I am going through a divorce. My H had an affair and I went into a deep depression. I even attempted suicide. Although I didn't want to die, I hoped that he would see the pain I was in. Now he is gone. He said he tried. I love him so much and miss him everyday. He has been so mean to me and our children and says he doesn't love me anymore. He blames everything on me and he became very angry when I found out. He said how dare you nose into my private life. Then he cried and begged me not to divorce him. Things went so so but he just couldn't handle my depression. Now he is fighting for custody because he says that I am MENTAL. I can't understand how in Feb he bought me a new ring and asked me to marry him again and in April he walked out. He wants everything in the divorce and is causing so many problems. I must be mental to still love him. I cry alot and want us to be a family. Our daughters hate him. They are with him right now over the holidays and they were crying when they walked out the door. He is such a stranger to us and he spends his nights drinking and figuring out ways to screw me more. I really believe that he has a "mental" problem and I believe that if he got help he would be with us right now. Of course he says he is "normal" and I deserve all of this. I guess because I found out about his girlfriend. How can a man give up an 11 year marriage and ruin our lives for some girl that is ending her second marriage. Our children are devastated and so am I. Where to now?

Welcome <B>MENTAL</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principals and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! If you thinking that saving marriage is of primary importance then you need to be in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... immediately! Also consider slowing down the divorce as much as possible!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>But most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>But just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>Your probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! This is especially true of your consideration of a suicide... it's more common than you think! <P>Your <B>depression</B> is something that needs to be addressed quickly too... don't be affraid to get anti-depressants prescribed... <P><B>Counseling</B> is another hot topic here... go for yourself... (with the threat of a child custody battle... get one that honors your complete privacy... legal system could subpeona your statements... be careful here!)<P>If "his being mean" is turning into <B>pyhsical abuse</B>... seek legal counsel immediately... get back to me on this and I'll tell you the best way to get a good/better attorney.<P>From the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> book... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Wayward spouses do not necessarily have a history of lying, but their affair turns them into masters of deception. (page 40 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>... this is a common recurring theme... It is not you!<P>Remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>!<P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<BR>Ask the people here for specific advice...<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <P>PS: Please update your profile... thanks...<P>Prayers for a desparate new comer... <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...