the same place as you, plec, I have this incredible need and longing like I have never had in my entire life. I guess 16 years of regular sex has made the last 7 mos of none seem like a lifetime. But really, whenever I try to fantasize about anyone else, my husband's face is the only one I can see... I really miss him. I am really worried that I will give in to this sexy guy - who isn't at 24?, so I will pray for you and you can pray for me if you want to...<BR>Lord, please keep our eyes focused on you and help us to leave the future in your hands and trust that you have plans to prosper us and not harm us. Help us to trust that you made each of to be a unique individual and you know exactly what we need. I also pray for our spouses, that they will find their way back to you first and then to us, before our weakness hardens our hearts. Please hold us up and pour your grace and mercy into our lives and hearts. Give us your Godly daddy's hug to give us comfort.<BR>In Jesus' Holy Precious Name,<BR>Amen

Thanks for your posts,<P>painfulplace, I know what you mean. I can't fantasize about anyone but my wife either. I find that even the attaractive women that I know and see around just don't provoke a reaction in me. My wife is the only lover that I ever want. I know in my gut that going off and sleeping with another woman would just be a shallow 'quick fix', and would probably just leave me feeling worse. But sometimes the urge is so strong when everything feels so awful. At least now I realise that satan is trying to get me, so I try to do something that will make me forget like going to the gym or hitting my punch bag!<P>Take care,<P>Plec.<P>Lord I pray that you just lift us up and fill us again with the holy spirit. Forgive us for the bad feelings we have for our spouses and the other party involved. I ask that you teach us all to have the patience, longsuffering and courage to continue with our marriages and not give up. lastly, I just pray that you help us through these trials and learn to lean on you everyday throughout our lives.<P>In Jesus Christs name. Amen