To make long story short, I am W, living in new city, new home, w/small son. My H moved out almost 3 mos. ago after us dealing w/issues of EA. His OW is not even in this city, yet she still is in his life. Even spoke to her (first time since A has hit light of day) and tried to let her know I was praying for her, loved my H, and was committed to my M. Was kind. Know that was only b/c had been praying before she phoned. I had intercepted accidentally some emails she had sent him (confirming other weekend trips together) and was crushed. Prayed to God for wisdom. Inside, I wanted to email her and just blast her out of the water, to tell her the anger that has been in my spirit. Instead, after prayer, the wierdest thing happened, in our talk, tried to let her know that God loves her, her life can change. Let her know there's a better way for her. She cried and begged my forgiveness. I told her I was sorry for having called her bad names. She told me she would try to let my H go, and that she knew it was bad for her and A would eventually end up nowhere. Her resolution lasted for only 5 days. Lies. <p>I must add, however, that my faith has not always been this great. Became a Christian in second grade and that was only way I could get thru living where one parent was totally emotionally/physically abusive me until I moved out and to college in another state. When I got to college, I had joined the "right" sorority, knew the "right" people, made good grades and was feeling alright about myself for first time in life. One glitch here--thought that my faith and God could not exist simultaneously. As a child, had the faith that Jesus speaks of--like little children. Found that again, but only after life came crashing down around me. <p>After being unable to me, myself, my brain, being unable to deal with H's EA (going on since Jan 01), I filed for D on guess what day. Sept. 11th at 10:30 am. Was darkest day my life has ever seen. Over the next week, broke down spiritually and emotionally. By God's loving grace, I somehow carried on my ability to be mom to my son. When H came over to pick up son that weekend, and I was alone for 2 days, that is when the dam broke. That Sunday afternoon, God's tiny small voice I heard again. Hadn't heard it in so many years. That is when I made a few changes. Realized that I was stupid to ever have thought I could make it w/o God and that although I never truly left my faith behind, that it was nowhere near what God needed from me. Was a turning point. Found a good Christian counselor (fired the first one I found here), stopped the D (didn't have him serve and so basically it stops there), and focused instead on working on me, trying to w/God's help, move on after such a horrible time as a youth and put old demons to rest. Also at same time w/counselor, be truly accountable and work to resolve whatever issues/stress I brought to M. Have been attempting to whenever given the opportunity, to show my H my heart, my soul. Show him the love, real love that is within me still. Even after all of this. Yet he says all our problems are my fault, that EA is not an issue. Know those are rationalizations though. Found a church and a few friends here. Church friends, except ones at a support group, do not know of any of this. Want to give us a real new, fresh start if given the opportunity. For us to make friends together. Life is a real rollercoaster here, but I'm sitting by God now, who let's me know it's ok and that I should just sit back and let the ride end. <p>Here's where I need your prayers. Did not fully understand how separation and EA can truly destroy not only us, two adults, but our child too. Son is so innocent and kind. He doesn't understand any of this and asks questions. I do my best to let him know that his dad loves him very much. Lately, my son has been going up to men who have similar physical attributes as my H and asking them to play, if they have a little boy, and then tells these total strangers that he loves them. Just thought he was being sweet for a while--he is my angel. But realized what he REALLY was doing last night. Hit me like a ton of bricks. B/c he only sees his dad on alt. weekends or sometimes just for a day, not like it was before H moved out, he is begging for attention. Misses his dad so much and doesn't know what to do. After putting him down for sleep last night, I lost it. Prayed on my knees that somehow our family could work toward reconciliation soon. That our family could be healed. My H has not yet been to see counselor, although he took card and said last week he'd to soon. First said a few weeks ago, he'd move home Nov. 1, but then changed his mind. The pain was too much. Prayed so hard last night. I can do nothing, nothing to help my son through this except listen and let him know he's loved. I can do nothing else to help my M. Am doing all I can now and have given it all over to God. <p>Please pray for us. That God's loving spirit descend down upon this little family. That before another family becomes a statistic, we will instead become a success story and can instead of posting my sadness and questions here, can instead post hope and love only to you all. Please pray for my H. That God show him how much his W, his son love and appreciate him. That we aren't perfect, but are worth at least one, only if that, one try at reconciliation. Please pray for my little boy. He is so wonderful and full of love and hurt at same time. And finally, please remember me. I am going to continue, until there is no more strength left in me, to choose the path of love. No matter how hard or rocky it has become for me, I know and have full understanding of the bond of marriage and family. That I don't just end things b/c it gets hard, that I am able to continue to show him all the love in my soul. Am doing something of a distant plan A. Not really a "plan" though, just how I live. Giving him understanding, love and my best, yet at same time allowing him space to pray (I hope), and find his way back (hope too). Yes, it's hard, but showing him my soul, my love, has somehow been freeing to me. Know that I am doing all that I can. <p>Despite all and any good efforts, I know I am powerless to save my M alone. Gave that over to God. Please pray for us. The destruction is now visable in the eyes of an innocent now. I guess every separation or struggle in a M comes to a point where the destruction is visably open, in full sight. That's where we are. We need prayers for reconciliation, for healing. I thank anyone and everyone who will read this. Thank you for taking the time to listen to the heart of a stranger. I am on the prayer/infidelity posting area. Don't post much, I'm kind of shy even about doing this. Your kindness is truly appreciated.<p>May God bless you.<p>"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand your ground; and after having done everything to stand."

