This is all way TOO MUCH pain, more than he's worth, at least now! I want to meet someone that will be there for me like I was for him. I want to meet someone that will love me like I loved him. I want someone to hold me, and comfort me, and tell me everything will be OKAY!<BR>Why do I want to save a marriage with someone who didn't even have the guts to tell me how he felt all these years, and instead made me look like a fool in front of everyone by constantly being unfaithful behind my back. He doesn't know that I know who he was unfaithful with. He doesn' know that I know his brothers knew he was being unfaithful, but I do. I don't let him know that I know he made a fool out of me for trusting him.<P>Today, I asked him to fill out a form for my son's school. He was filling it out, and said, "what am I filling out?" I said, "all the information." He said, "OK, smart***, what is this information for?" I told him what it was for, and said, "you don't have to talk to me like that." He said, "well, you didn't have to give me a smart*** response." I said, "I wasn't trying to be a smart***. I didn't know what you were asking me." And I stormed out of the house, angrily. <P>I don't deserve to be treated like this. I am not glorifying myself. I know I'm not perfect, but I always tried my very best to please him (aside from the weight thing). Just last year, he was telling everyone I am his rock. Now, I'm nothing to him. I don't even deserve the respect that he would give a stranger.<P>I'm tired of this - completely tired of it. I'm tired of trying to be nice to him, only to be slapped in the face. I'm tired of being faithful to someone who doesn't care. I'm tired of crying over someone who isn't worth my tears.<P>In talking about my baby (5 months old), he said, "(baby) doesn'tlove me." I said, "he loves you, he just doesn't know you very well." He said, "thanks for that." Am I supposed to lie to him, tell him that this child will be as close to him as his other two were that grew up with him there? Of course he won't be as close to him. What does he expect? He abandoned us. If I meet someone else while he is young, that child will think of the new person as his father. Doesn't my husband have the forethought to figure that out?<P>I am sooooo TIRED of all of this! I just want to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. I want to be the one to say, "It's over - I don't want YOU anymore!"<P>My God, if it wasn't for my kids, I know I would've already done this.<P>Someone better say something worth hearing soon, or I'm going to give in and give up. I am tired of being unhappy. I have been a good and faithful wife for 12 years, always doing my best to fulfill his needs, and I have no doubt of that. I do not deserve to be treated like this. I think the real reason behind all of this is that I am living for God, and he isn't. I think he wants someone who isn't living for God. He's verbalized that a few times.<P>Help me, please!<P>TIG<BR>

I dont know if this will encourage you but ive been where you are many times, and im real close again. I realize that when we start to focus on ourselves we loose sight of our faith. What usually helps me is to look at Jesus when He was dragged to the cross. All He did for not only humanity, but His own disciples. They turned their backs on Him and Peter denied Him 3 times. They started to wonder if Jesus was the son of God. They thought if He was why didnt He stop the crucifiction. They for the most part gave up. Did Jesus give up on them? Nope. When He rose He showed up and encoraged them. Did Jesus go looking for some new diciples, cause the old ones frustrated Him and turned their backs on Him. Nope. He forgave them. Then He set them on His paths to spread thee gospel, and live Jesus'S example. Are we living Jesus Example when we say i want someone to love me like i loved them. If Jesus said that, no one would make it to heaven. <P>We can find Joy in the Lord thru our sorrows. Its all about living the example Christ set for us. He will heal our wayward mates and our broken hearts. But we need to trust Him to do so. If we cant except this then we ourselves need a lot of healing. Faith is believing in what we cant see. <BR>God honors a stand for the healing of marriages. Its in His time and His way. Do i have a problem with that? Sometimes yes. Im on 3 years and i think its been long enough...<BR>Mark

Mark,<P>Thank you sooo much. I really needed that kick in the **tt. I know you're right, but I am human, and it really hurts. I will continue to stand, but I need alot of help. I feel like I'm starting to fall out of love with my husband, he's simply not the same person anymore. I will continue the stand, though, in Jesus' example.<P>God bless you!<BR>Sandra

TrustinginGod<BR>I feel very much like you if that is any help. My wife is conservative and was very involved in our church. It is a little funny now that I realize that she never seemed concerned about the salvation of other people. The only person I remember her being concerned about was an aunt of her's (that was over 20 years ago). Now that aunt is her closest confidant.<BR>My wife was and still is a loving mother but she doesn't seem to care what hurt and damage divorce will do to to our two children.<BR>I want it all to end too, but we know God wants to keep our families together. <BR>I have gotten much closer to God as a result of my situation and I still ask is God allowing my wife to destroy our family just to get me closer to Him? People tell me that isn't why God has allowed this to happen, but it is great that I am closer to Him. Just think where we would be without God right now? There would be no hope. Our eternal home in heaven sure looks more inviting now than it did before (and I have a very nice earthly home, which I will probably eventally lose if this divorce goes on).<BR>I am so sorry for your situation. I always looked at divorce as the second worst thing that could happen to a person next to death, I thought my wife felt that way too. If no one responds to your posts I will. I care. I am not trying to sound sappy but I will pray for you. Please please hang in there. <BR>Each day I don't know what to do. I have two weeks off right now (I am a school librarian) and I just hope I can keep my children happy while my wife is at work (we are still in the same home). It may seem good that we are still in the same home but that makes it hurt more most of the time because she doesn't care about me. I ask her if she cares how God views what she is doing and she says that is between her and God. She is even reading Christian books on parenting. Go figure.<BR>Your husband is wrong. I try not to say things that will upset my wife (I mess up often and still say things that I shouldn't), you probably shouldn't say things that will bother him because that only makes things harder on you.<BR>I hope my reply may give you some encouragement if not remember God is working and I will answer any of your posts I can. I feel for you because I am there too right now.

