Hi, I'm new here. My husband and I have been separated for 3 1/2 months now. He just left one day saying that he wanted out. I know that the devil has gotten a good hold of him and he has struggled quite a bit. I love him very much and miss him but I think I need to get together with him soon and discuss our problems and see if he is willing to work on reconciliation. I'm afraid that his response will be no and hurt me again but I need to take that chance. Otherwise I will feel like I never even gave it a try. Please pray for me to have the courage to do so and for us to have the Hope that things can work out for us. I believe that prayer is very powerful and that is why I'm asking. If anyone has any advise, please give. Thank You!

<small>[ September 25, 2003, 09:55 PM: Message edited by: hopeful98 ]</small>

I will pray for you honey. I posted this recommendation to another prayer request - have you read "how to save your marraige alone" by Dr Ed Wheat? It is Christ centered and gave me the strength to keep fighting. It is very inexpensive and your Pastor may already have a copy. I am very sorry for your pain.

PS-

There are lots of good articles on marriage at

http://www.christianitytoday.com

and here is one on working on your marraige alone:

http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/8m4/8m4038.html

Thank You allforone

I have not read that book but will look for it as soon as I can. Thank you for your prayers.

I actually talked to him 2 days ago. He just sat in silence as I talked my heart out. I guess it's good that he didn't react and say mean things to me. He just took everything in. I told him that I wasn't expecting to get a response from him right there but that I was greatful for him actually meeting me. I've done my part now and will leave it in the Lord's hands. I know there are other things I can do but I've asked God to guide me and show me. He's put many book in my path which I've learned alot from and he still keeps giving me more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank You! Please keep praying for me!

Dear hopeful98,
you are definitely in my prayers, as one "...Praying Wife" to another. Remember to lean on Christ to see you through.

I wonder if this may be a time for you to further strengthen your spritual walk and cultivate some interests and hobbies that are positive and productive. Doing so may help limit the urge to focus so much on your current pain.

allforone,
thank you for the helpful information. I just read the "Do-It-Yourself Marriage" article you provided the link for--very helpful.

May I ask that you each pray for me, my husband, and our three children. As the one working to salvage my marriage, I am shifting my concern from my husband's inconsistent efforts to improve things, to being more consistent with my prayer and positive actions, and in being careful to nurture the best in our children who are impacted by the tension and confusion between my husband and I.

Thank you and may God continue to bless each of you as you work through difficult times in your marriages. Remember that "this too shall pass."

I need some more prayers right now, PLEASE! I met with my H a few days ago and asked him for forgiveness of all my faults in the marriage and told him that I'd like to work on our problems if he was willing. He didn't say anything then but he sent me an email today. He pretty much just says that it's over. He said he'll pray that I find a good man in my life that will be my life partner. It hurts so MUCH right now. He's the ONLY partner that I want in my life. PLEASE pray for me!!!!! I know that God is there but I just feel so desperate right now. I HATE my life and I just wish I could give up. I LOVE my H and this hurts too much. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!!!!

YOu are in my prayers. Last night I had a dream I was praying and the words were very vivid, Id like to share becuse I feel its soemthing IM suppose to do..
"Lord, I pray you put laborers across the paths of those hurtting and lost, I pray for thos who have caused great pain to others put people in their path so that they might see the pain inflicted and repent for it and stop. Lord I pray for a healing of all your children in their marriages and other relationships. Lord I ask that thos who do believe will be led to be merciful and gracious and may you be th e words they speak and the actions they take. Amen"

Please stay hopeful, "hopeful98." I lift you up in prayer and am fully expecting God to give you the strength and courage to endure this difficult time.

"hurtmorethanheknow" offered a beatiful prayer, that I also expect will bring about positive change.

Sadly, I can relate to exactly how you're feeling. My husband has continually said--even this morning--that he hopes I can "find someone else," because he doesn't think that he is the "right one" for me. I have come to consider those remarks as coming from the most dark and depressed part of his being who can't see the light of change. The man that I fell in love with has been lost to this despair and I am praying that the wonderful person who won my heart finds his way back.

I mention all of this because I wonder if your husband may also be struggling with depression or confusion about his life in general. Sometimes people think that if they keep "changing" certain facets of their life they will feel better. You may have filled a void for him at one time that is no longer being met. I don't necessarily mean an "emotional need." It may be, or it may be the part of his life that can only be filled by drawing closer to God.

