I have stayed w/my husband in my head even when he was living w/ the OW. They have a child now, 6 mo. old. My H insists he has never stopped loving me. I finally reached a place of not hurting all the time and being disengaged from the craziness all around me. And now I just want to leave. My H's history w/me is full of lies and deceptions. He has always had someone else. I only stayed w/him because of the covenant of marriage. The changes I see are God sent, I know. I don't think I will ever get to the place of being ok in this marriage. I feel worn out and ill. He is upset and tells me he doesn't know what to do in response to my feeling so discouraged. We have had counseling. Not much help. We are able to talk and process well together on our own. I need help to see clearly. I told a friend I wish God could just send me a letter telling me what to do. Thanks.

"Good Morning! This is God. I will be handling all of your problems today and I will not need your help. So have a good day! I love you!"

Well thank you God, via bentheredunthat!<p>I do know that God knows all about my marriage and the mistakes I have made as well as the ones my husband makes. I have been faithful through all the craziness and have been able to stay stable most of the time -- only because of God's directions, one of them being to hide in Him. I can do it, too, and it is great -- and I praise Jesus that He has sheltered me. I know that God will take care of me, even if I do get off track. I want to follow God's plan, not mine, however, for to do otherwise is to miss His best.<p>I feel like I am living in the war zone, after the war. There is rubble everywhere. I could "emigrate" to a place that this war hasn't touched. I feel I want to "emigrate" alone. My husband and I talk of moving but when I try to "see" the future I see me and I don't see us. The resources in our marriage come from me. My husband has no money -- his went to drugs and party friends. So if we go somewhere else it feels like I'm doing it all. I have so little in the bank from my husband. For example, although he has made a recommittment to our marriage, stopped having any contact with the OW, etc., when I was once again attacked by OW he wasn't there for me. She tried to get me fired from my job by calling HR and telling them things that she thought would cause them to fire me. My boss told me and I was shocked at the extent the OW would go to in being irrational, but I felt peaceful and quiet and knew God is here, I'm ok. I didn't call my husband at his work, etc. When I went home that evening I told my husband what happened. He wanted to retaliate. I asked him to promise me he would do nothing. I wanted him to talk with me about how I was doing, etc. Instead he talked about how he could get back at the OW's husband (? irrational?), OW's history of being abused, conversations he had with OW's mother about OW's marriage, etc. I repeatedly asked him to stop and to talk to me. He just didn't get it. I went to bed. He watched TV and made about 5 phone calls to friends. So that's what I mean. I don't think it will ever be different. <p>Anyone know what I mean? Any similar experiences?

I can relate to your situtation in a lot of ways. My wife has severe manic depression (bipolar). We have been seperated for over 3 years now, but have been seeing each other for the last 16 months. My W is still in a treatment home for Drugs. she wants to be my W again, yet refuses to come home. She claims to be a christian, yet does as her satanic mother wish's her to do, namely never ever come back to me. Im mentally abusive. Mental abuse to my W is disagreeing with her. Its what she has been taught. She doesnt think rationally, nor ever has. She calls good evil and evil good. Evrything is twisted in her mind, yet she claims everything i say is twisted. She still lives in lies and deception. She has always claimed she loves me , even when she was with other men.
I do understand this war. I to would like to know for sure if God really is this cruel to keep me standing for the restoration of a hopeless situtation.(almost 4 years) Although my W spends 2 nights a week with me, and she says she is in love with me, everything is so unstable. If it werent for God touching my heart, i would of hated her with a passion. I acually love her very much. Ive lost everything because of her, including my son.(Sister took him)
How long must i pray and cry before God acually does something that will last. I just feel that God is getting a little carried away with this test. I want some answers. What is God waiting for? A week doesnt go by that i dont want to give up. I feel trapped. I feel awful if i try to give up and i have to be used and abused and constantly lied to if i dont.
I do understand. May God have mercy on us that face impossible situations and remain standing.
Mark

Well, I like the way Harley describes some of the marital conflicts we have. We want resolutions but sometimes there aren't any! Many times we want God to change our circumstances or our mates but really God wants to change something about us. We have to be open to what He is trying to do in us and through us and maybe that will make all the difference in how we view our situation. <p>God is not in control of our actions, only the consequences of our actions--whether good or bad. We have to keep making the right choices. I'm definitely preaching to myself here, so please don't feel like I'm nagging or judging anyone in any way...