Please pray for me. The dark loneliness has been crushing the past days, and it feels so black and alone. W is so good, but is so far away emotionally and in personality that it hurts just to be together. Her love only mocks our efforts to try to bridge the chasm between us. W is so loyal and good, but we are so far apart. I have lost hope and am just trying to survive and meet her needs, but I know how dangerous a position I am in. <p>God, how can this be? All I ever wanted was a soulmate to run with, hand in hand as we served You and Your children. But my W and I will never be this, even though we love you and try so hard to have a good M. I want You more than anything, and if this is the only way I can find the depths of You than I will stay here. But, Father, it hurts so very much. Please deliver me, please don't leave me here, please don't leave us here.<p>- Your bleeding, broken child.

Father of LIGHT, illumine rjd. Give him hope that truly You can pour Your truth, Your healing, Your light and make what seem like impossible dreams become reality.<p>Comfort him tonight. Lift him above the pain he is in at this moment and draw him so close to Your heart that his overflows with your goodness and receives Your healing, Your renewing, refreshing power to love. Increase his capacity to believe for miracles, Lord.<p>You know everything about him and his situation. Your ways are so much higher than ours. We seek Your miracle-working power for this family.
In Jesus' name. Amen.

Thank you, your prayer means so much to me. May our Father answer.

RJD, I know whats its like to be in a deep dark depression. You cant hear, nor see any truth whatsoever. I know its difficult but try to get your focus on Jesus and off your pain. easier said than done I know. Unfortunantly, the term soul mate is a new age term. It is not biblical. You and your W are one in the eyes of the Lord. You are also one in Spirit, which is far more powerful than the soul. The enemy use's the soul to lie and deceive us. What got me thru a lot of darkness was knowing God was faithful, even when I was not. Its all in His hands. We cant change that. I hope you dont take this personally. <p>Dear Lord, I pray that you would deliver my brother RJD from the lies upon his mind from the enemy that has attacked his soul realm and feed him many lies and pain. Lord, give my brother your peace and hope that can only come from you Jesus. Deliver Him from the fear of letting go of his darkness.
In Jesus Name, Amen

Lostpup,
Thank you for your concern. I don't know if you are right about the term soulmate, but the concept can be found in literature from the past 200+ years. It is that feeling of knowing someone for your whole life, that sense that when you are with that one you have finally come home. It is as Aristotle said, "One soul in two bodies." That is what I mean. This is not a lie, but a real desire that those of us with an Idealist temperament have.

RJD, In the worlds terms, my W and I are soul mates. It hasnt made much of a difference on our messed up marriage. In fact my W has always been afraid of that closeness because she never experienced it before and came from a broken home where love doesnt exist. She has manic depression, so only God can help her. We have nothing in common and I am educated and she is not. She is 7 years younger than me. She likes country music, I like hard rock. Yet, we have enjoy each others company greatly and are very close when together. Its like there isnt a care in the world. Unfortuantly, she isnt well and disappeared again. I have had to learn to be happy without her. I depended to much on her for my happiness. Now I depend on Jesus.
Mark

Mark,
I am sorry that you are without your wife, that must be so hard. Has she tried medication? Bi polar disorder is easily treatable. The problem is getting the person to take the medication since they love their highs so much. I hope and pray she returns, and for you. Thanks for writing back.<p>Rich

RJD, She was taking meds for the last year. They dont do her any good when she goes back into the drugs. They still havent gotten her meds adjusted. I wont let this pull me into the darkness again. When I go there, it almost kills me. Its ironic that her own suicidal adventures have in the past thrown me into my own. I have also shared in the darkness my W has been in. I used to be a heavy metal guitarist/songwriter out of LA. I lived in darkness for years and loved it. Its different when you see your mate going there. Im not manic, but have had severe depression most of my life. The kind of depression that filled my mind with thoughts of ending it all and i found great peace in it. Also shouldnt be here, enuff said... I choose to live in the light of Jesus now. Its the only real peace I have ever had. Im still learning how to continually keep my eyes on Him. Its very hard in this dark world.
Mark

Amen to that, brother. Depression is my old enemy, too. There is a line from a movie that Robin Williams starred in about two Soviet performers who tried to defect to the US. RW made it. Somewhere in the plot he talks about pain and when challenged says, "Yes, but it was my pain." That is how it feels, a dark ugly/beautiful pain. I wonder what it is like for those who have never been here. Nice, but boring, It think.<p>
Praying for you, please do the same for me; this is my dark time and it is hell.<p>rich

I used to feel that way, cause my pain and darkness brought out some of my best songs that I ever wrote. Acually I didnt believe in writing songs that didnt speak of the pain and darkness within me.
Then I got married and later in marriage, my W went off the deep end and she always returned and I would want to know what drove her. She would tell me things I acually understood, but she didnt really believe that I did. She would also say the fear and darkness in her was "Mine".
When I had a wife and then my son was born, I didnt want to love my darkness anymore. It wasnt fun anymore. So then sometimes I think God is punishing me, by me now being an observer-lol. I dont know. My poor Momma spent years wondering from one day to the next weather I would live or die. Now I know how that feels. The darkness and pain your feeling doesnt mix very well with a severly broken heart. Many dont make it thru that. Learn to Praise God for what you have. Give Him your pain and leave it with Him. Im finally learning to keep my focus on the Lord more and more, and it makes such a difference.
Mark