Hi, I'm new here. My husband and I have been separated for 3 1/2 months now. He just left one day saying that he wanted out. I know that the devil has gotten a good hold of him and he has struggled quite a bit. I love him very much and miss him but I think I need to get together with him soon and discuss our problems and see if he is willing to work on reconciliation. I'm afraid that his response will be no and hurt me again but I need to take that chance. Otherwise I will feel like I never even gave it a try. Please pray for me to have the courage to do so and for us to have the Hope that things can work out for us. I believe that prayer is very powerful and that is why I'm asking. If anyone has any advise, please give. Thank You!

<small>[ September 25, 2003, 09:55 PM: Message edited by: hopeful98 ]</small>

I will pray for you honey. I posted this recommendation to another prayer request - have you read "how to save your marraige alone" by Dr Ed Wheat? It is Christ centered and gave me the strength to keep fighting. It is very inexpensive and your Pastor may already have a copy. I am very sorry for your pain.

PS-

There are lots of good articles on marriage at

http://www.christianitytoday.com

and here is one on working on your marraige alone:

http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/8m4/8m4038.html

Thank You allforone

I have not read that book but will look for it as soon as I can. Thank you for your prayers.

I actually talked to him 2 days ago. He just sat in silence as I talked my heart out. I guess it's good that he didn't react and say mean things to me. He just took everything in. I told him that I wasn't expecting to get a response from him right there but that I was greatful for him actually meeting me. I've done my part now and will leave it in the Lord's hands. I know there are other things I can do but I've asked God to guide me and show me. He's put many book in my path which I've learned alot from and he still keeps giving me more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank You! Please keep praying for me!

Dear hopeful98,
you are definitely in my prayers, as one "...Praying Wife" to another. Remember to lean on Christ to see you through.

I wonder if this may be a time for you to further strengthen your spritual walk and cultivate some interests and hobbies that are positive and productive. Doing so may help limit the urge to focus so much on your current pain.

allforone,
thank you for the helpful information. I just read the "Do-It-Yourself Marriage" article you provided the link for--very helpful.

May I ask that you each pray for me, my husband, and our three children. As the one working to salvage my marriage, I am shifting my concern from my husband's inconsistent efforts to improve things, to being more consistent with my prayer and positive actions, and in being careful to nurture the best in our children who are impacted by the tension and confusion between my husband and I.

Thank you and may God continue to bless each of you as you work through difficult times in your marriages. Remember that "this too shall pass."

I need some more prayers right now, PLEASE! I met with my H a few days ago and asked him for forgiveness of all my faults in the marriage and told him that I'd like to work on our problems if he was willing. He didn't say anything then but he sent me an email today. He pretty much just says that it's over. He said he'll pray that I find a good man in my life that will be my life partner. It hurts so MUCH right now. He's the ONLY partner that I want in my life. PLEASE pray for me!!!!! I know that God is there but I just feel so desperate right now. I HATE my life and I just wish I could give up. I LOVE my H and this hurts too much. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!!!!

YOu are in my prayers. Last night I had a dream I was praying and the words were very vivid, Id like to share becuse I feel its soemthing IM suppose to do..
"Lord, I pray you put laborers across the paths of those hurtting and lost, I pray for thos who have caused great pain to others put people in their path so that they might see the pain inflicted and repent for it and stop. Lord I pray for a healing of all your children in their marriages and other relationships. Lord I ask that thos who do believe will be led to be merciful and gracious and may you be th e words they speak and the actions they take. Amen"

Please stay hopeful, "hopeful98." I lift you up in prayer and am fully expecting God to give you the strength and courage to endure this difficult time.

"hurtmorethanheknow" offered a beatiful prayer, that I also expect will bring about positive change.

Sadly, I can relate to exactly how you're feeling. My husband has continually said--even this morning--that he hopes I can "find someone else," because he doesn't think that he is the "right one" for me. I have come to consider those remarks as coming from the most dark and depressed part of his being who can't see the light of change. The man that I fell in love with has been lost to this despair and I am praying that the wonderful person who won my heart finds his way back.

I mention all of this because I wonder if your husband may also be struggling with depression or confusion about his life in general. Sometimes people think that if they keep "changing" certain facets of their life they will feel better. You may have filled a void for him at one time that is no longer being met. I don't necessarily mean an "emotional need." It may be, or it may be the part of his life that can only be filled by drawing closer to God.

Does your husband hold the same Christian beliefs as you? Would you say that you are at a different level spiritually than he is? These are just some things to consider.

Does your husband have a pattern of "running" when he feels like something in his life is out of order? Has he changed jobs often? Moved often? Had several relationships with members of the opposite sex before meeting you (these may have been serious and monogomous or simultaneous and promiscuous)? Does he have a positive and consistent relationship with his parents, siblings (if any), and other relatives?

I raise these points, because these are behavior patterns that I have observed in my husband and the spouse of another friend working through a difficult marriage. I hope they bring you some insight.

In the meantime, you will be in my prayers. I'm not sure if you mentioned keeping a journal. If not, it might be a good time to start one. It will help you to nurture yourself during this important time.

Again, stay HOPEFUL, and know that God has something wonderful in store for you (it may be personal or professional). I don't want you to be too upset to receive His blessing when it comes your way.

Hope
i to was at a loss, we had been out of church for awhile, I went back on my own without him, he kept telling me I was changing,he started to go with us,I honestly believe that the help the church ,pastor family gave is what is getting us thru.I try to stay positive not always easy but I do.I love my family,god wants us together, and once we got back in the word we both realized there was some changes to be made...we are...I wish you luck, hope,faith , love and peace

Thank You Prayer & Patience!

Yes, that was a beautiful prayer. Thank you "hurtmorethanheknow"! I'm going to print it out and tape it to my wall that I may repeat it every day.

Yes, I do believe my H is struggling with depression. About a month back he had a situation where in the middle of the night he saw an ugly slobbering creature sitting on the couch. (he's living with his mother) He said that their eyes met and then he vanished into a picture hanging on the wall. At that moment the picture fell. I know it sounds creepy but I believe it. Two church Pastors came over to see him at 3:00am and prayed and sang with him. They even anointed him with oil. One of the Pastors did say that he saw my H very depressed. The other thought that he could be seeing things. I believe it was the devil himself. A few days before this incident, my H had mentioned to a woman from church that all he had wanted was to go out in the world and party, drink and do whatever. He told her that he had gone out there and done all those things but he didn't like it. He just wanted to be back at church with all the people he knows. I do think he's just confused about his life in general. The night he left me, he told me that he had decided that God was not going to be a part of his life anymore. He said that he had cried out to God the week before and God just wasn't there for him. He says he doesn't need God but he KNOWS he can't live without him. He's been over to my cousin's house (who's husband is a Pastor) just because he needed a prayer (at 10:00pm).

Yes, he does hold the same Christian beliefs as I do but his faith has never been as strong as mine. (not that I'm a saint or anything) I was born into this religion but he wasn't. We actually met when we were about 7 or 8 years old, at church. Yes, I would definitely say that I'm at a different level spiritually.

No, I wouldn't say my husband has a pattern of running whe he feels like something in his life is out of order. He's in his 5th job right now since we got married 5 years ago. We've moved 3 times ever since. No, he did not have many relationships before going out with me. I don't think he ever even dated. He's told me I was his first girlfriend back when we were 19 & 20. I'd say he has an Ok relationship with his mother. His biological father left his mother when he was a baby. He's only seen him about 5 times since. He had an excellent relationship with his only brother until he chose to leave me. His brother was very hurt and upset at what he's done. That's one thing that really bothered him. I think his brother has been the only true male role that he's had in his life. He did have a step-father that he loved very much but he left his mother for another woman.

Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. Yes, I do keep a journal and it has helped alot. I started it two weeks after he left.

I'm trying to stay as HOPEFUL as I can and I know that God has something wonderful in store for me. Thank you for reminding me!

You are ALL in my prayers as well. Thanks!

Me again!

I just spoke to my cousin and she was telling me that she spoke to my H yesterday. He told her about our conversation and how he replied to me a few days ago. He did confess that the fight he had after our talk did have to do with OW. It was a guy that has been bothering her, so he was defending her. She asked him if he was still with her then and he said they've been working at it. How can he give it a try in working it out with OW and NOT ME??????????? He just quit with me. I don't understand. He just met her some months back but has known me for about 18 years!!!! I'm hurt but I do understand that this is still FOG TALK. When we met last Sunday I told him that if he decided to come back, to know that he would find many open arms. I told him that the widest arms he would find would be that of his wives. When he was talking to my cousin yesterday he told her what I told him and made it seem that he didn't care what he was doing now 'cause I had told him I'd be there with my arms open whenever he wanted. I didn't mean FOREVER!! What do I do now??

How could he ask me to pray for him when he was going to beat up some guy that was bothering OW?? The NERVE of him!!!!

I'm so hurt and lost. PLEASE KEEP PRAYING! My cousin was telling me that it's probably time to give up on him. I DON'T WANT TO!!!!

I am going to offer you some words given to me when I was at a very low point.
"Lord, the devil has a hold on (insert name here)
but he cant have him lord. You promised me my household and I have claimed them all! Lord my faith in you is what has kept me going and will continue to do so. All I ask Lord is that you do whatever it takes to break the hold. End th edepression. Lord this family needs a healing, this man needs a healing. Please lift them up so that what seeds have been planted may grow. I thank you Lord, Lord please help (insert your name) to continue in her walk with you lord. She needs you lord, Wrap your arms around this family and lift them up, send laborers across the path of the ow, show her the actions being taken are wrong, lord I thnak you...Amen"

Hi there -

I'm going to tell you to do what no one else has - which isn't to give up on your H - but to shift your focus. Don't focus on your H but focus on the Lord and getting closer to Him. Spend more time in prayer and ask Christ what He wants you to do one step at a time. Do whatever Christ says to do (through prayer or reading the Word)and don't look at long term plans - but trust in the Lord that He can arrange the long-term for His will by telling you exactly what to do today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And when you pray, pray for His will to be done - because it will help you to shift focus. I do 100% believe that the Lord intends for marriages to last forever because they are sacred. However, you are seeking to do the will of the Lord (remain married) - but your husband isn't, which definitely puts him on a different level spiritually. It is my opinion that a person who does not submit to the Lord is not a true Christian - at least not yet, until they actually put Him in the position of Lord and submit. When this is the case - they are considered an unbeliever in 1 Corinthians where Paul says that a believer is not bound to an unbeliever who chooses to end the marriage on their own (like your H). So - while I do believe that marriage is sacred, and that you are doing the right thing by trying to salvage your marriage - I want you to know that it is entirely possible that it isn't God's will for your marriage to continue. I tell you this because some spouses work to sabotage any relationship you have with the Lord - and He comes first - even in a marital relationship. Can I know what the Lord wants you to do? No - but He will tell *you* what He wants you to do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And when you do just what He asks - focusing on what you can do right now, as told - and letting go of the long term, you will never be defeated. God would not ask you to do anything that you can't do - and He asks according to His will - and when you do as you are told - you are fulfilling His will. This is peace honey.

I really liked this article, please read it:

It's called "When God seems silent"
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2003/002/2.44.html

God bless you, hopeful.

Hopeful98, At this time the best thing you can do to save your marriage is to not start any contact with him. Just read your Bible and fast and pray. If you contact him anymore you will chase him away. God will turn his heart toward home; When God feels that you are ready and not sooner. I pray that you will get a copy of the book how God can and will restore your marriage from http://www.restoreministries.net/. I just got through reading the book for men and wish I found it a year ago when my wife walked off. God wants you to be ready before he will return your husband. remember that God hates divorce as he says in Malachi 2:16. Use this time to draw closer to him. Smiaj

Once again I am asking for your prayers.