Does your husband hold the same Christian beliefs as you? Would you say that you are at a different level spiritually than he is? These are just some things to consider.

Does your husband have a pattern of "running" when he feels like something in his life is out of order? Has he changed jobs often? Moved often? Had several relationships with members of the opposite sex before meeting you (these may have been serious and monogomous or simultaneous and promiscuous)? Does he have a positive and consistent relationship with his parents, siblings (if any), and other relatives?

I raise these points, because these are behavior patterns that I have observed in my husband and the spouse of another friend working through a difficult marriage. I hope they bring you some insight.

In the meantime, you will be in my prayers. I'm not sure if you mentioned keeping a journal. If not, it might be a good time to start one. It will help you to nurture yourself during this important time.

Again, stay HOPEFUL, and know that God has something wonderful in store for you (it may be personal or professional). I don't want you to be too upset to receive His blessing when it comes your way.

Hope
i to was at a loss, we had been out of church for awhile, I went back on my own without him, he kept telling me I was changing,he started to go with us,I honestly believe that the help the church ,pastor family gave is what is getting us thru.I try to stay positive not always easy but I do.I love my family,god wants us together, and once we got back in the word we both realized there was some changes to be made...we are...I wish you luck, hope,faith , love and peace

Thank You Prayer & Patience!

Yes, that was a beautiful prayer. Thank you "hurtmorethanheknow"! I'm going to print it out and tape it to my wall that I may repeat it every day.

Yes, I do believe my H is struggling with depression. About a month back he had a situation where in the middle of the night he saw an ugly slobbering creature sitting on the couch. (he's living with his mother) He said that their eyes met and then he vanished into a picture hanging on the wall. At that moment the picture fell. I know it sounds creepy but I believe it. Two church Pastors came over to see him at 3:00am and prayed and sang with him. They even anointed him with oil. One of the Pastors did say that he saw my H very depressed. The other thought that he could be seeing things. I believe it was the devil himself. A few days before this incident, my H had mentioned to a woman from church that all he had wanted was to go out in the world and party, drink and do whatever. He told her that he had gone out there and done all those things but he didn't like it. He just wanted to be back at church with all the people he knows. I do think he's just confused about his life in general. The night he left me, he told me that he had decided that God was not going to be a part of his life anymore. He said that he had cried out to God the week before and God just wasn't there for him. He says he doesn't need God but he KNOWS he can't live without him. He's been over to my cousin's house (who's husband is a Pastor) just because he needed a prayer (at 10:00pm).

Yes, he does hold the same Christian beliefs as I do but his faith has never been as strong as mine. (not that I'm a saint or anything) I was born into this religion but he wasn't. We actually met when we were about 7 or 8 years old, at church. Yes, I would definitely say that I'm at a different level spiritually.

No, I wouldn't say my husband has a pattern of running whe he feels like something in his life is out of order. He's in his 5th job right now since we got married 5 years ago. We've moved 3 times ever since. No, he did not have many relationships before going out with me. I don't think he ever even dated. He's told me I was his first girlfriend back when we were 19 & 20. I'd say he has an Ok relationship with his mother. His biological father left his mother when he was a baby. He's only seen him about 5 times since. He had an excellent relationship with his only brother until he chose to leave me. His brother was very hurt and upset at what he's done. That's one thing that really bothered him. I think his brother has been the only true male role that he's had in his life. He did have a step-father that he loved very much but he left his mother for another woman.

Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. Yes, I do keep a journal and it has helped alot. I started it two weeks after he left.

I'm trying to stay as HOPEFUL as I can and I know that God has something wonderful in store for me. Thank you for reminding me!

You are ALL in my prayers as well. Thanks!

Me again!

I just spoke to my cousin and she was telling me that she spoke to my H yesterday. He told her about our conversation and how he replied to me a few days ago. He did confess that the fight he had after our talk did have to do with OW. It was a guy that has been bothering her, so he was defending her. She asked him if he was still with her then and he said they've been working at it. How can he give it a try in working it out with OW and NOT ME??????????? He just quit with me. I don't understand. He just met her some months back but has known me for about 18 years!!!! I'm hurt but I do understand that this is still FOG TALK. When we met last Sunday I told him that if he decided to come back, to know that he would find many open arms. I told him that the widest arms he would find would be that of his wives. When he was talking to my cousin yesterday he told her what I told him and made it seem that he didn't care what he was doing now 'cause I had told him I'd be there with my arms open whenever he wanted. I didn't mean FOREVER!! What do I do now??

