PLEASE HAVE PATIENCE TO READ
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
to all of you, and the rest for taking time to advise me.
About OM:
Yesterday, I did see OM for a drink, and things went well As FRIENDS. I did not want to call off the date because I am always home, and not go too much out. It was a good time for me.
Beside that I've always had a good time with him.
However I considered all your advices. It wise to not seeing him while I still have my problems.
I was looking for one person (site) just to encourage me in that road. And I did not find any, and I strongly believe that was not God will for me.
I think it wise to clear up first my situation with H before to consider any R. In addition, even though things end up with H, I think I am not ready to jump into another relationship right now or ever, bcs of the hurt, and I will be judgemental.
We talked about everything and anything with OM. I did not do or say anything to compromise our friendship. I know if I wanted things could be different because of the way he is acting sometimes. But I have choose not to. I really have feelings for OM, and were falling in love with. But I chosen to be wise at least this time before making any decision. And if OM is interested in the future and is alone, we might have a R... just as you said. It a tough decision right now because I still need affection, to be validate... He is a good friend. I'd like him to be friend with H (even before). They met each other twice. I told OM if things go well with H, We are going to invit them (with gf) out or to visit our new home. I would like to add to I told my H that OM is a good friend, and we talk alot. He trust me, bcs I am very friendly. But this time it was different.
About H:
He was trying to be nice and kind. I did not trust him, because I needed some confirmation. We stopped counselling, and when we went trought H did put himself into. He never wanted it, he did bcs I asked for. He did not want to take a angry management program, anything...
You all may be older than me, but I think at 31, I mature enough to judge this situation as impossible. H abused P once, and E several times. When I said I love him, bcs deep down I wished things could work with him. I wanted the best for us, all the souvenirs, dreams, time... I made a vow to love him until death, and I still do. But I can't stand anymore the abuse; Names calling, putting me down in front of people, intimidation, yelling when I try to argue or revendicate my rights or say he hurts my feelings, insulting my family (my parents, siblings), no respect at all for me.
I believed in him, I tried hard to believe that he loves me in spite of that...
I did Allowed him some time to get his "act together", just as you said. But he did not want to get his chance
Last night, I asked him to pass me cheese, he was distracted and passed me twice something else and the 3rd time he was asking me to see an actor on tv while I needed cheese. I was not happy with and I say fimrly, "I am asking first the cheese". He did not like that, and get upset.
I told him it has been all the time the same thing; no attention when I speak, consider what my needs are less important than his...
This morning workers should come to fix the house, he needed my opinion. And I said I do not have one, bcs he considers the house and everything are his bcs he has a very good income. I did work for 2 years since we were married but I made 22-25K. He always thought that I do not contribuate enough.
Now I am back to University, bcs I need to complete my education. He gives me all the money I want, but when we fight he said nasty things about how he is providing for me. Then later regrets, says is anger not his real thought. But that hurt...
Anyway, I asked him this morning to leave my room bcs as long he is going to treat me as nothing I won't talk to him. Then he got mad, start to insult my mother and I. He intimidated me again...I called my gf to talk, he hang up the phone.
He told me is over between us, I said fine, bcs I do not want this kind of treatment anymore and life. I am sorry, but I told him he was an animal to treat his wife that way.
I am a Christian not a catholic. I strongly believe in God. Sometimes in my life I have made bad choices that why I am paying now. I do not believe in D neither in A. What happened with OM (Ea), was the consequences of a withdraw...there is no excuse it's wrong, I knew then it was wrong. That why I did not jump right away into a deep R with OM, and come to see you (wise, mature, experimented) people to help me, to advise, to hug, to love, to talk,...just to be there for me. And God helped me alot through this. That why I could not go beyond limits.
I know some got me wrong and judged me. If you knew me in real life you would not say that. But I understand sometimes we, as people can generalize cases.
In my city, I only have one gf ( she's married, and can't be with her all the time, she has her family too) Right now I just need friend. It is not I am unhappy person, I love myself and I am OK with myself. I only have problems with h, that makes me lonely, bitter sometimes, depressed... I am not insane, or need a Psy.
I said that some judged me and viewed me as I was.
That's ok, it's their opinion, and they are free to have one. But please, now I do need hug before anything. Blame or judge me in a couple of months, if you really want.
For those who are willing to hug me, to support me, to you I am writting...because you are my friends.
When I say "what people can think?", I was thinking about 2 of my relatives. H fought with them, and they thought it was me who encouraged him to insult them...Both were jealous at us bcs H makes good money, and did not like us since. We don't talk to each other. They expect me to D with h to be unhappy and single, and can laugh at me.
H is white, and I am Black. We got alot problemes from outside; my relatives, his, friends...but not from our direct folks. In spite of what he did, I have been great support for him bcs he is my h. But in return, I was and still living hell, got not support but criticism.
That why I said I am the one who loose in this situation. Even though my 2 sibling who live in the same city can be very wicked and hurt people, there was no reason at all to overeact. I did not overeact when it happened in his side.
In short this is my sad story, to all who really wanted to know in order to understand.
I called once a women's center, they did not have room for me. And I really do not like to go there. It's depressing for me. Right now bcs of the house (just build it this year) I cannot move to an appartment. And my gf has her parents now. I do not have any body. I'm stuck right now, and H knows that and play with. I am going to call one more time today if the w centre has any room for me. I think this time I am going for a separation, and see next. I just do not have the courage, and was not ready to leave ( accept) this kind of life. It's very complicated situation, since I am student now and I need concetration & peace.
Thanks again for your patience and support.
Yours,
Q
