Folks,<P>I know many are fasting and praying today, and I can tell, cause the enemy is attacking big time today! I have been in a "blue funk" (for lack of any more accurate term to describe how I feel). I am just feeling very low today, and hopeless. <P>I keep getting "mental messages" that there is NO hope in standing any longer for my M, that my H has been GONE for 11 weeks, and that's sufficient time for him to KNOW this is what he wants, and will continue to get further and further away, blah, blah, blah.....trouble is - *I'm beginning to believe the lies* ! ! I'm feeling ready to "throw in the towel." As Mark is always reminding us, "Don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle," but that is just what I feel like doing today.<P>I mean 77 days of NO CONTACT. Period. NONE. That's getting harder and harder to take. I wrote him "the letter" - some of you remember about 2 weeks ago. My friend got the registration to her trailer from him in the mail the next week.....like he read my letter, realized (cause I mentioned going to the dump without the trailer) that he had her registration in his wallet, and sent it back to her!! GREAT!!!! He "took care" of HER, but NOT A WORD to me!!! <P>WHAT is it going to take to get him to talk to me ever again????? What if he doesn't???? EVER????? HOW could he feel THIS DISTANT literally OVERNIGHT to NEVER want to talk to me ever again?????????? HOW could I ever hope to ATTEMPT to fix my M if he won't ever talk to me again, ever? Forever is a **VERY** long time. I'm feeling VERy low today....this is the stuff going through my head, over and over..... <P>Please pray for me. Please pray for him to open his eyes, his heart...to pray to God, something. <P>Lupo

I was just about to log off for a while this evening. I'm glad I checked here. huggggssssss.....<P>Please hang in and hang on. 11 weeks seems like 11 years. I'm 12 weeks (I think??) into this mess, but at least I have some contact. Don't put a time limit on God. Keep praying. You can do this a little longer. right? What's the hurry? What's another 3 weeks - 8 weeks - or even 12? 6 months out of your life? Gee, it sounds impossible to make it that long, but really??? what is 6 months out of our lifetime??? I've heard that 6 month time-period sooooo much. My counselor told me a story of a preacher!!!??? who had an affair, then moved to FL with the OW. His W held on and prayed. 6 months went by and he came home. THey ahve been together for YEARS now, and he is pastor of a new church now. <P>Hold on. <P>DO you have prayer warriors? Your family? His family?<P>Do you send him notes and cards? One a week maybe? I think you should. Short, little notes - just ot remind him you are here. (Have you read dlm's posts on GQII? THey are very inspriring!)<P>Father, Almighty GOd, lift up our sister Lupo in your sweet, loving, and strong arms. COmfort her and give her peace. Speak to her and give her Your guidance and direction, and make Your voice CLEAR so she will know it is YOU talking to her. Give her clarity of mind, so that any deception coming from her heart, husband, or the enemy, will not bind her or cripple her in any way. Father, we know that in trials, you strengthen us. Draw Lupo closer to you. <P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 03, 2001).]

Lupo??? You there? Let us know how you are doing.<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 03, 2001).]

Lupo,<P>It is always a good sign when you feel like giving up. Don't forget that. When you feel like giving up, you give it over to the Lord and put it in His hands. <P>He has the whole thing under control.<P>In some ways it is better NOT to have contact because you are not faced with looking at someone who can seem to be possessed. You don't have to hear them say: I care about you but I don't love you. You don't have to see them turn away from the Lord.<P>So take the good parts of your stand. You know that you are NOT alone. I have been here since Jan. 8. A friend of mine since December. Mark for three years.<P>Someone's at the door - I'll get back to you..<P><BR>

Hi again -<P>Lupo, you are a great help to us here and your energy was and is really needed.<P>Don't forget that God made the lava that comes out of volcanoes. He invented gravity. He made the moon spin around the earth. He gave us the tides, the mountains, the deserts, the beaches, the sun and the stars.<P>It is really no sweat for Him to bring your husband around so don't give up. I personally think the Lord needs a lot of prayers right now. He wants to come back - all the signs point to it now - yet if He comes back today a lot of us are going to perish. So He is waiting and asking us to pray. Your prayers go WAY beyond your own situation and affect people all around you and people who don't know you.<P>The Lord asks you to pray and to join Him in His suffering. He asks you to make Him the center of your existence, where He belongs.<P>Don't give in to the temptations of the world - hang in there.<P>Your goal has to be to be with your husband in Paradise. If he turns back to you on earth but stays away from the Lord, it will be a shallow victory. Hang on for the fireworks!!<P>Jesus, I ask You to squeeze Lupo tight in Your almighty arms today. Let her feel Your control of the situation and allow her to relax. Let her feel Your Love deep in her heart. Grant her the gift of prayer from the heart and send Your Holy Spirit on her, Lord. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.<P><BR>

