Thank you Singleguy

I needed encouragement. I don't want to give up but it's so hard. I just logged on to the internet right now, and it seems that H and I are sharing the internet service (since he got a new laptop). A few days ago I realized my account had been taken off and I couldn't sign in to it. Today, I realized that a new account has been added to it. Guess who's it is? Yep, it's the OW's. Now I have her email address. Such a temptation but I know God is taking care of things. I am SO hurt again. How can he do this to me? Does he REALLY not care about me at all? I just don't know what to think. All I can do is cry. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

hopeful,
I heard Paula White say that you don't mind rejection if you don't need attention [affection]from the one rejecting you. I know he is your h and all that, but I encourage you today to quit depending on him for your worth. I realize there is a covenant of marriage, but You are still just as valuable and precious with or without him. I told you before seasons will change and they will if you start looking to God as your provider. Now is a good time to really get to know Him intimately. You will be amazed at the strength He will give you. Really think about if h did come home right now!! Would he really be a good mate the way he is?? You might be more miserable than you could imagine. I do want you to have a GOOD marriage and I'm an advocate of God's plan for one wife, one life. But God can create a good life for you regardless of what decisions other people make. God gave us a free will to love or not to love. Be sure to choose to love Jesus thru all of this. Be honest about how you are treating Him!!HE will never leave you nor forsake you. I pray upon you a new and God filled day!!!!
God Bless
singleguy

<small>[ September 06, 2003, 07:37 AM: Message edited by: singleguy ]</small>

Thanks Singleguy!

I know he is your h and all that, but I encourage you today to quit depending on him for your worth.

I WILL start looking for God and God only.

I told you before seasons will change and they will if you start looking to God as your provider.

I will wait for the seasons to change and will not put my life on hold 'til then.

Now is a good time to really get to know Him intimately.

I want to get to know him intimately but sometimes I just don't know how.

You will be amazed at the strength He will give you.

He's already given me lots of strength but I know I'll still need more.

Really think about if h did come home right now!! Would he really be a good mate the way he is??

No, he would not. It would be over for good.

But God can create a good life for you regardless of what decisions other people make.

I understand that but as human, I wish it was the way I want it. I just need to keep trusting and accept HIS will and not want mine.

HE will never leave you nor forsake you.

For that, I am forever grateful!!!

I pray upon you a new and God filled day!!!!

Thank you so much for you prayers. I did have a wonderful sabbath day.

I need to ask for you to keep praying for me but to pray for my husband as well. In spite of me being in Plan B and asking people not to tell me things about H, I still hear them. Today I got an email from a cousin and she just briefly told me that she talked to my H recently. All she said was that it is SOOOOOO sad to hear him and the situation he's in. She said that he has his own morals and he expects everyone to respect them. Her exact words after that were...."He truly is done with God". It hurt me to read that 'cause I know that God can only do so much. He will not give up but if my H remains the same, the devil will have him for good. PLEASE pray for my husband. I've been praying for him every day and night and asking God to bring some desire in him to seek the Lord. I know that this is a battle that must be fought in the spirit and nothing can be done in the flesh. I just feel so bad for him 'cause I see how truly lost he is in this world right now. This whole situation has brought me closer to God and I'm ashamed to say that many times we only seek God in times of need but I don't ever want to leave his side again. Please, please, please pray for me and my husband. I have started the fasting and praying on Wednesdays but that doesn't mean that's the only day I pray. I know that prayer is wonderful and I've seen many of mine answered. This one is just a tougher one. Thank you All!

