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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,190
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Please pray for H and I. Our 15D visited our old church for the Friday night drop in program..she wanted to see her old friends and our current church didn't have youth group. She came home saying she had a good time. We were careful not to enter the church but to drop her off by the front doors and saw she entered the building. We asked Superguy to drive her home.

Last night he told us his pastor (our successor who we recommended to the congregation and prayed for and have not interfered in his ministry) asked him not to encourage us to return and to respect the church's one year rule that former pastors keep away for one year. Well, he should wake up and smell the coffee since I was banished one year ago in February and last time I checked Canada is a free country....and how dare they attack us through our innocent 15? If we had transferred rather than resigned and she was older, she would have every right to continue her membership in that church and we actually could have remained if we felt comfortable with it. In order to facilitate our own healing and not burden the new pastor with our presence, we found another church (after I was told I may not step foot on any demoninational property in our city and that I was not worth pastoring but would be fully restored to pastor status on July 15..what is wrong with this picture, people???)

I prayed to reconcile my feelings to the denomination despite the fact I never want to minister with them again. I thought that happened. Now a few turkeys have sliced my guts open. It took so long to forgive myself for everyone I hurt by my A. Most people in the church felt compelled to forgive me and unfortunately blamed themselves.

H and I are trying to be mature and come to terms. I feel like I need to champion a crusade against this kind of cruelty but in my anger, I am not very certain it's God's will. But who will stand? I cannot tell you the freedom God has released me into...I always felt like a giant thumb was pushing me down but could never identify the source. After we resigned (I immediately attended another denomination and H joined me 3 wks later), it lifted and I realized I lived in fear for not just my ministry years but my years as a PK.

Please pray for the church of God to stand for righteousness and holiness and to repent of trying to play "Holy Spirit" and abuse people by attempting to cancel God's forgiveness.

Please pray for me as I fight the feeling that my family will bear the consequences of my sin eternally although God Himself forgave me. It hurts so much.

It is a few individuals and not the denomination but too many Christians sleep in the pews when it's time to defend their wounded brother or sister and rebuke those who misrepresent the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I thank God for my new life as difficult as it is. I want to rejoice in the rich heritage my fine believing parents brought me up and I want to lay my burden down forever. God took it from me. How dare some fools throw it at my 15D's face or mine and H's through her?

thank you for letting me vent and if you read this all the way to the end, thank you even more!
I don't want pity. I want justice to prevail. I want my Saviour's name exalted and glorified and His truth upheld.


Joined: Jul 2001
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Dear Freshstart,
I am so sorry to hear about the injustice done to you and your family. My only comfort in life is that God is a "JUST" God and in the end he will right the wrongs of this world. But in the meantime we need His help in coping with or standing up against those who unjustly or unfairly treat us.
I came home from work yesterday bawling my eyes out on behalf of an injustice done to one of our co-workers. I confronted my Team Facilitator about it and she too felt bad for her but felt she did all she could about it.
Then I get home and my husband calls from work and said he too had an incident at work concerning one of his coworkers and he too felt bad for her when others had no sympathy for the situation her work place put her in.
And now I read your message.
Dear God, you are all knowing, just, fair, gracious, forgiving, merciful, generous, and loving. Please bless Freshstart and her family with your compassion for their situation and reach out to them in their time of pain and anger. Lord you tell us in your word anger is not wrong, it's how we respond when we're angry that matters. Please protect Freshstart and her H from responding inappropriately to what's been done to them and give them wisdom and self control and a way to respond to those who've acted in an unjust and inappropriate way themselves. Please help them to let go of the bitterness and replace it with a peace and joy that only you can give. Proverbs 21:15 When justice is done, it brings joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers.
May Freshstart and her H and others who care about their situation respond in a just way and Lord with your Holy Spirit convict those who hurt them of your truth, and reveal to them that they are sending a message to others that they give no hope to those who repent that they can be accepted and forgiven and begin a new life in Christ. For ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Comfort and encourage them with love from all of us who care and can spare their time and prayers. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Freshstart,
I've been wondering how you were doing. I think of you often since my husband too has come back to me and more importantly, found his way back to the Lord! That was my prayer for him before he came back that God would draw him back to Himself and that He does care about restoring marriages and preventing divorce giving hope to my many many Nephews and Neices who are newly married and in need of hope.That even in this day they can make it!
The Lord is doing so many wonderful things in my husbands life that I'm encouraged and reminded daily of the Lord's love and faithfulness. I'm so excited for our future! God bless your future together as well.
LOVE IN CHRIST,
ONTHEMEND
Lord I also lift those on this site who are standing for their marriages that you continue to give them hope and the encouragement they need each minute, hour, and day to stay standing. Lord, protect from Satan's discouragment tactics and from depression and anger and fill them hope that their spouses will return to them and to You. Help them to remain faithful and thank you Lord for the encouragement they give to others that they are not alone in their situation and that others really care. God bless Lupo, Mark, Tryingtohope, and the many many others here standing for their marriages with hope and a future of a healed marriage. Draw their spouses back to Yourself and save them from their self destructive ways. Put a hedge around each one of them and protect them from Satan's enticing ways and reveal to them what's right and true and the way. Thank you for all you're doing in all our lives and for what you will do. In the name of Jesus our Hope and Redeemer, Amen.

