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Joined: Jul 2001
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Well, it's over. We're getting a divorce. My H & I talked yesterday, and he's ready to get a divorce. I'm hurting so badly, but I'm somewhat relieved that I'm not going to be in limbo anymore. We've agreed to do this as amicably as possible. He's been seeing other women the whole time we've been separated. Says he's trying to get on with his life and I should get on with mine. I'm giving up now. I've put myself out there for dates. I can't fight anymore, can't Plan A. I just want better days. I can't take this anymore, so I'm filing for divorce. My heart hurts, my children hurt, and my life has fallen apart. I have to let go. If God wants us to be together, we will be, but I can't sit around being lonely anymore. I just can't - it is killing me. I have tried to be the best wife I know how, I have changed the things he wanted changed, I have done everything I know to do, and he still feels nothing for me. He still says he's not attracted to me, and that I just read into his actions what I wanted to.

Well, if he can move on, why can't I.

I know one day I'll meet someone else who will love me the way I deserve to be loved. I hope tht one day I will get over my H. I told him that one day, when I'm over him, we can try to be friends, but not now. I've asked him to stay away. He's upset because I'm putting him on a schedule for the kids, but he said he understands that I need this time to recover.

Gosh, I'm now a statistic. I will be contacting a lawyer probably next week, or we may try to do this on our own. I just want it to be done as quickly and inexpensively as possible. I want this to be over so I can get on with my life, and my kids' lives.

I'm sorry I've proven to be so weak. I'm sorry I've failed my children, and my poor baby, but I can't do it anymore.

God, forgive me!

TIG


Joined: Jun 2001
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quote:
Originally posted by TrustinginGod:
Well, it's over. We're getting a divorce. My H & I talked yesterday, and he's ready to get a divorce. I'm hurting so badly, but I'm somewhat relieved that I'm not going to be in limbo anymore. We've agreed to do this as amicably as possible. He's been seeing other women the whole time we've been separated. Says he's trying to get on with his life and I should get on with mine. I'm giving up now. I've put myself out there for dates. I can't fight anymore, can't Plan A. I just want better days. I can't take this anymore, so I'm filing for divorce. My heart hurts, my children hurt, and my life has fallen apart. I have to let go. If God wants us to be together, we will be, but I can't sit around being lonely anymore. I just can't - it is killing me. I have tried to be the best wife I know how, I have changed the things he wanted changed, I have done everything I know to do, and he still feels nothing for me. He still says he's not attracted to me, and that I just read into his actions what I wanted to.

Well, if he can move on, why can't I.

I know one day I'll meet someone else who will love me the way I deserve to be loved. I hope tht one day I will get over my H. I told him that one day, when I'm over him, we can try to be friends, but not now. I've asked him to stay away. He's upset because I'm putting him on a schedule for the kids, but he said he understands that I need this time to recover.

Gosh, I'm now a statistic. I will be contacting a lawyer probably next week, or we may try to do this on our own. I just want it to be done as quickly and inexpensively as possible. I want this to be over so I can get on with my life, and my kids' lives.

I'm sorry I've proven to be so weak. I'm sorry I've failed my children, and my poor baby, but I can't do it anymore.

God, forgive me!

Trusting
My requests are worth a hill of beans. Please don't you be the one to file the papers. Let your children see you are the one who was hanging in there. Do right. I am literally crying for you right now as I write this. Please don't you be the one to file. You can go on with the rest of your life.
I am not a young man (I'm 47) and if I have any of my looks left it sure isn't much, but going on with my life means being there for my two children. Letting them see how much their daddy loves their mom and how I did right and took all the bad stuff she was doing to me. She was abusing me verbally for years but I was too stupid or in love or something to realize what she was doing. I thought all wives treated their husbands that way. Sometimes I would get upset when she talked nasty to me and she sure remembers the times I would get upset, but I love my wife and am totally committed to my marriage, even though this woman in my house is not the woman I knew.
Please, please, please don't you be the one to file the papers. Make some mental concessions if that will help. Start looking at other men but if you meant what you said about "til death do us part", don't you be the one to part.
I can't even explain even why I feel so strongly about this, but as Dr. Laura says "do the right thing".
You gotta be younger than me, if your husband divorces you you will still have time. No one wants to grow old alone, but on the other hand maybe our current mates could be why we are not being all that we could be for God? I never dated a woman younger than 22, of course that was before I was 25 and married. I have absoultely no scriptual basis for that statemenet though.
Read Love Must be Tough by Dobson and do all the tough stuff, but please don't you be the one to file the papers. Do the right thing.

