Hi Everyone!<P>I know you have not heard from me in a while, but I have just been working this marriage thing out. <P>My H was moved out of the house for over 4 months. And during that time, I must have cried a million tears and I wished and prayed him him every day. And one day, he came home.<P>And we just picked up our lives and tried to make the best of each day. I have been very happy. But lately, I seem to be feeling so IRRITABLE with him. I don't really know why. I just want to make sure that he understands the pain and nightmare that he has inflicted upon me. Pain I will feel for the rest of my life. I feel as though there is NO escape from this nightmare. I can never forget. I don't want to live in the past. I want to move forward and it seems that we have.... but I just keep being sucked back into the past.<P>I am so tired of this burden. I would give anything for just one day, where I don't have to remember this hurt, feel the pains of infidelity, or, feel like I can't trust him to run to the store, or to have his cellular phone or pager, or not to have to wonder if he really loves me, or if he is lying.... again. I know this sounds stupid, but I am tired of making sacrifices to stay in a marriage that still hurts even when my H is doing nothing (at the moment) to hurt me.<P>Just had to get this off my chest.<BR>Thanks guys.<P><P>------------------<BR>Luv, Liza<P>Never fear, because God walks right beside you, and if you get tired, he will lift you up and carry you.

Oh Liza - I do know how you feel. But my H just recently left. And we have agreed that being divorced is the best thing.<P>It had gotten to the point where I would keep his pager hidden during the week sometimes just so I could see what numbers he was being paged to. If I thought it wasn't work related I'd call the number. Some trust huh?<P>I guess it got to the point where I was definately more miserable being with him than being without him. I'm sure he feels the same way.

Hi TL,<P>It is good to hear from you. I was very worried about you at one point, but it seems that you are doing alright. Thank you for giving me a reply.<P>Tonite, I feel so down, so depressed, which is really not typical for me. I am one of those people with a naturally bubbly personality. But there aren't many bubbles tonite.<P>I hope my H and I don't have to divorce, but we may need to think about it. He feels things are okay. I guess that I am the only one who is tripping out. I didn't know that you could want something so bad, and when you finally get it, discover that maybe it's not really what you wanted after all, you know? I love him, but sometimes love just isn't enough. Right now, maybe I need to be loved.<P><P>------------------<BR>Luv, Liza<P>Never fear, because God walks right beside you, and if you get tired, he will lift you up and carry you.

Hi Liza -<P>I wondered how you were doing....<P>I think I might have an idea for you - when you say that H came home and you two just jumped into everyday life.. ..did you two happen to address the original problems? Did you discuss emotional needs, POJA, etc?<P>I know that the tendency is to just have the spouse home and "be happy" - but that is not what is going to work!!!<P>YOU BOTH have to look at how things got to where they did....what can be done to fix those things....and learn how to communicate more effectively in the future so those things don't repeat!!!<P>ONLY THEN can all this nightmare be put in the past......you know that and that is why you are feeling the way you are!<P>Of course, H wants it buried...he did something that he shouldn't have. That is too bad, but nothing can move forward without removing the roadblock that held you both in this hell!!!!!<P>Please, Liza - somehow this all has to be addressed and then life can go on and be truly fulfilling and happy for you both!!!!<P>HUGS and prayers,<P>Sheba<BR>