OW has ended relationship with H once again. I pray that this will truly be the END of it all.
He spoke to a relative of his and told him that OW had just left him. He went into detail telling him how he's been having alot of problems with OW's family. They must not like him. He seemed pretty hurt and depressed.

My MIL was telling me that H showed up at church service tonight. There is a special week of prayer going on. I thought of going but for some reason didn't. Glad I didn't because he probably would not have gone in if he had seen my car outside. MIL was telling me that the topic for tonight was about relationships. He just sat with her and paid close attention the entire time. He promised he would go back tomorrow. MIL was very grateful 'cause she had just been praying for him with a friend and then went to sit down. Not even 5 minutes later, he walked in.

I know that God is working with him, just like he's working with me. Please keep us in your prayers. God willing, I will be moving into my own apartment soon. (currently live with parents) I just need to save up a little more. Please pray! Thank You!

"lORD, WE KNOW YOU ARE DOING A WORK IN THIS MARRIAGE. PLease put blocks between him and other woman, whatever it takes lord. Break those ties. Humble him to you lord, show him his path. Bless this woman for her strength and belief in you lord." good luck and god bless

Thank You Hurtmorethanheknows! I needed to hear that.

I have a question now. As I've said before, I want to move out of my parents house. One of the reasons for that is that I'd like to create an environment where my husband would want to come back to. (he would NEVER come back while I'm living with my parents) I had already decided to move and told my mother. I keep praying to God and asking him to show me if that decision is correct or not. This morning, as I was listening to "How God can and Will Restore Your Marriage" tape on my way to work (ordered on RestoreMinsitries) Erin was saying that if we believe that our spouse will be back, we need to live like it. To leave his side of the bed empty, his side of the closet empty and to even wear our wedding ring. Then she said that we need to trust but let God work. Not to jump ahead of God. She suggests that we DON'T move out or buy a home with the intention of it being for "US". We must let God work first. Now, I'm doubting if this is a good decision or not. This is the 2nd time I listen to this tape but I don't remember hearing that the first time. Is God answering my prayer? Should I move out or just wait and see what happens first? I strongly do believe that my H will be back and God is giving me alot of patience and strenght to live One day at at Time. Anybody have any comments? I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

I couldnt tell you what it means. TO me I would think yes to the ring, ofcourse his side of the bed should be empty closet to I gues. Moving???
I would do what I feel in my heart is right...Do you honestly think he will come to you if you are in a home alone???Where is he living???
The prayer I told you in the past about laborors being put in the path of her and him you should reread and pray over. God is a mighty and awesome force, I know he doesn twant us to carry a load but to lay it at his feet and let him bear it. Read sadeyes post about not being able to take it. Its awesome and a true testiment of the lords desires. If it were me and I could afford it, I would move but not into anything with a long term lease. If and when he comes to you that way the place you settle belongs to both not one or the other. Did I make any sense here???

I am saying another prayer,healing, clarity and breathing life into a marriage tha tmay seem dead on the vine but is rally waitting to flourish in the spirit of gods love.

I feel scared about moving out 'cause I've never lived by myself before. But I know God will take care of me. I can't honestly say that he WILL come back to me if I live alone but I do know that it's going to be very hard (or perhaps impossible) for him to come back to where I am with my parents. My mother even pointed that out one time. He is currently living with his mother. He just sleeps in the living room. BUT, his mother is getting married today and will now have another man in the apt. I know this is going to make him feel awkward and he will want to move out but he's got nowhere else to go. He can't afford anything, that's why he's with him mom.

Yes, I will re-read the prayer you sent me before. I actually still have it taped to my wall next to my bed.

The place I've looked into has a 6mth lease available. That's not too long, is it? I also feel that I need my independence. I'm an adult already and still feel like I'm a child living under my parents rules. I think living alone is going to help ME as well. That's really the main reason I want to move but of course, he also is a reason. I trust God that he will guide me to do what's right. I just need to wait for him to speak to me. Thank you once again for all the encouragement and for your prayers.

6 months isnt to long.
Yes he is goin gto feel awkward with his mom remarrying.
YEs you are a dult an dit seem sto me since we have first started prayin gtogether that God has spoken to you in many ways.
When you first asked for prayer you didnt sound as confident, and your needs were a factor fo rthe request.
Now it seem slike you still have your needs in th efront row (a good thing ) but you are showing a concern for someone who has hurt you a ton.
Thats a good thing thats love.
I honestly think and I could be wrong so everyone who reads be gentle with me if you disagree...lol..
That only God can put the type of love tha tcan endure tha pain and the heartache of all things aside and still allow you to love someone unconditionally.
So you see in your spiritual growth and your personal growth you will find that person God means you to be. And in doing so you are letting him carry the burdens and him work out your issues and this will allow others to see God in you which results in my opinion unconditional love being given to you. And you deserve it and God is giving to you in your wisdom and acknowledgement of the things you need to do for yourself. So you see God is already working. Praise him, thank him for all the things good and bad, he has a plan now is the time to walk in faith and let it unfold. IM praying for you and you know tha tit is written if one than more person agrees and stands with you it is to be.
" Lord I am standing in the gap for this woman and her marriage. She and I agree and thank you father for all things you are showing her now and in the future. She needs you lord, lay your hands on her and guide her to your desires. Lord put laborers in her husbands path to lead him to you lord. He is your child as we all are. Put spiritual laborors in the ow path to guide her for we know the things being done in th eworld are not your desires. God bless this marriage, make it stronger have it proseper as only you can.
This woman claims her family for your service lord, I pray that you wrap your arms around her, give her a healing and a strength to stand as face all that the world is trying to put in her path to driver her out lord. I thank you Lord, Amen....

Thank you for all your replies Hurtmorethanheknows!

Yes, I believe also God has spoken to me in many ways and is still speaking. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It is amazing how we must first learn to ACCEPT God's unconditional love before we can give it to others. I believe that is what's happened to me. I've accepted God's love for me and am learning now to keep loving my H in spite of all the pain he has caused. It wasn't easy at first but I've learned and are still learning.

Yes, PRAISE THE LORD! God is already working.

Thank you so much for your beautiful prayers. Everytime I read them, I cry. But these are tears of joy. Knowing that God loves me so much and that there is someone out there that I've never met but prays for ME! Thank You!

May God Bless You! I hope to someday be on these boards helping others and not posting for myself.

H98

Seeing your happiness expressed in words really lifted me today. I want to thank you. Its been one of those weeks when I feel low. Yes God is working all over and I ma glad I could give any prayer or kind words of comfort. If you must know on these boards is the first tim eI have stepped up and put together a prayer much less made any sense. LOL...I real was touched by so much pain here and felt led to do so. You are in my thoughts and prayers and the best of luck!

Please pray for me. I went camping this past weekend and had an EXCELLENT time but I've felt so down all day today. I keep thinking of my H and how much I miss him and then feel that I've really lost him forever. I know the devil wants me to feel this way, that way he can get some control of me but I don't want to give him any part.

My H left me a message yesterday saying that he needed to get the spare keys for his SUV from me 'cause he had lost his. He asked if I could drop them off at his mom's. I called him back this morning but he didn't answer and I left him a message. I just told him that I did have the keys but that I could not swing by his moms. I asked him if he could pick them up at my work. I never heard from him until this evening. He called me and said he needed those keys by this evening. (street sweeper goes by tomorrow and doesn't want a ticket) He said he'd come to the house to get them and I said fine. He said he's call me when he got here (I'm guessing so I would go out there to give them to him) When he called to tell me he was here I told him to come to the door. He hesitated a bit but said ok. He gave me a check for some money he owed me and then I gave him his keys. I didn't want to give them to him 'cause I felt that by giving him his keys, I was giving him up for good. It hurt but someone reminded me that I was still in Plan A and that I need to be a GOOD wife. He then started to tell me that he was going to need me to sign over his SUV so he could trade it in. I asked if he was going to get a car and he said he already had. He got one 'cause it was alot cheaper with gas and the payments were gonna be a lot less. (he's been very short on money since he left) Then he started to tell me about getting his own insurance on it instead of just changing the car on the current one we have. It hurt to hear him say that 'cause I just hope for that day that he wants to work it out with us. It's going to be much more expensive for both of us to separate them but that's what he wants and I can't do anything about it. Then he started talking about separating the cell phones. They're under the same contract in his name but we got a 2 year one about 6 months ago. He said he might just take my line and cancel it. Therefore I will need to get my OWN phone. Even more pain in my heart. I hurt so much and see things as impossible for us. WHY? Why doesn't he want to come back? Why doesn't he love me still? I see couples everywhere I go and I just wonder why I can't be with my H like them. I love him so much and miss him like crazy. I don't want to give up but sometimes it just feels so hard. I know that all I need to do now is just concentrate in my relationship with God. That's all that should matter to me now but it's HARD not to think of him.

Well, I just needed to let this all out. I'm confused and feel lost but I know that God has a plan for me and whatever that is I will gladly accept it. I know he doesn't want to see us divorced and I sure don't either but the right time will come. My husband WILL come back and I have faith in that. I just get desperate 'cause I don't know WHEN and wish it was Today. Well, just keep me in your prayers that I don't give up and stay very STRONG! Thank you all in advance.

H98

"Lord, the emotion of confusion and dispair is a source evil uses againest us. We are only human and have many flaws, please cloak this woman and give her a sense of peace and calm that will let her go on with her daily life and let her actions reflect whst you would do.Guide her in her day to day life to make the decisions that will lead her to the path you have planned for her. Ease her mind and soul Father, do whatever it takes to break the binds on her husband, whatever it takes lord, break it! We thank you father for the things you do in our daily life to ease our pain and help make the decisions that reflect our faith in you lord. Let your love snd light shine shine thru her Lord so that others will be drawn to her she may help not only herself but others in this walk she is on. Amen" I wish you love peace and happiness...

Thanks once again for all your beautiful prayers Hurtmorethanheknows!

I'm feeling much better now. It's weird (and good) how sometimes I feel so calm and relaxed as if everything was back to normal. I know it has to do with my faith in the Lord that he is working in this marriage and will change my husband's heart.

The other day I prayed to him and asked him to show me once again that he is still working and give me more encouragement in not giving up. I went to church with my parents that night and the last hymn we sang was titled something like...Never Give Up (spanish = Nunca Os Rindais). I couldn't even sing the words and just stared at the hymnal book and read the words. My MIL was also there and thought it was interesting that the pastor chose THAT hymn to sing that night and even talked a bit about us NOT giving up. She said that he looked up at me when he said it but I didn't notice. God answered my prayer ONCE AGAIN!

It's awesome! I feel so confident now knowing that I am doing what's right in not giving up on this marriage. I bought the book on tape from Restore Ministries "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage" and it's helped me SOOOOO much. I'm already listening to it for the 3rd time. Thanks to the person who recommended it. I think listening to this every day helps me stay concentrated in God and not give the devil a change to start putting stuff in my head. It still hurts to think that my H doesn't want to be with me but he will be back one day! I just KNOW IT!

I haven't heard from H since last week when he came over. Well, just wanted to share what's on my mind lately. Thanks for reading.

Its good to hear a relief in your voice. I havent stopped praying for or the many others here..Everyday I open this board and say a prayer or type one as a response to someones pain and the whole time letting god know its for everyone including myself...Keep me posted..Do things for you...

Well, this nightmare continues.

