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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
L
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L
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
I've read through the messages in this section and feel like this is a good place to ask opinions about my situation, and to ask for prayers too! I've been separated nearly six months now. No reconciliation in sight. Amount of effort from H is zero. If I were to choose one word to describe him and his role in this marriage, I would say "non-participant." I have many examples, but the single most painful one is nine years of celibacy. It's not my choice but his. My H is an extraordinary man in many ways, but toward me he shows callous disregard and hardness of heart. We have no intimacy in ANY sense of the word.

Intellectually, I tell myself that I'm headed for divorce. Spiritually, I struggle. His physical rejection of me hurts to the innermost reaches of my heart. I separated from him because I found it necessary to protect myself from him emotionally. As for the future, part of me wants to close the door of my heart to him permanently. When I read the scriptures, I feel compelled to leave a door open to him.

Another part of me questions whether I have a marriage at all under the eyes of the Lord. For a while, I practiced what I call the "recipe for peace" in this household. As long as I have no requests, no expectations, and no complaints, we get along fine. It was up to me to handle the earning of necessary income, cooking, cleaning, bookkeeping, shopping, while he provided me with a pretty garden in the front and back (and finally minimal financial support after staying home three years to "be an artist"). I made the mistake of accumulating large quantities of debt during his time at home, based on the belief that he would make more than minimum wage contributions at some point.

I finally realized that I was seeing the upper limit of what he was willing/able to contribute, and we're now in the process of filing bankruptcy. To this day he hasn't listened to my point of view regarding our finances. I told him many times over several years that I need more than a home and a garden in this marriage. It seems like he lives in the middle of a briarpatch. I tried very hard to reach him for a long time. Every time, he would shout me down and shut me out. I can't get close to him, and my reward is cuts and scrapes every time I try. Finally, I realized there's only one way out of that patch for him, and that's for him to make some effort. I stood down when we separated, waiting to see if he'd make any effort. Sadly, he hasn't made one overture to me the entire time.

My question for this group: do I even HAVE a marriage here? I know God hates divorce, and it pains me to go that route. On the other hand, I feel like my "married" status is under man's law only.

Most people here pray for their marriage to be saved. Since I don't feel married at all, I'm not really sure what to ask for, except for input from y'all.

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 370
L
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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 370
Dear Lonesome, Most of our situations are unique and just as painful as the other. In reality, we all should be seeking a closer relationship with Jesus through our trials and not so much focus on our generally lousy or non existant marriages. I personally (and sometimes still fail to see)Know theres more to life than a wonderful marriage although I hope so much for that. I believe God has allowed most of us here to go thru our trials so we will see how little our strenth and efforts do for our situations and learn to rely on the Lord, and in the process grow closer to Him. I still kick and scream thru it all and dont much like my own trial and sometimes its very hard to see the good in it. Only God can change hearts and lives. Lay your situation in His hands and let it go. This is a daily thing and I forget at least 3 days out of a week to do this, so dont feel like its just that easy. It aint. We dont naturally like giving it all to God, cause then we have to wait on His time and its always different than ours.
Dear Lord, I pray that you would lift the confusion from Lonesome,s heart and soul and give her your peace and direction in her life and marraiage. I pray Lord that you would reach into her husbands hurting heart and heal the pain buried deep within his own soul. In Jesus name, Amen

Joined: Sep 2001
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Joined: Sep 2001
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Lonesome heart,
So sorry for your pain. I will pray that God gives you the wisdom to see the direction that your marriage should go. Peace to you, Ladysing


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