Please pray for me and my husband, I feel like I am going crazy here trying to wait and be patient. My husband told me that he would let me know by the end of this week whether or not he wants to continue to be married to me. I pray with everything I have that we are put back together. He told me almost 2 weeks ago that he loved me, but he's not in love with me anymore. Pray that God feels his heart with love for me and that we get back together and our love is stronger than ever before. Please pray with me that the Lord convicts his heart of his sins and he repents. I also pray that the Lord convicts Kim (the other woman) of her sins and helps her. I pray that the Lord sends someone into her life that can take the place of Stephen so he will come back to our marriage.
I love and forgive my husband and want this marriage to work. I have just finished reading a book called "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" and totally know where I have gone wrong in our relationship. I pray that God brings us back together so I can improve my ways to show Stephen I love and care about him. I have been praying for weeks that God change me and I feel that God put that book into my hands to show me where I can improve as a wife. I feel very strong that I can make this marriage work and I feel very positive that God will answer my prayers and bring my husband back home.
Please do this with me, pray with me for our marriage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and my husband.

You have my prayers! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks, it's so hard. Everyone around me is becoming so negative and I don't feel like anyone is praying with me. My heart and gut says we are going to pull out of this, but I will be honest I'm frightened at what his response is going to be.
God Bless

I am praying for you
And if your gut is telling you that you will pull through you need to trust in that with all you have and let the hope of trusting it pull you through...

May the Lord bless you, keep you and restore you..

I have just prayed and will continue to pray for you & your husband each time I think of it this morning. Your situation is very much like mine and as I read I kept shaking my head and praying God please intervene, after 15 years of marriage, in October my husband told me that he was thinking of leaving and that he loved me but didn't think he was in love with me anymore, but that he didn't want to make any decisions til after the holidays, we'd see how things were then. After about 3 weeks he finally admitted that he was having an affair. I now know that I was not fulfilling his emotional and affection needs, (but don't let anyone convince you that you in any way at fault for this, I've been struggling with that too and am finally getting to the point that I realize this). He told me that he was going to tell her that he didn't want to see her anymore and take a week to make some decisions. Then he told me that he knew he wanted to stay with his family and come home. Now that he's home and has cut off all ties with the other woman, says he knows that he is still in love with me and has no interest in her, that he just needed someone to feed his ego, someone who made him her sole focus. Now I'm doing that, and although things are going really well in our relationship, I am having a huge problem, because I'm holding everything inside all the hurt and the anger and the dissapointment. Feeling like I can't make waves, you know? And I forgive him, but the forgetting is so hard. Everything reminds me of them together, I know places they spent time together at and it makes me so angry that my world has been "invaded", they went to the college library together, they went to the park together, I pass the hotel that they went to every day on my way home. I now know that she comes into my subdivision regularly to visit her girlfriend, he said last night that he wanted to go for a walk and I said that I didn't even feel like I have a neighborhood of my own to walk in. Its just something I've got to let go of and I'm praying for God to take that part away from me. But I do want to encourage you that God can fix this and that despite my hurt and pain if anything good can come of this, it is that our marriage is stronger now than it has ever been and we now know what one another need and have been praying and doing devotions together almost nightly and that is something we had never done before.

Thank you so much for the great confidence you just gave me. I know that pray is the most powerful thing that we can be doing right now. I pray that the God changes Stephen's heart, because I feel that his hard is very hard right now. Two weeks ago when my husband told me he had to think about what he wanted, he also told me that he had called off everything with Kim, but I just don't think he has. He was feeling great guilt and she was constantly calling him, she was not allowing him any closure. My heart tells me that my hsuband loves me, he's just confused. He said he was scared of losing me but at the same time he didn't know what he wanted to do. I don't think he wants a life with Kim, I think he just doesn't know how to cut ties with her because they work together and she could have great influence against him. My husband loves everything about his job, I think even sometimes more than he loves me.
Thank you for praying for us and please continue too.

You are not alone here. Satan usues the same devices to destroy marriages everywhere, America, England, Australia, everywhere. Praise God Almighty we are free, free at last, free at last. We have the victory that overcomes the world, our faith. I thought you might want to read something that I think will inspire you, eventhough your situation is not exactly the same.

The Final Decree
by Melanie Hemry



Sitting down outside the courthouse, Judy wondered what she should do. Despite 2 1/2 years of prayers and forgiveness and her faith that their marriage would be restored, Steven had divorced her.



