it's thanksgiving, and all i keep thinking about it "what do i have to be thankful for"? i am still grieving over what i thought was my marriage, and how that is gone. sure, we are in recovery and my h is trying to win my heart and our family is just fine. really. but my heart is still dead and i am still obsessed with the 4.5 years of deception. everything reminds me of the pain. i can't get away from it. i should be recovering. but i'm not. i read harley's words on resentment, and i am working on forgiveness...but it still hurts. when will i be happy again?<BR> has anyone recovered from a betrayal that lasted so long???? tell me, please, is there hope??

neen,<BR> my h has been involved with ow since 1994! I don't know exactly when they slept together, but it took about 3 years to get to that. Just found out summer of this year! We are 3 months into revcovery. Yes I am still recovering, the pain is sickning! Like I told a friend of mine last night, you don't ever get passed it, I still have a fear of getting hurt, I still get sick to my stomach, I still have uncontrollable tears. I just don't let my h see all the pain, all the time. He is trying and I don't want to push him away. So I made a choice, not to let it dominate my life. It's there, but I control it, it doesn't control me. That's hard to say when I know what you are going through, but it is what is working for me. Plus when I want to scream at h, I post here, or send an email to a friend. So I get my anger out, but not on anyone.<BR>Hang in there. You are in the right place and reading the right books.<BR>Take Care<BR><P>------------------<BR>Mater<BR>mater15@ivillage.com<P>

neen<BR>In case you missed Becca's "success stories" thread I brought it to the top for you. There are some ladies on there who recovered from very long term affairs.<P>In my case, my H had "friendship" for 7 years with the bimbo before he slept with her. Very complicated but to me it was emotional betrayal from day one.<BR>we are doing wonderfully now but I have felt every emotion that you have right now.<BR>Hang in there! It takes time to get all that junk out of your system.

thank you, and the success stories REALLY help. is there a place to read more of them? i'm not sure how to find old threads.