I just found out that H is still with OW. They were seen yesterday. She dropped him off at his mom's. She was driving his NEW car. Perhaps they got it together? How can he do this? I even drove out 40 minutes from her to sign the release on his trade-in car so that he could get a new one. But NOT With HER!!!!! This is so frustrating and depressing. I really hoped when they split 4 weeks ago, it would be the end of that. Guess not. I feel so lost and just want to quit. I want to give up on life! Will I ever be happy again? Aaaargghh!!!

Sounds as if you are having a hard time. I would like you to do me a favor...Get out your bible and read some of psalms....Talk about a peacefulness. Is your husband being held accountable for his actions, are you giving him everything and receiving nothing>/?
"Lord, whatever it takes, I mean whatever it takes break this hold, this relationship, let this woman go Lord. Lord we ask you to lift up hope and protect her to unveil all that has occurred and is happening this very moment, we thank you father, she is hurtting father we know you do wish for this to happen to your children, show her father show her the path and the actions she is to take to make her life one that follows your wishes father ...We tahnk you father as you comfort this woman and send angels in her path to give her the strength she needs for this journey.Amen"

Thank you once again for you beautiful prayers Hurtmorethanheknows!

Yes, I'm having a hard time. I will definitely get my bible out and start reading psalms. Thank you for the advice. I've read it before and it really does give me peace. That's exactly what I need now. I feel desperate and very hurt again but I do know that God is taking care of me. He has a reason for all this (even though I may not understand it just yet) but I am learning to Trust Him.

Your prayer has brought feelings of assurance once again and it reminded me that nothing is impossible for God. As long as we ask and leave it in his hands. Thank You!

H98

I am glad you are going to do some reading. I also think you should do some things for yourself. We all know God doesnt like divorce but IM telling you God doesnt expect you to hurt day in and day out. Get on the path you feel is directed to you from God and focus on something other than all this other mess. I know it is hard, but for yourself and your sanity do something nice for yourself. I know you do for others how about taking a turn for yourself?
Hope I have you in my prayers and I hope in my prayers for you , you find a peace and a place to rest and gather your thoughts to finish out your journey.

Hi Hopeful98,

What a disappointment again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I don't know, but I was just thinking
maybe you should be real careful with
making any financial deals with him
right now. Obviously he is still w/
OW, and he's letting her drive the car
you just helped him to get. Is insur-
ance in both your names??

Seems like it's been a very slow process
being you both separated in Feb., close
to 6 months ago.
Do you think anything is really going to
get better if you try to hold on? Or are
you just hoping it will?
My heart goes out to you, and prayer to
God also.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Hi Ladysheep,

I probably didn't explain myself correctly. I'm not making any financial deals with him. What I actually did was sign the release on the car we were leasing so he could use it as a trade-in to get a car on his own. I did not help him sign for the new one.

Yes, it has been a slow process. He's so fogged up. Compared to many other stories I've read, I don't think 6 months is that much. I only started working on Plan A about a month and a half ago. I tried Tough Love the first months and really messed up. He just went further away.

I really do think things can get better but I can't do it by holding on. (which is probably what I've been doing). I need to learn to let go and trust God. It's very tough to know that the one person you love and would give your life for just doesn't seem to care. I believe I must try to do whatever I can to save this marriage but I do realize that without his help, there won't be one. I am young and would probably have no problem finding another husband but I vowed 5 years ago to be with this one 'til death do us part and will do whatever is necessary to keep that promise. I've cried out to God MANY times and have asked him to show me if I need to give up and move on. But he has always shown me the opposite. I hear him telling me, "Hold on my Child, I'm still working with both of you". I trust him, even though at times it's very hard to do so, seeing everything that is happening.

I know the devil is trying very hard to knock me down as well but I WILL NOT let him win this battle.

Thank you so much for keeping me in your prayers.

H98

HOPE, YOU ARE SOUNDING VERY POSITIVE BUT PLEASE REMEMBER THAT BEFORE ANYTHING GOOD CAN HAPPEN SOMETHING BAD MUST FALL AND TH EOTHER MUST CHOSE TO DECIDE TO WORK THING OUT. WE CANT DO IT FOR THEM. GOD GIVES US THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE CHOICES AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE DONT MAKE THE RIGHT ONES BUT GOD DOESNT DESERT US. BUT IF WE CONTINUE TO MAKE BAD CHOICES HE DOES SAY TO BREAK TIES...ALL TIES TO THE ONE IN SIN....YOU CAN LOVE SOMEONE BUT NOT LIKE THEIR ACTIONS, AND ITS OK TOLET THEM KNOW YOU LOVE THEM BUT YOU JUST DONT LIKE THEM RIGHT NOW...YOU CAN NOT LET YOURSELF BE PULLED IN , HE HAS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS ACTIONS...HIM ALONE....I HAVE PRAYED SO HARD FOR AND I WONT STOP, THE CONFUSION AND PAIN IS ALL OF THE EVILS WE FACE IN LIFE. I HAVE ALWAYS SAID IF YOU HAD TO HIDE SOMETHING YOU OBVIOUSLY KNEW IT WAS WRONG TO BEGIN WITH AND IF YOUR INNER VOICE TOLD YOU THERE WAS A PROBLEM WHY DID YOU IGNORE IT...DONT YOU KNOW THIS VOICE CALLED YOUR CONSCIENCE IS GODS WAY OF LETTING YOU MAKE YOUR CHOICES BU GIVING YOU THE OPPOTUNITY TO MAKE THOSE CHOICES ON YOUR OWN....

Yes, I realize that before anything good can happen, something bad must fall. I also understand that my H must choose to decide to work things out 'cause I can't do it for him. That's why I pray for him everyday. (It's pretty much all I can do for him right now)

I also realize that even though God hates divorce, that doesn't mean every marriage is going to be restored. We have the choice to follow him or not. My H may NEVER decide to come back but that's his choice. God can't force us to do anything.

By breaking ties, do you mean absolutely no contact with him? at all? Yes, he has to be held accountable for his actions. It just hurts to see that many bad things have happened to him yet he doesn't understand. He doesn't realize it's because of his own actions. He had 2 car windows broken, he's been completely broke, he can't get a better job (has gone to over 10 interview and NOTHING) and the devil even haunted him one night. Will he ever see? It's frustrating and I feel sorry for him. I love him but can't do anything to help him out.

I definitely believe God has allowed all of this to happen for a purpose. We were truly headed the wrong direction in life, moving further and further away from God. This has brought me back to him but the battle has been tough with my H. He KNOWS he can't live without God (he's told several people recently) yet he continues his sinful life. We are we so hard-headed some times?

Well, thank you for praying so hard for me Hurtmorethanheknows. I want you to know that I also pray for you everyday. (and everybody else that posts here) Prayer has done wonders and has given me so much comfort that I will NEVER stop praying. Thanks.

H98

THE PART ABUOT BREAKING ALL TIES IS IN THE BIBLE...HE NEEDS TOSEE OW HE IS HURTTING HIMSELF AND OTHERS....

hopeful98, I will be praying for you. If you aren't already doing so, start praying scripture over your husband without ceasing. Pray a hedge of thorns around your husband, pray the OW becomes bitter like wormwood, read Proverbs 5-7 and pray the Lord reveals His truth to your husband.

Prayer works hopeful, don't give up. If God called you to stand for your marriage and by your posts it seems that way, you must be obedient to the Lord. You can't change your husband, but GOD CAN. Our God is a God of miracles, He loves you and your husband so very much and He wants your marriage restored. God can (and will) use whatever Satan intended for evil for His good and His glory.

Father, You have declared that what therefore God has joined together, let no man separate therefore I stand on that Promise for hopefu98. Lord we know it is the Father's will for marriages to be for a lifetime, for it is written in Malachi that the Lord God hates divorce. Lord, cause hopeful98's husband to see the error of his ways and to turn from his sinful ways with a godly sorrow, truly repentant at the foot of the Cross. Lord, You desire one man to be with one woman for life, hopeful98 is the wife of this man's youth. I believe this is Your heart's desire, and because of that, I plead with you to save and strengthen hopeful98 and her husband's marriage. Because this is Your heart's desire, I ask in the name of Jesus that You will do whatever it takes to protect and defend this marriage. O God, do not let sin, Satan, circumstances, or problems separate what You have joined together (Mark 10:2-9). In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN

Thank you for your beautiful prayer AW!

I'm going ok. I was at my MIL's today and that is where my H is living. He just sleeps in the living room and leaves some of his stuff out there. I happen to see a bar of soap from Red Roof Inn sitting out there with this stuff. It just hurt so much to see evidence of them being together. Of course, my MIL is not going to tell me he's spent the night away from home. Perhaps it wasn't even the night, just the day. Aarrrgghhh! I know that this is exactly the kinds of things the devil wants me to see to get me to give up on this M. It's very hard and painful but I MUST be strong. It just hurts SO MUCH! Sometimes I feel that I won't make it and like giving up. Everything just seems so impossible for him to ever even WANT to come back. I know that everything is possible for God but I don't see that sometimes.

Thank you AW for posting to me on your thread and telling me that you have been praying for me and to expect my miracle. Those words brought tears to my eyes. I need to have a much stronger faith and truly live expecting my miracle. Knowing that he is truly going to Restore My Marrige. Thank you for the encouragent and the lift. God Bless You!

H98

Hopeful,
You are going to make it, you will be ok because the Lord is going to take care of you. I am praying the Lord fills you with His peace that passes all understanding and gives you a glimpse of what He is doing. Your H may be doing wrong, sinful things that hurt you very much, but God is there with you and feels the pain you do. Though it may not seem like it, I am sure God is dealing with your husband and things with the OW are probably not as rosy as they seem. It always makes me wonder what the WS must be thinking because the OP's integrity is obviously lacking or they wouldn't be involved with a married person anyway so why do the WS want to be with them? Ok sorry I'm rambling.

Anyway, please keep holding onto the hem of His garment. Pray, pray, pray. I'm praying too,
Father, I praise You for all the great things about to be manifest in Hopeful98's marriage. Lord, I thank You for being her comforter, for filling her with a deep peace and everlasting love. Lord, again I ask that Hopeful98's husband be filled with conviction over his sins, draw him unto You, Lord. Lord, You turned the king's heart, I pray and ask in Jesus' name that Hopeful98's husband's heart is in the hand of the Lord, like a watercourse You will turn it wheresover You please. In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN

H98 - pray this scripture in the first person:

Ephesians 5:25 "Husband, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it"

I pray it like this:

Thank you Lord that my husband loves me, his wife, as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it,

and then also Lord, I belive that my husband loves me, his wife, as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it.

Your miracle is around the corner. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope
Let me tell you the devil is on the rise!!!! But in my heart I know God does not and will not reward EVIL acts....Pray hard and pray fast....Incluse me in oyurs, for I am struggling with the issue of the ow being nuts and dragging me and all the family into a whirlwind.

Hurtmorethanheknows,

Yes, he is working overtime right now. But we MUST NOT let him win.

Please know that you are always in my prayers!

((((((Hurtmorethanheknows)))))))

H98

<small>[ July 30, 2003, 08:33 PM: Message edited by: hopeful98 ]</small>

Hurts... and hope,

I have a plaque on my computer at work that says; "Sometimes the Lord calms the storm, and sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child".

May God's peace calm you during these storms. He is still in control.

Bless you.