"I feel like I'm starting to fall out of love with my husband, he's simply not the same person anymore"<P>TIG, I have felt this way for a while about my wife, then last night I was reading in a book about how many say today that "Love is a choice". Well, God has commanded us to love one another, including our enemies, John 15:17 and Matt 5:44-46. This I command you, that you love one another. I have started asking the Lord to teach me how to love my wife who seems unlovable to me, for the Lord loved us even when we were unlovable.<P>Don't give up on the Lord or your husband.

Joe,<P>Thanks for your response, and the encouragement. I really need it at this time. Although these anti-depressants keep me from crying so much, they are also making me doubt my feelings for my husband, in that I'm not that upset anymore. I knew that was a risk, and perhaps that will be a good thing, for him to think that I'm getting to the point that I don't care. I don't know.<P>I do know there is NOTHING I can do to control this situation, and I know that I have God's promise to bring my H home, but I don't think I can bear much more of this limbo stuff. He hasn't let go of his resentment, he still needs more time to decide, he wants to be there with the kids as often as he can be, I have to see him all the time. I mean, how much can I take? I really want to Plan B, but I haven't Plan A'd very good yet, so I have to keep trying. So far this week, I've done alot better at being nice to him, even though I don't want to be nice to him.<P>I am trying to tell myself that he's just a friend. I should treat him like I treat anyone else that is a friend, or even a stranger. But it's hard. I get attention from other men, and I am so tempted to follow through with my temptations, even though I know it would be a sin (at least in my books). I'm not talking about being intimate with someone, but just going out and getting to know people. I know, though, that if I did that, there is no way I would wait this thing out. I would just move on. So, here I sit in limbo-land, being lonely as can be.<P>I'm sorry that you are experiencing these same things as I, but am glad to have someone to talk to. My H was raised in a Christian family, and gave his life to God at a young age. He back-slid when he was about 16 or 17 years old, and God has let him find his own way for now. He has been very blessed over the years. He had no high school diploma or GED, yet now has a job making $44,000 per year. This would have never happened for him had he not met me - I encouraged him to try things he never would try, told him that he could do anything he set his mind to. He has 3 beautiful sons, and a good, faithful wife. But God will soon say, "Enough is enough. I have blessed you, and you still turn your back on me. Now you must suffer." Maybe that's what is happening with us, I don't know. I do know that if he chooses Divorce, he will live to regret it.<P>Anyway, I've said enough for now. Please continue to talk to me. I really need the encouragement.<P>Love ya!<BR>TIG

TIG,<BR> I feel your pain. I have been standing for close to a year now. I am not sure what I can give you for encouragement, but I am always here for you and I am on yahoo if you want to email me. Check out: <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> <BR>It has been helpful to me. Cry out to the Lord, tell him how you feel, those feelings are His not your husband's. Unfortunately we can't change our spouses, but we can change ourselves and that is what the Lord wants to do. Grab on and cy out, He will help you through this. Tell him you are lacking love for your H, He can give it to you.

Wow! When someone has a bad day, EVERYONE seems to have one! I myself am not having THAT bad of a day, BUT I did wake up at 3:30 this morning with the thought racing through my head that I need to, "Sell my house, and get the d. and move ON with it!" This was my waking thought. I was sure it was God speaking to me. I felt such a peace about it. And if it was God, then He'll command me to do it again, until I do. I don't WANT to sell my house. We just moved into it on May 1. H left on May 18. So basically, OUR house, our project that we essentially re-built from the ground up for 5 months, I have "enjoyed" this house for about 2 weeks (then he left - and I was left unpacking and putting everything away) for the next 3 months.<P>But then again, God's will certainly won't go against His Word, and the "voice" also told me to get the d., get ON WITH IT!! Move on!! This is NOT God, God HATES divorce. I rebuked him, and forgot about it. That's the way to deal with the depression, the lies, the deception, the feelings of depair.<P>I think when Satan takes off on a particular day to destroy things, he seems to work in groups of people together. Especially people with a "connection" - like some who are praying toward a goal, which we are. It seemed like everyone at work had a bad day today, too. Everyone I talked to seemed to have had a hard day, and was upset about SOMETHING!! I started to think something was wrong with ME!! I didn't have a bad day at all, after I shook off the "voice" I heard this morning, early.<P>I think this only means that I'm learning something: I'm learning to KEEP MOVING, keep trusting, keep praying, pray without ceasing. When you look at your circumstances, you risk falling into the water and drowning. Mark is right, keep your eyes on Jesus.<P>Let's join Plec tomorrow...see his timeline in his thread about a group prayer time, OK? Find out what your time would be based on where you are, and let's do this. This is the ONLY weapon we need. It's really the ONLY weapon we have that is effective in this battle. Let's use it! All together......<P>Lupo