Dear Brothers-
Please pray for the restoration of my marriage of 4+ years to my wife Kelly. She filed for divorce about 6 weeks ago. We have had a lot of arguments over the past years, but there has never been anything like abuse or anything. She has had a lot of health problems with her back and with Hashimoto's hypothyroidism. of course, the lord in this time has also showed me that I was putting a lot of things in equal or greater priority to her, and i have obviously been no gem myself. We have been separated for over a year, but have been living as married in two households, another mistake I know, but have spent the majority of our free time together, talked on the phone when we couldn't get together, and just prior to this had been looking for apartments and discussing getting back into the same place. Then this. I love my wife so very much, and i know that we are God's intended for each other. Please pray for her heart to be softened and changed, for the Lord to fill her heart with love for me again, and to fill it with the desire for reconciliation. She runs from me when she sees me, she refuses contact and communication with me, and seems to be undeterred in making this happen. please help in prayer, I love her so much, and I miss her terribly. I can't see my life without her, and I don't believe I was ever intended to.
In His love,
Matt Dawson

Matt:

You've come to the right place. I am in a similar situation, in that my wife and I are separated, and she has filed for divorce as well. She, too, has been incommunicado for the most part, but does call when we have business to conduct. I miss her a great deal, too.

This forum is a good place to discuss these issues and request support. It is critical during this time to evaluate your own past behavior as to your wife's EN's, and see what changes you can make in yourself. You cannot change your wife, but you can modify your own behavior so she WANTS to be with you.

Right now, give her the time she wants. Don't bug her. Patience, patience, patience. There are some excellent books you could read, His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Harley, or Every Woman's Desire by Stephen Arterburn. There is another book called Hope for the Separated, but I cannot recall the author's name. These are all available on Amazon.com -- where you can improve yourself first.

Your wife needs to make up her own mind about coming back to you. You need to provide a place that is safe, secure, and pleasant -- much like it was when you were dating. Granted, today you're both different people, but in a nutshell -- be nice, and be selfless. Care about her -- that's what she's wanted from the very beginning. Make her your first priority, meet her EN's and understand that she won't be fulfilling yours until you earn your trust with her again. It will take a long time and it won't be easy, since you'll get sad that she's gone quite often. Many will recommend that you consider Anti-D's during this time, to stay upbeat.

My wife, the daughter of Southern Baptist ministers, was being emotionally trampled before my eyes. I had no idea I was responsible, since my simplistic interpretation of Corinthians made me the Chief Tie-Breaker. My wife was as submissive as she could be, but silently resented every time I overruled her. Eventually, the resentment built up, and she snapped. It didn't help that her parents told her, "A Christian wife doesn't try to change her husband -- she prays for him."

I was blind to my own shortcomings, thinking my wife had the problem. As such, I repeated a number of LB's, which brings us to where we are today. My only saving grace is that she's being deployed to Bosnia, and I have another year to bring my account into the black, if she lets me.

Like many men, after we got married, I thought it was her job to nurture me, and so I failed to appreciate her on a regular basis. I focused on work, school, and making demands. When she wasn't responding, I made her feel like it was her fault. It wasn't. She took advice from her mother, who suffers silently, too. When she realized she didn't want to be her mother, she didn't want her mother's marriage, either. This is true, even though my W adores her father.

It took 2+ years for me to withdraw my LU's from her account, and it will take a longer time before I can build the account up again.

It's sounds like you're in the same boat. Fix yourself first. Once you admit your own faults, she may be able to forgive you, especially if she's Christian and a good woman. She probably still cares for you, but is tired of not feeling loved.

Sometimes, we don't get a second chance, but it's worth trying, especially if you believe in the commitment you made before God. If you don't change or modify your selfish behaviors -- even if she came back today -- you'd just repeat this pattern with her. Worse, if you divorce and still don't better yourself -- you'll pick the same type of wife and history will repeat itself.

You may wish sign up with Cajunky's prayer requests for Wednesday nights for marriage restoration.

I'll pray for the best, which is what God has planned, anyway. It may not be what we want, but it is what we need.

God Bless you and your family.

Matt,
I have written your name on my prayer list and will certainly pray for you! I also am praying for reconciliation with my husband (we were divorced in October <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . ***edit***

Immerse yourself in prayer and the Word because those are going to be your greatest weapons in the fight for your battle... along with your faith. You see, you are not fighting your wife... you are fighting Satan. He wants nothing more than for your marriage to be destroyed! He is the thief that steals.

Both you and this other man, "awake", had your eyes "opened" by the Lord as a result of your marriage problems... as I also did. You both recognize your own sin and praise the Lord for your humble confession of your sins and for your repentance and sincerity of heart! God will bless that!

I have read so many amazing testimonies of healed and restored marriages, and I do not believe that any situation is hopeless or beyond God's power to heal. I do believe that His will is for every marriage to stay together... not fraught with problems or abuse, etc... but molded and matured into a Godly, loving marriage. Divorce is never God's perfect will. He can use this to change you into a Godly husband, to make you more like Him, and to create a beautiful marriage!

Remember Christ's death. Two things. First, Christ suffered for his beloved. He loves us... he willingly died for us in order to save us. You will have to suffer as well and die to yourself for your wife. You may have to endure her anger for awhile, you may have to humble yourself even more, you may have to spend the next however long with sorrow as your companion. I know I do. I have chosen to weep and mourn and hold onto my love for my husband and my hope for reconciliation rather than going the world's ways and becoming angry or bitter or vengeful or "moving on" as is the advice of the world.

So remember Christ and his suffering, and also remember Christ and how what Satan intended for evil, God intended for good! Jesus HAD to die in order for us to live! His death was the greatest thing that could happen, yet on that day, as those who loved him watched him die, they thought it was over. They could not understand how it could happen and how anything good could come of it.

Often, things must die before they can live. When we are saved, our old nature dies. Before we get our eternal bodies, we will die. And, it may be that your "old" marriage is dying or dead, but God can certainly bring to life a new, improved and wonderful marriage! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> To your human eyes, it looks hopeless just as Christ's death looked hopeless.

Faith. Faith is "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

I will be praying for you!!! Let your wife be right now. Do not try to convince her to stay with you but let her go and pray, pray, pray and have faith that God can work to bring her back to you! Do not get in the way of Him. She has a "hate wall" up towards you right now and the more you push, the more she will want to escape.

Seek the Lord and build up your faith so that the next time she talks to you she will see that you are changing. Do not pursue her right now but pursue God and trust that He is more than able to restore your marriage. He can soften her heart and then it will be time to pursue, but while her heart is hard, you have to just pray for her and let her be.

***edit***

You will be in my prayers. Say a prayer for me & my husband too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God bless!

I will have you both in my prayers. Please pray for my H and I. We start counseling on Monday. I am just trying to make it through the weekend. His heart loves me and wants to be married, but his head wants something different. Can anyone even undersand that? Good luck.