How could he ask me to pray for him when he was going to beat up some guy that was bothering OW?? The NERVE of him!!!!

I'm so hurt and lost. PLEASE KEEP PRAYING! My cousin was telling me that it's probably time to give up on him. I DON'T WANT TO!!!!

I am going to offer you some words given to me when I was at a very low point.
"Lord, the devil has a hold on (insert name here)
but he cant have him lord. You promised me my household and I have claimed them all! Lord my faith in you is what has kept me going and will continue to do so. All I ask Lord is that you do whatever it takes to break the hold. End th edepression. Lord this family needs a healing, this man needs a healing. Please lift them up so that what seeds have been planted may grow. I thank you Lord, Lord please help (insert your name) to continue in her walk with you lord. She needs you lord, Wrap your arms around this family and lift them up, send laborers across the path of the ow, show her the actions being taken are wrong, lord I thnak you...Amen"

Hi there -

I'm going to tell you to do what no one else has - which isn't to give up on your H - but to shift your focus. Don't focus on your H but focus on the Lord and getting closer to Him. Spend more time in prayer and ask Christ what He wants you to do one step at a time. Do whatever Christ says to do (through prayer or reading the Word)and don't look at long term plans - but trust in the Lord that He can arrange the long-term for His will by telling you exactly what to do today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And when you pray, pray for His will to be done - because it will help you to shift focus. I do 100% believe that the Lord intends for marriages to last forever because they are sacred. However, you are seeking to do the will of the Lord (remain married) - but your husband isn't, which definitely puts him on a different level spiritually. It is my opinion that a person who does not submit to the Lord is not a true Christian - at least not yet, until they actually put Him in the position of Lord and submit. When this is the case - they are considered an unbeliever in 1 Corinthians where Paul says that a believer is not bound to an unbeliever who chooses to end the marriage on their own (like your H). So - while I do believe that marriage is sacred, and that you are doing the right thing by trying to salvage your marriage - I want you to know that it is entirely possible that it isn't God's will for your marriage to continue. I tell you this because some spouses work to sabotage any relationship you have with the Lord - and He comes first - even in a marital relationship. Can I know what the Lord wants you to do? No - but He will tell *you* what He wants you to do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And when you do just what He asks - focusing on what you can do right now, as told - and letting go of the long term, you will never be defeated. God would not ask you to do anything that you can't do - and He asks according to His will - and when you do as you are told - you are fulfilling His will. This is peace honey.

I really liked this article, please read it:

It's called "When God seems silent"
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2003/002/2.44.html

God bless you, hopeful.

Hopeful98, At this time the best thing you can do to save your marriage is to not start any contact with him. Just read your Bible and fast and pray. If you contact him anymore you will chase him away. God will turn his heart toward home; When God feels that you are ready and not sooner. I pray that you will get a copy of the book how God can and will restore your marriage from http://www.restoreministries.net/. I just got through reading the book for men and wish I found it a year ago when my wife walked off. God wants you to be ready before he will return your husband. remember that God hates divorce as he says in Malachi 2:16. Use this time to draw closer to him. Smiaj

Once again I am asking for your prayers.

OW has ended relationship with H once again. I pray that this will truly be the END of it all.
He spoke to a relative of his and told him that OW had just left him. He went into detail telling him how he's been having alot of problems with OW's family. They must not like him. He seemed pretty hurt and depressed.

My MIL was telling me that H showed up at church service tonight. There is a special week of prayer going on. I thought of going but for some reason didn't. Glad I didn't because he probably would not have gone in if he had seen my car outside. MIL was telling me that the topic for tonight was about relationships. He just sat with her and paid close attention the entire time. He promised he would go back tomorrow. MIL was very grateful 'cause she had just been praying for him with a friend and then went to sit down. Not even 5 minutes later, he walked in.

I know that God is working with him, just like he's working with me. Please keep us in your prayers. God willing, I will be moving into my own apartment soon. (currently live with parents) I just need to save up a little more. Please pray! Thank You!

"lORD, WE KNOW YOU ARE DOING A WORK IN THIS MARRIAGE. PLease put blocks between him and other woman, whatever it takes lord. Break those ties. Humble him to you lord, show him his path. Bless this woman for her strength and belief in you lord." good luck and god bless

Thank You Hurtmorethanheknows! I needed to hear that.