H98

<small>[ September 08, 2003, 12:22 AM: Message edited by: hopeful98 ]</small>

Good Morning Hopeful,
If you want to get to know God intimately all you have to do is seek Him. Thru crying out, thru prayer, and most importantly thru His word. I heard a pastor say that when judgement day is finished and God takes the unsaved over to the pit. That when He walks away He will take all light with Him because God is light. Imagine being in hell for eternity and it is like being in a basement during a storm and the lights go out, only forever. Can you imagine the screaming. That story has always made me think. Cry out to your rescuer... God Himself and He will respond.
Your hubby isn't lost to the devil. If people are truly praying for him and not just saying they will, God is hearing those prayers. He won't just abandon your hubby. Read about Jesus at the second coming and how He is the mighty warrior who rescues His flock. He will not be someone to mess with and satan is going to be the most scared of all because he is already defeated and he knows where he is going. he does not have eternal control of your hubby. God is probably taking your hubby to the bottom so that he can make him into a prize winning husband. Sometimes we need to hit bottom before we will wake up and listen. Up to that point all we do is argue. Humility is a very powerful force. When we are willing to listen, we become teachable and we reverance what God has to say either directly or thru other people. Look at what God is doing to you. He is drawing you to Him. He wants to be closer still.
Dear Heavenly Father, I lift this marriage up to You and ask that You would do a good work in both of them. Lord, I ask that You would bind all the works of the enemy off of hopeful and her husband and that You would bring all wrongful relationships to an end immediately. Father, I ask that the Holy Spirit would minister to the both of them every second of every day and that You would use every available resource to show them both how much You love them. Lord, I ask that You would restore this marriage into a model marriage and that You would use it as a ministry to counsel and help others. In Jesus name we pray. Amen
God Bless You Hopeful
singleguy

Time for a pep talk hopeful. Singleguy has some great advice for you; I encourage you also to keep seeking God and trusting Him. He hears our prayers for your husband and you, and He will honor them. Sometimes we don't see the results right away and it makes us think God isn't answering but there are so many things that have to be orchestrated to bring about God's plan for us that it takes time. God is in control, and please be confident He is working and He is doing a great work in your husband.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">cause I know that God can only do so much</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">no no no ..... there is nothing impossible for God. When you start feeling this way, please take some time to read the Bible. His truths will jump out at you. Matthew 19:26 "But Jesus behld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible' ... and Luke 1:37 "For with God nothing shall be impossible" including God saving your marriage. God wants you to believe in Him, to put your faith and trust in Him, not man nor the things man does.

Speak the desires of your heart into existence. Speak things that are not as though they are. Sometimes we show doubt when we don't realize we are doing so. God loves you so much hopeful98, and He will take the burden from you, if you will only give it to him. God can turn your husband's heart. If you aren't already doing so, start thanking Him for all the things He is doing for you and thank Him for those things that are yet unseen. Have faith, without doubt, no wavering, and let God fill you with His peace. Ask Him for His peace and He will give it to you. Jesus said in Mark 11:23 that .... "and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith." There are more good promises in that chapter and verse that may help you.

Take this time while your husband is away to draw closer to God; lean on Him. God bless you and I will pray for you.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ September 12, 2003, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: Alcoholic's Wife ]</small>

Thank you for your reply Alcoholic's Wife

Yes, Singleguy has given me some GREAT advice. I truly thank God for all of you here at the Prayer Requests forum. You all have given me such encouragement. Yes, I understand that we don't see the results to our prayers right away, but God is answering them one way or another.

God is in control, and please be confident He is working and He is doing a great work in your husband.

Yes, he IS in control. Thanks for the assurance.

Speak things that are not as though they are.

Sometimes this is very hard to do, especially when people around me are telling me to move on and stuff.

God can turn your husband's heart.

I know he can, that's why I'm still here. I just have trouble sometimes and get disappointed with everything and don't see any hope. But I gotta stay strong and have FAITH.

Take this time while your husband is away to draw closer to God; lean on Him. God bless you and I will pray for you.

This just brought tears to my eyes. You speak with such confidence. Thank you so much. I WILL take this time while my H is away to draw closer to God.

Thank You for your Prayers! God Bless You too!

H98

I haven't read this thread since I posted and saw that Alcholic's Wife prayed for me. Thank you sooooo much! AW... if you read this, it was around that time (when you prayed) that I found out that my husband is engaged. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I fasted for 7 days and sought prayer from every ministry, friend, church, etc. I could think of. I think I am just now feeling some sort of a presence of peace... the type of quietness that quiets your spirit... yet, I am still often overwhelmed with grief and yes, fear. Thinking of him remarried. Everything in me cries against it.

Anyways, thank you so much. Your prayer is beautiful and powerful. It is so evident that you, and singleguy also, are very much, well, that you know the Lord. It is good to read the things you say as they are very Biblical and full of faith.

