Hey Gang,<P>I just got off the phone with Val. The chat was going well with good verbal communication between two adults and then she just happened to push the right combination of buttons more than a few times and, yes, you guessed it, Medic went off. I held my tongue for the longest time and it was getting really heavy and I had to leave go. Blasted her and her parents out of the water. Told her I can't wait until the damn papers are ready to be signed. Then she asks if we can get together on the weekend to discuss this. OK?<P>I was listening to my kids CD of Wierd Al. There's a tune on it that pretty much reflects the way I am feeling right now. I would like to share it with you.<P>"Everything you know is wrong<BR>Black is white, up is down and short is long<BR>And everything you thought was just so <BR>important doesn't matter<BR>Everything you know is wrong"<P>I just don't get it! After I lost what little mind I have left, she wants to get together after not seeing each other for close to two months. I don't want to play this sh!tty game anymore.<P>Everything you know is wrong.<P><P>------------------<BR>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P><BR>

Oh Medic, I feel for you. I understand exactly what you mean. None of this makes any sense. You can't make heads or tails of anything. Try to be strong. Look how far you've gotten, you can go a little more.

Hwy Medic,<P>Everything you thought was just so important IS STILL IMPORTANT! If it weren't you wouldn't care anymore... and dammit, you care!<P>She's a bit nutso-crazo right now... true enough. I'm so sorry... and just goes to prove how easily those buttons can be pushed, huh? And who knows better how to do it than long-time spouses???<P>Wierd Al has sure come a long way since the days of EAT IT, huh??? You're finding all sorts of jems on that CD!!!<P>Take care!<P><P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!!

Hey medic,<P>Unfortunately for me... when my wife says wants to talk... I just think of what she told me 2 weeks ago... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I'll only talk to you, when I get what's due me!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes... she was talking about our divorce papers... and yes... she was talking about <B>money</B> only! <P>I hope... I pray... that your wife doesn't just want to talk about the <I>important</I> topics my wife's conversations seem to center around.<P>Don't worry about the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>. Water under the bridge...<P>Even though "Everything you know is wrong."... try and think of <B>not</B> what your know... but maybe what <B><I>can be</I></B>.<P>Thoughts for you on a Thanksgiving eve. <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited November 24, 1999).]

Hey Medic,<P>Wish I had some words of encouragement for ya. It's hard for me to fully grasp how intence this emotioal roller-coaster ride is.Just when I'm thinking I'm doing pretty good ZZAAPP, I'm all f'd up inside. OOPs lost my religion again. Somehow our fine betrayers can't grasp thepain we are going through. I wish I could put my feelings into my beautiful W for about ten minutes. Maybe just maybe she might come around. I think though the pain she's going through is wprse than mine. I know I wouldn't want to live with what she has done. I wish I knew what to tell you, all I know is drowning my sorrows with an [censored]-load of beers is only going to delay feeling what I'm feeling. I have to get down on my knees and ask God to take my fears from me and tell Him I know he has a plan for me, and I trust Him. I know no matter what I'll be OK.<P>Hang In,<BR>Love Ya,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey Viki,<P>I really tried my best to keep my trap shut but it didn't work. As I was doing the blasting the back of the mind was asking if this was a good idea. We decided no but it was too late, the damage was done. I'm on anti-deps. If I could only find something to keep the emotions in check. Anti-ems.<P>Hi NB,<P>Our marriage was not good from the beginning. We are both a little immature [like you couldn't tell from me] I was trying figure out if I really want her back because I love her or because someone else wants her. I finally found out that I do truely love her and this hurts worse than being hit with 200 joules. I accidentally did that and had a priapism for a week. [ CL should pick up on that]. And of course Al has a tune "Cavity Search" and Val works in a dental office. Why does it seem every damn song is aimed at me an my problems.<P>Thanks for caring guys. I appreciate it. <P>------------------<BR>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P><BR>

Didn't mean to leave you Guys out.<P>Hi NSR,<P>I don't believe this is related to money issues. We have worked that out in the early months. She gives me a check for the consolidated bills payment. The only thing I fear is if she tries to take half of the business. The company was incorporated before we were married and it was set up specifically that no one could touch it. [Just watching out for me]. I'm not sure what's up. Haven't had a disturbance in the force lately.<P>BillJ,<P>Thanks for the encouraging words. I used to love roller coasters. Not anymore. I believe that if "they" would feel this for 10 minutes it would be resolved almost immediately.<P>Thanks Guys<P>------------------<BR>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P><BR>