S&C

THanks to all of you...And true to his words the storm has been raging but his child is being calmed...So many things are coming to light but in my favor, keep up the prayers because with the nuts IM dealing with I need all I can get

I will be honored to life you up in prayer. Please remember what the Apostle Paul said:

"I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me." God also promised that his GRACE is sufficient for ALL our needs. Go to him in humility and earnstwhile seeking of His will and He will NOT leave you or forsake you.

A couple of Paul's letters have meant a great deal to me and hope they provide some sense of comfort for you.

Romans: 5:1 -- 5:6

1 Corinthians 13:1 -- 13:13

Hope this, in some small way, helps,

Pegasus

Peg
Thanks...What more can I say when another human being reaches out with comfort and support and most importantly the word of God to help another....In these times of confusion and pain I see the evil lurkign and IM standing steadfast againest it to protect all that is dear, My path for the lord, myself and my family is a rocky opne but one that can be completed in Gods love....

Beautiful words Hurtmorethanheknows!

I want to ask that you all keep me in your prayers.

I will be sending out my Plan B letter tomorrow morning. I don't know how my husband will react to this but I am trusting that God is working and know that He and I WILL overcome this battle.

Thank You!

H98

PLEASE pray for me!

I am losing my patience and getting VERY angry at my H. The credit card company (the one my H is paying) called me today to tell me that the bill was 2 months overdue and they needed payment today. I was so angry to hear this. This is the ONLY bill he's paying and he can't even be resopnsible enough for that???!!! Aaarggghhh! Since this credit card is from the same bank I have, they are going to take the money from my checking account. (not until Fri. though, since I don't have enough) This just really makes me SOOOOOO mad. I just cried so much and wanted to call my husband every bad name there is. I even asked myself why I had married such a STUPID person. I know that's not how I really feel about him but his irresponsibility is just making me very angry. I know that money should not matter but it's his taking advantage that bothers me. He's out there, so happy with this OW (spending his money) and he can't even pay this bill. Aarrgghh! Please pray that I will not give up on this marriage. I just recently sent him his Plan B letter (which he should have gotten yesterday) so I should have no contact with him. I had to call my MIL to ask her to let him know. This is the 2nd time he's done this to me. I just don't know what to do. I can manage to pay everything we owe but it's just not fair that I will have to pay EVERYTHING we BOTH both together! Please just PRAY for ME!!!

Thank You!

H98

Me again.

I feel so frustrated and discouraged. Please keep praying for me.

My H emailed me on Friday asking me to email him his resume 'cause he needs it badly. I guess he wants another job badly (which is good, that way he won't work with OW aymore). Per Cerri's advice, I printed his resume out and mailed it to his mom and asked her to give it to him. (I'm in Plan B - so no contact with him) I called my MIL last night to say hello and she starts telling me that H needs the resume EMAILED because he must send it via internet to the companies. Aarrgghh! It just made me mad that he insists that I do what he asks but doesn't even pay the bill he promised he would pay. I got so angry.

Today I went to my MIL's to pick up some Avon products I had ordered from here. Luckily, my H was not there (most likely w/OW). I noticed that some of the pictures of H and I that were in her living room are now gone! She had LOTS of them and now I only saw about 4 of them. Why? She said before she was NOT going to bring him down, even if he asked her to (he sleeps in the living room, by the way). It hurt to see them gone. I felt that she is just moving on and is going to accept the OW as my replacement. I know this is her son but this is so wrong. By doing so, she seems to be supporting him in the SINFUL life he's living. I hurt so much tonight. How can she give up when she was so confident before that he was going to return? I'm lost and confused.

Please keep me in your prayers. I need to stand firm and keep my faith in God.

H98

It's been 6 months Today that my H left me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

*SIGH*

H98

Hope,
Notice I left off the rest, because you have to look for the hope inside yourself...Sweetie Ive been reading and keeping track of all your posts and my heart is aching for you....
"Lord, on this day we ask that you send angels down to brighten her day and her spirit...We ask that you send someone special to give her a positive word, a simply kind gesture.She needs something to lift her spirit to show her that she is not alone and that there is good in the world and she is thought of. Lord let these words wrap around her heart and bring her some peace, God we ask you to show her that there are people , your followers Lord who are sight unseen who are sending out powerful prayers and positive words to her a sister in Christ. Amen"

Hopes... I'll pray for you tonight...

How's counting? leave the tab my friend....

Take care

Alchoholics Wife,

I don't mean to deter the thread but your words ministered to me.

And to hopeful and hope... I will uphold you in prayer.

<small>[ June 11, 2004, 08:35 PM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

h98,

How are you doing girl? Praying for you.

In God's care and grace.

S&C

LoveMyEx - Thanks for the encouraging words. I'll be praying for you!

S&C - Thanks for asking about me. It really brought a BIG smile <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> to my face when I read that. It's amazing how someone who's never met me be concerned and ask for me. That's proof of God's awesome Love!

I'm doing good. Hanging on as best as I can. God is helping me take it one day at a time. I haven't heard about H since 9 days ago. This Plan B is really helping me. It helps me keep my mind off of this situation a bit and concentrate more on myself.

Thanks for keeping me in your prayers. That means alot to me. I also pray that this Plan I'm in will work in my husband and that God will change ME as well.

Thanks!

H98

Hi All

My SIL (BIL's wife) emailed me today and told me that my H finally went over to visit them yesterday (BIL is not accepting his lifestyle and does not want anything to do with him). But of course, he did not close the door on him. He was there about 7 hours. Anyways. They talked about our situation and the choices my H has made. My H asked his brother why he doesn't call him or at least look for him. BIL said that he does not agree with what he is doing. H then asked what he was doing wrong. (DUH?) BIL told him that he was committing adultery and H asked what adultery was to him. BIL gave his explanation of it. Then H gave a whole bunch of excuses (unknown to me)trying to justify his actions but BIL just told him that what he was doing was wrong and that if he wanted to make things straight, he had to make up his mind on what he wanted and if he didn't want to be with me, then he needed to divorce me. H said that divorce was just a piece of paper that has no value to him. BIL got upset and said that perhaps the divorce has no meaning to him but it does to everybody else and himself. Then BIL mentioned how my H had said before that he didn't want any children but now he was with someone that has a child. H said that this OW has made him change his mind about that. BIL was really upset now and told him that he was willing to listen to this OW but he wouldn't listen to his own family.

Turns out that my H just bought a laptop. (and a car about a month ago) but when askedabout the divorce, he said he didn't have $300 and that was not important to him. BIL told him that he couldn't be his friend as beforebecause friends tell the truth and tell you when you are doing wrong and H didn't want to listen to those things. Therefore they had nothing to talk about. Since my BIL is about to have his first baby, he told him that he couldn't introduce my H to his children since hewasn't about to show them that cheating and breaking promises to God was acceptable. H just said that he can use him as a bad example then but BIL said that he couldn't, cause that would mean that he has accepted what he's done and he doesn't. BIL told him that he's just being so selfish and only thinking about himself. How come he didn't ask how others felt about his decisions. BIL thinks that his NOW friends are not fulfilling him anymore and that is why he's starting (or at least wanting) to come back to his family. According to my SIL, he's still carrying the child seat in his car (therefore, is still with OW) BIL kept talkint to him about divroce and making the right thing that he just got pretty upset and picked up his things and left. BIL said he was upset but SIL says that he just looked VERY sad when he walked out. He just turned to her and told her to take care of the baby and left.

I don't understand how Divorce is not important for him now, when he was the one to bring it up when he left? Why is he looking for his brother now? So many questions, still unanswered but I know God is taking care of us.

PLEASE keep praying for H and I. Thanks.

H98

H98,
Your hubby is trying to find contentment in people, places, and things. That's what the other woman, the car, the laptop, and anything else are. He has a hunger down in his soul for only what God can give him. He is learning that "the pleasures of sin are sweet, but short". they do not last very long. When he finally realizes that God is what he is hungry for, then he will start to see you differently too. But he needs salvation first. REAL salvation. I agree that you need to change your focus. Pray for his salvation. That he would have a true God experience. Start to believe the verse you have in your profile and then really believe it. Find your peace in God and then others won't disappoint you as much. Make God your provider and ask him to supply ALL your needs.
God Bless.
singleguy

Thanks Singleguy!

I will pray for his salvation and I will work on myself as well. I KNOW I need to find my peace in God and have him supply my every need. Sometimes it's very hard though.

Reading you reply just brought tears to my eyes. It is all so very true. Thanks for reminding me and helping me get back on the right track. I really needed to hear those words.

Thank You!

H98

I really can't wait for the day I post a GOOD update! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Obviously, this one is not going to be one.

I got the bill for the New laptop my H just bought. (he must have forgotten to change the address when he bought it) I, of course, opened it to see how much it was. $1583!!!!! I just can't believe he is buying a laptop that he does NOT need but cannot make the payments on his part of the debt we have. What is WRONG with this man???? Can he not think? Does he no longer have a heart? This is all so unfair! I'm stuck paying all our debt, and he's out there spending money he doesn't even have!!! (w/ OW) Aarrrggghhhh!!!!!! When will all this ever end?! It's so frustrating.

I understand he's looking for happiness in all these material things (car, laptop and even OW). But I'm just so.......I don't even know how I feel anymore. I want him back, I do. But he just keeps making things harder and harder each day. PLEASE pray for us! I don't want handle this the human way. (taking him to court - filing legal separation). I know this is a battle that needs to be fought in the Spirit, not the flesh. But how much longer will I have to be suffering for him? I am learning to Trust God but when situations like this arise, it brings me back down and then I start to doubt God. I don't want to do that. I KNOW he is there and is taking care of things but I just get so confused. All I can do is keep praying.

Please pray with me that my H will WAKE UP and do the right things. I don't want to force him to pay his part of the debt but I pray that he does it willingly.

Thank You!

H98

LoveMyX- I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner. I don't get a chance to get on here much due to work and lots of yardwork! Thank you for your kind words. I will pray for you and your husband.

Father, I come to You in the mighty name of Jesus, to ask on behalf of LoveMyX for reconciliation in her marriage. Lord we stand on Your Word which says You hate divorce. Father, I thank You that You are working in her husband's life, and that her husband's heart is in the hands of the Lord, like a watercourse You can turn it whichever way You please (Prov 21:1), Lord we stand in faith for this marriage to be restored, Lord show this husband what the adulterous woman is; let her become as bitter as wormwood to him.

Lord please intervene and fill LoveMyX's husband's heart and mind with loving, pleasant thoughts of her, constantly. Give him no peace and no rest until he turns his life completely over to You, Lord. Lord I pray that You will guide LoveMyX and help her become a woman modeled after the Proverbs 31 woman. Let her husband see You in her Lord.

Lord, You are the Lord of miracles. We ask in Jesus' name for a the miracle of a restored marriage for LoveMyX. Thank You Father, all Glory and Honor to You in all things. You are almighty; the one we lean on for everything. Thank You Lord for your love and kindness. In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN. LoveMyX -- EXPECT YOUR MIRACLE! Believe!

Hopeful, keep your chin up dear sister, the Lord will sustain you; He will take care of you and will not honor those who are living in sin. Take heart knowing that He IS in control and will prevail. Keep in the Word and most of all keep praying for his salvation and deliverance out of the hand of the enemy. Pray Ephesians over him, pray scriptures especially. I pray this one a lot: "Father I thank You that my husband loves me as Christ loves the church and gave himself for it, I believe in the name of Jesus and by the power of the blood of Jesus that my husband loves me as Christ loves the church and gave himself for it." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God bless,

Well, I'm feeling down again today.