Divorce.



The judge slammed the stamp onto each paper in rapid succession. Judy Myers gripped the counter, feeling each stamp imprinted on her heart - castaway...rejected...worthless....



Steven stood casually beside her. Steven, her husband of 10 years. Steven, the tall, burly hero who always made her feel so beautiful. Steven, the father of her children. Steven, who had left her for another woman. Steven, who had asked these people to stamp these papers and cut her out of his life.



Judy stumbled out of the courthouse and sank onto a nearby bench. Divorced. So final. Cradling her head in her hands, Judy remembered when divorce had been an unthinkable word in their marriage.



Then she had met Jesus and for some reason things began to change. Judy remembered running home to tell Steven about Him. They told each other everything in those days. Steven looked at her in an odd sort of way and said, "That's nice."



That's nice? The more she told Steven about her relationship with the Lord, the more distant he became. Until finally, 2 1/2 years ago, he'd moved out - into the arms of another woman.



During the pain-ridden days after Steven left, Judy first heard Kenneth Copeland teach on being redeemed from the curse of the law. She had hurried to her Bible and looked it up for herself. Sure enough, Deuteronomy 28:30 listed one of the curses under the law, "Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her..." (The Amplified Bible). Wife or husband, infidelity was all a part of the same curse.



Then she flipped the pages of her Bible over to Galatians 3:13: "Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree...."



Judy's heart leapt within her. Christ had redeemed her from a broken marriage! She decided then and there to believe the Word and not her circumstances.



Three times in 2 1/2 years since he'd first moved out, Steven had returned home. But even then, though they lived under the same roof, he and Judy remained poles apart. He never gave up the other woman, and Judy never gave up the Word. They had nowhere to compromise.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



"Steven went for weeks without even talking to the children," Judy remembers. "The Lord gave me Mark 11:23-24 to stand on, about speaking to the mountain to be removed and be cast into the sea. Then He showed me verses 25-26, 'And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have aught against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.' "



Judy had a lot to forgive and she knew it wouldn't be easy. But she had to do it. Her entire stand of faith hinged on her willingness to forgive - not just Steven, but the other woman as well.



"It was tough," Judy recalls. "She would call and harass me, saying that Steven didn't love me and that I was a bad wife to him. The Lord kept reminding me of 1 Corinthians 13:8, 'Love never fails...' (The Amplified Bible).



"Finally, I talked her into meeting me in person. When she stepped out of her car, I just walked over and put my arms around her. I explained that I didn't have anything against her, but I knew Steven would come back to me. I couldn't afford to be bitter and I had to walk in love."



Sitting now outside the courthouse, Judy wondered what she should do. Despite 2 1/2 years of prayers and forgiveness and her faith that their marriage would be restored, Steven had divorced her. Should she give up that faith now? Was the divorce court's pronouncement the final decree?



That night, Judy turned her Bible to the now familiar passage in Malachi 2:14:

Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness [to the covenant made at your marriage] between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant... (The Amplified Bible).

Judy rolled the last few words of that passage over and over again in her mind. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant. Divorced or not, Judy knew God still recognized her as Steven's wife.



"I realized God would not override a person's will or manipulate him," Judy explains, "so I was careful not to pray that way. I prayed against the god of this world who had blinded Steven's eyes. I asked the Father to speak to his heart." It would be years before Judy knew specifically how those prayers were answered.



In the meantime, one of the most difficult things for Judy was watching their children, Kirstin and Kyle, suffer from the lack of their father's attention. She began to pray Malachi 4:6 over the situation, "And he will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the land with a curse" (New American Standard).



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



The hardest day for Judy in each passing year was their anniversary - Valentine's Day. Steven had always gotten her wonderful cards, and each year he'd told her that their marriage was so special the whole world celebrated with them. Now she spent those once-precious Valentine's Days alone.



In May 1981, four years after Steven moved out, he phoned with the news she'd prayed for so long. "Hi," he said, "I got saved last night."



He spoke the words matter-of-factly. There was no fanfare. No fireworks. But Judy knew those words would eventually change everything.



Once Steven accepted the Lord, the relationship he was in didn't work anymore. Soon, he moved out of the woman's house and into his own apartment. Gradually, he began spending more time with Judy and the children, but he made it clear that he still maintained his friendship with the other woman.



