Hello everyone,<p>This will be my first post anywhere on this messageboard, though I have known and read things on this site for about 4 years since my wife first started an affair with my best friend at the time. Actually our families were best of friends including the kids and my wife with his wife too. What a mess it has been. Pain and sadness all around. We did work at keeping the marriage going even though we have been a very arguementative couple for nearly 20 years together. I had had an affair about 14 years ago and a child from that affair and though my wife left me about 3 times after that I always went on bended knee to woo her back which always worked but then we got back into our old arguing again and then the blocking out of one another. Anyway, a couple weeks ago she just bolted and spent a few days with this guy again. He too had been trying to put his marriage back together but only halfheartedly and he would often make overtures to my wife to run off with him. She finally has taken him up on the offer I guess. Now she has moved out and has her own place and because of pressure of church and children has more or less agreed to be single for a year in order for divorce to take place and after that she plans to marry him. She has made it very very clear to me that she will not try again to be with me. I have been angry over the last year or so with her because of various things not the least of which is the fact that she has never really been able to emotionally detach from this other guy. They/we were friends for 10 years before the affair began 4 years ago, and she feels he is her soulmate I gather. I see it more as a horrendous deception of the enemy. Anyway I am rambling on when I really need to ask you all to bring this to God in prayer. I pray that the Truth will shine in on them so brightly that they will see the error of this and the pain and destruction they are bringing on both families.
Thank you all for your support.
Darcy

Hi, Darcy,
I read your story this morning, and my heat goes out to you. This is a difficult situation to be in...and it sounds like it's been going on too long.<p>Have you and your W ever gone to counseling for all these issues? It sounds like the arguments you two have over and over are an outpouring from the previous A, and maybe other unresolved issues as well. Maybe you should be going now to IC, and then let their R work itself to death. Their R really doesn't have much of a chance, since both families/spouses are aware of everything. Just let it "run its course" and she will discover that he's NOT her "soulmate."<p>Of course, prayer is the best course of action, and I will pray for you, but some of the things I mentioned above should probably be considered, too.<p>Dear Heavenly Father,
Please help Darcy and his wife to grow closer to You and then to each other. Lord, stop her "infatuation" with OM, and return her to You and to her family. Give Darcy compassion and love for his W like he's never had before. May she see his love for her every time she looks at him.<p>Lord Jesus, send OM BACK to his own family/W, and turn his heart AWAY from Darcy's W. May he look at her and see a confused, angry woman, NOT one he wants to spend the rest of HIS life with!<p>In the Name of Jesus we pray for restoration of two families, to Glorify you, Lord.<p>Amen

We have had so many painful issues over the years and have never fully dealt with them I would say. Often money was a problem in going to counselling, so we only went a very few times. What a mistake in retrospect.
I am beginning counselling for myself now, she is not interested at all in marriage counselling but may go for herself, which I hope she does.
Thank you one and all for your prayers.
Darcy

Hello, Darcy:<p>I am still remembering you in my prayers, and wanted to check in with you. I trust you are still standing strong. GOD IS IN CONTROL!!<p>Have you considered going to a pastor, or some other form of "free" counseling? This will alleviate the burden of financially affording counseling, something many of us could use to repair cracks in our M's.<p>Please lift my H up in your prayers, as well, as he's been gone for almost 10 months (as you can see from my sig line), and he will soon be facing surgery. He doesn't GET IT that this is the LORD trying to "break through" to his mind, heart and soul to turn him around before his life is totally destroyed.<p>Thank you and God Bless you.

Darcy,<p>Hey, how are you? I am sorry to hear of your sit and I am agreeing with you in prayer for the restoration of both families. The enemy may be at work in your life but God is greater, nothing happens with out Him first knowing about it. I have been listening to Romans 5-12 on tape, they are awesome chapters. For me they really opened my eyes to the power of sin and the strength of the spirit, they have really encouraged me.<p>Heavenly Father I agree now in prayer that You would have Your way in these lives. I ask that You would remove blinders from the spiritual eyes of all, I ask that You would restore these 2 families to the design You had for them from the beginning, 2 healthy, strong M's not 3 shattered relationships. I pray also that anger and bitterness would flee and the love of Christ would shine forth. I pray also that You would open doors so that these people will get godly c on how to restore their lives and their marriages. I pray also for fortitude in Darcy as he draws close to you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.<p>Blessings to you and yours,
knight

Hello again,
Yes, things have looked worse lately, but still I believe God is able to perform amazing things if we wait on Him in prayer. I get to feeling despairing at times, but then I go to God and He helps me cope and have hope in Him alone.
I thank you profusely for your prayers for me and my family.<p>Darcy

Hi Darcy,<p>I will also hold you in my prayers. Your situation is heartbreaking for the many people involved. The Lord has a plan in which you need to place your trust. I believe, like Lupolady, that your W's and OM's relationship will not be lasting and pray that the Lord will open both their eyes to this.
Lord,
Protect Darcy's heart from bitterness and anger, feelings that can lead him from you. Instead, fill him with your love and compassion, restore peace in his heart so he is able to cope with his heartbreak. Lord, please also protect these two families, slowly Lord, fill darcy's wife with your love, turn her heart and mind back to her husband, the man she loves and truly needs. Allow thoughts of reconciliation for these two families to be upon their minds. Thankyou Lord, with your help these families can be whole again.
Amen<p>Darcy,
Hope you are coping ok.... counselling sounds like a pretty good idea.... even from your minister/pastor. Let us know how you are getting on.
Steph

To update you all, at this time my wife has not seemed to have any change of heart, and indeed actually showed up at our church with the other man and took communion. Thankfully our pastor called them the next day to let them know that would not be tolerated. I am amazed that they thought it would be, but also I think she/they will now just find another church to attend. They seem to feel God has given them freedom to carry on this way. As for me, it has been very painful BUT there has been a significant lifting of the burden in the last 2 weeks. I thank God for that as it was beginning to crush me and make me feel like not living. I have been "forced" in a sense to draw close to Christ just to survive this and that has made all the difference. I now have more of a hunger for Him each day and see that my relationship with Him is paramount. So I continue to pray for the spiritual blinders to be released from their eyes so they can see what poor choices they are making. Thank you all for your prayers along with me.
Darcy

Darcy,
Im praying for you, like you my H left me. Not for another woman, but he says that we are not compatable, that we argue too much. I try to listen to his feelings even though they may hurt me, and be NICE to him. I pray before I know I will see him or talk to him. Because allthough we are the ones directly effected by our spouses actions, we dont have the right to judge them. Only God does. Good luck Darcy and I hope things turn out the way you want them to.
Heavenly father please watch over this family and protect them from any more hurt. Lord I pray that Darcy wakes up each morning with a positive attitude and more a feeling that you hold him in your hands. Lord we know that you care for this relationship and know that in your time and in your way you will do the right thing for them. In Jesus name, Amen