Joe

TIG



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Trusting, you certainly have my prayers (and no judgment). I wish you peace in your decision and comfort from God in his promise of foregiveness and hope for all. I suspect you already know that He forgives and that the most difficult road will be to forgive yourself.

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Trusting.....

Please don't do this. If not for yourself then for your children. I don't know if you've been to Restorem.org yet and have gotten the book and workbook. If you haven't...then please please get them. If you have then you need to have a long talk with our Savior. He wants your marriage to work. He doesn't want you or your children hurting.

About 1 1/2 ago I found out my husband had another women, which totally broke me. Then 2 months later found out I was pregnant with our 3rd child. The OW must have wanted him out of the house. Things started to get very bad. I had done many things in our marriage and never really new how selfish I was until I found those books. I prayed for something to help me, just give me a list Lord, those were my words. I had gotten every available book on marriage, even Dr. Harley's. But, God is faithful and directed me to Restore Ministries. My husband said he wanted no part of the child or me and wanted us out of the house. In these books they cover almost all circumstances, and how to trust God to help you know what to do. I'm not saying it is easy it is definitely a fight, a fight with the devil who wants to kill you marriage, steal your happiness and destoy your kids. But God says if we trust in him the victory is ours.

Anyway it's about 1 year after I got the books and he comes home probably 4 days a week. I love this man more than anything. (I didn't even know what loves was before all this). He was will me when I had the baby and adores her. He has changed so much. But God did change ME first. I am not perfect, none of us are. I have made mistakes the book said not to make, but God knows our heart and can turn any situation around. God says for lack of knowledge my people perish. There are prayers you can prayer to keep your husband away from OW. There are prayers so that your husband will love and desire you. Prayers so you will love him again. God's word doesn't come back void and will do what he says. He does hate divorce. Please don't pursue it until you get these books or get in touch with God.

Anything I can help you with, I will. My marriage is about to be restored anyday. Trust God and he will do it. He is not a respector of persons.


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Hi Trusting, if you read some of my posts from over a year ago, you might see some of the same words and feelings, come from even me. I have given up at times on it all including God. But the Lord always seemed to bring me back stronger. I hope and pray He does the same for you. Sometimes giving up is telling God HELP!! i cant do this, nor take it anymore.
Mark

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Hi Trusting,
I just wanted you to know that I will be praying for you and your H. We all have similarities in our situations and can relate to the hard time you are having now. Please hang in there and know that God has a plan for your life. Think about what YOU and GOD want the outcome to be...if you do not want this divorce, why should you be the one to file and do all the work? Wouldn't that be letting your H of easy? If he wants to walk away from you and your family, let him go through the pain of legally breaking that up. It will be on his conscience, not yours! Hang in there, we will be praying for/with you!
June

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TIG,
I agree with Junebug, don't do the filing. Let that be a sign from the Lord that He still wants to restore your marriage. I knew that if I'd filed I was not "allowing" the Lord to restore our marriage. "I'd" be shutting the door. I wouldn't be trusting the Lord for His timing to restore our relationship. Be patient and trust the Lord. He wants your marriage restored more than you do.
ONTHEMEND

[This message has been edited by ONTHEMEND (edited September 09, 2001).]