One of the owner's of the company I work for just had his first baby yesterday and forwarded a picture to all of us today. He truly is adorable and I'm very happy for him. Just staring at this little baby I felt so sad. My best friend had her baby 2 months ago, my BIL had his last week yet here I am, not even with my H. We were the first ones to get married from all and now everybody else is happy with their family except us. We've been separated for almost 7 months now. I was hoping to get pregnant on our 5 year anniversary trip (which was almost 3 months ago). Will I ever have a family and be happy again? That's what I've asked myself all day today. I've just cried thinking about it. I see all the couples on the street and wonder if I'll ever be that happy again. I envy everyone. It just hurts so much!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Tomorrow is my H's birthday. I've been by his side for the past 5 birthdays but tomorrow, he'll be with OW. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Will he even remember his last ones with me? Does he even think about me at all? Will he remember the little spiderman blanket I gave him last year? How he woke up in the morning and was covered with it? I just wonder all these things. He must remember 'cause the last time I saw his truck parked at his mom's house, I saw the blanket in the back seat. This is just so depressing. As much as I want to wish him Happy Birthday, I won't. I'm still in Plan B and sticking to it. I'll wish him in my heart and will pray for him (like I do every day). I know God has a plan for me but I don't know what. I know that he also has the perfect timing for everything and I need to be patient. It's just so hard some times.

Please keep me in your prayers. Please also pray for my H. I love him very much and miss him like crazy. Thanks

H98

Hey Hopeful,
Just want to encourage you today and tell you not to give up. I've been thru what you are going thru, so I know what it's like. Trust me, it will get better. God will change the scenery as time goes by and thus the season will change also. You will learn to get your affirmation from God and not from man which will help you in life.God has taken me in a whole new direction and I'm actually enjoying it. Stay strong girl.
God Bless
singleguy

Thank you Singleguy

I needed encouragement. I don't want to give up but it's so hard. I just logged on to the internet right now, and it seems that H and I are sharing the internet service (since he got a new laptop). A few days ago I realized my account had been taken off and I couldn't sign in to it. Today, I realized that a new account has been added to it. Guess who's it is? Yep, it's the OW's. Now I have her email address. Such a temptation but I know God is taking care of things. I am SO hurt again. How can he do this to me? Does he REALLY not care about me at all? I just don't know what to think. All I can do is cry. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

hopeful,
I heard Paula White say that you don't mind rejection if you don't need attention [affection]from the one rejecting you. I know he is your h and all that, but I encourage you today to quit depending on him for your worth. I realize there is a covenant of marriage, but You are still just as valuable and precious with or without him. I told you before seasons will change and they will if you start looking to God as your provider. Now is a good time to really get to know Him intimately. You will be amazed at the strength He will give you. Really think about if h did come home right now!! Would he really be a good mate the way he is?? You might be more miserable than you could imagine. I do want you to have a GOOD marriage and I'm an advocate of God's plan for one wife, one life. But God can create a good life for you regardless of what decisions other people make. God gave us a free will to love or not to love. Be sure to choose to love Jesus thru all of this. Be honest about how you are treating Him!!HE will never leave you nor forsake you. I pray upon you a new and God filled day!!!!
God Bless
singleguy

<small>[ September 06, 2003, 07:37 AM: Message edited by: singleguy ]</small>

Thanks Singleguy!

I know he is your h and all that, but I encourage you today to quit depending on him for your worth.

I WILL start looking for God and God only.

I told you before seasons will change and they will if you start looking to God as your provider.

I will wait for the seasons to change and will not put my life on hold 'til then.

Now is a good time to really get to know Him intimately.

I want to get to know him intimately but sometimes I just don't know how.

You will be amazed at the strength He will give you.

He's already given me lots of strength but I know I'll still need more.

Really think about if h did come home right now!! Would he really be a good mate the way he is??

No, he would not. It would be over for good.

But God can create a good life for you regardless of what decisions other people make.

I understand that but as human, I wish it was the way I want it. I just need to keep trusting and accept HIS will and not want mine.

HE will never leave you nor forsake you.

For that, I am forever grateful!!!

I pray upon you a new and God filled day!!!!

Thank you so much for you prayers. I did have a wonderful sabbath day.

I need to ask for you to keep praying for me but to pray for my husband as well. In spite of me being in Plan B and asking people not to tell me things about H, I still hear them. Today I got an email from a cousin and she just briefly told me that she talked to my H recently. All she said was that it is SOOOOOO sad to hear him and the situation he's in. She said that he has his own morals and he expects everyone to respect them. Her exact words after that were...."He truly is done with God". It hurt me to read that 'cause I know that God can only do so much. He will not give up but if my H remains the same, the devil will have him for good. PLEASE pray for my husband. I've been praying for him every day and night and asking God to bring some desire in him to seek the Lord. I know that this is a battle that must be fought in the spirit and nothing can be done in the flesh. I just feel so bad for him 'cause I see how truly lost he is in this world right now. This whole situation has brought me closer to God and I'm ashamed to say that many times we only seek God in times of need but I don't ever want to leave his side again. Please, please, please pray for me and my husband. I have started the fasting and praying on Wednesdays but that doesn't mean that's the only day I pray. I know that prayer is wonderful and I've seen many of mine answered. This one is just a tougher one. Thank you All!

H98

<small>[ September 08, 2003, 12:22 AM: Message edited by: hopeful98 ]</small>

Good Morning Hopeful,
If you want to get to know God intimately all you have to do is seek Him. Thru crying out, thru prayer, and most importantly thru His word. I heard a pastor say that when judgement day is finished and God takes the unsaved over to the pit. That when He walks away He will take all light with Him because God is light. Imagine being in hell for eternity and it is like being in a basement during a storm and the lights go out, only forever. Can you imagine the screaming. That story has always made me think. Cry out to your rescuer... God Himself and He will respond.
Your hubby isn't lost to the devil. If people are truly praying for him and not just saying they will, God is hearing those prayers. He won't just abandon your hubby. Read about Jesus at the second coming and how He is the mighty warrior who rescues His flock. He will not be someone to mess with and satan is going to be the most scared of all because he is already defeated and he knows where he is going. he does not have eternal control of your hubby. God is probably taking your hubby to the bottom so that he can make him into a prize winning husband. Sometimes we need to hit bottom before we will wake up and listen. Up to that point all we do is argue. Humility is a very powerful force. When we are willing to listen, we become teachable and we reverance what God has to say either directly or thru other people. Look at what God is doing to you. He is drawing you to Him. He wants to be closer still.
Dear Heavenly Father, I lift this marriage up to You and ask that You would do a good work in both of them. Lord, I ask that You would bind all the works of the enemy off of hopeful and her husband and that You would bring all wrongful relationships to an end immediately. Father, I ask that the Holy Spirit would minister to the both of them every second of every day and that You would use every available resource to show them both how much You love them. Lord, I ask that You would restore this marriage into a model marriage and that You would use it as a ministry to counsel and help others. In Jesus name we pray. Amen
God Bless You Hopeful
singleguy

Time for a pep talk hopeful. Singleguy has some great advice for you; I encourage you also to keep seeking God and trusting Him. He hears our prayers for your husband and you, and He will honor them. Sometimes we don't see the results right away and it makes us think God isn't answering but there are so many things that have to be orchestrated to bring about God's plan for us that it takes time. God is in control, and please be confident He is working and He is doing a great work in your husband.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">cause I know that God can only do so much</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">no no no ..... there is nothing impossible for God. When you start feeling this way, please take some time to read the Bible. His truths will jump out at you. Matthew 19:26 "But Jesus behld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible' ... and Luke 1:37 "For with God nothing shall be impossible" including God saving your marriage. God wants you to believe in Him, to put your faith and trust in Him, not man nor the things man does.

Speak the desires of your heart into existence. Speak things that are not as though they are. Sometimes we show doubt when we don't realize we are doing so. God loves you so much hopeful98, and He will take the burden from you, if you will only give it to him. God can turn your husband's heart. If you aren't already doing so, start thanking Him for all the things He is doing for you and thank Him for those things that are yet unseen. Have faith, without doubt, no wavering, and let God fill you with His peace. Ask Him for His peace and He will give it to you. Jesus said in Mark 11:23 that .... "and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith." There are more good promises in that chapter and verse that may help you.

Take this time while your husband is away to draw closer to God; lean on Him. God bless you and I will pray for you.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ September 12, 2003, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: Alcoholic's Wife ]</small>

Thank you for your reply Alcoholic's Wife

Yes, Singleguy has given me some GREAT advice. I truly thank God for all of you here at the Prayer Requests forum. You all have given me such encouragement. Yes, I understand that we don't see the results to our prayers right away, but God is answering them one way or another.

God is in control, and please be confident He is working and He is doing a great work in your husband.

Yes, he IS in control. Thanks for the assurance.

Speak things that are not as though they are.

Sometimes this is very hard to do, especially when people around me are telling me to move on and stuff.

God can turn your husband's heart.

I know he can, that's why I'm still here. I just have trouble sometimes and get disappointed with everything and don't see any hope. But I gotta stay strong and have FAITH.

Take this time while your husband is away to draw closer to God; lean on Him. God bless you and I will pray for you.

This just brought tears to my eyes. You speak with such confidence. Thank you so much. I WILL take this time while my H is away to draw closer to God.

Thank You for your Prayers! God Bless You too!

H98

I haven't read this thread since I posted and saw that Alcholic's Wife prayed for me. Thank you sooooo much! AW... if you read this, it was around that time (when you prayed) that I found out that my husband is engaged. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I fasted for 7 days and sought prayer from every ministry, friend, church, etc. I could think of. I think I am just now feeling some sort of a presence of peace... the type of quietness that quiets your spirit... yet, I am still often overwhelmed with grief and yes, fear. Thinking of him remarried. Everything in me cries against it.

Anyways, thank you so much. Your prayer is beautiful and powerful. It is so evident that you, and singleguy also, are very much, well, that you know the Lord. It is good to read the things you say as they are very Biblical and full of faith.

Hopeful... is your husband a Christian? Well, it is obvious right now that he is not walking with the Lord, but I am wondering if he has known the Lord in the past? I am reading a book called "Why Godly People Do Ungodly Things" by Beth Moore. Wow... it is so insightful and "scary" too. She talks about Satan and I read some verses last night that I guess have been made more real to me since my divorce and watching my beloved husband, a Christian man, become full of fear and anger and hatred. I understand the grief you feel about your husband and this path he is on. I fear my husband is on the same path.

I will have to find the verses for you, but there are verses that talk about how Satan knows his time is very short and he is literally on a warpath! He knows that Jesus will be returning soon. That is why the "last days" are described as beign full of people sinning in very hard-hearted ways. Satan knows his time is short before his end. He is no dummy and he is no nice-guy. He is EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, and he wants to not only destroy people but he wants to destroy the testimony of the Lord. He wants to destroy future generations. You and I cannot raise godly offspring if we are not married to our husbands. We cannot have a testimony of a godly marriage... a woman loving her husband as Christ calls her to and a man of God loving his wife as his own body. That is what Satan wants to destroy.

There is a war and your enemy is not your husband but is Satan. Your husband is much like mine... deceived. Blinded and deceived.

I will pray for your husband. I can hear the urgency in your words because I too feel that urgency in my heart.

You have been given tremendous advice from singleguy and alcoholic'swife. Praise God that have said what they have to you.

I will pray for your husband that God will turn his heart. I pray that God gives you wisdom, insight, strength, and peace. I fully agree with alcholics wife and singleguys prayers! May it be done! May the other woman be as wormwood (the Bible says this is what an adulterous woman will be like... bitter as wormwood). May God snatch your husband from Satan. May God take back what Satan has stolen. May God heal all the wounds that exist in both your lives. I agree with singleguy that your husband is trying to fill a "God-shaped hole" with all these things.

