I am new to this board and find it so helpful to hear of others in positions such as mine.<BR>Briefly, my husband walked out in January, blamed me for ruining his life and promptly began a new life - with a woman seventeen years younger than he. He is 47, she is 30.<BR>Since that time he has become a habitual liar, he cannot even look at me without hatred and he has become a virtual stranger to our children (ages 12, 9 and 7). He lies to the children constantly and puts them in the middle of conflict every chance he gets.<BR>After reading the posts here I realize that many of the betrayers fit a certain profile; any negative character traits that they may have at one time possessed become that much more pronounced. My husband has taken my 3 children to his apartment for thanksgiving dinner tonight. The OW will be there doing the cooking. My children have only met her (briefly) once before tonight. After reading the Bible Study forum pages I just turned it all over to God and am trying so, so hard to forgive him and his OW. My children, however, are suffering tremendously because of his actions. He is still their father in body but in actions and spirit he has become a complete stranger to them. I can empathize so greatly with all of you here, especially those of you with children. Nellie, Willbok and Mental come to mind right away as I've only started reading here for a couple days.<BR>My husband also has turned everything around to make it seem as though everything was my fault. Whenever he does speak to me it is a profanity-laced conversation itemizing my faults and deficiencies thereby justifying his actions to take up with this OW. He has told me she is a good cook, she LOVES him, she is a better mother, she has a wonderful job. Sometimes I think that he has done so many horrendous things this year to me and, particularly, to his children that even he feels that he could never undo the damage. I think this is why he so earnestly tries to keep up his relationship with the OW -- he has lost everything because of his reprehensible behavior this past year and she is all he has left.

Hi, Moving on and Welcome. You're right, of course. They all do sound a lot alike, don't they??<P>My H even TOLD his brother that, even though he knows he messed up bigtime, he can't go back and undo - the guilt is a tremendous motivator, unfortunately, more than love and common sense.<P>Keep on reading. There is lots to learn and a lot of great people here to help you through.<P>Hang in there.<P>Lori

Hi moving on.<P>Welcome. Glad you're here.<P>I'm sorry your H is being so awful - it's so amazing how they change. When I first started here, I used to read about the Jekyll and Hyde facets of these betrayers - but didn't quite understand it. As time moves on, and my H is still working and seeing OW, I know what they mean.<BR>He simply is not the man that I know. He has changed. Not for the better. He was loving, caring, responsive, didn't communicate much about feelings, but he showed them and that's ok.<BR>My H has never put our children in the middle of anything, I think they are too young for that. For your H to do that, is reprehensible. The children need to be left out of this at all costs.<BR>I do wonder about the profanity laced conversations, do you need to listen to that. This man has probably already destroyed most of your self esteem and self worth - dont let him continue. Can you not hang up the ph. Please dont let him take you down further - this path is hard enough for us as it is.<BR>His OW may in fact not be such a fantastic cook, does she have children (his comment - shes a fantastic mother) and is she really all that great.<BR>From what I read and have learnt here - the betrayer is in fantasy land where the OP is concerned - they could be a witch and they would still think she is wonderful/beautiful etc etc etc. LA LA land !!!<BR>I guess we all need to let them go their way, but be here for them. <BR>Nothing we do or say is going to change their feelings for the OP at this point in time. Everything we say, or do, is wrong and perceived as why they don't want to be us anyway. This OP can do no wrong at the moment. Crazy crazy crazy.<BR>I still don't understand it all myself.<P>I feel that I havent been much help, but I did read your post, and wanted to tell you to hang in, and hang on. The ride is so hard.<BR>I don't have answers for myself, let alone anyone else, however, everyone here is wonderful. So supportive, so loving and so caring. What we all need at this point in our lives.<P>Take care of you, and yours<P>Jo

MovingOn,<P>Well, a sad welcome to you - sorry you have to be here with the rest of us.<P>I think the words infidelity and insanity go well together, don't you think???? <P>I am sorry you and your children are experiencing the worse side of your H's personality. Really, of all the people he is lying to - he is lying to HIMSELF the most! I too have experienced the re-writing of history - H has to cast us negativley to help justify his continued actions.<P>Please feel that you can come here for support when you are down and to vent hurt and anger. Try as best you can to focus on yourself and your children. They need at least one stable parent...<P>Roll Me Away

i just wanted to add that my guy is doing EXACTLY the same things...in the beginning he just screamed at me..it was disgusting, it still is, sometimes I waiver in and out but I realize that it is him not me and it is hard to keep that perspective when your blown away and then they hit you when your down....in fact he disappeared for two month (this was three months ago) when I found him I screamed..."Now I'm feeling better and I'mstandinghere come back here and face me like a man you coward..." little did I realize that at that time I was actually subconciously (sp?) realizing exactly what was happening...meaning that he had to justify himself to the ends of the earth..and his anger directed at me was nothing more than guilt*sigh* but it took me head just until afew eeks ago to get that clearly into my mind, although it doesn't help much at times, in fact now I am still having trouble with anger and sadness intermittently...**** well I guess we jus tneed to look to the sky not to the ground as my grandmotehr would say I want you all to know that I logged on today to keep in mind that I am not alone and if I am not then niether are you! At least were not totally lsoing it, it's definitley them and our reactions are normal....God Bless and may he fill and surround you with peace..all of you...