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Lord, please encourage TrustinginGod to do just that. Trust you for however long it takes for you to make her and her husband into the people you want them to be so they can truly have the kind of marriage you want them to have.
Be with Junebug too Lord and all those struggling with the lonliness and hardships caused by Satan in an attempt weaken them and cause them to give up on those lost in sin.
Lord, release their spouses from Satan's grasp and make ways for them to escape temptation and sin. Guide them back to their families. Forgive them and heal them. Bless them with peace, love and joy in their lives once again.
Thank you for the things You're already doing to prepare for their return and for what You're going to do. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen
ONTHEMEND

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Please do not paly the blame game on yourself. You have been there for your H you are there for your children. My hunch is you really want your H to wake up and try to honor God and work on the marriage with you. I understand that you are ready to see other men to see if you can get rid of the pain concarning your H, but I think you should not be in a hurry when H realizes how much it effects his schedule with his Kids not to have you home and waiting on him he will start to feel new pain. He will also feel some new pain when he must think that you might start seeing other men. Time to plan B him and make him seee how it will be without you.
Olease do not rush into the arms of another man it is to earl for that. Thank You, Yesitcan! Work

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quote:
Originally posted by TrustinginGod:
Well, it's over. We're getting a divorce. My H & I talked yesterday, and he's ready to get a divorce. I'm hurting so badly, but I'm somewhat relieved that I'm not going to be in limbo anymore. We've agreed to do this as amicably as possible. He's been seeing other women the whole time we've been separated. Says he's trying to get on with his life and I should get on with mine. I'm giving up now. I've put myself out there for dates. I can't fight anymore, can't Plan A. I just want better days. I can't take this anymore, so I'm filing for divorce. My heart hurts, my children hurt, and my life has fallen apart. I have to let go. If God wants us to be together, we will be, but I can't sit around being lonely anymore. I just can't - it is killing me. I have tried to be the best wife I know how, I have changed the things he wanted changed, I have done everything I know to do, and he still feels nothing for me. He still says he's not attracted to me, and that I just read into his actions what I wanted to.

Well, if he can move on, why can't I.

I know one day I'll meet someone else who will love me the way I deserve to be loved. I hope tht one day I will get over my H. I told him that one day, when I'm over him, we can try to be friends, but not now. I've asked him to stay away. He's upset because I'm putting him on a schedule for the kids, but he said he understands that I need this time to recover.

Gosh, I'm now a statistic. I will be contacting a lawyer probably next week, or we may try to do this on our own. I just want it to be done as quickly and inexpensively as possible. I want this to be over so I can get on with my life, and my kids' lives.

I'm sorry I've proven to be so weak. I'm sorry I've failed my children, and my poor baby, but I can't do it anymore.

God, forgive me!

TIG



TIG,
Continue to TRUST in God because it ain't over until your H leaves. Someone above gave you the advice to not file. I agree because it is the unbeliever's responsibility to leave. You should let God love your H through you. Does it hurt really bad? Yes. I know because my W has had 9 adulterous relationships in the last 8 years of our nearly 16 year old marriage.

You have to show your children that God is directing your path. It is more important for you to let God heal you through being the best example of a CHristian that God gives you ability. He always provides what you need when you need it. I can testify because if He were not comforting me through our mess, I would probably had committed suicide long time ago. But, I get so much joy in my soul when I do His will. My flesh is dying a slow death.

I really long for my glorified body. That day may be here before we know it.

Hang in their. God loves you and is behind you.

Lord, talk to TIG so that she can weather the worst part of this mess. Give her the strength that you have and continue to give me daily. Be with her children so that they will get closer to you in order to deal with this mess. It is the children who suffer the most because they carry the mess on when they marry in ways unknown to them because they want emulate the one who initially reinforced behavior that goes against your will.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

------------------
God Bless,
Rob

regilmor@swbell.net


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TIG, I am praying for you. Give it to God and let him decide your path.
Barb


krrd867-Please email me at morriggs@yahoo.com



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((((((hugs))))))
I am so sorry that you are hurting. I have been at "the end of my rope", too, but the Lord is there with you right now!! Listen! Please dont give up! I know how hard it is for you, and the kids. Do NOT listen to the enemy---he wants you to give up, and move on.....just give it a little longer! You have my prayers, and I am here if you need to talk---Again, I am sorry for the pain you are feeling!!

Krystal

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