"I wanted to challenge him on his relationship with her," Judy admits, "but the Lord reminded me that He allows the wheat and tares to grow together until it's time for Him to separate them."



By now, Judy had spent many hours a day studying the Word. She was growing rapidly in the Lord. "I wanted Steven to be the spiritual leader," she explains. "So I prayed, telling the Lord that I didn't want to be the head of our household. Afterward, every time I saw Steven, he had grasped some new revelation that had taken me years to learn. His growth in the Lord was fast and solid."



Before long, Steven began attending church with Judy and their children. He developed the habit of staying over for Sunday lunch and spending the afternoon with them. Sunday night they drove separate cars to church. Afterward, Steven always kissed Judy goodnight before sending her home.



As weeks stretched into months, Judy fought impatience. When is the breakthrough going to come? she wondered. Then one afternoon, as Judy listened to Kenneth Copeland tapes and painted her garage, she heard the answer. Without warning, the Holy Spirit spoke four words that took her breath away: It's not many days.



"I constantly had to resist the urge to take things into my own hands," Judy admits. "So instead of getting excited and overeager, I told myself that with God a day is as a thousand years. I turned off my emotions and simply painted the garage."



Eight days later, Steven phoned. He wanted to see Judy - alone. When he arrived, he was choked with emotion. "Judy," he said, "I've been such a jerk."



"God has forgiven you, and I've forgiven you," Judy answered.



Finally, as though from a far distance, Judy heard the words she'd waited four long years to hear. "I love you, and I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you."



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



"I had to be careful," Judy explains. "I knew that love wasn't enough. Steven had to know it was God's will for me to be his wife. I had to be certain that during the next storm he'd stand on the Word instead of his emotions."



"Besides love," Judy asked, "why else?"



"You're a wonderful mother," Steven said.



"Why else?"



"Well, I wasn't going to say this, because it isn't romantic, but...I spent the weekend in a tent praying and listening to God, and I know it's His will for you to be my wife!"



"Yes!" Judy screamed and tumbled into his lap.



On October 23, 1982, Steven and Judy were remarried.



"The Lord healed our marriage," Judy says, "but there was one detail that still bothered me. I felt cheated out of our special anniversary date. When I prayed about it, the Lord reminded me of Joel 2:25, 'And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm....' "



A few years later, on Valentine's Day - their original anniversary - Steven handed Judy a card. When she opened it, her gaze fell to the words he'd written there. Reading them she felt as though warm oil was pouring over her, healing every emotional scar that remained from the separation and divorce. The card simply said, "On this day in 1970, God gave me His best."



Today, the Myers celebrate their anniversary once again on a day so special the whole world celebrates with them. Both Steven and Judy are active in their church. Judy, Kirstin and Kyle all teach Sunday school. Steven teaches a Bible study, is a deacon, and both Steven and Judy are Care Team leaders in their church.



What does Judy have to say now to others who are navigating rough marital waters? "If you want to weather the storms of life without being completely destroyed, you must build your life on the Word of God. I learned that early from Brother Copeland.



"He was teaching from Luke 6:46-49, where Jesus told the story about the person who hears and obeys the Word. Jesus said that person is like a man who, building a house, dug deep and laid his foundation on a rock. When the flood arose and the torrent broke against his house, it could not be destroyed because of its secure foundation.



"But the person who merely hears the Word and does not put it into practice is like the man who built his house on the sand. When the storm arose against his house, it collapsed immediately.



"I didn't know the Word when the storm struck my marriage. Our relationship wasn't based on godly principles, but on infatuation, so when I started basing my role of wife on the Word it was like building a house during a hurricane.



"Still, I laid hold of Jesus' promise and believed the storm could not prevail if I acted on the Word. Jesus said, '...In the world you have tribulation...but...take courage...for I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm, have conquered it for you]' (John 16:33, The Amplified Bible). It's not easy to build a house while the wind is blowing and floodwaters are rising, but it's possible through faith in God's Word.



"The Word works. It is the Manufacturer's Handbook containing prescribed repair and preventive maintenance for successful living. It will work for whoever puts it to work."



It certainly worked for the Myers. In their lives it proved to be powerful enough to overturn divorce. In their lives the Word became the final decree.