I truly believe there is a waging war and your husband is deceived. Try very hard to see things with the mind of Christ and not to be discouraged over his various actions, words, etc. They are "symptoms" of a sickness in his heart right now.

Keep praying and fasting. Be in the Word and draw near to God. He will fight on your behalf. He will help you. Nothing is too difficult for Him!

Have you ever been to Rejoice Ministries? www.rejoiceministries.org

Two sweet, godly people who divorced after the husband had an affair. He was engaged to her too (like my husband <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ). But the wife prayed and prayed and lived as a godly woman. They are now remarried to each other! You can get a daily email devotional from them that is so good. It has gotten me through many days when I've felt that all is hopeless.

But one of the things that has also helped me alot has been to read the husband's perspective... what he was thinking/feelign at the time. You can get a book from them. It is called "the Prodigals' Perspective." It's very insightful and will open your eyes to what the wayward husband is battling with and how his mind is justifying everything yet how, deep inside, he really is not happy and he is running from God. But... you can't run from God.

Also, have you ever gone to restore ministries? www.restorem.org Also very good... esp. the testimonies of restored marriages. They help me to see that truly, nothing is impossible with God. When you read of other total disasterous marriages being healed... well, it gives you hope!

God bless!!

Hopeful, I do understand how you are feeling. My heart just aches for you for all the pain and suffering you are going through. I wish there was something I could say to ease that pain. All I can say is God will heal you, He will comfort you. I have been through those dark times, feeling like there is no hope and my marriage was doomed. The only thing that ever helped me during that time was prayer. Seems like no matter what I tried to make happen or do on my own it failed. One day the Lord spoke to my heart and told me to stop feeling that the wrong, sinful things my H was doing was between my H and me, because it wasn't it was between him and God and God would deal with him. In other words would I stop trying to do God's job. When my H would go work out of town I would be so upset, thinking he was going to cheat again, be drunk in the bars, etc. God made me realize that there was nothing "I" could do or say to control the situation and if he did do something bad, it was between Him and God and my H would have to answer to the Lord for the way he treated me. He wanted me to respond to my husband 'with kindness on her tongue". I have to keep myself 'prayed up' when he works out of town. Its hard not to be upset when it looks like your world is falling down all around you, but we have to believe, to stay focused on God. He will take care of us no matter what, hopeful.

I agree with LoveMyEx, it is a war between darkness and light, spiritual warfare. Your words to hopeful were right on the money. I agree with you and was inspired to do more focusing on the Lord after reading them! Thank you for reminding me that my H also is trying to fill a "God-shaped hole" in his heart, with alcohol. Your post to hopeful just blessed me so much. Thank you!

The good news is He is on our side and He has already won the battle. You have the weapons to defend yourself, your husband, and your marriage in the Word of God. Pray the word over yourself and your husband constantly, believe it, feel it in your heart. If you haven't already gone to rejoiceministries website please take a few moments to read some of their articles. I also agree with LoveMyEx here, the Steinkamps are awesome Godly people who have a tremendous testimony. I got SO MUCH encouragement from their writings, have several of their books, get the newsletter, etc. I can't say enough good about their ministry.

I will pray for you hopeful. Father, I come to you tonight asking for Your divine intervention in hopeful98's life. Lord, I thank You and praise You for the great works You are doing for them, thank You Jesus for saving us, thank You for loving us so much. There are no words to describe the gratitude I feel for all You have done for us. Lord, this dear sister is hurting so bad. Please, would You fill her to overflowing with Your peace that passes all understanding. Lord I ask in the name of Jesus for a great outpouring of the Holy Spirit on hopeful and her husband. Let her husband have no peace and no rest until he turns his life over to You. I pray that when her husband looks at her he will see Jesus. Lord, please help hopeful98 get though the rough times. Please lift her up and carry her. I pray that You would give her a glimpse of what You are doing to strengthen her faith in You. Show her Your ways Lord. Let there be so much love in her life that she will feel deep contentment in You. Father, You are Holy, there is nothing impossible for You. I stand in awe of You and the things You do.

Father, I ask You to protect hopeful's marriage from the attacks of Satan. Deliver them from his evil, destructive plans. Lord I plead the blood of Jesus over hopeful98 and her husband. No weapon formed against this marriage shall prosper! We stand on the promises of the Word of God and declare it done in Jesus' name. Thank You Lord that hopeful98's husband's heart is being turned back to You even as I pray this. Thank You Lord that Your glorious power will sustain this marriage. Give them a heart to seek after You and serve You all the days of their lives. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN

P.S... ours was one of those 'disasterous' marriages that God restored and renewed. What He has done just 'wows' me. All the glory to God. He can do ANYTHING!

Hopeful and AW,

Please read this testimony! I don't want to give too much away but the wife had an affair, the husband wanted to save the marriage, wife said "no way," husband let go, and then one night, kids call the husband and the wife has a gun to her head realizing she has destroyed her life and her family. It is a powerful testimony of forgiveness and God's grace.

http://www.family.org/physmag/marriage/a0021936.html

Also, here is another testimony of a couple where the husbadn filed for divorce and lived the "high life" eventually getting into drugs and prison. He became a Christian and God began to show him it was not his will that he divorce his wife. This was like two years or so after the divorce. He told his wife and she just laughed and said "see you in heaven" basically. But as time went on, her heart softend, and anyways they were remarried...3 yrs. after their divorce!

http://www.familylife.com/articles/...1&keywords=correcting+an+old+mistake

<small>[ September 18, 2003, 01:20 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

Hopeful and Alchoholics Wife... there is a very good book called "How to Act Right When Your Husband Acts Wrong" by Leslie Vernick. It's a Christian book and she is very insightful. It's a very good book. I highly recommend it.

She echoes something you said, AW, about how it is between him and God, not you and him.

I was reading a book called "Hope Again" by Charles Swindoll (I love him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) and he was talking about a wife's role and gave a quote by Ruth Graham (Billy Graham's wife) where she said, "It is my job to love Billy. It is God's job to make him good." Adn then C. Swindoll said how it's a wife's job to love her husband and God's job to change his life.

I think it's scary sometimes to love when the husband is... well, sinning, esp. in ways that could harm you physically or emotionally. But the Bible says that husbands are won "without a word... as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior."

I think that's one thing about Charlyne from the Rejoice Ministries. She saw beyond her husband's words and actions. She kept her vows and saw her husband as a lost man. She would rather have kept her vows and lived alone and unloved for however many years if there was any hope of him coming back to God. Her heart was for her husband and she knew that he was destroying his life. She never retaliated. She prayed, prayed, prayed. He has said that she "prayed him home" and he will say how very thankful he is that he had a wife who remained faithful to him and did what she did. Back then, he thought she was crazy; but now, he is so thankful for her and he is a changed man.

I remember reading from another ministry (Restore Ministries... similar to Rejoice Ministries) and the wife shared how her husband, when he was deep in his sin, was going to a strip club and telling her to go with him. Well, she did, and the closer they got, she was full of fear and like, literally sick, but she kept praying and trusting that God could deliver her from this. Well, right before going in, he said, "I can't believe I asked you to do this" and her submission to him made him see how horrible he was asking her to sin like that. Her goodness and faith was like a mirror reflecting his sinfulness to him.

Charles Swindoll was saying how that verse, 1 Peter 3:1-2 where it says, "Wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of thier wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior..." well, that verse is directed to the wife whose husband is DISOBEDIENT.

I believe that I have failed too many times in this area. Returning anger with anger and not always being respectful. I truly wish I could go back and "do over." My husband is across the country from me with no contact and engaged on top of it, and I have no way to show him any type of good behavior.

Alcoholics Wife, your example is truly an example for us. I know it must be very lonely at times and difficult, but obviously, the Lord has really worked in you as you have obeyed and trusted him. There is a maturity and godliness in your words that I wish I had and wish I had for my husband to see. Please pray for me still. I have been feeling so much doubt, sadness, and just that "giving up" feeling thinking there's no way he'll ever love me again and maybe he is even remarried now.

God bless.

Hopeful
I have been away for awhile bu popped in to catch yur thread..My friend, lay it down. Let it go...Read the miss my honey thread by me...
You have to lay it at Gods feet adn let him do the work...
In picking it up you are stopping God from taking control, it is written "as i walk thru the vslley of death" it does not say set up camp and wait it out and fight mans way..it says as I pass.....Pass thru , as you growin the wrod others will see the difference, life will change...Ive paryed for you , But now Im asking you to oray for yourself and others as well..In unselflessly praying and giving to others the Lord will Bless you. Let Him bless you, let him enter your heart full force, let him complete his work...Hope I made sense I jsut wanted you know to know your on my mind....

LMEX - Thank you for posting those testimonies! I just read them and they were great!!! I love to read about how God restores marriages.

I needed to read the verse in the first testimony about the Dr. today:
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ? 2 Corinthians 4:7-9" So many are going through what has to be the toughest times of their lives right now and this verse re-affirms that no matter what, God will take care of us.

After reading the other one it reconfirms my hope for my husband's salvation. I'll keep on praying and believing that he will be announcing he got saved any day now. I've been praying for it for about 20 years now, though not as intensely as I have been for the last 4 or 5 years. Lately I've had such a burden on my heart for his salvation. Thanks for recommending the book "How to Act Right When Your Husband Acts Wrong". It sounds like something I better go get this weekend!

I got those Holy Spirit bumps when I read what Ruth Graham said "It is my job to love Billy. It is God's job to make him good." God said the same thing to me (well for my husband not Billy Graham). Wow, another confirmation! Won without a word.... it is so very true. Our husbands are watching our behavior.

I was a contentious wife. After reading the praying wife book and going through a bible study on becoming the Proverbs 31 woman it hit me that even though my H had done some really awful things I was not to 'hang it over his head' or try to get back at him; God wants me to love him and respect his position as head of our home and not bring up the past. I know that God does speak to his heart and has kept my H from making too many bad decisions.

LMEX - It is God's will for your marriage to be restored. Please don't be discouraged and sad. I will pray for the Lord to lift you up, to fill you with happiness and joy. Don't forget that nothing is impossible for God including turning your husband's heart back to you and your marriage. I can sure understand how you are feeling, I probably would feel the same if I were in your situation. However, we must keep our faith firmly in God. Right after my H moved back home God gave me the Heb 11:1 scripture which said to me that even though I may not see evidence of His work in my H to keep faith because He is working. He is working on your husband right now. I know that because I am praying for him right now. May the Lord bless you far more than you could ever imagine!

Thank You Lord for all You are doing!

AW... I had started reading "Power of a Praying Wife" AFTER my divorce (believing that in God's eyes, I was still his wife since our divorce was unbiblical... no adultery and both Believers)... but I never did finish it.