Hopeful... is your husband a Christian? Well, it is obvious right now that he is not walking with the Lord, but I am wondering if he has known the Lord in the past? I am reading a book called "Why Godly People Do Ungodly Things" by Beth Moore. Wow... it is so insightful and "scary" too. She talks about Satan and I read some verses last night that I guess have been made more real to me since my divorce and watching my beloved husband, a Christian man, become full of fear and anger and hatred. I understand the grief you feel about your husband and this path he is on. I fear my husband is on the same path.

I will have to find the verses for you, but there are verses that talk about how Satan knows his time is very short and he is literally on a warpath! He knows that Jesus will be returning soon. That is why the "last days" are described as beign full of people sinning in very hard-hearted ways. Satan knows his time is short before his end. He is no dummy and he is no nice-guy. He is EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, and he wants to not only destroy people but he wants to destroy the testimony of the Lord. He wants to destroy future generations. You and I cannot raise godly offspring if we are not married to our husbands. We cannot have a testimony of a godly marriage... a woman loving her husband as Christ calls her to and a man of God loving his wife as his own body. That is what Satan wants to destroy.

There is a war and your enemy is not your husband but is Satan. Your husband is much like mine... deceived. Blinded and deceived.

I will pray for your husband. I can hear the urgency in your words because I too feel that urgency in my heart.

You have been given tremendous advice from singleguy and alcoholic'swife. Praise God that have said what they have to you.

I will pray for your husband that God will turn his heart. I pray that God gives you wisdom, insight, strength, and peace. I fully agree with alcholics wife and singleguys prayers! May it be done! May the other woman be as wormwood (the Bible says this is what an adulterous woman will be like... bitter as wormwood). May God snatch your husband from Satan. May God take back what Satan has stolen. May God heal all the wounds that exist in both your lives. I agree with singleguy that your husband is trying to fill a "God-shaped hole" with all these things.

I truly believe there is a waging war and your husband is deceived. Try very hard to see things with the mind of Christ and not to be discouraged over his various actions, words, etc. They are "symptoms" of a sickness in his heart right now.

Keep praying and fasting. Be in the Word and draw near to God. He will fight on your behalf. He will help you. Nothing is too difficult for Him!

Have you ever been to Rejoice Ministries? www.rejoiceministries.org

Two sweet, godly people who divorced after the husband had an affair. He was engaged to her too (like my husband <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ). But the wife prayed and prayed and lived as a godly woman. They are now remarried to each other! You can get a daily email devotional from them that is so good. It has gotten me through many days when I've felt that all is hopeless.

But one of the things that has also helped me alot has been to read the husband's perspective... what he was thinking/feelign at the time. You can get a book from them. It is called "the Prodigals' Perspective." It's very insightful and will open your eyes to what the wayward husband is battling with and how his mind is justifying everything yet how, deep inside, he really is not happy and he is running from God. But... you can't run from God.

Also, have you ever gone to restore ministries? www.restorem.org Also very good... esp. the testimonies of restored marriages. They help me to see that truly, nothing is impossible with God. When you read of other total disasterous marriages being healed... well, it gives you hope!

God bless!!

Hopeful, I do understand how you are feeling. My heart just aches for you for all the pain and suffering you are going through. I wish there was something I could say to ease that pain. All I can say is God will heal you, He will comfort you. I have been through those dark times, feeling like there is no hope and my marriage was doomed. The only thing that ever helped me during that time was prayer. Seems like no matter what I tried to make happen or do on my own it failed. One day the Lord spoke to my heart and told me to stop feeling that the wrong, sinful things my H was doing was between my H and me, because it wasn't it was between him and God and God would deal with him. In other words would I stop trying to do God's job. When my H would go work out of town I would be so upset, thinking he was going to cheat again, be drunk in the bars, etc. God made me realize that there was nothing "I" could do or say to control the situation and if he did do something bad, it was between Him and God and my H would have to answer to the Lord for the way he treated me. He wanted me to respond to my husband 'with kindness on her tongue". I have to keep myself 'prayed up' when he works out of town. Its hard not to be upset when it looks like your world is falling down all around you, but we have to believe, to stay focused on God. He will take care of us no matter what, hopeful.

