PLEASE HELP IM LOST!!!I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. SHE SAYS ITS NOT ME THAT SHES NOT HAPPY..SO I AM DECIEDING TO GIVE HER SOME SPACE AND AGREED TO MOVE OUT FOR A WHILE. IT HURT SO MUCH TO EVEN HAVE THOSE WORDS COME OUT OF MY MOUTH. I DONT WANT HER TO BE UNHAPPY IN ANY WAY. I KNOW IF I LEAVE WE WILL GROW FURTHER APART. I JUST NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE AND TELL ME WE WONT GROW APART EVEN MORE. IN THE PAST 2 MONTHS I RECAPUTURED EVERYTHING THAT MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH HER BUT IT DIDNT HAPPEN WITH HER. I DONT WANT TO GIVE UP. SHE SAYS THAT SHE LOVES ME AND CARES FOR ME. I ASKED HER IF SHE WAS "IN LOVE WITH ME" AND SHE DIDNT HAVE AN ANSWER. I DONT WANT HER TO LOVE ME BECAUSE WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN I WANT HER TO LOVE ME BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME...I DONT KNOW IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE, BUT IM SURE THAT YOU UNDERSTAND. I KNOW THAT MY PROBLEM COMPARED TO SOME OF THE OTHERS ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT BUT ITS STILL A PROBLEM...THANKS ANY PRAYER WILL HELP ME!

Hi, <p>I just hit the bottom and the Lord bounced me back up in the most amazing way. <p>I don't have a formula for success but I think you should not move out. You do have two children who need you and love you. Feelings come and go but marriage is based on more than feelings. If it were only feelings, we women would break up once a month ;-) <p>Your wife might be lost. She might be dreaming about an exciting life. She might be wondering if this is all she has in her life - work, laundry, kids... she may be running out of dreams.<p>I think you should stay where you are but stop putting any sort of pressure on her at all and pray silently to the Lord every day that nothing and nobody will separate you.<p>If you are able, find people who make you laugh and put you in a good mood. Try not to dramatize the situation too much. Make it light and flirty if there is any energy left in you. Don't go for sex but just show you're interested as if you were courting her again.<p>If there are any fun things - try to do them. Go out to a movie that makes you laugh. Go away for the weekend. The hard part is not showing disappointment if this doesn't work. Actually, the only thing that will work is if you pray, but these little things might distract your wife from trying to get the attention of other men. I think it's good that you went out in a group. It's more fun most of the time.<p>Basically, you have to put your life in the Lord's hands. So far, it looks like she hasn't acted out her fantasy of starting over so don't give her the excuse or put her into temptation by leaving the house.<p>You are the man of the house, her protector. She is probably in the throes of temptation so you need to find a prayer partner who is male or a group and pray for your marriage. We are here just for that and we do care. We know that it is important- every single marriage is important to the Lord.<p>Keep coming here and we will help each other. Don't give up at all. That is the hardest part. By the way, unfortunately, you are going to have to swallow whatever pride you might have and I mean that but the end you will have a new and revived marriage in the Lord, if you perservere. The enemy is vicious - don't let him have an inch or he takes a mile. Ask Jesus to restore your marriage in His name. He wants you or you wouldn't be here right now. This is not just desperation that got you here - it's a call to save your marriage. It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it. Hang tight-<p>God bless you and your wife and all who read this.

THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE AND I WILL USE IT IN GOOD FAITH. IT HURT SO MUCH TO BE AWAY FROM SOMEONE I NEVER WAS AWAY FROM FOR A NIGHT..I COULDNT SLEEP OR EAT FOR 2 DAYS. I WAS IN CHURCH ALL DAY TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND. I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK..THANKS AGAIN AND GOD BLESS!

E.Nadeau - <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>SHE SAYS THAT SHE LOVES ME AND CARES FOR ME. I ASKED HER IF SHE WAS "IN LOVE WITH ME" AND SHE DIDNT HAVE AN ANSWER<hr></blockquote><p> The "space" comment as well as the love, not in love speech is one many here are familiar with.<p> In some form or fashion, there is someone outside the marriage.<p> Do not move out. Do not. <p> Separations of this type usually fuel an affair.<p> I know.<p> You need to do your best thinking and yet you can barely function.<p> I know.<p> Try to mentally step back, gather your strength, study for you, work on you, love you. Read and post. It will give you your best shot.<p>If you can, get counselling. Personal and marriage, if you can.<p> This is a horrendous spot to be in, treat yourself as well as you can.

Nadeau, Most of us have heard the same ol cliches.
I know i have. Hey,but it wasnt me. My W was undiagnosed manic depressant. But there were days when it was all my fault. Etc... The story's and excuses usually change. I wouldnt move out, but she will probably try to force you out.
Right now is a good time to start praying real hard, but dont expect instant answers. I did, and i became bitter at God for a while, and accused Him of letting me down. It will all be in His time. He wants you close to Him and to learn to trust Him. We are all going to need it in the coming storm of this nation and world. Most of us started out here just like you. In a panic and of very little faith and trust in God. What got me thru the last 3 years was the Lord , period. My wife and i are in love again , but there is still a ways to go. It seems the enemy is not happy at all. Its a miracle my wife is alive, let alone me forgiving her for a books worth of nightmares. Only the Lord has that kind of power.
This is going to be a tough road, but draw near to God and He will do the rest. You are going to have to make a resolve to never give up no matter what, then let your W go to God. Its a very hard balance to find. Ask Jesus to love your W thru your heart. He is faithful. We are here for prayers and encouragment. May the Lord give you His strenth to make it thru this to His glory.
Mark