Guys,<BR> Thanks for your prayers. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, but didn't feel like being on here, and "bringing everyone down" with my low mood.<P>It's not much better this morning. I started my fast yesterday afternoon, so I will fast until around dinner time. I am praying (through my tears) for everyone's requests. I don't know WHY I'm crying uncontrollably...I can't stop. I read my Bible awhile, I pray, I cry. I fed the cat. I read some more. I'm crying now...I don't know what is going on...this is in some ways worse than the "beginning" days, when he first left. These feelings in me are sort of a "lost", "deeply sad" feelings. I can't explain, I don't totally understand. They are not depression, well, sort of, but that goes away, and this is *different* somehow. A deep, deep, very deep sadness. NOT like the totally and utter sense of HOPELESSNESS that we all felt when we first "found out."<P>Please pray for me and my H today. Maybe this *is* the "5 minutes before the miracle* - I don't know. I'm just **SO** sad I can't stand it....and I don't know where it is coming from, or what it means, or how to get out of it. Yes, I've prayed about it. When I do, it just seems to get worse. <P>I'm reading in Isaiah about Isreal turning away from God over and over, and it's almost like I can feel God's heart breaking over his people who rejected him. I have rejected God, my H has rejected God. Maybe this is God's retribution to us for rejecting Him all those years we were away. I just don't know. I'm still praying. I'm asking God to reveal His love to me....I need it today. But I feel like I'm having to FIGHT to keep God near me, like He's slipping away and leaving me abandoned.....I really can't explain.<P>Lupo

Lupo,<BR>Yes, you need to keepclose to GOd. <P>But maybe you need to find something to get your mmind off of things for little while - even if it's 5 minutes here and 5 minutes there. I feel like part of giving it to God to forget about it and enjoy the gifts in this world that God has given us. Enjoy a funny movie, plant some flowers, spend time wrting little hello notes and I love you's to family and friends... I know you feel terrible. huggggsssss I'm sorry. <P>YOu may not want to think this way, so just ignore me and send me a virtual punch in the nose, but I had to accept that my H may not come back, and therefore I needed to figure out a way to move on. God CAN restore our marriages, but for some reason, He may not and let us figure things out on our own. I know you know all this. And it certainly doesn't mean I never get down.. YOU KNOW I get down, but then I come here and someone picks me up. As long as we're not all down at the same time!!! <P>COncentrate on seeking God's will for your LIFE, and not as much His will for your MARRAIGE and your H. make sense? It helps me, anyway... <P>give it all to Him, honey. think of all your blessings, thank GOd for them, and give UP. throw up your hands and tell GOd you don't have the strength without Him to hope anymore.<P>huggggsssss....... ((((((((lupo)))))))<P>Vent here anytime sweetie. DOn't feel bad about dumping your feelings here. ok?<P>