I agree with LoveMyEx, it is a war between darkness and light, spiritual warfare. Your words to hopeful were right on the money. I agree with you and was inspired to do more focusing on the Lord after reading them! Thank you for reminding me that my H also is trying to fill a "God-shaped hole" in his heart, with alcohol. Your post to hopeful just blessed me so much. Thank you!

The good news is He is on our side and He has already won the battle. You have the weapons to defend yourself, your husband, and your marriage in the Word of God. Pray the word over yourself and your husband constantly, believe it, feel it in your heart. If you haven't already gone to rejoiceministries website please take a few moments to read some of their articles. I also agree with LoveMyEx here, the Steinkamps are awesome Godly people who have a tremendous testimony. I got SO MUCH encouragement from their writings, have several of their books, get the newsletter, etc. I can't say enough good about their ministry.

I will pray for you hopeful. Father, I come to you tonight asking for Your divine intervention in hopeful98's life. Lord, I thank You and praise You for the great works You are doing for them, thank You Jesus for saving us, thank You for loving us so much. There are no words to describe the gratitude I feel for all You have done for us. Lord, this dear sister is hurting so bad. Please, would You fill her to overflowing with Your peace that passes all understanding. Lord I ask in the name of Jesus for a great outpouring of the Holy Spirit on hopeful and her husband. Let her husband have no peace and no rest until he turns his life over to You. I pray that when her husband looks at her he will see Jesus. Lord, please help hopeful98 get though the rough times. Please lift her up and carry her. I pray that You would give her a glimpse of what You are doing to strengthen her faith in You. Show her Your ways Lord. Let there be so much love in her life that she will feel deep contentment in You. Father, You are Holy, there is nothing impossible for You. I stand in awe of You and the things You do.

Father, I ask You to protect hopeful's marriage from the attacks of Satan. Deliver them from his evil, destructive plans. Lord I plead the blood of Jesus over hopeful98 and her husband. No weapon formed against this marriage shall prosper! We stand on the promises of the Word of God and declare it done in Jesus' name. Thank You Lord that hopeful98's husband's heart is being turned back to You even as I pray this. Thank You Lord that Your glorious power will sustain this marriage. Give them a heart to seek after You and serve You all the days of their lives. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN

P.S... ours was one of those 'disasterous' marriages that God restored and renewed. What He has done just 'wows' me. All the glory to God. He can do ANYTHING!

Hopeful and AW,

Please read this testimony! I don't want to give too much away but the wife had an affair, the husband wanted to save the marriage, wife said "no way," husband let go, and then one night, kids call the husband and the wife has a gun to her head realizing she has destroyed her life and her family. It is a powerful testimony of forgiveness and God's grace.

http://www.family.org/physmag/marriage/a0021936.html

Also, here is another testimony of a couple where the husbadn filed for divorce and lived the "high life" eventually getting into drugs and prison. He became a Christian and God began to show him it was not his will that he divorce his wife. This was like two years or so after the divorce. He told his wife and she just laughed and said "see you in heaven" basically. But as time went on, her heart softend, and anyways they were remarried...3 yrs. after their divorce!

http://www.familylife.com/articles/...1&keywords=correcting+an+old+mistake

<small>[ September 18, 2003, 01:20 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

Hopeful and Alchoholics Wife... there is a very good book called "How to Act Right When Your Husband Acts Wrong" by Leslie Vernick. It's a Christian book and she is very insightful. It's a very good book. I highly recommend it.

She echoes something you said, AW, about how it is between him and God, not you and him.

I was reading a book called "Hope Again" by Charles Swindoll (I love him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) and he was talking about a wife's role and gave a quote by Ruth Graham (Billy Graham's wife) where she said, "It is my job to love Billy. It is God's job to make him good." Adn then C. Swindoll said how it's a wife's job to love her husband and God's job to change his life.

I think it's scary sometimes to love when the husband is... well, sinning, esp. in ways that could harm you physically or emotionally. But the Bible says that husbands are won "without a word... as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior."

