Hi, All. I just need someone to talk to.<P>I've been busying myself all morning with everything that I could think of to do. Everytime a thought would enter my mind, I'd push it aside and try to find something else to keep me busy.<P>1/2 hour ago, BIL came out of the woods. Had a piece of coffee cake and a cup of coffee. He proceeds to talk about my Thanksgiving plans, the announcement on TV last night that my job was ending, when I was gonna put the house up for sale....yeah, he's sweet, but not very intuitive.<P>D walks in the kitchen as we're talking. "Man, usually this place is wide open getting ready for everyone to come. Mom, can I walk w/ Krystal down to the store. I don't want to be here right now. It's not the same anymore."<P>H walks in after hunting. Cold as ice. Never been so cold since he left. "Is this your Thanksgiving?" No, I'm cooking a turkey breast for me and D. Stayed all of 5 minutes and told BIL they had to hit the road.<P>I'm trying, guys, I'm really trying. I'm fighting the tears and they just won't stop. I have to pull it together before D gets back. I have to make this house warm and happy so that she doesn't miss the bustle of what's always been our favorite holiday. It's hard. She misses her dad. She misses the festiveness. I miss everything. I didn't know it would be so hard. I thought I had it under control.<P>That's all, I guess. Thanks for listening.<P>Lori

Lostva,<P>I don't know if I'll be much help, but I'm here. Last Thanksgiving was so pleasant - my only other relative who lives anywhere around came, and all of had a nice pleasant meal. My H was always in charge of making Thanksgiving dinner, usually with a lot of help from our 17 year old. This year she and her older sister are making dinner (not that I am complaining that I'm not cooking). I couldn't handle even inviting my nephew. The 17 year old hasn't spoken to her father since he left in February. <P>My H is taking the little kids to the OW's and making them "Thanksgiving" dinner this weekend. When our ten year old found out, she said she didn't want to eat Thanksgiving dinner there, even if it weren't Thanksgiving, because Thanksgiving dinner is a meal you are supposed to eat with your family, and they aren't her family.<P>Don't put too much pressure on yourself to pretend to be happy. If you try too hard, maybe she won't feel free to be sad also, I don't know. Then again, my older kids would prefer if I never mentioned their father again, since they say they don't have one anymore. Fortunately your daughter has not apparently shut your H out of her heart.<P>

Lori,<P>I am getting ready to head out the door, but I needed to check on my dear friend.<P>You know I would wisk this all away for you if I could. I know haw very very hard this whole year has been on you. I am so sorry.<P>I just got a letter from my pastor and it brought tears to my eyes. He said that we need to be thankful always, in all situations. That the Lord counts all our tears. We need to look to Him right now, and past our situations and know that God is there for us, will lift us up, and never leave us stranded. The Lord knows that we work for the truth and He will not forget that.<P>I love you and that D of yours. I am THANKFUL that I have you as my friend. You are very important and very special.<P>Try and forget about it, even for a few minutes. You are so strong and so determined. I really admire you!<P>I'll check back w/ you later. Try and have a good day, ok?<P>Love,<P>Cheryl

It never fails. I post in a frantic mood and can't get back on. Finally.<P>Nellie - thanks for being here. I'm really trying to at least make it pleasant. <P>Cheryl - You don't know what that phone call meant to me. Give your parents a hug for me, the wee one, too! <P>Have a great Thanksgiving.<P>Lori

Lori,<P>Go ahead and cry yourself silly while your D is out. Both your BIL and H were insensitive to you! Geez! Get all that fustration and disappointment out before your D comes back. And, think of something NEW to do this year while you two are ahving a simpler celebration tahn in years past - light a scented candle or play some fun music with dinner - SOMETHING! Maybe you 2 could go to the movies later. Maybe time to do something different to keep your focus on something different!!<P>A good cry every now and then is highly therapeutic! When it is over, let it be over for now.<P>Enjoy your wonderful daughter!!!!<P>Roll Me Away