Dear Lupo, everything your going thru is normal for the road you have taken. The Lord is growing your faith and the cost can seem high at times but our faith is more precious than Gold. We are also gaining great treasures in heaven.<BR>The third month is usually the worst. There will be times when ya want to give up but the Lord will carry you thru it all and give you the strenth and encouragment you need. For a time i did give up on my wife after not hearing from her in 6 months. After 7 months she called and wanted to see me, but i didnt hear from her for another 2 months when she finally hit bottom and almost died and called me from drug treatment and we have been growing and healing together since. <BR>I havent seen my son for 4 months now. My sister has grown very evil. Like Saul did with David. I understand how tiring and wearing it is to wait on God. I dont like it. I try to this day not to tell God how to do His job but i cant help but tell Him He takes way to long to answer praayers most of the time. One thing is for sure. The enemy hates our prayers and our faith and does everything he can to destroy it. The more we are tested the more God counts us worthy to glorify His name. I also believe God likes to help us build treasures in heaven. <BR> If you can help it try not to focus on the time your waiting(just about impossible) on God to restore, and focus on your relationship with the Lord instead. Like its been 12 weeks of being close to my Lord. <BR>If i can make it this long (3 years) you can make it. I didnt start out as some great man of faith and im still not, but glory to God He helped weak me make it thru so much and i almost died along the way. <P>I will give a word of warning. This is my second seperation. The first was 6 months. I prayed long and hard the first time and saw God perform a great miracle. My wife came home dropped to the ground and asked forgivness(gambling and drugs that time) then said she would go to drug treatment the following week. I praised God and took care of my son and step daughter for a month while she was in treatment. She came home and we were a happy family again. I forgot God and took His grace for granted. A year later the enemy came with a vengence and leveled my marriage and family. It was then i was faced with a hopeless situation. So hopeless most christians with great faith would say it was hopeless including my pastor. <BR>But i wanted to see what God could really do. I went from the pit to potifers house, then prison. Thats how i related it, to the story of Joseph. The greater our sorrow the greater our joy will be. <BR>Mark

Mark,<P>You are truly a blessing to us all here. Thank you sooooo much. Your constant reassurance does wonders for us all I'm sure. <P>I agree that we need to focus our attention on our relationship with God and let him do the work. I also agree as I'm sure Lupo and Faith and all the rest do, that this is the HARDEST thing to do-rest in God and let the Holy Spirit work through us. <P>We are So human and this is such a BIG part of life.<P><BR>Know as well that I needed this message just as bad as Lupo.<P>Thank you again.<P>LKD<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>The more we are tested the more God counts us worthy to glorify His name. I also believe God likes to help us build treasures in heaven.<BR>If i can make it this long (3 years) you can make it. I didnt start out as some great man of faith and im still not, but glory to God He helped weak me make it thru so much and i almost died along the way. <BR>Mark</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Mark,<BR> As usual, your great faith has touched my heart. I get strengthened every time I hear of your trials. I don't know if I could live through what YOU did, though. I know God will only give us what we can endure, so that is why I know you are a great believer, with many rooms in your Heavenly mansion, and God's grace bestowed on you, stored up in Heaven, waiting for you!<P>Thank you for your words of wisdom and warning. I will take them and bury them in my heart, to treasure and learn from. I have gotten closer to God, and this latest trial was hard. I only wanted God to take it from me. I am not worthy of God's grace. I have cried and wailed like a baby all day. I don't seem to "get it" that God is in control, and that He is near ALL THE TIME.....I failed that test again. Which means I will have to take it all over again (I hate when that happens).<P>Thank you for being here, for lifting us up, and for being a great prayer warrior too! I "pray in every remembrtance of you" for restoration of your family and for your little boy to get to be with his mom and dad again real soon. I know this is mostly the desire of your heart.<P>Faith,<BR> It's just that the "message" I've gotten ALL WEEK-END long is to just "forget about him" - just "throw the bum out" and "get on with your life, you're better off without him". NONE of this is what God wants me to do....but when I keep hearing it and hearing it, I just don't have anything left to fight with. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm fighting "In the flesh" which I should know better, but I try, thinking I'm strong now, and will be able to handle it....but that's not the point. This is a SPIRITUAL battle, and I shouldn't be fighting!! I have Jesus and the Holy Spirit inhabiting me to fight for me!! WHEN??? WHEN will I learn this?<P>Thanks everyone, I do feel a little better tonight. I actually cooked myself a little dinner, and ate! I haven't really been eating regularly. As we all know this diet, and this is not a good thing when one has to work regularly. I have been on vacation, but now it's time to get back to work, and regular schedule and I think I've been "down" thinking about that, and that I WON'T have time to sit and *obsess* all day. WHile that's actually a GOOD thing, it isn't where I want to be....I kinda LIKE having my little pity parties, they were a comfort to me, somehow. But now they have to stop, and I guess I was mourning the loss of them this week-end. Dumb.<P>Lupo<BR>