I want you to know that the OW was also a co-worker, my husband agreed to send her a goodbye e-mail, which he drafted and I approved, then we sent it to her together, we blocked her e-mails and he spoke with his supervisor about handling any work contact that they had. After we sent the e-mail, she left him two voice mails, one cussing him out and telling him he had not right to do it that way, that he hurt her and the second apologizing for cussing him out and that she knew they had to work together, he was very depressed on that day and said he felt like he was hurting everyone, I told him that he shouldn't dare feel sorry for doing the right thing and that she was trying to make him feel bad for doing what was right and convince him that he should go back to doing what is wrong, this seemed to help him. My husband was also worried about how she might retaliate at work, how she might mess up orders and things for him that she had control over, this hasn't happened, but I told him that if it did, we would deal with that when it happended.
He has not responded to her at all, she has only called him two other times, once to say she wanted a tape back from him that she had lent to him ( I think this was just a way to try and worm her way back in) and another leaving him some work info, which he also ignored. I saw this woman near my home when she was visiting her friend, but at the time didn't know why she was in my neighborhood, I followed her and she finally pulled into a gas station where I confronted her, I told her that my husband and I were happy, that he didn't want to see her again and she said he had made that perfectly clear, I told her to stay away from my family and if she didn't that I would deal with her on my own. She seemed very scared and it helped me in a way I can't explain to you to finally face her. Talk with your husband, if you feel comfortable, about doing a goodbye letter. There is a wonderful outline for one of these here on marriage builders, basically showing the OW that what happened was a mistake that he will not be having any contact with her and that you and he are working on your marriage. I hope your day is going well, hang in there, when I was going through all this at the beginning, it was the worst pain I'd ever endured in my life. I had to go on anti-depressants and anxiety medication, I went off the anxiety meds after we got back together, but am still on the anti-depressants, they have really helped me to control my emotions as I am a very emotional personality.
Will he consider marriage counseling, we have been going for about a month and it really has helped. I have also been seeing someone separately for counseling myself, also helps.
I will keep praying. Write me anytime.

I just don't know if they affair with the OW is over like he said. She too was making him feel really bad for what he had done when he tried to call it off a few weeks ago, but I think he was falling for it. She's trying everything, I think she even bought up the fact that she was worried about her son because I'm sure that a real good realtionship had been developed there, my husband is awesome with kids. My husband did say that he was tired of hurting everyone (family, me and her) He said he was afraid it looked like he was out to hurt everyone.
I wish my husband would go see a counselor for a lot of reasons, not only ours, but past things. But right now he's too head strong (or proud) and doesn't feel he needs any help.I did go to a counselor for about 2 months but then there wasn't anything to say, so now I have been sitting and waiting.
This has been going on since Sept. He moved out in Sept and started the affair about the same time. I very rarely get to speak to him or see hi, he makes it a point not to have any contact with me.

Thanks for listening to me.

Do you two have children?
You said that he was going to let you know something this week about whether or not he was going to come home, was he supposed to call you or come see you or was this your idea or his? I think he probably does still love you, but the OW is what brings them to feel like they doesn't love you anymore. My husband has always been someone that I was sure he loved me, It was the one thing I knew. But as soon as she came into the picture, suddenly he wasn't sure that he loved me anymore and he wanted to leave. He did love me and he just wanted an easy way out of the problems we were having, that way he wouldn't have to work on them or face them. I told my husband that he could definitely not come home until he gave her up, stick to that, all contact must be broken with her. If he can't do that yet, then we just have to keep praying that he will do what he knows is right and return to his wife. God wants this and you do to. And where "two or three agree together in my name" miracles can happen, agree with me that God will turn his heart towards you. Tell him that you love him very much and that if he will cut all ties with her and commit to the marriage that you will do everything in your power to prove that love to him, that you can get counseling and work on this together. And if he won't go to counseling with you, go yourself, you need to talk to someone one on one. But I am going to believe that you and he will get together if that is what you want and it sounds like you do.

We are thinking on the exact same path here.
I too think my husband still loves me and she is just confusing him. I really feel in my heart that he loves me.
He was suppose to let me know today by my calculations and I haven't heard from him yet.
Maybe no news is good news.
I will do anything to save this marriage, anything.
He knows that they have to be done completely before he can return and we don't have any children.
I feel that prayer is the most powerful thing around and thank you very much for praying with me. That truly means a lot, a lot of my friends have pretty much given up hope, but not me. I just can't, something is telling me to wait and be patient and I plan to.
Thanks so much.

I put you in my prayers and good look to you and your future together. Be strong he will be back it may not be when you want it but, God makes things happen in due time.

