Almost 1 year ago my wife moved out because she said that she did'nt love me. We have 1 child. For 8 months I have been in Plan A. I am exhausted. She has several guy "friends" and although she is happy with me as a friend she shows no desire to restore our marriage. A situation came up in which she refused to let me have our daughter on a given night. I just happened to stop by her place only to find my daughter not there and my wife having one of her guy "friends" over. Everyone was uncomfortable and I excused myself. She called later to <BR>explain. I told her I was angry. I have since sent her e-mail saying that I was moving on and if she wanted to talk about reconciliation to let me know. She blasted me with an unremorseful reply. Is this a good situation to start plan B? I am very tired of plan A. For 4 days now I have been avoiding her and ignoring messages. I feel bad because in her e-mail she sounds very mad and says I am bitter and angry. Should I give in...again?

Christian, Let me start by saying I am in the same boat. My efforts at restarting our marriage have been a flop. One thing I'm certain of though is that by remaining positive and surrounding myself w like minded people I am able to stay focused. What I really want is my W back, if I do my part to show her i love/respect her and stay away from the arguments then I've done what I can do. I really feel for you and I know what your going through, my W wants a divorce and she is still seeing this guy. But in the end whether she changes her mind or not I know I gave her every opportunity to try and thats all we can do. Hang in there I'll be thinking about you, Pablo

My understanding of Plan B is that you go to it when you own love bank is depleted and the betrayer will not give up the affair. (Others, jump in here if I am not on track here).You make it clear what the intention of Plan B is, that you can no longer continue until the affair is over, that you love the spouse and want to work on the marriage. But you cut off contact with the spouse until they can commit to the marriage. It is supposed to keep you from falling out of love completely with the spouse and letting them try to have their needs met by OP.Dr. H suggests a letter, if you haven't read the book, please do. This will give you insights on the plans. I am in Plan B now , for the past two weeks. It has allowed me to take a step back from the continual pain of being lied to, and has given me some peace. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Just an update. My change up to Plan B seems to have shocked my wife. She has called me at work 3 times. Each time I have been very business-like and then terminated the phone call. It seems to be making her mad. Part of me actually feels better. For once she is the one who sounds frusrated instead of me. It may not save my marriage but at least for once I feel in control of the situation. The other part of me feels bad that I have to take this "tough love" approach. Thank you all for your prayers and support.

Did you give her a Plan B letter or are you just no commnicating with her?<P>The letter is to say you want to save the marriage and you are working on the faults you had, but yoou can no longer take the hurt she is causing you.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

I sent her a plan B letter by e-mail, which stated my hurt, my plan to move on and my desire to work on the marriage if she would like to. I did not explain her that I was doing a 180. I have since explained to her in a brief phone call that our communication will be reduced. I have reduced communication to almost zero, except when she calls me at work. I have been taking the phone call and cutting it short. Is that a good idea or should I tell her not to call? It has only been 1 week since I started this. I am communicating with her mother and asking her to talk to my wife for the sake of child visitation.<BR>This plan goes against my personality type so it is very difficult to do. How tough should I be? I hate doing this but I have tried so hard for more than 8 months to meet her needs and eliminate love busters that I just can't take it any longer. I thought she would see that I had made some positive changes in my life and in turn give us another chance. She shows no signs of reciprocating. If I had kept on in Plan A I would grow to resent her. I need encouragement. Thank you all. Marriage Builders has been very helpful to me.<BR>