Joined: May 2001
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quote:
Originally posted by freshstart:
...he should wake up and smell the coffee since I was banished one year ago in February and last time I checked Canada is a free country....and how dare they attack us through our innocent 15?...what is wrong with this picture, people???)

OK, FS, I understand this feeling. I have been through a similar thing. NOT as a pastor, but member, and "fired" from volunteer position w/o being told why.
Take a few deep breaths here. Let's sort out your feelings. They are going to betray your faith, so let's get a handle on them.
quote:
I prayed to reconcile my feelings to the denomination

I'm sure you did. And probably were doing a FINE job, too! Then the devil decided to throw you a monkey wrench to take away your peace. Don't fall for this! Reconciliation is the business our Lord is in, so this is good.....and I'm sure your feelings were being healed....that's why you agreed to let D go to that church w/her friends.

quote:
I feel like I need to champion a crusade against this kind of cruelty but in my anger, I am not very certain it's God's will. But who will stand? I cannot tell you the freedom God has released me into...

OK, I'm not sure GOD is leading you to this kind of campaign, either....just your own PRIDE maybe? or a feeling of "Well, someone should be showing what these people are really like.....
Your anger is NOT of God, you know this. As far as "who will stand..." - I can't answer this. BUT I would be fairly certain God won't let it be YOU. Why do I believe that? It would take a very WELL-HEALED person - yes, and FREE - to "show" them and the world that this attitude and actions are NOT of God. BUT, doesn't sound like they are "ready" to listen. Better to wait, and watch. "GOD will repay."

quote:
Please pray for me as I fight the feeling that my family will bear the consequences of my sin eternally although God Himself forgave me. It hurts so much.

Here it is. It hurt you for your D to suffer that humiliation....it hurt YOU to have her go through this, so YOU WANT TO FIX IT by lashing back out to them that THEY are wrong too!!! WWon't fix anything. If anything, might only make things worse, and pull you away from your healing and your faithfulness.
Second point, GOD IS NOT MAKING YOU THINK THAT YOUR FAMILY IS "BEARING THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR SIN ETERNALLY." This is the devil, and it is a LIE, and YOU KNOW IT!!! STOP listening to that kind of "stinkin' thinkin'!!!
God is in the business of FORGIVENESS, and HE has forgiven you and so has your family. Maybe the church people (of your old church) haven't forgiven you, BUT IF NOT, THAT IS THERE PROBLEM, and one God has to point out to them, NOT YOU.
quote:
I want to lay my burden down forever. God took it from me. How dare some fools throw it at my 15D's face or mine and H's through her?

I reiterate what I said right above this quote.

quote:
I want justice to prevail. I want my Saviour's name exalted and glorified and His truth upheld.

The ONLY way this will happen is if YOU "walk in His way" and show them the Way.

I hope you are not offended by any of my comments. FS, I KNOW. I have "been there....." I wish I had learned this lesson myself the easy way, instead of taking a year and a half of putting myself through TORTURE before finally running out of steam, and needing to get away from it in order to just heal myself. I believe part of my and H's problems can be traced back to our attitude with what our old church put us through waaay back then. PLEASE don't let this happen to you.

You are in my prayers for healing and comfort.

God Bless,


Joined: Feb 2001
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Onthemend and Lupo, thank you. I was so raw and angry when I posted as you can tell.

Yes, I have some feelings messing up the way I thought of trying to handle this. Please be assured I haven't done much in the way of retaliation because generally I can be a better person with God's strength when He can break through my brain and heart....I just feel partly like a mother bear who nearly lost her cub. Thank God that 15 (did find out and was appalled) didn't internalize it and let it add to her rejection issues. She was terribly disappointed that a few people would pretend to be kind to her and then pull this stunt.

I am very angry because I am powerless humanly. I can only wait for God to deal with this...and it has been going on forever and I suspect He won't vindicate things immediately. His ways are higher than mine.

I am angry because their new pastor is a relative of another pastor who rose to the top of the ranks (BIG power family--God forgive the politics of some denominations) and nearly succeeded in crucifying our ministry for idiotic reasons in 1992. I had forgotten that but of course the devil had to wave that around for me to ponder!