Thank you so much for the prayer. I really feel the same way, I have to just be patient.

Sometimes your friends think they are giving good advice or their idea of support and it just makes things worse. Everyone kept telling me that "once a cheat, always a cheat" mantra and I really didn't believe that. You have to go with what your heart tells you and your knowledge of your husband tells you, no one knows him as well as you. Even when you feel like you don't know him, go with what your instincts are telling you, you're are probably right. I knew that my husband and I had been fighting over the same things over the years and that the fighting (love busting) finally took all I had and I became the one who showed no affection, unless he showed it first, I didn't compliment him or tell him I appreciated him. He was good to me, but I took it for granted and he finally gave up. We both had empty love banks and when this happened and I saw that a man I knew would never cheat on me, actually cheated and was willing to give up someone he said was the love of his life, me, and the family he loved. It hit me dead in the head and the heart and I realized I really, really love this man and I have to show him that and convince him that we can make this work, once he realized I really did want him back and that I really did love him and wanted to work on our problems, and that I would forgive this affair, if he had truly given her up, it was pretty easy for him to come back. It was a Sunday night at church, I was sitting there knowing that my husband was in his temporary home, a hotel, and God truly spoke to my heart and said go get your husband. I did and told him what I told you to tell your husband and he said he did want to come home and agreed to all those things. It was hard because I felt that I had to hold in my anger about some things and I really do think a lot of the anger issues have to be deal with through a counselor, so they don't blow up. But all in all, it has been a huge eye opener and shown us both how to treat each other with a love, affection and respect that we've never known before. That's not to say we don't ever disagree, but it's just different, because we see how damaging words and actions can be.

Wow, I am truly amazed at how much our marriages are a lot alike. I too was the same way, never showed any affection until he did. Then I read the 5 love languages book and it made me realize where I was going wrong.I now know where I have to change myself.

I think that God out that book into my hands for a reason.

Thanks for sharing your life with me and all your help and suggestions, I am truly going to take everything you say to heart.

Keep praying and I will also pray for you and your husbands happiness to continue.

Thanks for everything.

My counselor had recommended that book and I looked for it at the Library and it was checked out, I am going to reserve it and read it. Thanks for listening to me too. I still have some really hard days, it's only been 2 months today since he came back home, so there is still a lot of hurt and I still am working on the trust. It's hard, but it's worth it.
God Bless.

Well, prayer must be working because I never received a phone call or visit from my husband about his decision on what to do with our marriage. He told me two weeks and my hopes are that God is working his way in him.
I'm going home this weekend to visit our families (his and mine) and to see his newborn neice, who he has never seen. I was told by my sister-in-law last week that he said he was not coming to visit.
Pray with me that we reconcile before then and that he goes home with me and that seeing that precious angel will bring him to his senses.

I will pray that if it's God's will for you two to meet up this weekend that it will happen. I have continued to pray for your marriage each day. I do believe that it's going to work, keep the faith, ok! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'll be here today if you need to talk. I do all my postings during my down time at work. The kids hog the computer at home!

Thank you for continuing to pray for us. I feel very good about this working out. In my opinion if my husband wanted the divorce he has been talking about for months, I would have already received those papers.I just keep praying that God ends that affair w/ the OW soon because then I know my husband can see that he needs to return home more clear. I have to go with no news is good news.
I spoke to his mother yesterday and she stated that she didn't think we would end divorce either, she doesn't think that is what he wants to do.
I'm really strongly thinking that my husband may be bipolar. My counselor suggested it a few months ago and I think that may be a lot of our problems. This has become a yearly thing for him ever since we have been married. First two years in May, June area and the last 4 years it starts in the Aug. Sept. area. (first time having an affair) It progressively takes him longer to come back around every year. I'm not saying this is for a fact the problem and I do know that I haven't been that great of a wife in providing for him with his proper needs. I think that's why he's having an affair, but know I can improve on myself and provide to him like he wants and likes.

I think it's a really good sign that his mother thinks he doesn't want the divorce. When is the last time you spoke with him? Also, don't take on too much responsiblity. You have to keep what he's done separate from the needs you didn't fulfill, do not blame yourself in any way for this. I still fight with this in my head, but am doing a "lot" better. I know it's hard to separate the two things, but he made the choice, regardless of what needs he wasn't having filled. Maybe his mom would agree to convince him to see someone about the bi-polar issue?