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#342327 12/27/02 10:02 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 370
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Lostpup Offline OP
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Posts: 370
Its been a while since I had been here. I completely gave up on my wife for a while. She would call and I would hang up. I did my best to hold on to my hatred towards her. I really got to the point where I had enough. Finally she calls and begs me not to hang up. She wants to talk of course. She was kicked out by yet another man. This one happen to be her childhood sweetheart. Still I told her I was done and have someone in my life. Then she says she wants to give it her all to put our marriage back together. 4 years of hell. I told God I wouldnt give her the time of day unless(i asked for the impossible) my mother in law was supportive. If anyone knows me , they know I was asking for the impossible. Well my mother in law invited me to christmas dinner and is very supportive of us putting our family and marriage back together. Ive been spending time at in-laws house and My wife and I leave to go to my place from there with them knowing about it!!! They have been great. My sister even let me see my son this Christmas but that is a different story and God has just started working on that.
Now that Im here, I dont know what to think. I really dont care anymore one way or the other. I have let the OW go. My wife was very upset about it and my attitude was she had no right to be. Wife said she is giving it her all and Im not. I told her I dont know how anymore. She acknowledged she had gone to far this time. I agreed. At this point I have given it to God and wont deny God His will. I have mixed emotions.
Maybe Im just in such shock at the reality. I will say this, God still does miracles. Im just having a hard time believing whats in front of me. We are taking it slow and she went to her real dads for a while. Its out in the middle of nowhere. This gives me time to find a house and put things together. I will still see her on the weekends. Im living at a friends house and wifes been here for a few weeks but my friend was getting a bit uptight. Can someone tell me this is real? I've had so many false alarms and broken promises the last 4 plus years. Right now I refuse to give my whole heart to her until this all becomes more clear to me. Sorry to be so blunt about things. To some here, they might wonder if this is me talking. I still feel numb and a bit peeved at God also.....
Mark

#342328 12/28/02 07:13 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,906
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Joined: May 2001
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Hi, Mark

It's so good to hear your update. I am sorry that you are not very "into it" though. I totally understand this. You try and try, and pray and pray, and see nothing happening. It's easy to stop believing, and think "God's never going to work this out."

Just today I was imagining my WH (and his family) EVER talking to me again, or welcoming me into their arms (didn't hear from any of them over Christmas - didn't expect I would. This is second year of that behavior). I just can't see it happening after all this, so I understand what a miracle it would be! BUT, having said that, please understand that God DID give you a miracle just so you'd know His Hand is in it.

I'm not sure God wants you to run head-long into this thing. Every other time you did that, you got burned bad, I think I remember. This time, I think God wants you to stay put, in HIS Hand, and let Him work it all out around you. I always tell people to "test" God. Remain skeptical. It's ok. He's big enough to handle it! He can still work around you! Just be open to His leading.

I'm so glad to hear you've visited with your son. That always saddened me that you were kept separated from him.

It sounds like God had to "break" some expectations out of you. 2003 could be a great year, if you are willing to let God have your total life, your emotions, heart and feelings. Are you?

Here's praying!

God Bless my brother,

#342329 12/28/02 09:56 PM
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Lostpup Offline OP
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Hi Lupo, nice to hear from you. Sorry your still going thru all this stuff. I think your right about God breaking my expectations. I am taking all this slow and my wife wanted to move in right away and she had the option to go to her dads for a while and I told her I thought that was a good idea to go to dads. She thinks now Im going to do to her what she did to me because I was so for her going to dads, but in the past I was always for her coming to be with me. I really dont want to be vengful(maybe a little) Im just going to keep this all in Gods hands. They say be careful what you pray for. I can now see why. God will restore weather you like it or not. I do believe God answers prayers when we give up. Maybe thats the place of total trust. Im not sure.
As far as giving my all to God. In the past I claimed to do that. Now I have to admit how so utterly hard that really is. Still I will keep trying. God isnt thru with me yet.
God Bless. He will work out your life and marriage. In His time.
Mark