Hi Medic,<P>what a blow. A good conversation, then bang.<P>You have been so inspirational to me, and given me quite a few giggles with those one liners (still waiting to use the astroturf line with my H !!)<P>If she has not been interested in only the money side of things up til now, do you think that maybe she wants to discuss something other than divorce and settlement ?<BR>I hope so.<P>Please keep your chin up, sounds inane I know, but we have to. I also believe that if they felt one smidgeon of what we feel, it would be over in a minute.<P>Happy thanksgiving to you, and take care of you. And if you find those anti-emotion 'whatever's' please please send some my way.<P>hugs<BR>Jo

Hey Bonnet,<P>I really don't think the chat has anything to do with money. I have a sense that when I lost it she might be realizing that I might not be sitting here at night waiting for her to come back if things go poorly with Brian. She asked about my "friend" and was very intrested if I was going to have T-day with her or if I have seen her recently. Maybe, just maybe someone is coming out of the fog and is beginning to see the lighthouse. Either that or shes playing mind games with me.<P>Hey Happy Turkey Day to one and all! <P>------------------<BR>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P><BR>

I hope the fog is lifting.<BR>If she is starting to mention your friend, things are looking good.<BR>She is thinking that now that you are not waiting at home for her, and are obviously moving on, what is she losing.<BR>Good one. (This is purely from my womanly point of view !!! )<BR>Only you know if she is the sort to play mind games. I don't think my H is, and I don't feel that he is playing mind games with me.<BR>He's just being an idiot at the moment. He has lost his mind, is hopelessly lost, has no map or compass, and needs help.<P>Your Valerie sounds like maybe she is 'thinking', and that's a start.<P>Keep your shirt on next time you talk, ok.<P>Thinking of you<P>Jo

Oh, Medic, I'm so sorry.<P>It never fails. But don't feel alone. The few times I have the chance to talk w/ H, I find myself so frustrated I could just scream!! (And usually do, but I manage to hold it until he's gone - MOST of the time!)<P>You have a great Thanksgiving. And try to do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.<P>Lori

Hey Bonnet,<P>I'm not sure how to play this weekend meeting thing. I don't mean play games, just how to approach this. With the emotions set on extremely high I was thinking of premedicating myself with Ativan or Flexeril. That way I would be a tomato in the cabbage patch of life and would not be able to comprehend painful stimuli. Of course I probably just stand there like a cardboard cutout because that stuff hits me hard.<P>Hi Lostva,<P>Thanks for the kind words. My oldest son is home from college for the holidays and we are on duty tomorrow and will take the ambulance to a large family reunion thanksgiving fest. I am so happy he is here. I missed him as much as my W. But he comes home.<P>Take care, God Bless.<P>------------------<BR>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P><BR>

Medic,<BR>This is strange - I was listening to the Weird Al CD that my daughter just gave me for my birthday as I came across your post - that song was playing just a few minutes ago.<P>I, too, hate the fact that none of this makes any sense.

Hello senor medic,<BR>My humble opinion is that you keep a large roll of duct tape by the phone. When your mouth gets to running, hit hold, tear 8 in strip of duct tape and apply. Can apply up to three pieces to assure the adhesive sticks firmly when under pressure. <BR>Listen attentively, hang up when the other party says goodbye. Then go to br, cut a small hole in middle of tape. Sip one beer (12oz) thru a straw.<BR>Ahhhh, medic, I can only send hugs and prayers again. Somedays are just like that. Read wasstubborns post-there is a great quote on there regarding the fourth step.

Medic<P>One thing I learned after MONTHS of reading these boards is that the person leaving gets thrown off guard the minute the leavee gets ticked and tells the leaver to get lost. It shakes their security. <P>As long as you're brown and curled up around the edges she knows you'll take her back in a heartbeat so what's the hurry? She's in control. <P>Now that you got ticked and told her to get lost she's questioning her judgement - divorce is forever and separation isn't. Now she's staring a life-long decision in the face and she's wondering about her choices.<P>People are afraid to tell their spouses to get lost for fear their spouse is going to yell "whoo hoo!" and go running away forever. It doesn't seem to happen that way in real life - but try telling that to someone who's brown and curled up on the edges. <P>When you do meet with her, be firm in your resolution to divorce. Throw her off guard and keep her there. <P>Needy isn't pretty - so don't be that way. Be the man she fell in love with, to a certain degree - to the degree that you're all that but you're not hers to have anymore. <P>I knew the ex-g/f would rattle her cage...<P>Pardon my cliches,<BR>KarmaGrrl<P>