I have a question now. As I've said before, I want to move out of my parents house. One of the reasons for that is that I'd like to create an environment where my husband would want to come back to. (he would NEVER come back while I'm living with my parents) I had already decided to move and told my mother. I keep praying to God and asking him to show me if that decision is correct or not. This morning, as I was listening to "How God can and Will Restore Your Marriage" tape on my way to work (ordered on RestoreMinsitries) Erin was saying that if we believe that our spouse will be back, we need to live like it. To leave his side of the bed empty, his side of the closet empty and to even wear our wedding ring. Then she said that we need to trust but let God work. Not to jump ahead of God. She suggests that we DON'T move out or buy a home with the intention of it being for "US". We must let God work first. Now, I'm doubting if this is a good decision or not. This is the 2nd time I listen to this tape but I don't remember hearing that the first time. Is God answering my prayer? Should I move out or just wait and see what happens first? I strongly do believe that my H will be back and God is giving me alot of patience and strenght to live One day at at Time. Anybody have any comments? I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

I couldnt tell you what it means. TO me I would think yes to the ring, ofcourse his side of the bed should be empty closet to I gues. Moving???
I would do what I feel in my heart is right...Do you honestly think he will come to you if you are in a home alone???Where is he living???
The prayer I told you in the past about laborors being put in the path of her and him you should reread and pray over. God is a mighty and awesome force, I know he doesn twant us to carry a load but to lay it at his feet and let him bear it. Read sadeyes post about not being able to take it. Its awesome and a true testiment of the lords desires. If it were me and I could afford it, I would move but not into anything with a long term lease. If and when he comes to you that way the place you settle belongs to both not one or the other. Did I make any sense here???

I am saying another prayer,healing, clarity and breathing life into a marriage tha tmay seem dead on the vine but is rally waitting to flourish in the spirit of gods love.

I feel scared about moving out 'cause I've never lived by myself before. But I know God will take care of me. I can't honestly say that he WILL come back to me if I live alone but I do know that it's going to be very hard (or perhaps impossible) for him to come back to where I am with my parents. My mother even pointed that out one time. He is currently living with his mother. He just sleeps in the living room. BUT, his mother is getting married today and will now have another man in the apt. I know this is going to make him feel awkward and he will want to move out but he's got nowhere else to go. He can't afford anything, that's why he's with him mom.

Yes, I will re-read the prayer you sent me before. I actually still have it taped to my wall next to my bed.

The place I've looked into has a 6mth lease available. That's not too long, is it? I also feel that I need my independence. I'm an adult already and still feel like I'm a child living under my parents rules. I think living alone is going to help ME as well. That's really the main reason I want to move but of course, he also is a reason. I trust God that he will guide me to do what's right. I just need to wait for him to speak to me. Thank you once again for all the encouragement and for your prayers.

6 months isnt to long.
Yes he is goin gto feel awkward with his mom remarrying.
YEs you are a dult an dit seem sto me since we have first started prayin gtogether that God has spoken to you in many ways.
When you first asked for prayer you didnt sound as confident, and your needs were a factor fo rthe request.
Now it seem slike you still have your needs in th efront row (a good thing ) but you are showing a concern for someone who has hurt you a ton.
Thats a good thing thats love.
I honestly think and I could be wrong so everyone who reads be gentle with me if you disagree...lol..
That only God can put the type of love tha tcan endure tha pain and the heartache of all things aside and still allow you to love someone unconditionally.
So you see in your spiritual growth and your personal growth you will find that person God means you to be. And in doing so you are letting him carry the burdens and him work out your issues and this will allow others to see God in you which results in my opinion unconditional love being given to you. And you deserve it and God is giving to you in your wisdom and acknowledgement of the things you need to do for yourself. So you see God is already working. Praise him, thank him for all the things good and bad, he has a plan now is the time to walk in faith and let it unfold. IM praying for you and you know tha tit is written if one than more person agrees and stands with you it is to be.
" Lord I am standing in the gap for this woman and her marriage. She and I agree and thank you father for all things you are showing her now and in the future. She needs you lord, lay your hands on her and guide her to your desires. Lord put laborers in her husbands path to lead him to you lord. He is your child as we all are. Put spiritual laborors in the ow path to guide her for we know the things being done in th eworld are not your desires. God bless this marriage, make it stronger have it proseper as only you can.
This woman claims her family for your service lord, I pray that you wrap your arms around her, give her a healing and a strength to stand as face all that the world is trying to put in her path to driver her out lord. I thank you Lord, Amen....