Dear Lupo, you will make it thru this and will shine brightly. I dont believe we can always be so confident and trusting towards God in the midst of our pain. But God honors obedience over faith and i usually have to ask God to help me in my unbelief during times of pain and doubt. I have found myself saying "i just dont get it" many times. <P>The Lord does want to see endurence in our trials. He wants to walk thru them with us usually instead of delivering us just like that. God wants us to grow up and not be babies anymore. I still want to be a toys R us kid. I didnt want to grow up in the Lord. I had enough understanding to know how painful it could be and now is. But like Trying has said, it has all been worth it cause im a lot closer to the Lord and have so much more peace inside. <BR>You and everyone here are always in my prayers. <BR>Mark

I feel so close to all of you. My other friends don't support me on this at all and it's so great to come here and hear good advice and witnessing and to share in the up and down days.<P>I had a bad day last Wed. and Thurs. My sister-in-law filled me in on lots of stuff my H has pulled which I had no idea of. Of course that is the last thing I needed and I finally told her not to tell me any more bad things about him because it makes me sad and worried about how FAR he has fallen.<P>I don't know if any of you has felt this but I have felt since I was 15 that I was going to witness the Second Coming of our Lord. I feel like we are getting really close and this is why the demons are doing their best to get their last teeth into people. After that, the jig is up and they are in the pit forever.<P>What this means to me is that our stands are pretty urgent. They are not just a question of wishful thinking, of being unrealistic, etc. We need to stand to sanctify our spouses before the Lord or they are not going to join us in our next life.<P>I don't know if I am spooking you with this, but I do feel I need to remind myself and all of us that this is not a game here. Our spouses are in great danger. The Word of God says that liars and adulterers are not going to be in the Kingdom. Yet it also says that we can sanctify our spouses.<P>This suffering we have is a split second compared to eternity and we NEED to be strong. It really doesn't matter that much if they come back in this life compared to missing them for the rest of eternity.<P>I have no doubt that all the attacks we get are designed to get us to "let go" of prayer. Guess who catches our spouses when we stop praying for them and give up and find a new one.<P>I don't know when and where the Lord is coming back - only the Father knows - but I feel very strongly that it is SOON. Now soon can be a few years for the Lord - I don't know. But my heart is saying that it is URGENT that we pray for all those who don't believe in the Lord's name and His grace.<P>I am worried sick about my H but yet I just have to trust the Lord that what He said is right and I will sanctify him. I will suffer this and more to have my husband convert to the Lord. Of course. And so will all of you, I am sure.<P>We are allowed to get down sometimes - that's okay. But don't dwell there. Push away the bad thoughts with all your energy and come back here and ask us to help pray with you.<P>I really feel like I have been so lucky to find you all and you can't imagine the hours I spend here so that I can comfort and be comforted by you. It's not all chance. The Lord has led us here and has some favors to ask us. The first one is to trust Him completely.<P>God bless us individually, as a group and God bless all of our families and extended families.<P>Lord, I especially ask You to bless Mark's sister and guide her toward Your light. Open her heart and mind so she understands how good her brother is. Allow her to understand Your grace for his wife, too. Bless his son and allow him to love his father more and more each day. I ask this in Your Holy Name, Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Amen.<P>

I totally agree with you Trying. We are in the last minutes. God is calling His children to stand firm and let nothing move us for our salvation draws nearer than ever. Wickedness abounds and only grows in the world and the enemy is after Christs seed(us) and our loved ones. What can be shaken will be shakened. We are acually blessed to go thru our trials, cause it has made us draw near to God in a crucial time. I have also felt i was going to see the second coming from childhood. Its far more clearer now than ever. No weapons formed againts us shall prevail. They cant, they are formed againts Christ Himself whom lives in us. How often we forget that. thats the biggest hold the enemy has on us. Thats why hes called the great deceiver. If he can get us to believe Gods not in control, his job is done. We then believe lies. <P>I do also feel very close to my brothers and sisters here. Far more than my own blood sisters(3 of them) and family. They are all againts my stand.<BR>Thank you Trying for your prayers. You are always in mine.<P>Dear Lord i lift my brothers and sisters up to you here that you would give us all strenth and victory for our stands in our marriages and families. I thank You Jesus for your unmerited salvation and sacrifice on the cross. Our victories are your glory Lord. I praise you that your name will be glorified in our lives. In Jesus name, Amen