I need prayer, i am doing all that i can to stand for my marriage, but i am wearing thin. My spouse has done the best possible at distancing from me and from our friends. I feel we are on the verge of a break through but past hurts and junk stand in the way... pray for breakthrough and much needed strenght and perservance.

Jonah,

Dear Lord,
I pray for jonah today that you will make a way where there seems there is no way. Clear out all the refuse of the past and make a clear path for both of them to walk. Give him strength and help him perservere through his situation. I pray for a breakthrough that he can clearly see and is evident to BOTH of them. I pray this in Jesus Name. Amen.

Let us know how you are doing.

Amen!

S&C

How are you doing?

You know loyal warrior, i was seriously on the verge of going home and telling my spouse that I quit, i don't want to go through it anymore. At every attempt to meet her needs, to grow closer to her she avoids and pulls away and yeah it's frustrating, but i try to go back to the word and get strength. God is good all the time, even when i am struggling he comforts me and i have to believe that he has something in the works i just have to be patient, which is difficult. Thanks for your concern and prayer, please continue to pray for my marriage being restored, my spouse returning and for wisdom, strength and a breakthrough.

jonah,

Anytime you feel like you're going to do something drastic, give us a hollar over here on this forum. I tell ya LW here is my hero. I think he can tell you that patients pays off. You'll just have to recognize the small victories when they come.

I've noticed that ole LW is becoming quite a Prayer Warrior too. We'll can get cajunky to add you to the prayer list for Wed. if you're not and want to be. Of course, you're more than welcome to pray with us. I know I've seen some changes in my W since the additional prayers started.

God put your M together, give it to him to fix and you work on you. Do all you're venting and LBing here, not in front of your W. Make sure you are meeting the ENs of your W (not the ones you think she has) And by all means keep finding ways of making deposits in your LB account with her, no matter how small.

Be blessed.

Later'z.

S&C

Jonah,

I will continue to pray for a breakthrough in
the restoration of your marriage. Something that has helped me is praying the prayers that are written out in Stormie Omartians "The Power of a Praying Husband Prayer Pack". When I am feeling discouraged I pray those prayers for my W and feel a release in my spirit. It seems to help...

Jonah,

S&C is right on with his advice. Patience is not a strength of mine either. When all this started with my W and I, even she mentioned it to me. We are here for you...

thanks.. for the advice and please do pray. The problem is my wife does not want me to meet those en, but i still continue to try, she won't let me in, or open up so it's really just me trying to assure her that i love her and want to be will her, which she says puts pressure on her and she doesn't want to hear. so i admit it is hard a times to do some of the things i need to do for her especially when she doesn't offer thanks or show any sign of gratitude.

jonah,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The problem is my wife does not want me to meet those en</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course she doesn't want you to meet those ENs. While she's in the fog she's looking for a reason to distance herself. My W told me that if I never changed it would have been so easy for her to leave. After a while of meeting her ENs, she told me that if she left now she would look like the bad guy to her freinds and family. She doesn't feel like you're a safe person to get close to again, YET! Just find real little things to do for her. Dry dishes, help fold laundry, get something fixed around the house she's wanted fixed. Anything.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">she won't let me in, or open up</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She will when she feels it's safe.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">so it's really just me trying to assure her that i love her and want to be will her, which she says puts pressure on her and she doesn't want to hear. so i admit it is hard a times to do some of the things i need to do for her especially when she doesn't offer thanks or show any sign of gratitude.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just back off a little. Do the little things quietly. Hold off on telling her you love her so much and just tell her she's beautiful. Then slide in an "I love you". But I did make sure I told my W I love youat least once a day. ANd no youwon't get any thanks or signs of graditude for a while. But would you rather not get any thanks for a while and save your M or would you want her to thank you and still be distant from you. Your thanks will be when she gets closer to you. Remember she's in a fog with nothing to guide her. Your small actions will be like a light house for her to find her way back.

Hang in there. You'll have tough days, we all have. And we will continue to have them for a while. You're doing fine.

Until later.