Anyways, that is a good book. Have you ever read Stormie's autobiography? I read it a loooong time ago. Very powerful. She was into the occult and all sorts of things before getting saved. Her mom was mentally ill and would lock Stormie in the closet. Here is her website and you can get it there. Her "God's Health" book is very good too... one of my all time favorites! www.stormieomartian.com

Have you read any Beth Moore books? She is VERY good! I am right now reading, "Why Godly People Do Ungodly Things." I've heard her speak in person too. She is "annointed"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Also, have you ever heard of Raul and Sharon Reis? What a testimony! Her husband got saved the very night that he was waiting at home ready to shoot his wife and son to death when they got home (she was leaving him after 5 years of extreme abuse and adultery). He just happened to watch t.v. to pass the time waiting (wow) and just happened to turn to a sermon by Chuck Smith (pastor/founder of Calvary Chapel) who just happened to give a salvation message! They have now been married 26 years and he is part of Calvary Chapel churches and has led TONS of people to the Lord! Amazing! She was a godly woman during those years of marriage too in which he was abusive, etc. She prayed and prayed and prayed and still treated him with love, holding on to the promises of God. The book is called "My Husband My Maker" by Sharon Ries. Here is a link to his testimony that I found... it looks like a Kung Foo site <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> but if you keep reading, it has his testimony. http://www.sansoodiamondbar.com/tma.htm

And here is a link to the book at amazon.com! They made a movie of his story called "From Fury to Freedom." It's pretty old (the book is too). I think he got saved in 1972.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...DD%26camp=2025%26link_code=xm2/ref=nosim

And, I mean, this guy was really, REALLY MEAN and HORRIBLE before he got saved!!

Another really good book that just spoke to me so much is called "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. Very good. Our Christian bookstore here carries it, but here is a link to the book at amazon.com. It has some recommendations and excerpts from it. I have a prayer partner whose husband has also divorced her recently. (Her and I have been praying and encouraging each other for 10 mos. now-- via email... we have never met in person!). We both read this book and it helped us both alot.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1885904088/002-5096666-9596004?v=glance

AW, just a few more things. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I thought of another book that is very good! It is by two women, one of whom is married to an man who was an alcoholic for a long time. It's called "Beacause I Said Forever." Here is a brief description and then the link at amazon.com.

"A recent study indicates that Christian marriages don't fail as often as secular marriages -- they fail more! Debbie Kalmbach, the wife of a recovering alcoholic, understands the longing to leave but offers Christian wives solid reasons to stay in a difficult marriage. This is not a 'how to save your marriage' but more a guidebook for wives on how to save their ability to love, to honor their commitment to their husbands, and to maintain their faith in God while in marriages that may never live up to their dreams. Debbie tackles tough questions such as "Why won't he go to counseling?" "Can I change him?" and "What do I do when I don't feel in love anymore?" with a warm, compassionate approach sure to encourage and inspire every struggling wife.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A.../sr=11-1/ref=sr_11_1/002-5096666-9596004

I think this one and the other one "How to Act Right When Your Husband Acts Wrong" would be very encouraging/supportive to you in your situation.

Here also is a link to the Focus on the Family website to a tape and book called "Beloved Unbeliever" and another book called, "When He Doesn't Believe." I haven't read them but my prayer partner has (her husband is not a Christian). http://www.family.org/resources/itempg.cfm?itemid=2648&pid=0&sid=0

During my own separation, I really became so convicted about divorce/marriage/remarriage and God's will and Word. After the divorce, I read/studied various things on divorce (by Chrisitans) and I also found Restore Ministries and then Rejoice Ministries. And I began to read different things that were all very supportive of marriage... even difficult marriages.

I don't want to go into too much detail publically, but my marriage was difficult and my husband "difficult." BUT I know that had I reacted differently... more Christlike.. well, my own contentiousness made things far worse and ultimately embittered my husband to the point of him divorcing me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I know I'm not completely to blame, but I can't just point my finger at him and say our problems were all his fault. And now, I would be willing to

I thought about my vows and what I said. I thought about what God says about marriage and read things. OH... I just remembered. There is this BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL book about a man named Robertson McQuilkin. He was a beloved President of a Chrisitan University (Columbia Univ.) and his wife got Alzheimers. She completely changed and was basically mentally ill (since Alzheimers is a sickness of the brain). She was completely dependent upon him. He would leave for work and later, there she was... she'd follow him on foot to work, distraught to be without him. At night,he'd take off her socks and shoes and her feet were bloody. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> (It chokes me up). That's when he decided to quit his job to be her full-time caretaker. Now, this woman can't even have an intelligent conversation with him. She cannot return love as a mature adult. She is almost helpless. Some people would ask him why he didn't put her in a nursing home. And it all came down to his vows.

Anyways, this is such a beautiful testimony. You can also get this book at amazon.com. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It is called "A Promise Kept." Here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...70/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-5096666-9596004

One more (sorry!)

AW...

You said, "it hit me that even though my H had done some really awful things I was not to 'hang it over his head' or try to get back at him." God convicted me of the same thing too. (So did several of the authors I read!). Yes, my husband had his sins, but so did I!!

You said, "I know that God does speak to his heart and has kept my H from making too many bad decisions."

Your husband is also kept "safe" by being married to you!! The Bible says that the Believing spouse "sanctifies" the unbeliever. Since you are a Believer, all the blessings upon you for obeying/loving God extend to your husband and children. God's presence in you is God's presence in your home. Like the Passover. The people who had the blood over their doors were spared. But not only the person who put it there... the WHOLE household. Your husband is still responsible for his own salvation, but your godly presence there is sanctifying.

Thank you for your words. I am trying hard to just press on in my life... w/o my husband but with hope of restoration (even though it is sooooooo seemingly "impossible.") I just cannot "let go" of him. Not in a "unhealthy" letting go although I'm sure some would call me unhealthy... but well, like in a Charlyne way of not "letting go." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> If that makes sense!

Funny... but I love him more now than I did in the marriage and it is because I submitted myself and marriage to God. The more I forgave, the more I made a choice to love and overlook his sins, the more I prayed.... the more I love him! I don't know if you get Charlyne's devotionals but her devo. talked about that today.

I also see the spiritual battle going on and my husband's hard heart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . I fear for him and I just can't stop praying or loving. But sometimes I wonder if I am "supposed" to. I think sometimes that if I never see him again, I would like to just devote my life solely to God... become a missionary or something. I don't know if I can remarry. I guess after many years, but I truly, TRULY don't want another husband and only want my husband who I love so much.

Also, I have not mentioned this... but my husband was a widower when I married him. He had two children (a boy, 8, and girl, 12). They were soooo happy for me to be their "mom" and they called me "mom" from Day 1 of the marriage. They showered me with affection and loved me, and while it was all a very great adjustment for me, I loved them. I think of them with a new "mom" and him with a new wife, and I just feel such sorrow. I have no contact with the kids or my husband now. Not a day goes by that I am "happy" with the way things are or that I don't think of them. But my husband despises me (outwardly at least), mostly because of the hardness in his heart towards me just getting more and more intense, and plus he is engaged.

Thank you for praying for my husband. Please keep praying. I will also pray for yours. I haven't fasted for awhile. I need to be fasting again.. weekly!

God bless you, and I pray for all the people seeking healing of their marriages and spouses.

Just a bit of an update.

This past Thursday, while out shopping with my cousin, I got a call on my cell. I was surprised to see my H's name on it. I, of course, did not answer. Then it beeped at me, letting me know I had a message. I was surprised about that as well since H really HATES to leave messages. I didn't want to listen to it but when I got home, I talked to some ladies on Chat and they supported me and I heard it. He was just asking me for his passport. I was so mad at first and said NO WAY to even giving it to him. As I talked to the ladies they made me realize that not giving it to him is just controlling him again. They're right. So, I decided to give it to him. There's not point in keeping it. Does me no good anyways.

Well, yesterday I went to church where my MIL goes. She invited me to go with her to visit her other son and his wife with their new baby. I ended up driving them there (45 min drive). She asked me if H had called me about his passport. I was really surprised 'cause he NEVER talks to her about me. He knows that any little talk about me will bring her hopes up of us reconciling. We had a good time at BIL's. On our way back home, she asked me if I still get on line to chat with the ladies. (she knows I also look for marriage advice here) She was glad to hear that I said yes. I asked her why she asked that and she just said since I don't talk to her anymore. (I honestly thought she had given up on us getting back together, but it looks like she thought I had given up) There I go again with the lack of communication. Only this time with my MIL. Anyways. I aksed her about the cell phone bill. If H was paying for it and she said yes. I told her I was still waiting for him to take my cell phone line but he hasn't. She turned to me, smiled and said....."He's not going to take it". I didn't say anything. It's like she knew something I didn't but I didn't want to question it. Then I told her about the internet service. How he took me off of it and added OW to it. She seemed puzzled about that. It's like she couldn't believe he had done that.

Well, when I finally dropped her off at her house, I realized my H's car was parked out there. I just stopped in front of the house and got out of the car to get some stuff from the trunk for my MIL. Not sure if he saw me or not.

I had the doubt that perhaps H was now living with OW but I know now he isn't. I know I shouldn't be snooping around but just couldn't help it. Well, that's all I have to say for you.

Thank you all for praying for me!

H98

It has been a challenging weekend, I was doing ok until Saturday night. I was just watching some movies and drinking some wine. She had gone to bed early. I went to bed and hugged her and I guess she thought that I was trying to start something. I just wanted to hold her and make evertything right. She allowed me to hold her for a while. When she turned over I attempted to hold her some more She replied with Don't. I know that you are suppose to abstain and try not to feel needy. It is hard and it hurts. I fight everday from throwning in the towel. Everyone from MIL to sister keep telling me to give it time. I am thankful that I have some refuge here for support. I am leaving for CA today and I didn't hug her good bye this morning. I wanted her to wake up and do it. Again I set my self up for nothing. Hopefully with this time apart she will miss me somehow. Do I ever ask where she is at mentally or just keep waiting until she is ready to talk? Help me pray for me give me strength.

Lovemyex,
I just read your post from the 19th and could feel the emotions you were feeling as you wrote it. I too, went thru a divorce that I didn't want, and my world changed overnite too. The rest of the world doesn't have a clue what it's like. As I read thru it, God spoke to my heart and said " can you see the hurt and pain I go thru everyday when My children turn away from Me ".

Dear Heavenly Father, I lift lovemyex's marriage up too You and ask that You would do a mighty work to restore it. Father, You said that " You can make a way where there is no way ". You said " see things that aren't as tho they are ". Father, I ask that You would use every resource available to minister to the husband, whether it be Angels, TV, strong unwaivering christians, advertisements, or even the ow to soften and change his heart. I ask that You would speak to him thru some source each and everyday until this marriage is restored. Lord, we take authority over this God made covenant and we bind every work of the devil off of it and we command it to be loosed to perform Your perfect will. Father,as You do your work in this marriage, we ask that You would change lmx into the Godly woman You want her to be. Lord, You are the potter and we are the clay. Sometimes we must be broken before we can be whole. Father, give us patience, but also a hope as we seek Your divine will. In Jesus name. Amen
God Bless You LMX
singleguy

<small>[ September 22, 2003, 08:49 AM: Message edited by: singleguy ]</small>

Thank you Singleguy. Your prayer made me cry. Well, even after 10 mos., I still cry alot... always it seems when I am reading or hearing about divorce, marriage, etc... and my emotions just overwhelm me... and my convictions about reconciling... my hopes, etc. You are right about the rest of the world not understanding. I think that's part of why it's so hard too... you have to bear the grief alone alot of the time. But I need to remember that God is always with me and He understands. I agree with your prayer and truly ask the Lord to hear and answer.

Out of curiosity, what has happened with your wife... if you want to share. Did she remarry?

StillLuvHer, Don't give up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> One day at a time. Keep loving her faithfully. The Bible says that we are to deny ourselves. You are doing that now by denying your desires to be with her physically. To me, that is a truer love than a love that is "easy". Not sure if that makes sense... but remember 1 Cor. 13.... love is patient... love bears all things... love perseveres... love never fails!!

Hopeful, I'm sorry to not have much to say right now, but I will continue to pray for you. May God be near you and give you wisdom and strength.