Mostly, I am devestated and frightened for the Church of God as a whole. How long until we stop acting like WE are God and since when did God cancel anyone's forgiveness? If He would never do this, how can others dare? I have to ask with my D....are they really Christians? The two that easily pushed the pastor to do this--I have many questions about their salvation but must heed my own warning that I leave it to God to judge them.

And come on, don't you think they ought to have more to do in waging SPIRITUAL warfare than living in fear of me and H? What on earth could we do to them? We have kept away. Sure, we have a few friends with whom we've agreed not to discuss anything regarding old church other than asking after friends.

I'm disappointed in my own reaction. I'm devestated that they targeted 15 and Superguy. No word from Superguy. H left him a voice mail quoting "Suffer the little children to come to me" and asked him to pray about feeling compelled to tell us 15 is unwelcome.

I am trying really hard to settle down. H is doing better. Yesterday was horrid. Honestly, last night I took a whole sleeping pill (generally take half) in order to escape my feelings and get some much needed rest.

Things with our current pastor are supposedly fine but I don't buy it. Underlying this new betrayal by old church, is the sense that PW thinks I am stupid. I was devestated to learn she told me GOD gave her a word for me that was really something Pastor shared with her from something H confided in him. (It was to stay off MB, by the way--H was concerned about time on the net)

It's so hard being in between old and new friends and not knowing who I can trust. I thought we were doing great building a new life under God's grace. Guess things can't be perfect. I have proven myself less than perfect, which is why all of this is happening. It hurts like crazy that my forgiven sin follows me and impacts my family repeatedly.

It hurts and leaves me empty and confused. Tomorrow is communion Sunday. I am not sure if I am worthy this week. If I show up on time, I will be asked to serve it since there are so few who are asked. It almost makes me want to stay home but I need worship and guidance. I can't run from it all.

God is finally releasing me into healing from my mom's words of rejection over me as a little girl and now new voices bring fresh accusations..I am unworthy. I am not good enough. I recognize those as lies (esp since I teach Search for Significance as a Bible study!)

THings could be worse. I am so happy to hear things are going better for you, Onthemend. Absolutely awesome. Thanks for the prayer for marriages, too, Lupo. I had to weed out alot of strange messages when I first came but every time I found a Christian and strong people, I felt an instant connection and God has used you to minister to me so that I am in recovery and H has been just like Jesus in ministering to me.

Thanks.


Joined: Feb 2001
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Thanks, ladies for your prayers.

I think I found a peaceful resolve. One new thing I love about life now is that we attend a church that observes the sacraments. (Former denom does not ) It is a real challenge to know not only do I need to be right with God for my own peace, but accountable to my fellow family members in Christ and even more challenging to realize I could be called to serve the emblems as I was today.

Last night I looked up the international website for old church and printed off their mission statement. this might sound dumb and I didn't do it to upset anyone (although probably one very nasty slice of me wanted it but not as I prayed it through) but simply left a voice mail without identifying myself--I read the entire mission statment which concludes with a promise not to discriminate against any one for age, gender, race, color, creed! and then I simply said in a calm voice: You are in my prayers.

God taught me alot of things through this nasty (and still unsettling experience--almost a year later since I tried to make things right and the new pastor rejects the thought of us and fears our interference that hurts) experience...including the nasty, baser, revenge seeking side of myself I thought was refined after my initial rage at how H was betrayed for being honest and caring about my spiritual wellbeing and our family. I cannot deny the very ugly evil I saw over the past few days. I can celebrate His grace.

I have to go to bed since it's an early morning but wish I had time to commit to screen/paper the parallels this has to the situation with new pastors and our x-youth pastor...weird how I could understand that she is forgiven by God for young mistakes and not totally wrong to leave church and yet feel the need to believe God should punish my enemies, whom He loves and extends His forgiveness too. I guess I got a very good reminder that I am just human, too.

Please, help me live above the circumstances, dear Lord, when so many others are in much deeper pain than this silliness and Thank You for sending intercessors and Your Holy Spirit to teach me some hard lessons that have helped me to grow closer to You and hopefully more merciful to others.


Joined: Feb 2000
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Dear Freshstart, i do understand what its like for a church to betray and kick you when your down. We are in the last days without a doubt.
Jesus said those who have been forgiven much will love much, and those who have been forgiven little will love little. Its a slap in the devils face. God chooses the weak things of the world to put the strong to shame. His strenth is made perfect in weakness. These scriptures come to mind when i think about your situation.
It was the religous of the day that dragged Jesus off, spit on Him, laughed at Him, tortured Him and hung Him on a cross. His diciples ran from Him and denied Him. Jesus forgave them and us all.
May the Lord Jesus shine thru our hearts when faced with injustice and betrayal, especially from our own brothers and sisters in Christ and blood.
Mark


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