I am new here, but here it goes.
I am 27, only married for 8 months, but have been married before. My husband has an addiction to pornography. At first it didn't bother me, and I watched some of the tapes with him, but it seemed to get more and more frequent, and the sex become less and less. I have been reading the bible and talking with his mother about this, and my husband and I have discussed it frequently (usually in fights). He agrees he needs help, but we have no money (he isn't working at the moment), and he likes it. <p>I am praying that he will be delivered from the addiction, from all lust and from the memories and fantasies it puts in his mind, however, I am brand new at being a Christian, and am not sure how strong my faith is at this point. I keep fighting the temptation to rip the house apart looking for the tapes, etc. <p>I just need your help in praying that he will be healed from the addiction, will have no desire for the tapes, and that our sex life will become pure and nurturing for us both. Also pray that I get the strength and patience I need to hang in there while God works. I would really appreciate it. <p>I can't tell you how alone, unwanted and unattractive this has made me feel. I have lost 28 lbs in the last three months over this.

That's a full load on your plate. It sounds to me like you know what to pray for. I would also suggest that you spend at least part of your time focusing on your own growth and not on your marriage. There are many good web sites, perhaps others can give suggestions. And nothing beats the Bible.<p>Dear Father,
Thank you that you have created each of us and that you have a plan for s to reach our potential. Please wrap your loving arms around dladymac and give her the knowledge of your loving presence. You know what is best for her and her husband. Please place a hedge of thorns between him and his temptations.
We ask in the name of Jesus, Amen.

dladymac,<p>Why do you avoid the "temptation" to tear apart the house and find the tapes? You have every right to do so. In fact, if it were me, I'd quietly go through it and create a little pile of whatever you find and present it to your H and, essentially, have him choose--his love for you or his empty lust. If he chooses you, it's time to request that he destroy the little collection of garbage. Your husband is committing adultery in his heart and visually if he is watching porn outside of your presence, esp. knowing you don't approve; he is robbing your sex life and giving his thought and attention to other bodies. If you've made it clear that you don't like the porn and you are displeased with the infrequency of your lovemaking that you attribute to his porn fixation, then it's his responsibility as protector in your family to submit, get on his knees, confess his weakness to God and ask the Lord to free him from the bondage of the addiction once and for all. <p>Are you both saved Christians? I was 26 when I married my 30-yr.old H, both Christians. We were both virgins on wedding night, but my H had exposed himself to a lot of porn, he said. I knew this but reality didn't take hold until week before wedding when I stumbled across unlabeled video tape in his headboard we'd just moved into our new apt. It was sitting right next to a ring box--how ironic. I opened the ring box--nice wedding set. I was sure of what it was, but slipped tape into VCR anyway. A duped porn tape featuring hardcore a*** sex. Lovely. I confronted fiance with it, he threw it out. In 11 years together, I have never seen another. We rented tamer Playboy videos maybe 3 times together, when we both agreed, but now we don't at all. He never looks at other women in person, magazines or internet. Why? A long time ago he asked the Lord to put up boundaries to protect him from such temptations. My H reads God's Word maybe 10 minutes a day, esp. Proverbs. He prays for wisdom and heeds what he reads...The Bible is our manual for life.<p>If your H is allowed to continue to do everything "he likes", then I am assuming he has no moral principles, he has no sense of commitment and is incredibly selfish if he is putting this addiction ahead of your union. The Bible instructs men to "love" their wives. This isn't love, it's disrespect. I hate to be blunt, but best to nip it in the bud this early in your relationship. Do you attend a church? Practically ever Bible-teaching protestant/non-denominational church I know has a 12-step/addiction program that meets for free regularly for addictions. I would also go to the emotional needs forum at this website and present your dilemma there. You could get some good input from those who have been where you're at...lots of Christians are at this site.<p>I will pray for you tonight and tomorrow when I get up. God bless you, dladymac. <p>Love Never Fails
I can do all things through the Lord, my God who strengthens me.

My prayers are with you too. Please do not allow this to dictate to you your self-worth. You are worth A LOT. Please take care of yourself because you are valuable and precious to God. God will take care of you and your H and your marriage. He watches over your faith because He gave you that faith to begin with. He said if we only had faith the size of a mustard seed (the smallest seed there is), that we could move mountains with it. So don't worry about your faith. Just let God be God. God is bigger than all our problems! Focus on His love for you and His goodness, and thank Him for His blessings. He'll take care of the rest! You'll see?!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] HUGS!

Another thing just hit me to share with you--regarding your H's work situation... Please always remember that God is our Provider, not our H's. I know it's probably maddening to watch your H "enjoy" being unemployed, but thank God for HIS provision and watch Him take care of you! With or without your H, with or without your H's job situation... You'll make it... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Dladymac,
I just read your post and I am new here as well. I understand your situation because I have been there as well. You are on the right track and prayer is the best thing that you can do. However, you do need to focus on yourself and making yourself feel better about you. This is HIS problem, not yours and you can't make it better for him, only he can do that. I know how much it hurts and how degraded you feel, been there. Time will pass and it will heal. I don't have any other suggestions other than PRAYER.... <p>Hang in there. This too shall pass!!!

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and prayers. I am trying hard to keep the faith and keep praying. I have also been reading a lot about the addiction and mindset of the addicted person, to try to better understand. Most of the time I want to help him get better, get his life on track and make the right decisions. Just every now and then a little meanness creeps up and I just want to get as far away from him as I can and never see him again. That gets to me, because, that's not love, and that's definately not what being married is about - but still, those feelings do creep up inside of me. I have asked God to give me strength to be the understanding and encouraging wife he has called me to be. <p>Again, thank you all for your well wishes, prayers and thoughts. I'm sure most of you know how much it means to not be completely alone with the situation. Bless all of you!<p>Dawn