Nothing good happening here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

My H went to visit a cousin today. Not sure th reason of his visit but he started talking to her H (who is a church pastor). He starting asking about coming back to church and stuff. He just wasn't sure how people would react to that. When asked why, he said 'cause he would not be alone. (w/OW) Why does he want to take OW to church??? Is he trying to witness to her now? After having an affair with her and still talking junk about me? and treating me the way he has? Is this a normal person speaking? NOT! What is wrong with this man? The devil has such a good grip on him right now.

I've been reading a book called "The Love Every Woman Needs...Intimacy with Jesus" and it's GREAT! I read some when I got hom from work and was feeling so much peace. BUT now this!!! Is the devil working here to bring me down as well?? Most likely. He also said that he is going to look into a divorce this friday. Supposively he wants to do things right now and divorce me and then marry OW. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> BUT, that's not all he said. He said that since I always made more money than he did, he was so used to that life that now that he's not with me, he's struggled. SO, he wants to make me have to support him after the divorce!! Can you believe that? When laughed at his face, he said that he's already spoken to several different people about this and this is a FACT and it CAN be done. WHAT????? Is he kidding?? Then he said that he doesn't want to go before a judge for all this. He just wants to settle this our selves and sign the papers and be off our own ways. So he can live happily ever after with OW. I feel so much for him, 'cause I see how lost he truly is. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE pray for me and my H. I've made a promise to God and if moving on with life WITHOUT my H is in His plan, than he will show me in the way I have asked him to show me. I was in tears earlier, but for some odd reason, deep down in my heart....I feel fine now. I feel like he is just talking to talk, and does not really mean what he has said. He's being a coward. Why does he talk to everyone else about our problems and our relationship, BUT me? I don't understand.

I just want to ask you all for you prayers. PLEASE help me be strong and keep my faith in God. The ONLY being in this world that will NEVER abandon me. Thank you for reading.

H98

Just a quick update.

Nothing major has happened. Life is still the same. I've been working on my relationship with God and it's truly been wonderful. He's given me peace. I pray for my H and our marriage EVERY day and I know that God is working. I don't see it, but I have faith and trust in him. I read some testimonies from Rejoice Ministries about WS's wanting to come back to their marriages and it just brought tears to my eyes. All day yesterday I had this peace in my heart. I felt like I already knew that my H wanted to come back. I even remember thanking God for bringing my H back. (which hasn't happened) It was weird but I liked it.

Today is the anniv of my D-day. 8 months. I don't even feel sad about it anymore. I've forgiven my H just like I know God has forgiven me for what I've done in my past. It's awesome but I do feel anxious at time and wonder WHEN my H will be back for good. I know recovery is hard work as well but I pray that God helps me prepare for when that begins. Two weeks ago I was offered a job in which I would work from home. I've wanted to get a job like that for the past two years but couldn't find one. The reason was because I wanted to get pregnant. Now I have the job opportunity but not my H. I was hurt at first and thought "why do I want the job now, forget it". But then I remembered that I had asked God to help me prepare for when my H comes back home. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> So, I'm going to try it out.

This past weekend, I went over to visit BIL, his wife and new baby. I had a wonderful time there. BIL and I talked (for the first time) about my H. He told me that he doesn't understand why H has done this. He thinks he has psychological problems. Then he told me that no matter what happened between us (H and I), I would always be a part of his family. He said he loved me for the sister that I have been for the past 5 years and always will be his children's aunt. I was so touched, that I wanted to cry but didn't. BIL still refuses to accept my H for what he's done, but he's made himself pretty clear to H as to why he won't accept him.

I need as many prayers as I can get. Please remember to pray for me and my marriage. I really appreciate it. I know that prayer is very POWERFUL and I have faith that God will bring my Prodigal H back home. I just need to be prepared for that and learn to accept God's will for my life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank You all!

H98

Please keep me in your prayers.

As I said in a separate post, my H served me divorce papers on 10/21. My 30 calendar days are going to be up this next Thursday. I've made a decision on wether to file a response or not. I've prayed to God about it and I think this is the correct decision. In any case that I might have mis-understood Him in any way, I pray that he will correct my decision and show me what is right. Please pray for me. I haven't spoken to my h but I know that I need to say some things to him. Please pray that God shows me the correct time for me to do that. Thank you! God bless you all!!

H98

Hello Hopeful,
I read some of your posts and my heart and prayers go out to you. I know the pain well and I am at this time having all the same problems. I do not see my WH and not for 5 months. I think you should answer! If you do not then it says you agree to this divorce. Contest it or answer it with " I do not agree with a divorce now or ever". I have contested mine now for 18 months and have a date for court on Dec. 19. I am in NY and will still go into the courts and not sign or agree to anything. I have been told that it is only a piece of paper, but to me it is bigger than life itself. If the courts can do this without me then they will be against God's Law which will be stated by me. I do not fear court, only God. God Bless you in your fight.

Dearest Hopeful98,

I am praying for you also, i feel you'r pain. i know that's it was so very hurt to lose the husband that you love, i was in your situation before. but alway's have faith and hope in you'r heart. alway's remember that as long that you have love. love will alway's come back to you.

it's me
ola morena from philippines

Thanks for your prayers LoveNcare & Ola Morena.

I am asking that you remember me in your prayers again today. I am thinking of calling my H tonight. (which I haven't spoken to for almost 4 mths) I feel I need to let him know (one last time) that I do not want this divorce, that I love him still but that I will not stand in his way or fight him. He is free to do what he wants but that I will always be praying for him. I am very nervous just thinking about it. I don't even know how I'd say good-bye to him. I know God will guide me so I ask that you please pray for me. Thank You!

H98

I've also posted this on the D/D board but wanted to post here as well.

I have made a big decision about my marriage tonight and have left it completely in God's hands. I know that some of you may disagree with me but I truly feel this is what God wants me to do. This thursday is the last day for me to file a response to the divorce papers my H served me on 10/31. I have decided not to file. I've prayed about it and God has asked me to trust him completely.

"Declare me innocent, O Lord
because I do what is right
and trust you completely"
Psalms 26:1

I just got off the phone with my H a few minutes ago. I called him. I prayed very much about it and asked God to stop me if this was the wrong decision. Either way, I know that God is going to lead me the rest of the way and out of this desert and into the promised land. I told him that I still loved him, I still pray for him, that I do not want this divorce still but that I was not going to stand in his way. I told him that I trusted him, and that I know from his past that he will be fair. I told him I've loved him many years already and that love hasn't changed. I told him that if this was what he needed to find true happiness in his life (which I know he won't find unless he comes back to God) then I was not going to fight him. I was not going to file a response. I told him not to forget that I love him, that God loves him and that neither one of us has given up on him.

Nothing else I can do for my marriage but keep PRAYING. This is so hard and has made me cry alot again but I know that God is with me and I WILL be ok. I am trusting him COMPLETELY and have dedicated my life to Him and Him alone. The enemy will not have ANY part of my life and I tell him that out loud many times (in case he's hard of hearing). PLEASE keep me in your prayers as I am still human and hurt very much after all these months. Pray for my h's heart to be softened. I know that God is a God of Second Chances but I pray that my h will take that chance given to him. He's given me another chance and I'm taking it and never letting go of Him again. God is also a God of miracles and I know that NOTHING is impossible for him. Pray that I face the right direction in life and do as God wants me to do. Thank you all!

God Bless You!!

Keep praying and trusting in the Lord. I know what you are going through. My husband and I have been separated almost 4 years. I blamed him for everything and thought I had done nothing wrong. The Lord showed me how I had sinned as much as he had. Keep your faith in God because He is the only one that can fix it for you. He has your situation under control. Remember God hates divorce. My husband wouldn't come around me for a long time. He does now because he has seen a big change in me. I could have never changed without Gods help. I have gone through every thing you are going through and more. Sometimes I just felt like giving up but in my heart I knew that God didn't want that, so I kept trusting in Him. I've suffered through depression, ow, and oc. It hasn't been easy but I know now the Lord has been with me all along, I only wish I had of known it from the beginning. Keep your faith and trust only in Him. He is right there by your side.

Hopeful -

I feel your pain. I too made that same decision last night. H said he was going to file for D this week. I prayed and prayed but my sitch kept getting worse by the day.

Last night I called H cell phone (actually left a message) and told him that I will always love and care about him but that I will not stand in his way. I know the hurt and pain your going through right now, especially with the holidays coming up. Even though we are at peace with our decisions we are going to go through a mourning period. It is like a death. I know when I hung up that phone last night I just sat down and cried. After months of fighting for my M it was finally time to let go and leave it in the hands of God.

I pray everynight that God will show my H the way back to me and him. I will continue to pray everyday and keep you in my prayers.

It's been exactly one year that I started posting here. I've learned so much in that year and know that God still has so much more to teach me. I want to thank all of you that have helped me and encouraged me along the way. Many are no longer posting here but a few might still be lurking. Thanks!

I know I've still got a long way ahead of me but I have faith in God and KNOW that he will restore my M. In HIS perfect timing.

Thank you Father for everything you have done for me. Thank you Lord for sending your Son to this earth to die for MY sins. Thank you for carrying me in the midst of my storms. Thank you for those one set of footprints in the sand. I ask that you comfort each and every person on this board, the way you have comforted me. Thank you for bringing us all together to pray for each other. This is a long journey. We may stumble and fall, but know that You are Always there to help us up. Thank you Father! Amen!

Hopeful,

I'm glad you bumped up this thread. It has encouraged me .

Where are things at with your husband now?

Shul

Hi Shul,

Glad to hear this has encouraged you. Don't give up! God IS working.

I really don't know where things are with my H and I. We don't have any type of communication. Our D should have been final a few weeks ago, but I still haven't heard anything about it. H did say a couple months ago that he didn't care about it anymore. PTL! I've left it all in God's hands.

A few days ago I prayed and asked God to help me have some type of communication with my H. I miss him so much and I want to hear from him. Talk to him. But I did ask God to allow it, only if it was His will. That same night, I had an interesting dream. My H was in it. We were talking (just like I wanted to), BUT he was telling me things that would make my mind wander and hurt me. Things the devil was using to distract me. I was confused for a day about that dream. Until a day later. I finally realized God was telling me that having communication with my H right now was not a good idea. I would just hurt more by the things he would say to me (not directly, but the conclusions I would come up with). So, I know this is God's will and I am content with it. God knows BEST and I trust Him! I KNOW he is working in my H's life, even though I don't see anything happening. There is NO WAY the enemy will destroy this marriage. I WILL NOT ALLOW IT!!!!!

Hope you are feeling better Shul. Keep trusting and believing. God keeps His promises. Take Care and have a great weekend!

H98

<small>[ June 05, 2004, 01:23 AM: Message edited by: hopeful98 ]</small>

Hopeful,

You sound so much like me when my H was gone. Nothing would stop my faith that God would restore my M! I believed it everyday & when I would start to doubt, I would get in my prayer closet, read some scripture, and believe it again! Keep holding onto that faith. God will fulfill His promises to you in His timing. Although we may not know what He has in store for us, we can always believe & have faith that God wants the best for us & He loves us unconditionally!

My prayers are with you,
Yvette

Thank you both so much for your words.

I ahve been struggling these past few days, something fierce.

I have been praying all day.

Just 5 minutes ago my husband messsageed me that he will come tonight or tomorrowmorning, he said 'I will come , I must come...'

I Pray that when he sees me and his daughter he will fall in love. That he will forget the ow and have such a restful time and feel so loved here, that he will want to come back often as he can.

And that God will reach him by my loving ways.