Lori<BR>I'm having the darndest time posting today. Of all days to have trouble wheneveryone here is so lonely and no body is around.<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Now girl, I know how much this sucks.<BR>remember that my discovery day was Dec. 20.<BR>H never left but he carried on with the bimbo for months. Boxing day he went down there and didn't call me. Showed up the next morning.<BR>Dec. 29 he spent the night with the bimbo. Showed up the next morning.<BR>New Year's Eve he was going to "fix" things. Left at 1:00 PM. Spent the night in the hotel with bimbo. Didn't fix a darn thing.<BR>meanwhile WS was home with the kids trying to explain why she was there alone and their father was pulling this dissappearing act.<BR>Different situation but it sucks!!!!!!!!!<BR>Look at me now Lori. I survived. I am okay. My kids are okay and I can write those words without hurting.<BR>I know this doesn't help you feel better right now but it is my little shot of hope for you.<BR>Do something fun with D and tell her you're making new traditions and new memories. Tell her that "the same" isn't always a good thing. How do you grow if everything is always the same?<BR>ask her if she can think of a new tradition for you.<BR>I'll be on and off here all day Lori and thinking of you. Hopefully the 'puter will allow me to post once in a while. Even if I can't post know I'm praying for you.

RMA - hey thanks. I always feel so weak when I actually let myself cry. It's kinda nice to get permission. I'm serious about that. She's just discovered one of her friends isn't having a Thanksgiving dinner, so we're adding one more plate to the table. You enjoy your day, too, ok?<P>Hi, Wassi. You always give me a good dose of hope!! Situation doesn't matter, does it? Suckiness is the same. I was having trouble posting too. If I got one more "connection denied" I was gonna scream!!<P>Have a good day. Thanks for being there.<P>Lori

I am with wasstuborn new traditions can be a very good thing and give you a whole new outlook. Before he left for a haircut Arik said that your husband is probably feeling guilty and feeling a sense of loss for something that was very important to you as a family unit(hence the coldness).<BR>I feel for you it must be so difficult to go through the holidays without your husband or even a concrete feeling that your husband will ever be back. You are in my thoughts and prayers today and always.<BR>I just want to reiterate my statement to come up with some new traditions: maybe make some Christmas decorations, or a really decadent cheesecake, or go out with D for desert and coffee after dinner. Do something you both enjoy and make it your special day.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<BR>

Lotsa love, hugs, and happy thoughts, my dear girl!!!<P>I can't stay... taking off for a two hour trip to my sister's very soon, but had to stop by, of course!!!<P>You can get through this!! How did I miss the thing about your job??? I am so sorry. <BR>I will catch up with you tomorrow... write an email if you get the chance.<P>Take care!!<P>~Sheryl<P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!!

Thanks, PL. I'm thinking about that very thing. We can't really afford Christmas presents this year (even BEFORE I lose my job) so maybe we'll search around for some cool ornaments to make for everyone. I decorated my packages w/ some victorian ornaments I made last year and they were a bigger hit than the presents! I sorta got the same feeling - if he let himself be nice, it would really get to him. He told BIL that he wasn't happy, wished he hadn't left, but now it's too late. No matter what, he will NOT look back. Oh, well. Hope you guys have a nice day.<P>Hi Sheryl- you didn't miss anything. It's been a serious rumor for some time, they just officially announced it yesterday (Happy Thanksgiving, right?). I should know more by 12/6 exactly WHEN I'm unemployed. Hopefully, I'll be one of those they keep through 12/31! I'll e-mail you later. I'm not cracking that bottle of wine until the meal. Then, I think this'll be one of Lori's nights!!!<P>Have a great day w/ your sister.<P>Lori

