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yeah, the same women. the wife of my youth. there is alot of baggage on both sides but i still love my wife and want to be with her.
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Jonah, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel bad loyal, knowing that you have been standing for awhile, it is my impatience i know. If there is anything i can say or do for you, believe me it would be done. I'm sorry, I know there are others who have been dealing with this for a longer period of time, forgive me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please don't feel bad. You feel like you feel! You have my forgiveness, but there is no need to ask...I do not judge you...I care about you. We are all going through marriage hell right now and we all get weary. Be honest with your feelings! God knows how bad you feel. You are trying and staying in the battle! I give you credit for that. The Lord has brought us together to lift one another up. When one is strong the other may be weak and vise versa. The Lord takes us right where we are at! Lord, Please give Jonah courage right now and lift his spirit! My thanks to you also S&C, we need to support Jonah through this!
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No kidding. I don't know where I'd be w/o my prayer warriors.
S&C
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S&C,
I did not mean to imply that you were not supporting Jonah through this!!!!I know you are.
Jonah, We are standing with you!!!!
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LW, I didn't even think you had suggested that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> S&C
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Hey guys Im in the same place...wife says she does not love me...wants her space...does not want me to meet her emotional needs...shes says im either suffocating her or ignoring her! Ok this is what I found in scripture the other day, Job 36:16 "He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction," I am praying that God would find me in a "pocket" that is neither suffocating or ignoring her, isnt that cool that God reaffirms that! Also pray for a heart of compassion, mercy and grace. Hide yourself in the "shadow of his wing" pray for wisdom and discernment, pray for third party intervention through your wifes friends..., Luke 18:1, Ephesians 3:20, Psalms 46:1 God has given you a spirit of power, love and a sound-mind not a spirit of fear! Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer I Corinth 13:7...Be gentle and strong...
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Hey Jonah I've been married to the wife of my youth for 18 years now as well...I havent gone through what you described but I'm now going on 2 months as well...I'm also impatient and I feel like its been 2 years!...but I shouldn't complain...I know guys who have been walking this "valley" alot longer than I have...
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Hey Proverbs,
I think you thing you need to do is to realize that this isn't something that will get fixed and forgotten in a few weeks. Three weeks from now will be the 1 year mark of my D-Day and 5 weeks from now will be our 19th annaversary. I think LW has been at it longer thatn I.
So I think you need to really ask yourself some questions. Did you really mean what you said in your wedding vows? Do you really want to save the M? What are you willing to endure to save the M? I ask this because your W will probably do and say some very hurtful things. You can't take it personally. She's in a fog (for me that's another way of saying she's being deceived by the enemy). Your battle isn't with her. The battle is God's if you let it. Your battle is to change yourself to be the Godly man you are supposed to be. That's what Plan A is. Makeyourself into the person that gives her a reason to love you.
You see (IMO) your W gets angry when you meet an En of her's. That's because she see's you not as the person she believes you to be right now, but a better/different person. She has this fantasy with this guy she feels will meets those needs you weren't or aren't meeting. When you meet those needs she now has a harder choice to make reagrding leaving. When she sees the changes you are in "the process of making" she isn't going to trust them. Because history has proven to her that it can't be real. Consistancy is the key for you. Also, OM has les to lose than you do. He's not likely to expend as much time or energy to keep a the relationship w/ her.
She's not going to think through many, if any, of the choices she wants to make. She's not going to listen to much you have to say because you're "biased". She's going to think your recommendations are out of your self serving desires.
If you have an idea of what her En's are then start meeting them. If you do the dishes for her just once (if you don't do them already) how is she going to stop you. It might be more pleasent (convevient) for her to move back up to the bedroom and you move down to the basement. There's a lot of real tiny but noticable things you can do for her.
It's a long and sometimes slow road. But if you just look at LW's story you'll see that progress can be made. My W's EA has been going on for more than two years. I deceided to remain steadfast in the face of the enemy and I made a commitment to myself and my W that I wouldn't give up. I believe it will be worth the cost.
My prayers go out to you and your family. Bless you all.
S&C
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Proverbs,
sorry you are going through this also, you are in the right place, amongst friends fellow believer, welcome, we will get through this together. Hebrews 3:13- But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
The problem with her friends is that they are going through similar or have been through similar situations and encouragement is not the vibe I get from them. I may be wrong and have asked GOD to reveal it to me though, but our friends she distances herself from and reverts back to the old friends, the ones who have gone through separation as a source of support and encouragement. It is amazing, that one of the friends we do not hear from until there is a problem and when that problem surfaces it's a constant source of communication.
