Hi BINthere,<p> I haven't been a member here very long and have gone back 100 days, but can't find any posts from you. I was just wondering if you are married and standing or divorced and moving on. I only ask because I find your replies to be very encouraging. If this is too personal I understand and please don't feel you have to answer.
Morriggs
morriggs@yahoo.com

Morriggs,<p>Sorry for bursting in here .. but I agree 100%. BTDT does have a way about her. She has posted to me so many times and helped me tremendously. We're very blessed to have her here.<p>The same goes for LupoLady. She also has good insight.<p>BTW: I think BTDT posts alot on the Pregnancy/Child board.<p>Lv,
Jo

Hi guys,
I have a terribly shameful past. I think that is why I have hidden myself in Christ so deeply and so fervently. God is the only One who has introduced a shred of decency and grace into my life. He has used fragments and made something fancy like a beautiful tapestry. He has tied up all the loose ends and put me back together, in many ways. He ain't done yet, tho!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I am married. I have a godly husband who puts God first (before me!) [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] and that's a good thing because I have come to know my place (#2)! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Years ago (early 80s), I got myself pregnant by a married man. I raised my child alone for 5 years, then filed for CS because I thought it was only fair for the OC. I wasn't going to use the money for myself and besides, the amount we got was not even enough to cover child care. We had only one court date and received CS for 13 years. I'm just glad it wasn't TWINS! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Trust me, I am raising twins now so I know how expensive twins are! <p>God's love has covered me when I was completely alone (emotionally). His hand has held my chin up high when there was no dignity left in my life whatsoever--but plenty of people around me to remind me of it daily... I mean, how DO you face your church family after you have backslidden and returned pregnant without a husband? There will never be any dignity in that no matter what millenium we are living in. But God... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>He told me HE would be my husband and that He would remove the shame of my youth. He has made so many of my dreams come true and I am sooo grateful.<p>I post on Pregnancy/Child because there are a lot of hurt BSs there whose husbands have fathered babies outside of their marriages and they want nothing to do with OW/OC and I can't blame them a bit. They have more pain than any BS on GQII and open, constantly bleeding wounds. What do you do when your husband insists on keeping contact with "his" kid and/or OW (like me) won't put the child up for adoption? How do you live with the constant reminder of the betrayal in the form of an innocent OC?? The pain is indescribable. Only God could work it out. <p>I mean, I believe in MB principles and everything, but some problems just find us at the complete ends of ourselves, ya know?<p>I try to give encouragement that with or especially (as in my case) without contact from MM & W that an OC can turn out okay because mine did and is. He's really okay! So I don't think they should struggle with guilt so hard if they are trying to work the POJA, work on their marriage and survive the affair. Sure, kids need both parents but single parenting sort of comes with the territory when affairs occur... (e.g., Plan B, OCs) [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Harley recommends that the W make all contact with OW, but some are just simply not up to that. I may be wrong, but I certainly can understand because some OW remain attracted to the MM and compete with the W. It just gets messy in some cases. <p>And you know, now that I'm married, I'm finding that with or without a man, I NEED GOD and I NEED GOD first and foremost. Just like when I was a single parent. I leaned on God, boy, did I ever! Now that I'm married, I need to press in even harder! <p>Marriage has a way of bringing all your insecurities to the surface that you didn't even realize were there. Marriage simply shows you exactly how much of God we lack in areas! It's funny. Marriage has shown me just how much MORE I need God because temptation to sin never NEVER goes away. I think it gets even more intense when you get married because marriage is ordained of God. Marriage is one of the first things God created, so it's no wonder the devil would hate it and seek to destroy it.

Bin,
Thanks for your openness and willingness to help others go through difficult times!<p>Remember, "His Mercies are new every morning..."<p>Aww, Resilient, I think you're pretty terrific, too! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thanks,
Lupo<p>[ November 08, 2001: Message edited by: lupolady ]</p>

Got it. Feel free to edit your post.... NOW! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hello BTDT, I think one of the things that has gotten me thru me having a prodigal W is i was once a prodigal son to the Lord. I acually left home at 17 and took my inheritance and spent it on wild living, drugs and woman. It took me about a year before i tried to commit suicide by shooting enough cocaine to kill 5 people. I survived and it took about 10 more years before i really had a desire to walk with the Lord. To my shame i accepted the Lord as a child, and thru my youth only called on Him , when i was ODing on drugs or any other life threatening situation i got myself in, and they were many. I came from a well off home, with a christian mother and a military style father.I was never welcome back home, but the Lord was always there calling on me, waiting for me to fully turn to Him. I dont think i fully turned to the Lord until my W flipped out with undiagnosed manic depression, disappeared with our 2 kids, and decided to become a junkie. She has a year clean now and is being treated for manic depression and we are slowly putting our lives back together again. She has turned to the Lord also.<p>There have been so many times when i wanted to give up on my W and the Lord always tells me to forgive her as the Lord has forgiven me many times. The Lord does work out all things for the good of those who love Him and without my messed up past including a few kids along the way,not including my son by my W , I really dont think i would of made it a fraction of the 3 years so far. I think its humbling to admit, most of us treat the Lord, like our WM have treated us.
I hope we all can see that, when we have our times of wanting to give up as we all do.
Mark

Thank you for that post, BTDT. I'm in tears, and had shivers when I was reading it. You do understand how it feels from my (BS) point of view regarding OC and OW that held a torch for my H for 8 years until finally she got her hooks into him. <p>And she hates me so much, I have all her letters to my H and I have never met her, but throughout her letters she calls me names and says hateful things. I can't help but think some of her motivation in having an A with my H and manipulating him to leave me and D me is driven by revenge for all those years she wanted my H and hated me for simply being his W. For the last 2 years I have felt like I've been living a nightmare. Truly.<p>Why do women do this to one another?<p>Jo

Dear Lostpup,
Wow, your story is truly amazing... Thank you for sharing that. It is amazing that none of us are dead or mental cases after what we put our bodies through!!!<p>Dear Resilient,
I cannot believe what you have been through. It's so sad when life dishes out unfairness. I think it is because the devil doesn't discriminate when he sets out to ruin someone's life. OW is really not the problem. It's the enemy of your soul who is. OW was just a pawn being used and she probably didn't even realize it--that's the really sad part.<p>You know, there is a scripture that I have read before that states children of the enemy are taken captive at HIS will, so you see? Sometimes people are being literally used by the enemy at his will and they don't even grasp that.<p>Not to excuse my guilt, but I never set out to steal a married man from his wife. They were separated at the time, but then, who knows? He could have been lying to me too! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I used birth control. It's not like I was trying to get myself pregnant on purpose like some OW do. It was a brief PA that took place over the course of 4 months and I was even dating, well to be honest with you, screwing other guys... [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] <p>All I know is that I was definitely not allowing myself to be used of God to bring other people closer in relationship to Him, that's for sure.<p>Lastly, I think you should BURN all those letters and never think of the pain they caused you ever again. The enemy loves to do that to us, have us sit around nursing and rehearsing all the miserable things HE has done to us, having us blame others and blaming GOD for what HE is doing and all the while he is getting his kicks.<p>He's a liar you know? And the father of lies. HE's the real problem... <<<HUGS>>> to you, as usual! <3<3<3

p.s. to Resilient--what she says about you doesn't make you who you are!<p>What God says about you is what matters. He says that you are the apple of His eye. That sounds like a pretty special person to me!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]