Lori,<P>Yes, you DO have permission to cry! I grew up in a family of 11 and had trouble crying because Mom didn't have time for it - always told us to quit feeling sorry for ourselves. My Counselor said I should cry MORE - because it really does help to release the tensions and pent-up emotions. And, they DO have to come out one way or another - guess this is the least destructive way....<P>Sorry about your job. Doesn't it seem like it can't get any crazier and then more heaped on. ;(<P>I do like the idea of you and D making Christmas ornaments to give as gifts Sounds like a fun and economical way to remember those who mean so much to you!!! I have done lots of crafts over the years and really the time and effort in creating them is more precious than the actual gift itself.<P>I have a "few" bottles of wine for later, too. But, I promise I won't do myself in like I did a week and a half ago......HURT too much the next day! We will dine around 8 pm - some of the kids are working until that late. Weird - the ones around home are starving and see all this food I have cooked and they can't eat it until later and it's driving us all nuts!!! Smells so good!!!<P>You, D and daughter's friend have a good one! Will check on you later...<P>Roll Me Away

Lori<BR>what a great idea. Do you know how much fun you would have making ornaments!!!!!<BR>Have you got pinecones in those woods?<BR>Ever make a pinecone wreath?<BR>they make great gifts and are fairly inexpensive.<BR>I'm planning on picking up some baskets at Salvation Army and covering them with pinecones for gifts. Make some centerpieces with them maybe? The dollar store is great for little nicknacs.<BR>get creative and see what a smile it puts on your face and D's. <BR>Thinking of you. <BR>

Hey Lor,<P>Just had to post to ya. Besides, I saw your "hullo" over on one of my threads from earlier.<P>I'm so sorry to hear about the employment announcement. Just one more bit o' sucko news, eh? I know it's easy for me to say, but you'll get by. You've got family, you've got friends, and you've got "you". By that I mean you've got your own personal brand of courage.<P>See how many MB friends care? The other folks here are so nice. We've all made good friends here and much of what they've said, I wish for you as well. Nope, it's not like some other T-givings you've had in the past. But, once they're gone, you can't have 'em back either. Both Suse and I have become bigtime converts towards making the best of the present and future. For that's the only place we can make a difference. Savor today with friends and family. Enjoy each other's love and devotion. Be well!

RMA - did the crying thing. Made it through the meal. D and friend have walked up to her house for a minute - seems we're having company overnite, now. That's cool. I know she could use the company. I know what you mean about not allowing myself to cry. I've done a bit lately, but felt terribly GUILTY about it for some reason.<P>Wassi - I always include something handmade w/ my gifts. Sort of a hobby. Actually, before my dad died, I had a sweet little woodworking business going. Took a couple of months off to get over that and, well, the rest is history! Need to go at it again - it was good therapy for me. Hit the shop once since this mess started, but I was shaking so badly, I was afraid I'd cut off a body part!!! Maybe I'll stick to scissors for awhile! I like the pinecone basket thing. Might play w/ that a little myself. Got a whole truckload of pinecones. Picked 'em up early so they'd open up nicely - usually decorate the house w/ naturals, got so many around.<P>Hi, DuncanMac - thanks for the thoughts. I'm trying really hard. Almost handling doing w/out what I HAD, just now trying hard not to miss the FEELINGS that came with it. That's what I miss the most. I'm working on it. I've kept up w/ you and Suse for a while, read all your old posts I could get my hands on. Glad you guys are where you are. You both have a great day, ok?<P>Lori

HI Lori,<BR> Happy WHAT? I guess we DO need to be thankful for what we DO have today and not focus on what we WANT t have. <BR> I wish this would end soon for us. God START PULLING BACK!!!! <BR> I guess I missed it while I was away but, where is your H spending Thanksgiving? <BR> My W said she is working but her mouth was moving when she told me so I guess she lied. OM W called and said they were going over OM son's future MIL's. <BR> That amazes me because her Father just died and her sister (who she may not see in a year) are over her M. <BR> You'd think she's not be selfish for THIS time!! They can really S*** sometimes!! lol FRANK