I AM AT LOSS. WE MET ON WED. AND TALKED. SHE SAID SHE WANTS ME TO MOVE BACK IN BUT COULDNT LOOK AT ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME. IVE BEEN OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS AND ITS HARD TO MOVE BACK IN AND BE AROUND SOMEONE WHO HATES ME. MAYBE THATS THE WRONG WORD BUT THATS WHAT IM FEELING. I CANT LOOK AT HER AND NOT CRY. ITS SO HARD TO KEEP IT IN.I KNOW THAT LEAVING THE HOUSE IS A WRONG MOVE BUT I CANT STAY IN THIS HOUSE AND MAKE HER MORE UNHAPPY. UNFORTUNATELY THERE IS NO CHURCH OPEN TODAY BELIEVE ME I NEED BE WITH HIM. I HAVE PRAYED ALL NIGHT TO HAVE THE LORD TO GIVE ME MORE STRENGHTH. ITS NOT WORKING. BUT IM STILL TRYING. ALL MY LIFE I WAS ABLE TO FIX ANYTHING BUT THIS IS A CHALLENGE FOR ME. GOD BLESS.

Hey, E.Nadeau!<p>There's PLENTY of hope! Don't you DARE give up!<p>I think of all the comment, TryingToHope has hit closest to the mark.<p>It may be a bad idea to move back in when you think that your emotional state may ruin things for you. Your instincts are right, here. Rather stay away, and you can muster all your strength to be happy and cheerful when you DO see her.
Realise that she cannot look you in the eyes because of the guilt she feels. My guess would be that she is in a EA with someone, and is terribly conflicted right now. (this is only a guess, I may be wrong), but her behaviour is typical of this kind of thing. Don't be alarmed, you need to be the independent and strong man that she was attracted to.<p>Needidness can be TERRIBLY off-putting. AVOID IT!<p>There are different opinions on this one, but I would say that whether or not you are in the house will not have that great effect on her decision to have an A, or not. Your behaviour WILL. Do not do anything to pressurise her into making her mind up one way or the other. Show great love & understanding, and the rest is in her hands. Acting possessively, or showing lack of understanding may convince her enough in her conflicted state to cross THAT line. She will inevitably reach out to someone who "understands" her more than you, if you do. Listen with an open heart & CLOSED MOUTH, when she wants to share with you. She may express desires that may absolutely HORRIFY you, and fill you with fear of losing her. Be confident, & understanding.<p>More than that I cannot say. God answers prayers in many ways, and speaks to us through other people as well. Listen with your heart, and what is right will ring true, I am sure. You cannot go wrong, if you are motivated by love. Test everything against this standard.<p>Just be careful, ...love does NOT mean be a doormat. Retain your pride & self-respect.<p>Best wishes, my thoughts are with you.<p>Muzohead

its been a couple of days that im without my wife and kids. i see them everyday but its getting harder and harder to see them. my wife is so cold and shows no response. the pain im going through is unbearable. im numb. i pray for every night and let the lord show her what this is doing to our life. i want her to be happy like it was. im married almost 6 years and we have been through rough times before but we overcame those problems. with her paryers and faith it helped. i wasnt much of church goer and really had no interest but in the past 2 months ive been finding myself and im am so at peace with god. i just wish that she turns to god and picks it up again. she always had a positive feeling about every thing and never let anything get her down. i guess but helping every one else she lost touch with herself. i wish she sees the light and all its worth because i did. its the greatest experience i ever felt. ill never lose that again. thanks to all of you who responded to my request and god bless all of gods children. ill be fine i found myself and im not going to hold anything against her. i love her with all of my heart and will never forget the one thing that happened in my life. it was right after we kissed in the church after the service and turned around and said to myself "i am the luckiest guy in the world". thank you everyone.<p>[ November 24, 2001: Message edited by: E.Nadeau ]</p>

I know you are really going through a hard time right now. You need to read the information on this site and go to any posts on GQII by redhat or kevco - they have links to posts for newcomers. You need to work on yourself - no LBs - once again read the info. on this site or buy a copy of His Needs/Her Needs. Print someof the questionaries like the Emotional Needs quesitonaire and see if your wife will fill it out - or maybe you can fill it out for her and start working on fulfilling her emotional needs. Eventually she may even agree to counseling, but the best thing is for you to be happy around her, tell her that what she is going through is ok and that you are there to work through this with her. You can get the love back in your marriage. See if she will read this site or the book HN/HN. It may help shed some light on what she is going through. Good Luck and God Bless You. K

HI There!<p>I know what you are going through. I also agree with Family Man. My wife and I split about 9 months ago, and it took her about 6 to finally tell me that she had an affair (still with him). I knew she was seeing him when I moved out but thought it was AFTER I moved out, when it actually started about 2 months prior. There probably is someone else in some way, shape or form. That person has filled the emotional void that you didn't for your wife. I will say that what everyone is telling you is correct! Take care of yourself-that doesn't mean that you can't be loving to your wife right now. The WS does NOT want to see someone who mopes around, and is sad. What they want is to see ACTIONS, behaviors, etc., that show that you are making strides with yourself. It works. My wife and I are still not back together, and who knows if we ever will be, but I have used this time to work on myslef and have found God in m life. I am now slowly getting her to see that maybe we could work on us-if she first works on her. That is a big step for me/us. Find out from your wife why she has this bitterness, anger and hatred for you right now. It is quite possible, she has another person that is filling her needs, and the anger, shame, guilt comes out at you for driving her to this other person. <p>You need a heart to heart with open honesty before you can decide anything rationally.<p>I pray for you and your WS!<p>All the best,<p>Paul