Hi! I am new here and I need some prayers and someone to talk to that might be or has gone through the same thing. My husband and I have been married 20 years. I love him with all my heart and soul and can not imagine life without him. We were young when we married, both of us went from mom and dad to a marriage. I have always tried to get approval from my mother for everything that I do. However, she didn't approve of me marrying my husband, especially at 17. So, she has been out to win the war for 20 years. In the last 2 years, my husband has been working alot and has not been home much to spend time with the family. We have 2 kids. I work outside the home full time and do almost everything around here because he is always working. In the past, I have confided in my mother and father on issues in my marriage. I know that I probably shouldn't have but I have no friends, because he doesn't approve of anybody that I want to be friends with. I am not able to talk to him about my feelings or concerns because all I get from him is "you need to quit feeling sorry for yourself" or "you are so inmature". I am so tired of hearing these words come out of my husbands mouth. Back in October, I found out that he was talking to women on the internet, recieving pictures of them and have netmeeting conferences with them with cameras. Needless to say what these women were doing. I felt very betrayed and cheated on. I confronted him about it and he said that it was all in my head and that he wasn't being unfaithful. So, I started chatting with men on line. I had some sexual chats with one guy but it wasn't serious at all, more just for fun and feeling like I was wanted more than anything else. Husband somehow got this information off my computer and is now accusing me of having an online affair and thinks that I have been unfaithful to him. I have never been with another man in this way at all. I don't consider the chat to be an online affair. We split up for 10 days, I moved out, bought a car, got an apartment, them moved back home after talking to him. He says that he wants to work things out and I do too because my family is the most important thing to me beside God. I feel like a prisoner in my own home now though because he is going through my purse, going through my cell phone, looking at the numbers that I have called or calls that have come into me and going through my daytimer for work. I have no clue why he is doing this and when I ask him, he says it is because he doesn't trust me. So I am trying my best to make him see that he and the kids are all I want. I am getting this "I;m not good enough for him anymore" attitude, hatefulness when he talks to me and smart comments about various things. I am trying so hard to make things work and to convince him that he can trust me but it isn't working. Any advice? Sorry this is so long.....

Hi jf,
I LOVE your screen name! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Welcome to MB! I'm sorry you are feeling so isolated due to your mom's criticism and your H's distrustful behavior...<p>Perhaps it is time to talk to your mom--woman to woman and solicit her prayers. She knows you married young and she knew you would have struggles, but after 20 years, I think you have PROVEN that your commitment is there!<p>I think your H is searching your bags because of his own guilt. Nevertheless, read about the concepts on this site and see if your H is open to filling out the emotional needs and love buster questionnaires--those are really helpful.<p>I will pray for you and for your H and your marriage. You have needs, he has needs, and your marriage has needs--just like a little baby--and the marriage needs to be nurtured. You guys both seem to have an emotional need for conversation and you both should be filling each others' needs in this area, not online chatters. But, oh well, you know this already so that was probably not too helpful.<p>There are some wonderful Q&A's about dealing with online affairs, pornography, and emotional affairs (with no physical involvement). You will learn so much here to become a better wife and understand your relationship. I hope you will stick around! ((((HUGS))))

Thanks for the advice. However, I really don't think that talking to mom is the right answer right now. H thinks that all I want to talk to her and all I want is to talk to him. I have been trying so hard to get past this with him and move on but that wall is higher than I thought. I know that the only things to do right now is to pray and talk to h and hopefully it will all work out. Thanks for the prayers as well.