My husband left me and 2 children one year ago for another woman. He said he hasnt loved me for 4 years because there was no passion in our marriage and I didnt fulfill his needs. I asked why didnt he tell me. He said I should of just known how to make him happy. I knew he was miserable and angry but thought our life was just tough for a while having two young children. He was sad and empty when I met him. I didnt know how to reach out to him so I guess I backed away and that is part of what made him leave. He also never fulfilled my needs but I would never leave him. The best thing about the separation is that I committed my life back to Christ and am serving God, my husband is not. He won't tell me the marriage is over. He just tells me that he is lost, lonely and more miserable now but he is addicted to the OW who he says treats him very well. She has 3 kids which he claims he doesnt like. He says he doesnt want to raise her kids or marry her but she is in love with him and wants to marry him. The pain of abandonment and rejection has been unbearable. I feel I cannot wait any longer for him. I don't even know if I want him back, the pain is so deep. I still love him but hate what he did to me and the kids. I have lately been super nice to him and I know he feels even more guilty. He tells me how good I am and how bad he is. I tell him I pray every day for him. He used to be a Christian. I see him as selfish, insecure, and very proud. I deserve so much better. I need prayer for an answer and direction in my life and for my Ex. I somehow feel that this affair will not come to an end soon. My love tank is completely empty. I love my children so much that I think I would take him back just because of their precious souls. They don't deserve this either. That is why it is difficult for me to move on. I know God can totally transform people if they are open to it but my husband could also choose to take the road of destruction. I question myself all the time if I should try everything still possible to win him back but waiting like this is incredibly painful. I do find it hard to believe that there can be success after infidelity.<P>I never dreamed this could happen to me. After one year the pain is still so deep. Why? <P>Please pray for me,<BR>Thank you

I have no help or answers for you however some of the replies I got for my "Are we all in denial?" post sound like they may be helpful to you. Please give it a look.<BR>My heart does go out to you. How can we be so faithful and our "Christian" spouses just not care.

Thanks Joe!<BR>I just read what you suggested and it is a great help. I will continue to seek God for answers. I am not the most patient one. I am in a situation right now where we can't divorce for one more year because we are waiting for immigration papers as we moved to the U.S.A.. I also cannot work until I get a work permit here so I feel helpless and I thank the Lord that my husband provides for me and the children. He keeps wanting to talk to me, even keep talking about what went wrong in the marriage. If he has given up totally, he wouldnt bother. I am thinking to go back to school. This might give me a new focus.<BR>Thanks for your care and concern. I know the most powerful gift you can give someone is your prayers.<BR>May God bless you and my prayers are with your marriage also.<BR>Kim<p>[This message has been edited by 2 shall be 1 (edited August 21, 2001).]

Keep praising God. The Lord can and will restore your marriage and mine. He can do anything! Don't give up, just Let go and let God. Try to show unconditional love to your H. And try not to argue. I have noticed the less I say to my H the better we get along. If I have a problem with something I run to the Lord and not my H. Are you close to Tampa Bay? If so send me an email at yahoo. There is a rejoice group for standers there and they are having a special meeting next Tuesday. I can forward the info if you want me to.<BR>Barb

It sounds like you are on the right track - for yourself. You have recommitted your life to Christ - become the most interesting, dynamic person you can stand! Really, you and your children make a full, fun, interesting life with good solid people around you. The only person you and God can change is you. Picture your husband in a box labeled "God" (not that God is only as big as a box)and leave him there with HIM! Don't take him out and try and examine him, fix him, or even try to reach him. Stop striving - God will clearly lead you. Always pray that the Holy Spirit will convict your husband, you can pray without ceasing. There is always hope - he hasn't said the marriage is over to you. But don't put your life on hold. If he calls, only talk about the children. If he tries to "hook" you with how miserable he is, tell him that you won't be talking about anything else until he leaves the OW. Maybe you ought to file for legal separation, and get court ordered support if you haven't already. He is committing adultery - you have biblical grounds for doing this. Remember to cling to your only TRUE HOPE - Jesus Christ.

Thanks Trutuyu:<P>You know, in the beginning I tried everything to get my husband back and it didnt work. I have stopped trying. I do pray daily for him. Right now he only possesses 2 out of the 20 qualities I desire in a husband. <BR>Thankyou for your advice and support. I will continue to follow Christ. I will put my efforts now into me and the children. I am at the point now where I really don't want him back but I would like to see him as a Christian for his sake and for the children. I know God can totally transform people but they have to be open to accept it. That may take years for my husband.<BR>I will be taking an anger management course through the church to deal with any anger problems I may have and to deal with my husband's angry outbursts.<BR>Step by Step is all I can do,<BR>God Bless you!<BR>Kim<P>