Hey there lady,<P>How are you doing? Are you up to your eyeballs in cooking for the up coming day? I haven't started really yet. Just made some banana nut bread for the neighbor.<P>I was wondering if you figured out that secret yet? I sure would give a whole bunch to know how to accomplish that. Honest to goodness I would.<P>I spent the better part of the day breaking down into tears. I know why and yet I don't know why? Know what I mean? <P>Why on earth does this hurt so much still? Why do I still feel so insecure? <P>I think the length of his affair might have something to do with it. Also how much he still feels for this OW and maybe the fact that he appears that he'll never see her in an unfavorable light. How he thinks of her shouldn't matter should it?<P>I believe it comes down to me. I have tried every way I know to come to terms with this. It is not misdirected anger. I have been plenty angry at him. I do forgive him. Why can't I forget or at least why do I have to think of her 100 times a day?<P>Doesn't help that her name is Pam. It is such a common name. It is even on the cooking spray I used.<P>I went to the Walmart store where they had there first f@%*. It was in the parking lot there in his truck. A discount store in broad daylight. Any way I pulled into the store to get him some St. Johns Wort. That in itself was hard enough. Then I see a huge semi in the lot...Painted the whole side of the trailer was <B>PAM trucking</B>. I cried and then I think I laughed at the irony of it all. Then I cried some more.<P>I won't even get into her last name which is oh so common too. Shoot that is everywhere from household items to the brand name on my husband's biking helmet. It totally drives me crazy.<P>I didn't intend to get into all this I just really wanted to say hello and find out the answer to that secret.<P>Wishing you a wonderful Holiday tomorrow.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Samantha<BR>I don't get to have all that good food. I'm up in the Great White North and we had thanksgiving in October. <BR>I did save a little turkey and freeze it though <BR>Now about that secret. I think part of it is you have to keep talking. Maybe you're fighting it too hard on your own. Another thing is to be allowed to say anything you want to about your own personal OW. That's the part where I come in. Write it to me, e-mail it. I'll listen. I can even throw it in a bonfire for you. <BR>Then you have to FORGIVE yourself for having these fellings.<BR>Now are you on any antidepressants? St. John's Wort is a good start if you aren't. My MIL lost her brother and was leary about the prescription meds. I told her to do the St. John's for a while and she is very thnkful.<BR>talk to me Sam. Get it out of your system. We are human.<BR>Yes it does matter how your H feels about the OW. It matters to you. I asked my H if he could please, even once a month tell me something just a little negative about the bimbo. It really did help. now I had a little relapse about a week ago. Had a temper tantrum, told him I wanted to hear him say what she really was. He said " Would it really help you if I said she was a f**#*! little w#**#!?" Uh huh!!! Shame on me. So I'm not through the woods yet but I'm getting there. You are too. You just aren't to the easier part yet.<BR>Have a happy day and keep talking.

Wassi,<P>Thanks for responding lady. <P>I talk about her...but, he doesn't want to talk about her. He tells me to get over it. To move on. It is over. How is it over if he still loves her or thinks he loves her? <P>I understand why he went to her. I really do. I don't think it was right...<P>NO!!!!!!!!!!! I am not going to go there right now.<P>Okay I will e-mail you. <P>I was going to say that I think I bring it up to much to him and that keeps her alive. When he isn't thinking of her I sure as heck remind him right?<P>This holiday season is going to be hard. Last year was the pits and this will be better. There still are so many memories. He was really bonding heavy with last year at this time. <P>Our wedding anniversary is one week from Friday. It was our 15th. We didn't go out or do anything. This year he has to work that blasted afternoon shift...both Friday and Saturday. I whined and said great I'll be alone just like last year. He said "No it isn't like last year. This year is way different. We have a relationship now. We have a reason to even celebrate our anniversary." <P>So am I just a whine box who is spoiled. I feel so horrible sometimes because I read all the other posts and thank God that we are doing so well. Compared to many my blessings are so bountiful. Still I have the pain.<P>NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here I go again. I will e-mail you soon. This is crazy.<P>I think you should thaw that turkey and have a feast tomorrow right along with us Americans. <P>Where in Canada are you? I want to go on a snow board trip to BC in January or February with husband.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Sam<BR>I only have a minute because the kid is home and wants the computer.<BR>You're right about talking to him about her. Don't talk to him. Talk to me or anyone. don't remind him of her unless you have to.<BR>Where is Nerlycrzy when we need her. She always has the best advice on this one.<BR>If I don't get back on it's cause the kid won't let me. <BR>Thinking of ya!<P>BTW <BR>I live in Alberta. Just outside Calgary.

Wassi,<P>I gotta go to. Take the daughter to the mall. We have to buy a dress for her to go to SIL wedding on Friday. Her third I might add. She was having an affair too. Same time as her brother. She thinks it wasn't an affair because they didn't consummate the relationship. All of us here know that it is an affair no matter what.<P>I blew it. He just called. I will write you about it later. Maybe tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Not sure. This will be a crazy 24 hours or so.<P>Have a good one! <P>Thanks for the time and attention. Really appreciate it.<P>By the way did you get the e-mail I sent for the Holiday? It had a picture in it. Let me know.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Samantha<BR>Calm down and relax a little okay?<BR>Enjoy the next 24 hours. Forget about troubles. We'll deal with them later.<BR>Just breath in those lovely smells and make a vow to just be relaxed. That's my prayer for you for tonight.<BR>Yes I got the pictures - they're beautiful. I have one thing to ask: Is that your REAL hair???? WOW!