I don't know where to start or if i'm even in the right forum but i do feel i need lots of prayers. I need God to help me sort out all the issues in my head and help me make the right choices.<BR>Here is my story: I'm divorced now 8 months. We've been together for 22years, married for 17 1/2 of those yrs with two teenage boys (15 & 17). EX had a problem with depression and drinking for a very long time. I asked him to get help repeatedly and he tried all kinds of things but never would try therapy. We started fighting more and more and having great financial problems. We couldn't agree on anything. I asked for a separation in May 99. He wouldn't leave so i had to, I lived at my office for a week, he finally took me seriously and told me to come home and he'd leave. I just wanted him to seek help for his depression and drinking so we could work on our marriage problems. In Nov 99 he gets DWi and i discover affair which started in June 99. I change locks at home and he stops support. I am forced to seek attorney for financial support. D is set for April 00, he calls and says he's ended A and wants to work on himself so we can work on us. I postponed D. We go back and forth. In Nov 00 he gets second DWI and is forced to get help. We were D in Dec 2000. Neither one of us really wanted it but neither one of us did anything to stop it anymore. He has been sober since late Nov. 2000 and in treatment since then plus lots of legal problems. I guess he hit bottom finally. Since he's been on house arrest for the past 4months he's gotten close to God. I remember I used to pray for God to change his heart, well he has, today he is different, I thank God for that. He invited me to church with him last Sunday (along with one of our sons). He says he has been saved and feels so good with God in his life and he wants us to feel the same. I enjoyed going to church and I know I need God in my life more than I've had in the past but i'm worried about my sons. My sons are typical teenagers with interests in girls, cars, music, etc. but not much in religion, even though they've been in catholic schools most of their lives. He wants them to change and feel what he feels and keeps calling with prayers or books for them to read, with shows for them to watch, etc. I want my marriage restored, I still love my EX. But does this mean that if my sons and i don't reach the level with God that he is on........we won't have a chance at a restored marriage or family?<P>Please pray for my family.

I will be praying for your family. I truly believe that God is the answer to your problems. He has changed my life so much. It sounds like he is changing your husbands life also. I will pray that your whole family comes to know God in a very intimate way. It is not about religion, it is about a personal relationship with Jesus. He loves you and wants to restore your marriage. Give him your heart and he will work wonderful things into your life. <P>Pray2Day

It sounds like your husband may have been born again like Jesus explained to Nicodemus in John 3. You know in Romans 3:23 it says that "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." That means you, me, and the best person you know, whoever that may be. In Romans 6:23 it says "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal like through Jesus Christ our Lord". <BR>Wages are what we get paid for what we do, we all deserve eternal death, becuase we all sin, but God gave us a gift, Jesus Christ. Jesus is a gift, but a gift is not yours unless and until you accept it. The gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ is not yours unless you accept it. If you leave your Christmas gifts wrapped under the Christmas tree and never accept them they will never do you any good. It is the same with Jesus, you must accept Him. <BR>Romans 10:9 says "That is thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved". And Romans 10:13 says "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved". I am definitely not trying to insult you or be condesending but that is what it sounds like may have happened to your husband, he got saved the Bible way.<BR>If you are not sure you are saved you can ask God to forgive you your sins (I John 1:9 "If thou shalt confess thy sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us fron all unrighteousness") and ask Jesus to come into your heart and he will come into your heart and be your Savior too. <BR>You and your husband can both be saved and know Jesus the Bible way. Your marriage can be restored, the way I pray mine will, and you can walk together in newness of life. I also believe it is very unlikely if your husband has been "saved" and become a Christian that you will have to worry about him divorcing you. Please sand by this new man of yours, give him a chance, and give Jesus a chance. John 5:13 says "These things have I written unto you that BELIEVE on the name of the Son of God, that ye may KNOW that ye have eternal life..."

