HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!<P>I got email from H asking how our son was. I guess he did indeed go to his parents house with OW. If that is true it goes to prove how selfish he can be. His mom has been sick for years (Lupus and fibromalgia (sp) and two other things) so stress sends her into a downward spiral. She is already weak and called last Sunday to tell me she told him not to bring her - that it was inapropriate since he was still undecided on who he wanted to be with and because he wasn't even legally separated. It amazes me that he could do that to his own mother!<P>Since last weekend when he said he still planned to take her after my ultimatum, I have been packing like crazy - I want to move back home before the holidays. I have movers giving me estimates as well as looking into the do-it-yourself method. <P>I feel great and have lots to be thankful for - and only one thing (BIG) not to be. I will enjoy Thanksgiving with friends and the most important person in my life, my son. <P>I hope you all have a great holiday! Relax and enjoy!<p>[This message has been edited by dhj (edited November 24, 1999).]

Hi dhj,<P>could I just share a little something with you. Your situation sounds so like mine. I packed up and moved 1000 kms away when my H wouldn't make up his mind who/what he wanted. He wouldn't even commit to counselling with me, and wouldn't even try to make our marriage work. He obviously wanted OW real bad.<BR>So I moved.<BR>I don't regret my decision in one way, however I do in others, and that is what I would like to share with you.<P>I moved because:<P>** H works with OW<BR>** OW lives 2 streets away, sharing with a friend of OURS<BR>** H said he was going to move out anyway, (which would have left me with 2 kids, no support network, and no family, and him popping in every night to kiss the children before going on his merry way)<BR>** I felt at the time, that if he didn't know by then who he wanted, it obviously was not me, therefore I was getting out of there. The affair at that stage had been going on almost 4 months. I left Sept. 2.<BR>** I hadn't found this site<BR>** I honestly felt that my head and body were spinning, I was losing my sanity and my grip on things. I felt that I couldnt take the situation any more.<BR>** I needed my family and their support<P>Now for why I regret moving away :<P>** I found this site<BR>** I have a deeper understanding of what happened to us, and why he went looking for someone else to fulfil needs when I wasn't. <BR>** I am not in his face. I effectively made it easier for him to be with her. He doesnt have to see me or the children face to face, and deal with his feelings, emotions, guilt, shame or anything else. I was just a voice on the ph. (I"M now in Plan B)<BR>** In the moments when he is missing us, or having doubts, I can't be there.<BR>** I feel as though he justifies the relationship with OW now, by saying to himself "well, she left me". The fact that he made it so untenable for me to stay would not enter the equation at all. The fact is, I physically left, not him.<P>I'm sure there are more reasons, both for and against, but I'm sure you get my meaning. <BR>Yes, I do have regrets that I moved away, but I also have a sense of that I did do the right thing for ME. I was spiralling out of control, and moving to be near my family helped arrest that. Didn't stop it completely, but helped enormously.<P>I hope you read this before you move - from your other posts your H sounded as though he wanted to end the relationship with OW. Wasn't he using his family to freeze her out, or send bad vibes, or something ?? Wasn't he going to use that as the excuse for why it couldn't work betw. them.<BR>If that is the case - at this stage who cares how/why he ends it, as long as he ends it.<P>I know exactly how you must feel, having been there such a short while ago myself. If I had my time over, I can't honestly say that I would do it differently. I saved my sanity by moving.<P>I just wanted you to know that I do have regrets (some) about not staying, and these regrets have come about 2 months AFTER I moved. Who nows whether I would still be here if I had of stayed in Melbourne, I felt that bad. But time is wonderful, even in this diabolical situation. I do see things a little clearer now. I do feel a little stronger now.<P>I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving, and you will make the right decision for you.<P>Take care<P>Jo

Thank you so much!<P>I have thought about moving and the reason I am moving is because H will be moving back home too - so as soon as he gets a job there he will be near us. She is also looking for a job there too. <P>I have waited on H and would continue to wait if it wasn't for this lasst stunt. He did want to "freeze" her out - but the way he was going about it all was so selfish - Proving what everyone knows about him. I love with all my heart, but I have reached the point everyone wonders about. IT IS OVER. I hate that I can even say it, but it is true. <P>I hope you have a great day - <P>Hope

dhj,<P>Hope you and your son have a great day sharing each other's company! Don't work yourself in a frenzy - take some time to enjoy yourself, too.<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Well, DHJ- I have to second Roll's opinion, take time to spend with that special person, your son. I think you are almost relieved in your decision, and will pray for you that that's the way that you should go. God Bless, Happy Thanksgiving! <P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

DHJ,<P>you sound as though you have some peace within you about your decision.<BR>That's great.<P>Have a lovely day,<P>Jo

You guys are right - there is a peace within about this decision. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving - maybe even better than any I have ever spent with H. At least that I can remember. I knew I was with people that cared about me and my son. <P>What I want you guys to know is that although I am at peace, this is not what I wanted and it still it isn't. I just reached that point some people eventually reach - where they know any more lies and deceit and playing the ow against them will drive them crazy. A friend of my H and mine even said I was next to sainthood with what I have put up with. I wouldn't say that, but we ALL put up with so much when we go thru this. I am choosing to do what is right for my son and I - I think we will have a better life. <P>------------------<BR>d is for dog<BR>h is for hope<BR>j is for joy, pure joy!<P>