Hello,
I am so sorry to see how much you and your son are hurting. My daughter is hurting too, every day now. This all came to the light in Jan. too so we are at a similar point.<p>I don't think that this is a punishment for you or for me but rather a call to witness. You don't have to say anything about the A but the fact that you don't file for D and don't look for a new man will be testimony to many. <p>I had a colleague mention how struck he was by my belief in marriage and another Christian friend whose husband wanted to give up on their marriage said her H was also struck by my willingness to hold on and not give up.<p>I'm glad that it means something to others, because it strengthens my resolve when I hear that. It is a hard long road. I am starting to get some news, as you saw in my post, but we are not yet ready for reconciliation.<p>(By the way, I have never had contact with the OW and I don't know her name.)<p>I will pray for you. Your stand is your testimony to Jesus. We are not like the martyrs of old where someone asked if they believed in Jesus and if they said "Yes," they were killed. Our form of martyrdom is a daily "Yes, I believe in the Word of the Lord and the Word says we are one flesh."<p>This is hard and it goes against all "common sense" but look, even your small son understands that you belong with your husband.<p>I need to make changes too, but I think the Lord wants most of all for our marriage to glorify Him and to unite us in Him. I hope and pray that my H converts because I don't see how we can start again without the Lord.<p>Don't be in such a hurry to have your H come home if he isn't ready. Pray for his conversion and for the OW's conversion so that they leave each other alone forever.<p>The Lord made over a billion stars. I don't think it takes much for Him to change our H's hearts, do you? He made all this in the universe. We are just puny. Trust Him to fix your marriage permanently and don't look at the circumstances. <p>Jesus, please lift Not peachy up to You. Fill her soul with Your light and give her the strength to continue her fight each day. Bless her son so that he feels Your peace and waits happily for his father while growing closer to his mother. Bless everyone who reads this and heal our marriages and our lives. Amen.

I am praying for you and your family. I have been standing for my marriage for a year and it has been hard, but every time I consider giving up, a little voice tells me I can't, this is what the Lord has called me to do. If I don't pray for my husband and family, who will? So until the Lord tells me otherwise, I will continue to stand in the gap for my family. I am just an email away if you need a friend.
Morriggs
morriggs@yahoo.com

Hi, I am praying for you too, email me if you want to talk, lisaannsmail@yahoo.com, I am in a similar situation... and it is getting better. My H is now apart from the ow, and boy does it feel good, funny how he starts to see us together and wants it to work now that she is gone. It is absolutely great. But- we are not there yet, but I know we will be. I know things will work out... but it is scary to take a H back after unfaithfulness, but seems the best with 2 sons... Good luck, keep plan a'ing and being kind, show him how great you are! Lots of Love and Luck!