Confusedspouse,<BR>No it doesn't mean that your marriage will not be restored.<BR>Your husband needs to trust the "Lord" to teach you what you need to know in His time. The Lord says in Hebrews 8:10-12 starting with Israel the Lord said, "I will put my laws in their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. NO LONGER WILL A MAN TEACH HIS NEIGHBOR, OR A MAN HIS BROTHER, SAYING, 'KNOW THE THE LORD,' because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest. For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."<BR>It was this new covenant that convinced me I didn't need to say anything to my husband but just needed to take my concerns to the Lord and let Him speak to his heart about the things that were bothering me. I have been amazed by how the Lord has spoken to him through other people about what I had been trying to convince him. But he wouldn't hear it from me. It's the Holy Spirit who does the convicting. It doesn't matter how much WE try to convince our spouses of what WE think they need to be doing, it's the Holy Spirit who will convince them and in His time not ours. It addresses that in John 16:8, "When he ( the Spirit of truth or Counselor)comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgement: in regard to sin," We don't need to do the preaching or place<BR>Christian books, movies, Christian music etc. for our spouses to hear, see or read. The Lord has reminded me of this but just to trust Him to put those things in their lives.<BR>You see, it's been a reverse situation in our house. I had to remember not to preach to my husband, where in your house, it's your husband needs to trust the Lord for allowing you the time YOU need to get where he's at. Besides, look how long it took him to get to where he's at today. Would those approaches worked on him before he was saved at that time? Not unless the Lord had prepared his heart first. It would cause him to be on the defensive instead. <BR>The Lord wants your marriage restored more than you do. So don't worry. Trust the Lord for what he wants you to do and take any concerns and pressure you feel to the Lord. He'll help you cope or help you lovingly explain how you feel to your husband. Just remember to use the "I" feel this way when you say that to me or when you do that. Then he won't feel blame and get on the defensive.<BR>Lord, thank you for sending Confused to this site for the help she needs to be reminded that You care most of all that their marriage is restored. She has come for prayer Lord because it's through prayer that we recieve power, wisdom, patience, reassurance, hope, and encouragement to stay true to the vows we took so long ago. Lord, give her peace and assurance that she doesn't need to feel intimidated by her husbands new found faith that with Your help and in your time her and her kids will be One with You and with each other in Christ, but that until then, help her husband to have the patience to allow them the time they need to grow in their faith and in their relationship with one another.<BR>Thank you Lord for what you are already doing in her husband's life. Help him to be the Godly father and husband, and leader you want him to be. Help Confused to trust her husbands' leadership through trust in You. Thank you for what you're doing in their lives and are going to do in their marriage and family! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen<BR>I'm so happy your husband has found faith in the Lord!<BR>God bless you and keep reading and posting here you will be encouraged. God bless and keep you and your family!<BR>ONTHEMEND

Pray2day, Joe and Onthemend,<BR>Thank you for your prayers and please keep them coming. Well we went to church together again today. All went well.<P>ONTHEMEND: you got it exactly right, I feel intimidated by my ex-husbands new found faith. I am happy he found Jesus and I want to get closer to Jesus but I feel like he is pushing me too fast. I will speak to him about it and I must admit today he actually caught himself doing it and apologized. Sometimes I feel like his hurry is because he wants to be back as a family quickly, he keeps saying how he misses out on things with the boys, that he wasn't ever really a father to them because he was too busy with his problems (drinking and depression). I appreciate that he sees this and desires to change but it needs to come about slowly. My sons love their father but their happy with the peace in our home since we've been separated/divorced. We both put them through alot during the past 3 years. <P>Question: What would you do if you had friends or family members who hadn't found Jesus as you have and they lead a different kind of life than you? Would you stop associating with them? Ex-husband says he won't be able to associate with some of our old friends or even relatives if they don't have the same type of believes as he. Don't know if this is so much his christian believes or because of his past with drinking. He says its because of his new christian believes. <BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by confusedspouse:<BR><B>Pray2day, Joe and Onthemend,<BR>Thank you for your prayers and please keep them coming. Well we went to church together again today. All went well.<P>ONTHEMEND: you got it exactly right, I feel intimidated by my ex-husbands new found faith. I am happy he found Jesus and I want to get closer to Jesus but I feel like he is pushing me too fast. I will speak to him about it and I must admit today he actually caught himself doing it and apologized. Sometimes I feel like his hurry is because he wants to be back as a family quickly, he keeps saying how he misses out on things with the boys, that he wasn't ever really a father to them because he was too busy with his problems (drinking and depression). I appreciate that he sees this and desires to change but it needs to come about slowly. My sons love their father but their happy with the peace in our home since we've been separated/divorced. We both put them through alot during the past 3 years. <P>Question: What would you do if you had friends or family members who hadn't found Jesus as you have and they lead a different kind of life than you? Would you stop associating with them? Ex-husband says he won't be able to associate with some of our old friends or even relatives if they don't have the same type of believes as he. Don't know if this is so much his christian believes or because of his past with drinking. He says its because of his new christian believes. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I have been watching your post for several days now and I am so glad you have picked it up again. Right now the only thing more important to me than my marriage is the salvation of others. Your husband got saved the Bible way, or it sure sounds like that anyway. II Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away; behold all things are become new".<BR>Your husband probably wants to put the old things and friends behind him, not that all the old things were bad. He probably needs to realize what he should be putting behind him and what he should still be holding on to. If he is a new Christian and he is seeking God's leading in his life he will figure it out. God speaks to us through His Word the Bible. Hopefully you and your husband will read the Bible carefully. His behavior and attitude is very normal for a new Christian.<P>Other believers out there please respond to confusedspouse.<P>Joe <P>

Thanks Joe. That's what I've decided to do, let God take care of it for both of us and take it very slowly. Today I feel less confused, I feel it will all work out if God wants it to. As for myself I'm working on pausing before reacting to anything. <P>Keep praying for me. I'll keep you and your wife in my prayers too.