Nellie1,<P>Well if it was really strange all I can say is that I have to be involved. Sorry to hear what's going on with you and the family. I never really celebrated holidays being in the EMS field, it's just another day, but now it has different meaning. I hope I'm not maturing. I'd hate to have to shave EVERY day.<P>CL,<P>Duct tape is on top of the refridgerator but not rated for heavy duty usage. I REALLY tried to be good. She just kept pushing. We certainly know how to p!ss the other off. I'm getting tired of these kindergarten games. What no comment on the priapism? I'm sadly disappointed.<P>Hey KarmaGrrl,<P>I am totally lost as how to approach this weekend. I want to deposit love units and make the home safe for her to come back and work on the relationship. That makes sense to me.<P>I saw RMA's reply on a thread and posted to her about the OM and how problems go back to the marriage and the OM is just a catalyst to gather different feelings apart from the S. That makes sense to me. <P>Then I thought go for the throat and stay tough on the divorce. It would perhaps bring some feelings to the surface. It would make her decide. That makes sense to me.<P>Then on the fourth hand, Why can't she just freaking just tell me what she would like to do with our relationship. Do you want to work on our marriage? Do you want to walk away? Throw me a freaking bone. That makes sense to me.<P>I think I'll just play dead and not answer the door. That makes sense to me.<P>Thanks to all for replying. I'm just having a bad Val week. Hope yours is better. <P>------------------<BR>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P><BR>

Hey Medic-Man<P>You've got plenty of time to find out what she wants to do with your relationship. What's the rush?<P>Wanna shake her up? Be fabulous, no, be better than fabulous be HAPPY and SECURE and SEXY and UNAVAILABLE, but do it in a nice warm wonderful way - not like "Ha ha you can't have me" but in a humble mysterious silent strong distant way. <P>Wear a new cologne - something subtle, but noticeably different - not the time to hit her in the nose with Brute or something gross. Our noses are directly tied to our brain's memory circuit - so by smelling differently you'll be a "new" Medic-Man not the same old one she didn't like. <P>If she says or does stuff that bugs you just put it on the shelf, so to speak, and don't react or get all emotional about it right then and there. Kinda like Scarlet O'Hara - "I'll think about that tomorrow." If things get sticky pretend to get a vibrating page that's urgent and split. Don't bother with excuses - mysterious is sexy.<P>CONTROL, Medic - that's the word. There's plenty of time and another place to have a fit and get upset. <P>Remember: needy isn't pretty. <P>Sure you can avoid everything and not answer the door but someday you're going to have to meet her. Maybe you need a few more days or weeks to get yourself together. <P>Oh yea, and the ex-g/f? Don't tell her much about it - let her wonder - keep her guessing - but be prepared to dump Michele the minute you and W reunite. <BR> <BR>Good luck! <P>

Hey Karma,<P>Thanks for the suggestions. This is the first time in my life that I feel completely out of control. I never ever had such a flood of emotions before. I was almost like Mr. Spock on Star Trek before the affair. Maybe that's one of the reasons for it.<P>Anyway thanks for the advice from a womans perspective. I think I'll try the cologne, I have a bunch of it in the medicine cabinet. I think it's time for a change anyway. I usually don't wear any. Or I could break some ammonia salt ampules and wear them, maybe that would "wake" her up.<P>I'll let you know how it goes. Have a good Holiday! <P>------------------<BR>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P><BR>

Medic,<P>Sorry, I wasn't on last night to reply, so am rather late coming in.<P>First, DON'T beat yourself up over the blow-up. It is your body's way of defusing the internal stress and pressure. Sometimes, it just has to "well-up" whether it is the "right time or not. You are human, after all. Besides, a little bit of "home truths" once in a while is a healthy part of any NORMAL relationship.<P>Second, listen to KarmaGrrl! She is giving some great advice! It is funny, I read something just yesterday in a book that I was flipping through in the bookstore - stating just this. Also, it echoes other books - like Divorce Busting, etc.<P>You are kinda where I am with my H - the moment of truth time. It is time to retract and really let go and let Val know you are letting go. One of 2 things will happen:<P>She will miss you and realize how much you mean to her and come running back or she will realize she really does want a life without you...<P>Either way, if you can find ways to keep in PlanB and REALLY try to move on emotionally, you will at least get an answer. It may not be the answer you want, or then, again, it might be. The important thing is that you WILL get an answer over the coming period of time. <P>KarmaGrrl is right - neediness is NOT attractive, and I should know - I have been the Needy Queen! Not anymore - working on developing the right amount of independence and autonomy a person needs to have as a PARTNER in a relationship.<P>This goes back to the pursuers-distancers stuff. The more you chase, the more they run. Stop chasing and she might turn around to look to see why you aren't chasing anymore. Don't you think that is why Val wants to talk to you all of a sudden now that you are ready to throw in the towel?? Books say, don't jump back into the pursuing role right away - will just make her distance herself again - hence, all this flip-flopping. I think KarmaGrrl really pegged this one...<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

wonder how beer tastes through a straw.....<P>???