Dear Friends,<p>Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and your prayers. They are worth so much more than you can ever imagine. To actually think that there are loving and kind stranger, most struggling right here along with me, praying for a woman, for a man, for a family they have never met.<p>I am really down tonight. My H came over (just in time, b/c my son and I were ready to go out the door trick or treating) and took our son trick or treating. He said something negative to me, about me saying bad things about him in fron of our son (don't know how he heard them, but have always tried to let son know that dad loves him, and works hard for us, to respect him). They walked out the door immediately after that and I fell apart. Would walk in hall bath to wipe tears away so I could walk to the door to give out candy. Was so very hard. <p>Later, he stayed for a bit and watched a Disney Halloween movie w/me and our son. He left and when I reached out to hug , to touch him, he said I might take it the wrong way. Still said he would see counselor soon. Didn't say w/me or alone. Asked him to go to a conference this weekend here, he said no. Still praying about it though. Not too late for him to change his mind. Rather, God speak to his heart and show him why to change his mind.<p>I am crying as I type now. Why is it so hard on us when we try to, at all cost, hold it together for our kids? Why is it so hard on holidays, even ones not as big as Chritmas, Thanksgiving, Eater, or birthdays? My son turned 3 two mos. ago and fell apart after his party later that night. He walked out again. Please pray hard again, if you can, b/c I am running on empty here. Were it not for the love of my son and my one friend here who knows what's going on and praying with me (my family and friends live in my hometown), I'd be totally alone in this. Go to a good church, but am not letting anyone in on our separation except for attending a separation Bible study (most attend other churches anyway). Hoping for a fresh, new start in a new city (very large one). I feel so lost. Never been so alone in all of my life. <p>Please pray that God speak to my H's soul. That he find his way home. Please, if you can, pray for the OW, she is lost and is so twisted in her religious and personal beliefs. Pray their A is ending soon. And I do not want us reunited again, until he is finished with OW. She is poison and worst of all, truly believes the things she says and does, and does acknowledge they are sinful and hurting our family. <p>Need so much prayer tonight also for strength. To keep on giving unconditional love, understanding and compassionate love to my H from a distance. A little hope yes , in his saying he will go to counseling soon, but none besides that. A few weeks ago he said he was coming home November 1. No longer the plan. I am falling down and need prayers to pull me back up again. Doing the plan A where you give so much and ask for really nothing, just to give love, wears you down. Almost down to nothing. Going to see counselor tomorrow morning. Praise for that. <p>Again, I thank you all for your words and will try to email you too. It's a privacy thing--would be easier to do it here than email. I am here for you all. Although we haven't met, I consider you friends and am so thankful to my loving heavenly Father for you. <p>God Bless you.<p>"Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to make your stand; and after having done everything, to stand."