I think that's one thing about Charlyne from the Rejoice Ministries. She saw beyond her husband's words and actions. She kept her vows and saw her husband as a lost man. She would rather have kept her vows and lived alone and unloved for however many years if there was any hope of him coming back to God. Her heart was for her husband and she knew that he was destroying his life. She never retaliated. She prayed, prayed, prayed. He has said that she "prayed him home" and he will say how very thankful he is that he had a wife who remained faithful to him and did what she did. Back then, he thought she was crazy; but now, he is so thankful for her and he is a changed man.

I remember reading from another ministry (Restore Ministries... similar to Rejoice Ministries) and the wife shared how her husband, when he was deep in his sin, was going to a strip club and telling her to go with him. Well, she did, and the closer they got, she was full of fear and like, literally sick, but she kept praying and trusting that God could deliver her from this. Well, right before going in, he said, "I can't believe I asked you to do this" and her submission to him made him see how horrible he was asking her to sin like that. Her goodness and faith was like a mirror reflecting his sinfulness to him.

Charles Swindoll was saying how that verse, 1 Peter 3:1-2 where it says, "Wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of thier wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior..." well, that verse is directed to the wife whose husband is DISOBEDIENT.

I believe that I have failed too many times in this area. Returning anger with anger and not always being respectful. I truly wish I could go back and "do over." My husband is across the country from me with no contact and engaged on top of it, and I have no way to show him any type of good behavior.

Alcoholics Wife, your example is truly an example for us. I know it must be very lonely at times and difficult, but obviously, the Lord has really worked in you as you have obeyed and trusted him. There is a maturity and godliness in your words that I wish I had and wish I had for my husband to see. Please pray for me still. I have been feeling so much doubt, sadness, and just that "giving up" feeling thinking there's no way he'll ever love me again and maybe he is even remarried now.

God bless.

Hopeful
I have been away for awhile bu popped in to catch yur thread..My friend, lay it down. Let it go...Read the miss my honey thread by me...
You have to lay it at Gods feet adn let him do the work...
In picking it up you are stopping God from taking control, it is written "as i walk thru the vslley of death" it does not say set up camp and wait it out and fight mans way..it says as I pass.....Pass thru , as you growin the wrod others will see the difference, life will change...Ive paryed for you , But now Im asking you to oray for yourself and others as well..In unselflessly praying and giving to others the Lord will Bless you. Let Him bless you, let him enter your heart full force, let him complete his work...Hope I made sense I jsut wanted you know to know your on my mind....

LMEX - Thank you for posting those testimonies! I just read them and they were great!!! I love to read about how God restores marriages.

I needed to read the verse in the first testimony about the Dr. today:
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ? 2 Corinthians 4:7-9" So many are going through what has to be the toughest times of their lives right now and this verse re-affirms that no matter what, God will take care of us.

After reading the other one it reconfirms my hope for my husband's salvation. I'll keep on praying and believing that he will be announcing he got saved any day now. I've been praying for it for about 20 years now, though not as intensely as I have been for the last 4 or 5 years. Lately I've had such a burden on my heart for his salvation. Thanks for recommending the book "How to Act Right When Your Husband Acts Wrong". It sounds like something I better go get this weekend!

I got those Holy Spirit bumps when I read what Ruth Graham said "It is my job to love Billy. It is God's job to make him good." God said the same thing to me (well for my husband not Billy Graham). Wow, another confirmation! Won without a word.... it is so very true. Our husbands are watching our behavior.

I was a contentious wife. After reading the praying wife book and going through a bible study on becoming the Proverbs 31 woman it hit me that even though my H had done some really awful things I was not to 'hang it over his head' or try to get back at him; God wants me to love him and respect his position as head of our home and not bring up the past. I know that God does speak to his heart and has kept my H from making too many bad decisions.

LMEX - It is God's will for your marriage to be restored. Please don't be discouraged and sad. I will pray for the Lord to lift you up, to fill you with happiness and joy. Don't forget that nothing is impossible for God including turning your husband's heart back to you and your marriage. I can sure understand how you are feeling, I probably would feel the same if I were in your situation. However, we must keep our faith firmly in God. Right after my H moved back home God gave me the Heb 11:1 scripture which said to me that even though I may not see evidence of His work in my H to keep faith because He is working. He is working on your husband right now. I know that because I am praying for him right now. May the Lord bless you far more than you could ever imagine!

