I have been with my fiance for 9 years. We lived together for the first 4 years. During that time we were happy. After that, I started my first job in another city, he went to an even further city, and we have been having a weekend relationship ever since. In other words, we have had a weekend relationship for the past 5 years. During those 5 years we broke up 3 times.
Last summer we got engaged. I thought, my fiance had only one semester of school, and after that we'd finally be together again, and lead a 'normal' relationship where we see each other everyday. <p>That didn't happen. He got a job offer in the city where I was living and one in another city. He took the job in the other city. So, now we will are having a weekend relationship again. We are supposed to get married in 3 months. But for the last 2 months we have had so many problems.
And we've realized that we have being sweeping many issues under the carpet for years. We've also realized that there is an emotional distance between us. We don't feel close to each other anymore. We don't have sex, and even when we did have a sex life, we were only having sex like once a month. And during those times, even while having sex, I haven't felt 'connected' to him. <p>I have met someone else who was always a friend to me, but now it seems there are feelings involved. I am wise enough to know that it is not necessarily a sign that this other person is 'the one', but that maybe I am just receiving 'love units' from him that I am not receiving from my fiance. My fiance is very closed-off, is not able to talk about conflict, and I've realized lately, that he just doesn't seem like he's mature enough to deal with making decisions together. He chose the job in the other city without involving me in the decision. He does that a lot. I'm afraid he is going to continue to do this when we're married. I'm also afraid that we will spend our honeymoon, for example, feeling 'disconnected' to each other. That just can't be!<p>I am very unhappy, and he is too. I don't know whether I should hold out, and continue trying to work through this, seeing as we have been together for so long. It's almost like we're already married, and I feel a responsibility to work on it and do everything I can to make it right. But, I don't want to be unhappy or unsure on my wedding day, since that day really should only happen once..<p>What should I do?

I so wish that I could tell you what to do on this. I feel for you. It is hard to love someone for so long and see all of that hard work seem like it is for nothing. I myself am struggling in my relationship, only my H recently had an A. I would definitely sit down with your fiance and try to have a real heart to heart with him. Could even try a couple of counseling sessions to have a third party listen in on what you both are really saying. It is better to do this now then wait until you are married. I was down that road before and I wish more than anything that my H and I would have worked out our issues way back then. It would have made for smooth sailing now and we wouldn't be in the position we are in right now. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you two can work through it and make a strong marriage. Good luck, Dawn [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]