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Hey did you guys see this post? Very good!
Describes the way I feel and the way I've hope I've been handling my sitch.
S&C
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Hey S&C, which post is that you are referring to?
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Jonah,
How are you doing? Anything you want specific prayer about?
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LW,
You I was really struggling earlier today, but I had a brother who recognized it and he prayed for me and encouraged me. I started so high this yesterday, last night and this morning then fall into that trap. My wife and I actually had a decent conversation last night, we didn't talk about our situation or anything just talked which made me want to talk more and draw closer, until she shut that down. I guess just for friendships, there are some friendships that I question, that seem to resurface in times of trouble, for endurance and for again a breakthrough that my wife will see. We are separated but in the same house which makes things harder... thanks. You keep on though, you are experiencing that breakthough and we are with you.
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Help fellas, In as much as I would love meet my wife's EN, how do I go about getting my EN needs addressed? She is unwilling to basically hear them, so the luxury I just realized was a part of marriage I can't take advantage of. In the past I would have sought out another women to try to fulfill them, but I am wiser now.. Thanks GOD and haven't and will not journey down that path. I write and I guess she reads, but does not respond, so what is a guy to do?
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Jonah,
It must be hard being separated but living in the same house. I'm sorry.
Lord,
I continue to lift up jonah to you. I pray that you would bring friends into his life that will be a support for him, that lift him up and provide wise counsel. I pray for endurance to help him persevere in this difficult situation. I pray that his wife will notice the changes he is making and give him ideas of things he can do that mean the most to his wife. That touches her heart and softens it. Rekindle their feelings of love for each other. I pray for a positive breakthrough in their relationship. Wrap your arms around them both and let them feel your love and presence right now. Show us Lord how to pray for them. In Jesus Name, Amen.
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Jonah, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Help fellas, In as much as I would love meet my wife's EN, how do I go about getting my EN needs addressed? She is unwilling to basically hear them, so the luxury I just realized was a part of marriage I can't take advantage of. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have had some of the same questions. My EN's are not being met by my W and I am trying to meet all of hers. Doesn't feel fair, does it? My wife is in withdrawl, she is numb and has no desire to try and meet my EN's. I have to understand that and accept it for now. I have to be the giver right now and try to meet what needs she will let me. I know its hard! It felt so weird when I started. BUT its my understanding that its the only way back to intimacy for us both. It helped me to think of this as a gift. I was always so concerned WITH MY NEEDS GETTING MET! Thats my TAKER! And did not CARE HOW SHE FELT! Selfish... I know it hurts, its not fair, and you wonder how you can exist, BUT I am telling you YOU CAN. I hug my kids, do aroebics, vent on this site, pray, I cry (Jesus wept and if he was man enough to do it, so am I) it gives me a release. We can do this together and no matter how this turns out for us. We will have done all we could to save our marriage, I am committed and I feel you are too. I feel God is pleased with our efforts. God bless you Jonah
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jonah,
I know it feels real bad. This is all I can offer to you right now. I think God gave me the time my W wouldn't meet my ENs to work on myself. I really needed to do that. I concentrated on me and doing the things that improved me. God is all to familiar with one sided love. Just think about all the people that reject him that he loved so much he died for. He really does know of your pain. He will comfort you as you need it. But don't dwell on it. That's exactly what the enemy wants. He wants your Taker to start demanding things he knows you won't get. So you will take your eyes off the bigger picture of saving your M. Your W's not the enemy, she's your best friend and she's lost inthe fog. You may be her only guide out. You need to stay strong. If God's letting you go through this, he knows you'll make it and become better.
May God's hand of Peace be on you right now.
S&C
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AMen S&C!
I have sung this song..
The pain some people bear, no one would believe
The hurt thats sometimes there, makes it hard to see.
That in the darkest hour, there is still a way,
Listen to these simple words I say.
Jesus knows your hurt
Jesus feels your pain
Jesus knows just how you feel
cause' He's felt just the same
Jesus knows your need, better than you do
Just hold on to Jesus, He's holding on to you.
A simple son by Dallas Holm, but so true.
Jesus wrap your arms around my brother!! Amen
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I meant to say this song written by Dallas Holm
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