Thank You Lord for all You are doing!

AW... I had started reading "Power of a Praying Wife" AFTER my divorce (believing that in God's eyes, I was still his wife since our divorce was unbiblical... no adultery and both Believers)... but I never did finish it.

Anyways, that is a good book. Have you ever read Stormie's autobiography? I read it a loooong time ago. Very powerful. She was into the occult and all sorts of things before getting saved. Her mom was mentally ill and would lock Stormie in the closet. Here is her website and you can get it there. Her "God's Health" book is very good too... one of my all time favorites! www.stormieomartian.com

Have you read any Beth Moore books? She is VERY good! I am right now reading, "Why Godly People Do Ungodly Things." I've heard her speak in person too. She is "annointed"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Also, have you ever heard of Raul and Sharon Reis? What a testimony! Her husband got saved the very night that he was waiting at home ready to shoot his wife and son to death when they got home (she was leaving him after 5 years of extreme abuse and adultery). He just happened to watch t.v. to pass the time waiting (wow) and just happened to turn to a sermon by Chuck Smith (pastor/founder of Calvary Chapel) who just happened to give a salvation message! They have now been married 26 years and he is part of Calvary Chapel churches and has led TONS of people to the Lord! Amazing! She was a godly woman during those years of marriage too in which he was abusive, etc. She prayed and prayed and prayed and still treated him with love, holding on to the promises of God. The book is called "My Husband My Maker" by Sharon Ries. Here is a link to his testimony that I found... it looks like a Kung Foo site <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> but if you keep reading, it has his testimony. http://www.sansoodiamondbar.com/tma.htm

And here is a link to the book at amazon.com! They made a movie of his story called "From Fury to Freedom." It's pretty old (the book is too). I think he got saved in 1972.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...DD%26camp=2025%26link_code=xm2/ref=nosim

And, I mean, this guy was really, REALLY MEAN and HORRIBLE before he got saved!!

Another really good book that just spoke to me so much is called "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. Very good. Our Christian bookstore here carries it, but here is a link to the book at amazon.com. It has some recommendations and excerpts from it. I have a prayer partner whose husband has also divorced her recently. (Her and I have been praying and encouraging each other for 10 mos. now-- via email... we have never met in person!). We both read this book and it helped us both alot.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1885904088/002-5096666-9596004?v=glance

AW, just a few more things. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I thought of another book that is very good! It is by two women, one of whom is married to an man who was an alcoholic for a long time. It's called "Beacause I Said Forever." Here is a brief description and then the link at amazon.com.

"A recent study indicates that Christian marriages don't fail as often as secular marriages -- they fail more! Debbie Kalmbach, the wife of a recovering alcoholic, understands the longing to leave but offers Christian wives solid reasons to stay in a difficult marriage. This is not a 'how to save your marriage' but more a guidebook for wives on how to save their ability to love, to honor their commitment to their husbands, and to maintain their faith in God while in marriages that may never live up to their dreams. Debbie tackles tough questions such as "Why won't he go to counseling?" "Can I change him?" and "What do I do when I don't feel in love anymore?" with a warm, compassionate approach sure to encourage and inspire every struggling wife.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A.../sr=11-1/ref=sr_11_1/002-5096666-9596004

I think this one and the other one "How to Act Right When Your Husband Acts Wrong" would be very encouraging/supportive to you in your situation.

Here also is a link to the Focus on the Family website to a tape and book called "Beloved Unbeliever" and another book called, "When He Doesn't Believe." I haven't read them but my prayer partner has (her husband is not a Christian). http://www.family.org/resources/itempg.cfm?itemid=2648&pid=0&sid=0

During my own separation, I really became so convicted about divorce/marriage/remarriage and God's will and Word. After the divorce, I read/studied various things on divorce (by Chrisitans) and I also found Restore Ministries and then Rejoice Ministries. And I began to read different things that were all very supportive of marriage... even difficult marriages.