Faith,
Please email me. morriggs@yahoo.com
Barb

Dear Peachy, <p>I am SO sorry to hear how much you are suffering. It will come in waves. You will not always feel this bad.<p>I think that maybe we Christians should reconsider this celebration of Halloween because there really are pagan witches and worse out there and Halloween really is a big anti-holy day for them.<p>I had a terrible time on Halloween too. The OW sent me a letter with pictures of them just to hurt me. She is really lost and a mean thing. My H opened it because I figured it was from her and wouldn't read the letter and even said she's mean. But he's too weak to get rid of her. I wonder how badly I want him to return. I want my marriage restored in Christ. I'm not sure I could go back to living with someone who isn't honest and doesn't have a moral code. I would rather be alone, although that is horrible for my daughter who wants her daddy.<p>I think we do have to trust the Lord to restore our marriages in HIM. I want my marriage restored in Christ because I have seen that no marriage based on human sentiment alone can really make it. I am not saying I wouldn't take him back if he wanted to come now, because I would believe it was the will of the Lord. I just know that unless he converts, I will probably be worse off emotionally. <p>It really is a struggle to know what to aim for and to hope for - the return, the conversion. I know that if I give up, I will be tempted to go out with other men and I don't want that. I also don't want to bleed constantly from a wound that won't heal, but the Lord said we had to pick up our crosses and follow Him.<p>He also said His yoke is easy and His burden is light. That's because He gives us the grace we need to go on. <p>This doesn't mean we will never get down but that it won't last forever. <p>I think that if any of us feels so down that we have trouble tending to basic needs: going to work, being attentive to our children, going to church, praying, taking care of the house, etc. then at that point, we have to take into consideration taking anti-depressants, at least for the short-term. We can't let this horrible situation we are in rule everything else because that wouldn't be right to our children and wouldn't be good witnessing for the Lord.<p>Feeling down should not last more than three days. We have to push away the negative thoughts and learn to be content about something in our situations. We have to be grateful for our children, for the sun, for our homes, for the flowers, for the fact that we have food to eat, for the friends we have found here, etc. <p>Maybe if we spent the first five minutes of prayer thanking Jesus, before asking for anything, we would make Him happy. <p>We have an old beggar woman outside our church and I stop to talk to her whenever I see her. She asks me for things, but whenever I bring her something she asks for, she barely says thank you before asking for something else. This really bothers me. Then one day I reflected that this is how we probably seem to the Lord. Just asking and asking and barely saying thank you for what we have before asking again.<p>We need to ask, He wants us to ask, but first we need to say thank you, thank you, thank you.<p>Love and prayers, T

Dear Tryingtohope,<p>Thank you so much for taking time out of your life to write to me. I feel and believe just as you do in so very many respects. Although today is so hard, to take the time to thank Jesus for giving us the "givens" we take for granted every day. <p>I posted again this am and am not doing well. Somehow, the Lord gives me just enough strength to be the kind of Mother I need to be and get done most important things here. I do not know or understand how we, you and I, and our friends here could get through this kind of a situation without the Lord at our side. I am re-reading Love Must Be Tough and trying really hard to get tough, but be so loving at same time. <p>I will be here alone this weekend, so please pray hard for me here. Also, continue to pray for my H, my son. Also pray that OW finds her way to God. I can't hate her b/c she is soo lost and doesn't even know or understand what she is really doing. They do not know the evil they do until it is all over and they see the destruction that is behind them, in ruin. It is so sad to see the way Satan breaks apart marriages and families. I am keeping you and all my buds here in my vigilent prayers. God is who keeps me going, holds me up, and hears me when I cry to him in my prayers at night. May blessings be yours today.. You've got a prayer friend here.<p>Keep up the good fight.

Also to Morriggs and Honey, I am and are so thankful for you two also. Your letters are taken to heart and my prayers are so with you both. <p>Sounds like we're in this together, although we may never meet, yet are bound by a beautiful, golden thread that ties our sould together. Our love and faith in our Heavenly Father. Don't believe life just happens, that we are brought together for a purpose. To learn from each other, to love our friends through hard times and mistakes, to rejoice when we are blessed. That is what a Christian and spiritual friend can do for you. Just knowing that you both have taken one minute out of your own day for me, a stranger, is what keeps my hope, my faith alive. We are struggling with similar situations and can make it through, even if right now I don't believe I can, because we are praying for each other. Where two or more gather, there is the Lord. Our Bible says that and in Him we are powerful. God's given us the authority to trample on snakes, scorpions and the authority over evil spirits also. He's given us so much power and each day Satan likes to make us believe that we are losing that power. Losing the power to believe in fighting for our families, that we have lost our fight and given up. <p>I pray that you stay strong as you face each new day. Know that you are being prayed for and that we will somehow find a way to stay strong. <p>"Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand your ground; and after having done everything to stand."