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#342392 01/21/03 12:33 AM
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<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Sometimes I wish I could erase the past. (Well, try every day..thankfully I don't dwell on the past every day now)

The other day, the reality of my past hit me in a fresh painful way. The damage I did. The hurt. The chaos. The ripple effect. It was almost like waking up from what you think is a bad dream and finding to your disappointment it really was true.

Tonight I was at a baby shower and the pastor's wife who replaced me was there. She refuses to speak to me and when someone asked about my gift, she would not acknowledge me by name--she just pointed at me.

I don't want to be best friends or anything. But it's been almost two years. Shouldn't we be able to be in the same room with the same friends and move past all this?

If God could forgive me, why is she so much bigger than Him? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sorry..I am just tired. Had a bad day at work with my so called job partner--she is letting me take all the load for a project. I am always so nice (on the outside.)but wouldn't I be more true to myself and my partner to "let it rip" and clear the air? I am so afraid of confrontation.

Ironic...this afternoon I was mad for not being honest about feeling angry..tonight I was hurt by my own past dishonesty.

Sorry..I know this is more a vent than a prayer request.

I just wonder when I will feel "normal" again--when will I be acceptable to myself and others?

Hopefully sometime soon!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for your prayers.

<small>[ January 20, 2003, 11:35 PM: Message edited by: freshstart ]</small>

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Fresh Start,
I really don't have time to post this, but I consider you a dear friend. I am sorry that you are going thru such a struggle right now. All I can really say is to fix, really fix your eyes on the savior Jesus Christ, and you will see that all that people do and think will seem to vanish from your mind.

May you recieve a special touch from the Lord today to get you thru,
knight

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Knight, you are the best!

I am doing better. I can't change the pastor's wife nor the past. I can only celebrate that I repented and H was willing to forgive me..plus the awesome people from that church who still love me, despite the fact that I wronged them.

I had a chat with my boss about my job share partner and she confirmed that I am not imagining my troubles. She is concerned, too. She is going to help me address some things.

On a different note, my friend who is in the rehabilitation hospital (remember--he had surgery to remove an anuerysm and became paralyzed on the total right side of his body?) IS REGAINING SOME FEELING!! Praise God. It has only been two months--wow, two months on Saturday (surgery Nov 25)--it is such a miracle!

I've been thinking about how it's 2 years from d-day in a couple weeks (Feb 15)--maybe that got me into a bad frame of mind.

Thanks so much for your prayers!

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FS,

The enemy wants to tear you down and have you to focus your attention on the bad and vile, but look at things thru the Lords eyes and you will see the you are coming up on a 2 yr birthday. You should celebrate at God's goodness. I know what it is like to focus too much on what others think and I only end up depressed or stressed or confused. Keep on livin for the Lord and all those who used to turn their heads away from you will start to take notice at what the Lord is doing thru and in you and turn their heads toward you to see what is going on, and want to know how you can have so much freedom in Christ. God bless you. And praise the Lord for all he is doing around you.

knight

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(((Knight))): Thank you for giving me that word. It is very prophetic. I have been slipping backwards in my freedom since December. Maybe I'll email you later regarding that.

Thanks for your encouragement.

Again, regarding my friend, another miracle is happening. He wants to get back to work (he works in the financial sector)--he is concerned about his penmanship (he is right-handed and cannot use his right hand yet) and his speech. I met another man through work who has 7 years of recovery since a brain injury and has held some awesome jobs. He wants to meet our friend and give him advice on how to get to work.

I do marvel at how God reveals Himself so powerfully in my life. It gives me hope. I was reading an old Salvation Army book this morning and William Booth refered to the Apostle Peter as a great General of God--that was so healing to me. Peter denied Christ and was redeemed. In my own way by committing adultery, I denied Christ's Lordship in my life but He forgave me and healed me.

I can really feel the prayers. My housework has slid during my introspection these past weeks and I have already cleaned most of my youngest daughter's room (hers wins the Messy Award..mine is next <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> lol)

The power of Jesus Christ in my life is energizing and healing! Praise Him and Praise Him for sending me awesome friends and family in Christ, like you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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Hey FS, Sorry to hear you had such a bad week last week, but I'm happy to hear that things are turning around.
Good news about your friend!
You know we all go through those down times, and thank God for them, because it is then that we acknowledge Him, and when we are in the valley, you know that God is working, as the devil is trying so hard to get us down.
I will also keep you in my prayers.

I must apologize for not being on this link alot these past months, I have been on the prayer thread under Divorced. I promise to be more faithful in checking in here more often!

Knight I am also very curious as to how you and your family are, is there a baby yet?

Thanks to you fresh start and Knight, for your prayers as well over my niece, she is doing some what better, I haven't talked to her for a while, but no news is good news!

God Bless you and give you joy in abundance!
Love in Christ, Monika

<small>[ January 29, 2003, 12:03 AM: Message edited by: Stillwaiting ]</small>

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Monika,

A couple of days ago I posted an update in the recovery board, please check it out. No baby till April or May, we are still trying to come up with the right name for him.

God bless,
knight

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Monika, thanks for your words.

Monika, Knight and Praying Friends, good news and not sure if it's bad news!

I might be "promoted" to full time at work before summer. My "partner" might be leaving to start some minsitry work with her H. We are going through some difficult times financially but I know God is looking after us.

Our friend might be sent out of town. I am very worried for him as his father told us the family will meet one week from today to discuss whether he should be sent to a small community close to a 2 hour drive away. We are worried as all we are familiar with that in that community is a mental facility and our friend doesn't need to be in a psych ward. If there are good facilities to help him with his physical rehabilation and regaining speech, then we are delighted.

H is such a blessing--he said we just have to plan a weekly outing so we can continue to be a brother and sister in Christ to Friend.

You guys, I can't believe it's nearly 2 years since d-day. It doesn't feel real. My life is so busy right now but so full of love and blessings, too.

Thank you for being patient, loving, persevering friends and not just to me--thank you for continuing to minister to one another here and holding out hope for recovery to other MBers.


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