I don't want to go into too much detail publically, but my marriage was difficult and my husband "difficult." BUT I know that had I reacted differently... more Christlike.. well, my own contentiousness made things far worse and ultimately embittered my husband to the point of him divorcing me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I know I'm not completely to blame, but I can't just point my finger at him and say our problems were all his fault. And now, I would be willing to

I thought about my vows and what I said. I thought about what God says about marriage and read things. OH... I just remembered. There is this BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL book about a man named Robertson McQuilkin. He was a beloved President of a Chrisitan University (Columbia Univ.) and his wife got Alzheimers. She completely changed and was basically mentally ill (since Alzheimers is a sickness of the brain). She was completely dependent upon him. He would leave for work and later, there she was... she'd follow him on foot to work, distraught to be without him. At night,he'd take off her socks and shoes and her feet were bloody. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> (It chokes me up). That's when he decided to quit his job to be her full-time caretaker. Now, this woman can't even have an intelligent conversation with him. She cannot return love as a mature adult. She is almost helpless. Some people would ask him why he didn't put her in a nursing home. And it all came down to his vows.

Anyways, this is such a beautiful testimony. You can also get this book at amazon.com. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It is called "A Promise Kept." Here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...70/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-5096666-9596004

One more (sorry!)

AW...

You said, "it hit me that even though my H had done some really awful things I was not to 'hang it over his head' or try to get back at him." God convicted me of the same thing too. (So did several of the authors I read!). Yes, my husband had his sins, but so did I!!

You said, "I know that God does speak to his heart and has kept my H from making too many bad decisions."

Your husband is also kept "safe" by being married to you!! The Bible says that the Believing spouse "sanctifies" the unbeliever. Since you are a Believer, all the blessings upon you for obeying/loving God extend to your husband and children. God's presence in you is God's presence in your home. Like the Passover. The people who had the blood over their doors were spared. But not only the person who put it there... the WHOLE household. Your husband is still responsible for his own salvation, but your godly presence there is sanctifying.

Thank you for your words. I am trying hard to just press on in my life... w/o my husband but with hope of restoration (even though it is sooooooo seemingly "impossible.") I just cannot "let go" of him. Not in a "unhealthy" letting go although I'm sure some would call me unhealthy... but well, like in a Charlyne way of not "letting go." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> If that makes sense!

Funny... but I love him more now than I did in the marriage and it is because I submitted myself and marriage to God. The more I forgave, the more I made a choice to love and overlook his sins, the more I prayed.... the more I love him! I don't know if you get Charlyne's devotionals but her devo. talked about that today.

I also see the spiritual battle going on and my husband's hard heart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . I fear for him and I just can't stop praying or loving. But sometimes I wonder if I am "supposed" to. I think sometimes that if I never see him again, I would like to just devote my life solely to God... become a missionary or something. I don't know if I can remarry. I guess after many years, but I truly, TRULY don't want another husband and only want my husband who I love so much.

Also, I have not mentioned this... but my husband was a widower when I married him. He had two children (a boy, 8, and girl, 12). They were soooo happy for me to be their "mom" and they called me "mom" from Day 1 of the marriage. They showered me with affection and loved me, and while it was all a very great adjustment for me, I loved them. I think of them with a new "mom" and him with a new wife, and I just feel such sorrow. I have no contact with the kids or my husband now. Not a day goes by that I am "happy" with the way things are or that I don't think of them. But my husband despises me (outwardly at least), mostly because of the hardness in his heart towards me just getting more and more intense, and plus he is engaged.

Thank you for praying for my husband. Please keep praying. I will also pray for yours. I haven't fasted for awhile. I need to be fasting again.. weekly!

God bless you, and I pray for all the people seeking healing of their marriages and spouses.

Just a bit of an update.

This past Thursday, while out shopping with my cousin, I got a call on my cell. I was surprised to see my H's name on it. I, of course, did not answer. Then it beeped at me, letting me know I had a message. I was surprised about that as well since H really HATES to leave messages. I didn't want to listen to it but when I got home, I talked to some ladies on Chat and they supported me and I heard it. He was just asking me for his passport. I was so mad at first and said NO WAY to even giving it to him. As I talked to the ladies they made me realize that not giving it to him is just controlling him again. They're right. So, I decided to give it to him. There's not point in keeping it. Does me no good anyways.

