I'm so hurt and emotionally tired. The differences between my husband and I may be stronger than our love. Plus, after reading a lot of the summaries on this site, I have discovered that even though my husband loves me, I discovered that my "love bank" is suffering greatly. So greatly in fact, that recently I was ready to give up. Everything has come to a head, and I am struggling to keep focused on every day responsibilites and healing and learning, etc. We've started working on all the little things, but I feel deep inside that we may never resolve our dilemna. Religious differences. It hurts my heart so much. Please just pray for me...and of course any loving advice is welcome. Thank you...God Bless you all as well!
C.G.

Hi, Angel. Welcome to MB.

I read your post last night but I had just returned from a long trip and needed some time to pray before answering.

I've been away from the board for a couple weeks so I don't know your story other than what you have shared here. You mention having read up here and that is awesome.

As I prayed for you, I wondered whatever the differences are (hopefully there is no abuse involved in your case)--if you have considered "foot washing." Jesus was so humble--Here came the Son of God-Perfection Personified--and yet He would take on the duty of wiping dusty feet--the responsibility of the host in the homes He visited...or washing His Disciples' feet when really they should have done that for Him.

I don't know you at all so please don't think I'm implying that you are lacking at all--just as I prayed, I wondered if this might be the way you need to start. Although you deserve many deposits in your love bank, perhaps the way to begin is for you to "invest" some units in your husband's love bank.

You've said you are working on the little things. That is a major victory!! Many husbands consider the little things so trivial they are unwilling to contribute to healing the relationship. You are blessed to have a H who wants to work things through.

Again, I don't know you so I have no idea if there is any unfaithfulness involved--I pray not--make sure you are not justifying giving up on the relationship in order to excuse any inappropriate behaviour. I really don't mean that to be harsh but our hearts can come up with all kinds of terrific garbage when we're thinking the grass might be greener on the other side!

You are in our prayers. Keep seeking the Lord for wisdom and patience and the ability to love beyond your own capacity--think of His example to us.

Again, welcome! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear freshstart,

I was a bit vague in my request, I'm sorry. Thank you so much for your support and your prayer. Actually, Jesus washing others feet is one of my favorite stories, and I have actually washed others feet before to remind them of Christ and how much I loved them as well! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The actual situation that I am in is that, I am a big giver, not always as assertive as I should be. That may be part of the problem. My H is a bit immature and not quite ready to handle the relationship which we are in. Getting help around the house, him taking care of himself, him attending school regularly, being aware of my feelings when he makes a decision, etc. are things that I am struggling with/have struggled with. I have given so much to the relationship that I'm tired. Quite literally. I know that Christ wouldn't have given up on anyone, but I'm just scared to be dissapointed again.

I also wish I could just blame my decreased zeal on infedelity on my part, but the truth is that it is more on his side. And he doesn't even realize some of the things he does hurt me (ie. staying up all hours of the night chatting online, and downloading pornography, getting phone numbers of girls he meets online, and repeatedly chatting with some of his exgirlfriends(even one girl he cheated on me with when we were dating, who severly dislikes me) when I have specifically asked him twice not to anymore because I felt it was innapropriate, and because it just plain hurt my feelings. Sometimes he would question me about lies she was telling him about me. She hardly even knows me!

Recently the last straw fell, at least for me, when a night out with our respective friends (girls with girls, guys with guys) turned into something quite different. I returned home late, surprised to see that he wasn't home yet. To make a long story short, he was very vague when he called saying that he would "be home soon". Not offereing any explaination of where he was or anything. Two hours later he arrived home and I finally got out of him that he had driven down to a town 40mins-and hour away to go on what I would consider a date (dinner, movie, a club), with one of this ex-flings. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I was very hurt, and I tried not to say anything, because he had obviously had a great time. Unfortunately, my hurt and anger got the better of me and I burst out telling him how horrible it was that he would leave me here alone, not leave a note or anything, and go on a date with a girl and do things that we hardly even did together.
Suddenly, the man that seemed he could not dress himself nicely or that I could get away from the computer to do anything social, outside of a sports bar, was doing everything, that I wanted to do with him, with someone else. I used a few choice words that I really shouldn't have. He got very upset with me and told me to "f*** off" and that I wasn't going to "ruin [his] good time". I later found out that he said that He didn't do anything "wrong" that night, but that he really did want to "ride her like a pony". ....

I don't want to give the impression that he's a total jerk because he's not. He can be very sweet and affectionate. We have talked about all that by now, but I am still so hurt. I have cried almost everyday for the past three weeks because I don't feel the love and companionship and respect that I expected from this relationship. There is so much more to tell. Feel free to ask. I have nothing to hide. I'm just confused and hurt and tired. Thank you again for your help, any more guidance that you believe would help (or the Lord see fit to tell you), will be gladly awaited. God Bless! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
C.G.

Wow, Angelheart, you certainly are going through a lot. I wish your H would open up his eyes and see how much he needs to wash your feet!!

I don't know what to say. You were not wrong to let him know in no uncertain terms that a date with a woman NOT his wife was completely inappropriate.

It is hard when a marriage is not a partnership. I think until recently (even after recovery--as you can infer from my signature I am the FWS) I did this to H. I leaned on him almost to parent me--which is likely one of the reasons I lost my way after his illness. (He is a cancer survivor.)

No advice--I'll just keep praying. And hope you will keep posting. People here are awesome. It's a real help to have thousands of people lifting you up in prayer!!

Hey Freshstart,
Thank you for coming back. It feels really good to be supported and all that good stuff. Well, the shock and the hurt of the previous events is waning, so maybe things will start looking up again. I'm going to go see a good counselor so I can have a constructive rant with someone who can help. The most anyone can do for me right now it seems is feel bad, and pray for me. So, wish me luck! I wish you the best as well! Have a fantastic rest of the week!
C.G.