#342330 12/30/02 07:20 PM
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1
LostPup,

You do not know me, I have recently just joined. After reading the things you wrote, it reinforced the knowledge of Gods hand in my own marriage. I have been divorced since 2001, and was praying before, during and after the divorce. I too have allowed myself to try to move on as they say, but still deep in my heart I always hoped that my marriage would be restored. It has been so miraculous to me...my reactions have been in a state of shock. I mean as recently as this past summer, I attempted to reach out to my wife over the phone and asked if we could at least be civil for our daughters sake...she wouldn't hear it..was completely rude and nasty about it..telling me not to call to speak to her, to only call and speak to my daughter only. Of course i was crushed yet again....but let me share with you a God moment. This past thanksgiving I went to a family reunion out of state..and while there...I felt a strange expectation of hearing from my wife...I don't know why really, but it came on real strong...2 days before I was to head back home, I got an email from my wife...using words that have been void out of her vocabulary since this whole ordeal has begun (March 99)..words like I hope you had a good thanksgiving..was hoping to hear from you to talk about our daughters gift..I hope that you are doing well and etc...Immediately my heart lept for joy at just reading that...I always believed that she still had love in her heart..anyways, when I got back, I didn't answer the email right away..I usually call my daughter on a sunday, so I would wait till then...well saturday rolls around..approxiamately 9:35pm....my wife calls...call me chicken little, but I never pick up the phone when I hear her voice on the answering machine...guess I am scared of getting my hopes up like I had in the past...the silly thing of it all is, I still get nervous hearing her voice...stomach queasy and etc..anyways..she leaves a very stern message "You need to call your daughter". I look at the time and knew that my daughter was already asleep...how curious I thought to myself...could it be???...nahhhh...Sunday comes and I call my 5yr old...She tells me her christmas list and etc...all of a sudden...she says..."daddy..will you speak to me my mommy on the phone" again...curious....queasy feeling...but instead of acknowleding her request, I continued on...so we finished and my little girl was getting ready to hang up the phone...as I heard my wife rush to the phone..."Hello...Helllooo"?...shocked at hearing her voice and how it made me feel, and the thought she wanted to talk to me...I hung up the phone without missing a beat...you might be thinking...what a loser...lol..its ok..I will be the first to admit the feeling of getting hopes and expectations trampled on are not inviting. I finally responded back to my wifes email..addressed her main questions ...very vaguely...again she responds with care and concern..kind things...I asked her one more vague question that I neglected to ask in the first email, and one more time...another care and concern response...then the answer to my question.... Well this brings us to this Christmas eve...I got a gift from my daughter..2 actually..#1 Dad Pen and a Nascar Mug enscribed No one can Beat My Dad...I got pictures and some of my little girls artwork done in kindergarten...as I was checking the box again..I noticed an envelope..immediately I thought a card from my daughter...but secretly hoped that it was a card from my wife...low and behold, indeed it was.....Personalized even..What got me was the pre printed message on it..something you don't necessarily send to the person whom you pretty much told off the last time you talked...even still , she offered a happy holidays and signed...I stood there in my little apartment..shocked and stunned....Brother..I know what its like to feel shocked, dazed and amazed...God has been giving me scriptures that I read previously in the past...they have been popping into my head out of nowhere...one in particular is: Do Not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. Praise God.....I have let the other person go in my life...I really felt that she really wasn't for me....as I hoped truly for my wife..But God..I say this for the both of us and to all who will read...God is ULTIMATELY IN CONTROL..and HE IS FOREVER FAITHFULL...EVEN THOUGH WE HAVEN'T BEEN...God Truly does see your hearts and is no respecter of persons....

Weeping may endure for a night...but joy...(unmistakeable) joy cometh in the morning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#342331 12/31/02 09:58 PM
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 708
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Praying for you
Zoey


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