Well, yesterday I went to church where my MIL goes. She invited me to go with her to visit her other son and his wife with their new baby. I ended up driving them there (45 min drive). She asked me if H had called me about his passport. I was really surprised 'cause he NEVER talks to her about me. He knows that any little talk about me will bring her hopes up of us reconciling. We had a good time at BIL's. On our way back home, she asked me if I still get on line to chat with the ladies. (she knows I also look for marriage advice here) She was glad to hear that I said yes. I asked her why she asked that and she just said since I don't talk to her anymore. (I honestly thought she had given up on us getting back together, but it looks like she thought I had given up) There I go again with the lack of communication. Only this time with my MIL. Anyways. I aksed her about the cell phone bill. If H was paying for it and she said yes. I told her I was still waiting for him to take my cell phone line but he hasn't. She turned to me, smiled and said....."He's not going to take it". I didn't say anything. It's like she knew something I didn't but I didn't want to question it. Then I told her about the internet service. How he took me off of it and added OW to it. She seemed puzzled about that. It's like she couldn't believe he had done that.

Well, when I finally dropped her off at her house, I realized my H's car was parked out there. I just stopped in front of the house and got out of the car to get some stuff from the trunk for my MIL. Not sure if he saw me or not.

I had the doubt that perhaps H was now living with OW but I know now he isn't. I know I shouldn't be snooping around but just couldn't help it. Well, that's all I have to say for you.

Thank you all for praying for me!

H98

It has been a challenging weekend, I was doing ok until Saturday night. I was just watching some movies and drinking some wine. She had gone to bed early. I went to bed and hugged her and I guess she thought that I was trying to start something. I just wanted to hold her and make evertything right. She allowed me to hold her for a while. When she turned over I attempted to hold her some more She replied with Don't. I know that you are suppose to abstain and try not to feel needy. It is hard and it hurts. I fight everday from throwning in the towel. Everyone from MIL to sister keep telling me to give it time. I am thankful that I have some refuge here for support. I am leaving for CA today and I didn't hug her good bye this morning. I wanted her to wake up and do it. Again I set my self up for nothing. Hopefully with this time apart she will miss me somehow. Do I ever ask where she is at mentally or just keep waiting until she is ready to talk? Help me pray for me give me strength.

Lovemyex,
I just read your post from the 19th and could feel the emotions you were feeling as you wrote it. I too, went thru a divorce that I didn't want, and my world changed overnite too. The rest of the world doesn't have a clue what it's like. As I read thru it, God spoke to my heart and said " can you see the hurt and pain I go thru everyday when My children turn away from Me ".

Dear Heavenly Father, I lift lovemyex's marriage up too You and ask that You would do a mighty work to restore it. Father, You said that " You can make a way where there is no way ". You said " see things that aren't as tho they are ". Father, I ask that You would use every resource available to minister to the husband, whether it be Angels, TV, strong unwaivering christians, advertisements, or even the ow to soften and change his heart. I ask that You would speak to him thru some source each and everyday until this marriage is restored. Lord, we take authority over this God made covenant and we bind every work of the devil off of it and we command it to be loosed to perform Your perfect will. Father,as You do your work in this marriage, we ask that You would change lmx into the Godly woman You want her to be. Lord, You are the potter and we are the clay. Sometimes we must be broken before we can be whole. Father, give us patience, but also a hope as we seek Your divine will. In Jesus name. Amen
God Bless You LMX
singleguy

<small>[ September 22, 2003, 08:49 AM: Message edited by: singleguy ]</small>

Thank you Singleguy. Your prayer made me cry. Well, even after 10 mos., I still cry alot... always it seems when I am reading or hearing about divorce, marriage, etc... and my emotions just overwhelm me... and my convictions about reconciling... my hopes, etc. You are right about the rest of the world not understanding. I think that's part of why it's so hard too... you have to bear the grief alone alot of the time. But I need to remember that God is always with me and He understands. I agree with your prayer and truly ask the Lord to hear and answer.

Out of curiosity, what has happened with your wife... if you want to share. Did she remarry?