It has been suggested to me that I write a letter, to my my wife of 20 years who filed papers two months ago, to tell her that I still love her, find her beautiful, and will change for her. We are still in the same house and she will talk to me about anything except us. A Christian friend suggested I write her a letter telling her how much I still love her and care for her and how I would be willing to change for her and not mention any of her faults.<BR>My Christian Marriage Builder friends does this sound like something that is worth a try? My pastor says anything I say isn't important to her anymore so what's the use? Can you tell me what you think? Especially Lupolady, your thoughts always seem very insightful.

Joe, I definitely think you should. I think you should make it sincere but also funny. Make her want you - be self-effacing but remind her of what brought you together. Look up the emotional needs and try to figure out which changes you think you need to make. <P>I wouldn't get "sappy" because she isn't ready to listen to that but if you open up and admit faults with a good sense of humor and praise what you love about her or what you'd still like to do with her, she won't forget the letter, believe me.<P>This is my advice, what do the others say? (Of course, you should pray to the Holy Spirit right before you write it and He'll help you to express yourself in the way that she wants to hear.) <P>It might not work right away but she'll reread it, I can guarantee you.<P>Take care - <P>In Jesus' name,<P>Tricia

Hello, Joe. Thanks for your vote of confidence! <BR>Well, here's what I think, point by point:<P><B>It has been suggested to me that I write a letter, to my my wife of 20 years who filed papers two months ago, to tell her that I still love her, find her beautiful, and will change for her.</B><BR>I think the "love her, find her beautiful..." part is good. I don't know if I'd TELL her you would "change for her." Having her SEE the changes would be better. She may think that if you SAY you'd change, she'll see it as a manipulation, and not believe it was for real, or that it would last too long.<P><B> We are still in the same house and she will talk to me about anything except us.</B><BR>This is most EXCELLENT!! I definitely would NOT talk about "us" - I would just be as sweet, supportive, loving, and kind and generous as she will let you. Meet ALL of her EN's that she will allow. Continue to validate her, your love for her, your acknowledgement of "problems" (without dwelling on them, wanting to talk about them now, or FIX them now), and that now that you are aware of what was so terribly wrong, you will work to fix things you were responsible for. THEN DROP IT!<P> <B> A Christian friend suggested I write her a letter telling her how much I still love her and care for her and how I would be willing to change for her and not mention any of her faults.</B><BR>I think that if you write to her, or little notes, just keep them "light" - "thinking of you, cause I love you so much..." "you brighten my day when you enter my thoughts..." stay away from the "I will change" It just sounds soooo desperate. A real LB.<P><B> My Christian Marriage Builder friends does this sound like something that is worth a try? My pastor says anything I say isn't important to her anymore so what's the use? </B><BR>YES!! Definitely worth a try, just use restraint....I know you have a WEALTH of emotion welling up inside, and you want to SHOW her, TELL her, have her UNDERSTAND how MUCH you want to work on your problems, your M, but as your pastor says, she's NOT going to understand much right now. All you can do is be the best H, the best "Joe" you can be, and she'll notice. If you have kids (I've forgotten, I think you do), GIVE THEM YOUR ALL. She'll notice that, too. She may not say anything, in fact, it may even infuriate her! So be ready for a backlash, but do it anyway, and it will pay off big rewards in the long run. It will make YOU a better person for the long haul.<BR> <BR>We're all here for you, Joe. We all understand, and we all want to see successes! It brings glory to God! <P>God Bless,<BR>Lupo<BR><p>[This message has been edited by lupolady (edited August 18, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lupolady:<BR><B>Hello, Joe. Thanks for your vote of confidence! <BR>Well, here's what I think, point by point:<P>It has been suggested to me that I write a letter, to my my wife of 20 years who filed papers two months ago, to tell her that I still love her, find her beautiful, and will change for her.</B><BR>I think the "love her, find her beautiful..." part is good. I don't know if I'd TELL her you would "change for her." <BR>Having her SEE the changes would be better. She may think that if you SAY you'd change, she'll see it as a manipulation, and not believe it was for real, or that it would last too long.<P><B> We are still in the same house and she will talk to me about anything except us.</B><BR>This is most EXCELLENT!! I definitely would NOT talk about "us" - I would just be as sweet, supportive, loving, and kind and generous as she will let you. Meet ALL of her EN's that she will allow. Continue to validate her, your love for her, your acknowledgement of "problems" (without dwelling on them, wanting to talk about them now, or FIX them now), and that now that you are aware of what was so terribly wrong, you will work to fix things you were responsible for. THEN DROP IT!<P> <B> A Christian friend suggested I write her a letter telling her how much I still love her and care for her and how I would be willing to change for her and not mention any of her faults.</B><BR>I think that if you write to her, or little notes, just keep them "light" - "thinking of you, cause I love you so much..." "you brighten my day when you enter my thoughts..." stay away from the "I will change" It just sounds soooo desperate. A real LB.<P><B> My Christian Marriage Builder friends does this sound like something that is worth a try? My pastor says anything I say isn't important to her anymore so what's the use? </B><BR>YES!! Definitely worth a try, just use restraint....I know you have a WEALTH of emotion welling up inside, and you want to SHOW her, TELL her, have her UNDERSTAND how MUCH you want to work on your problems, your M, but as your pastor says, she's NOT going to understand much right now. All you can do is be the best H, the best "Joe" you can be, and she'll notice. If you have kids (I've forgotten, I think you do), GIVE THEM YOUR ALL. She'll notice that, too. She may not say anything, in fact, it may even infuriate her! So be ready for a backlash, but do it anyway, and it will pay off big rewards in the long run. It will make YOU a better person for the long haul.<BR> <BR>We're all here for you, Joe. We all understand, and we all want to see successes! It brings glory to God! <P>God Bless,<BR>Lupo<P><BR>[This message has been edited by lupolady (edited August 18, 2001).]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hello Lupolady, <BR>I appreciate your response.<BR>