S&C

Jonah,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">she says puts pressure on her and she doesn't want to hear </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what my wife said to me too about 3 mths ago. Every situation is different, but here is what I did.
I stopped saying I love you to her. I stopped writing Love when I signed my name. I spaced out the times when I tried to meet her EN's. I think I did 1 or 2 a week. I gave her space. Was it scary? You bet.. Pressure is not what you want her to feel right now. My W needed space..easy to say..but hard for me to do. I now once and a while put L. when I sign a note I write her.
If I pressured her she would of bolted! She knows you love her! I looked at it as giving her a gift!
The gift of space. That does not mean giving up, just easing off for now. Scary to do I KNOW! It still scares me. I like to fix things and it bugs me that I can't fix her. SO I am working on fixing myself, still doing some meeting of her EN's and praying for her. Practical things to like washing the dishes for her!, (she came up to me and put her hand on my forehead to see if I had a fever HA! because washing the dishes was something I DID NOT DO BEFORE). S. Harley told me that CONSISTENCY over time is more important than QUANTITY. Demonstrating that you are making changes that last! in the areas that are important to her! This is just some of the stuff I've learned through this. I will continue to pray for you and your W.

I'm back. In alittle better shape than last time I was here, but still bewildered about how i bring my wife out of shutdown mode. I love her and want to make our marriage work, recognize my faults, admit to them and will do what is needed to remedy them, but tell me, should i take the same attitude she has... aloof, distant, not present. It is amazing how the person who supposely loves you can be so far off. It hurts that she acts the way she does and it hurts me to consider acting the way she acts towards me, but is it necessary?

Jonah,

I am glad that you are a little better today!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> should i take the same attitude she has... aloof, distant, not present. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, Just follow Steadfast & Committed advice. Back off a little. I know its bewildering! I don't have all the answers but I am praying for you.
Lord, please give Jonah patience and perseverence with his wife. Bring ideas to his mind of things he can do that will meet his wifes most important emotional needs. Show him when to back off and when to press forward. Give him indicators along the way that he is getting through. Give him peace in his heart. In Jesus name, Amen.

You know i just need to know that GOD is standing with me, you know a breakthrough, sometimes it feels that I am standing all by myself, feeling like me against the army and I am too weak to lift my shield and too tired to lift my sword... it's wearing me down and frustrating me.

Jonah,

How long have you been wageing this battle? What can I do to help? Please post back ASAP.

this specfic battle has not been going on long, maybe 2 months, but the struggles in our marriage have been numerous. We were divorced and remarried, separated and then reunited.

Jonah,

I feel you need this right now. Dear Lord Jesus,
Jonah is hurting and needs to see a breakthrough.
Please give him one today. Make it so clear and plain that you are standing with him, that you know what he needs, even before he asks. I pray that you touch his W's heart tonight and give him an indicator that what he is doing is getting through. In Jesus name, Amen.

I will check back later tonight to see how you are doing...

I feel bad loyal, knowing that you have been standing for awhile, it is my impatience i know. If there is anything i can say or do for you, believe me it would be done. I'm sorry, I know there are others who have been dealing with this for a longer period of time, forgive me.

jonah,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know i just need to know that GOD is standing with me, you know a breakthrough, sometimes it feels that I am standing all by myself, feeling like me against the army and I am too weak to lift my shield and too tired to lift my sword... it's wearing me down and frustrating me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know exactly how you feel. As a matter of fact, I'm feeling a lot like that right now myself. Sometimes that's exactly right where God wants us to be. Because once we are so tired and so worn that we don't feel like we can fight the battle, that's the only time we can really give it up to Him to fight for us. He really wants to do that you know. It's tough for me because I'm a fixer. I also think that's why he led you here to this forum. I have about ten people that pray specifically for me and my M. Get the people youtrust to pray for you. I call them when I'm feeling down or when I think something is wrong with the way my W is acting. But the best times are when I just call on my Father and tell him that I feel like I'm at the end. He has never failed me.

Believe me God knows about one way love and He IS working. He worked on me first, before he started working on my W. She had to see changes she thought were going to be permanent. Consistancy will bring it's rewards.

Trust Him when you're feeling weak. Give it up to Him and allow yourself to get some rest.

You're in my prayers.

S&C

Jonah,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We were divorced and remarried, separated and then reunited. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you mean that your marriage to this particular woman went through all these changes?