Hey, Frank.<P>H is taking PT to his sister's to have t-day w/ his family. AAUUUGGGHHHH!!!!<P>OK, that feels better! You're getting just like me. Know that when they speak, they lie. Yuck!! Amazing when it comes from the mouth of someone who was ALWAYS so damned truthful.<P>So, what are YOU doing today? <P>Lori

Hey Lori,<BR>you can do it girl.<BR>I'm all for new memories and new traditions. We have a few of our own - even now.<BR>One thing my eldest daughter and I do every night (if she hasnt been in too much trouble!!!) is hook our little fingers together and say "Good day together". Its not much, but its ours.<BR>We also sing a particular song - the words of which are<P>You are my sunshine, my only sunshine<BR>You make me happy, when skies are grey<BR>You'll never know, Bridgit (she says mummy)<BR>How much I love you<BR>Please don't take my sunshine away.<BR>Another little thing - but it's ours.<P>Those 2 things that we do every night mean so much to me, and I feel that they send her to bed knowing that she is loved, she is secure with me, and that Mummy is here. Very important to a 4 yo.<P>I love the ideas about making Christmas gifts. I'm in the same boat - can't afford much, well, can't afford anything actually, however I'm also going to visit the Sal. Army for baskets and try to do something. I'm not a very crafty person - they'll probably look like birds nests !!! Oh well, its the thought.....<P>One more thing, my psychologist told me that its good to cry, and that its good to let children see their parents sad, crying, and unhappy. Obviously not all the time, however, but by seeing us sad and upset, they get to know that we also feel this way, but then happiness follows. They get to know that emotions, the whole spectrum of them, are OK. That is so important to me, I've always been one to cry at soppy movies, when something touches my heart, at weddings etc. My d knows that there are happy tears and sad tears, she knows the difference, and I think thats wonderful. Hopefully, she'll grow into someone who is in tune with her feelings and emotions, and not have to hide them as her father does. I don't want her to be an emotional cripple.<BR>You cry if you want to, and let your daughter hold you. Ask her to hug you when you cry. Tell her what you are feeling (within reason) and why you are feeling it. And through it all, make her feel loved and let her know that SHE is not the reason for your tears. Let her know that her hugs make you feel better. She is the reason for your happy tears. You love her.<P>We love you here, thank you for all that you give.<P>Have a glass for me.<P>Jo

Hi, Jo. Good to hear from you. I used to sing that song to D when she was little!!!<P>Amazing isn't it. <P>The girls want to go for a ride. I'm over this day and this house, so I'm gonna take them out for an hour or so. <P>THEN - I come back and crack open that bottle of wine. While I try to figure out what to handle next.<P>I love all you guys, too.<P>Lori

Lori,<P>Sounds like your dinner was good. How was the ride? We are not having dinner until 8 pm - but, I decided it was time for a little glass of vino now.... Nice to have the other girl over for tonight - a good distraction for your D, too...<P>Roll Me Away

Hi Lori,<P>Hope your T-giving dinner & after-dinner ride turned out nice for you, & D. Crying is indeed therapeudic, & you should never feel guilty about it. There's a reason that God made tham thar tears! I once read somewhere that tears actually release bad chemicals that build up in your body when you are under emotional stress. So, see, crying is good for you! <P>When I cry in front of my H (which I don't do much anymore thanks to the miracle of modern medicine- Zoloft), he gets very upset, or I should say guilty. So, I try to not do that when he is around. And, the funny thing is there have been times I have cried, & my cat gets upset too! He bites me (which isn't so funny).<P>So sorry to hear about your job situation. I feel like mine is tenuous, at best. Hang in there. For every door that closes, another one opens.<P>I'm feeling a money pinch this Christmas, as well. I'm thinking about baking some cookies as gifts. Most everyone enjoys homemade cookies, & your D could help with this task, too.