Hi All,
I have not been here in awhile as I had surgery again in March and have suffered since with swollen arm and hand. They have not yet figured out the problem!
My Question revolves around a letter from my Lawyer received today for a Judge's Intervention. I have stalled this D for a year now and live in NY which is not a No Fault State! I am not consenting to this D! Everytime I even thought about giving up someone in my head said NO! I still Love my husband with all my heart and I married him for life. H moved out last May and still is nasty, uncaring, not responsible, and having A. Does anyone know the law for NY State on my not consenting? How will this go with a Judge's Intervention? My Lawyer does not want me to contest this anymore but I have rights and will stand for them as I know God does not approve of D! Please Please Please Pray for me as I am really at the end of a rope here. I get so depressed wish I had a couple of small children to help me busy my day. Mine are grown and I do not hear from them much. I live in the country and have no one close. I pray day and night. Please ask God to hear me. I am scared. Thank you and God Bless you and your Prayers and Journey's.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I won't offer advice, but you're in my prayers.

Lovencare, please go to this web site http://www.restoreministries.net/ and pick up the book facing divorce. also pick up the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. One of the 1st things to do with this judge intervention is release your lawyer. The judge has to allow you time to find another one by law if you so choose. Please read these 2 books before hiring another lawyer. If you lived near binghamton I would let you borrow my facing divorce book. the other book I only have the book written for men not women. Its time to stop and truely put Gods word into practice. Are you willing to depend on him to take care of you??? Smiaj

L&C,

I agree with all SMIAJ has posted. Unfortunately, I DID NOT follow this advice, although I did read Restore site info before Div was final. I DID have an attoney. I think I only did it so it would "stall" div. I was hoping H would "come to his senses."

DIdn't happen. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> We are div'd.

Well, it stalled it for a year (is where you are now). I think I would have released my atty if I had had enough FAITH! Forgive me, Lord.

Final point to you, BELIEVE in God! Believe He is in control, NO MATTER WHAT you see!!! Also, remember, that Divorce Decree is only a piece of paper, is only recognized here on Earth, (NOT IN HEAVEN where our true citizenship is) and doesn't mean you can't remarry later on anyway!

The point I reached was to realize that piece of paper only stated what was already true: my "old" M was dead anyway......might as well pave the way for a "new" one some day (with same old H!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

BTW - In FL where I live, only takes one partner to obtain div. if they want it. Other cannot stop it, only delay it.....which I did. HOWEVER (here's the cool part!) I never signed anything!! WHich means I NEVER DIVORCED HIM!!! I never agreed to div, and my not signing was MY way of "fighting" and disagreeing about it.

Take care, and God Bless,

Hi LoveNcare,

I understand your pain. You love your husband, but I think it is over, to be honest with you.

No God does not like divorce, but it is permitted under adultery. God has called you to peace. God is not in control of what your husband is doing right now. Your husband and the devil is in control of what he is doing. And God or you cannot make your husband come back to you or love you. If he doesn't have love in his heart, he cannot love you. All he has in his heart right now is adultery.

You have given your husband a sufficient amount of time already. I give you credit for waiting, but I really don't think it is going to happen. I hope you can go on!!! Please "Live Life" now!!

Sent with Love, -Ladysheep

Ladysheep, I disagree with you! God can change his heart and make him want to come home. God will harden his heart until he is through working on lovencare. then God will soften his heart when and only when god feels that Lovencare is ready! To say that God can do nothing would mean that satan is more powerful than God and we know that is not true. Smiaj

Smiaj,
I don't agree with you. If God could stop everybody from sinning, the whole world will be
saved. Believe me I wish that were true. But it's not!!!

And for you to say that it's LoveNcares problem to be ready is a "sick sick thought!!!"

Her husband has chosen his path!!!

He has been given time to repent. Remember Jezebel's sexual immorality!!! Read Rev. 2:21-23. Then tell me what you think!!!

God Bless you, -Ladysheep

Ladysheep, don't forget it says in that passage 'unless they repent' God controls the heart look at Romans 9:16-21, the whole book of Jonah God changed Jonah's heart. Daniel 3, also read Psalms 88 in verse 18 God removed the loved ones from him. God gave everyone a free will but he is still in control and is more powerful than Satan. Smiaj

LoveNCare,

Again, I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. Your timeline is similar to mine. Although I went through where you are walking now a year ago, it is exactly the same......my H was EXTREMELY angry all the time!! An entire year!! Couldn't wait to get div'd. I was "fighting it" - but kept telling him it was the fault of "the system, not me." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Certain things had to be done at a certain time......HAD to file papers, wait for them to come back, HAD to get scheduled and go through mediation (even tho he totally left me EVERYTHING, and wanted nothing for himself).

I beleive the anger was coming from the fact that he wasn't FREE, and was experienced a certain amount of guilt for what he was doing, and feeling like once the div was final, the guilt would go away! I am praying that hasn't happened.

Also wanted to point out to you that GOD is telling your heart NOT to give up!!! I believe that is why your "head" seems to say No everytime you feel like giving up. I pray you will go to RestoreM.org, as SMIAJ suggested! It helped me hang on, and continue to this day.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ladysheep:
<strong> If God could stop everybody from sinning, the whole world will be
saved. Believe me I wish that were true. But it's not!!!

He has been given time to repent. Remember Jezebel's sexual immorality!!! Read Rev. 2:21-23. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ladysheep,
I'm so sorry you can't realize our God is powerful enough to do whatever HE CHOOSES!!!

No, technically, God is not in control of LoveN's H, BUT He has "allowed" this test in order to have His Perfect Will!!! Is it EVER God's will for divorce? NO!!! That's why we can be so adamant that we KNOW God does not want this! Ever!! For anybody!

In praying for "His Will to be done....." WE CAN CONFIDENTLY KNOW that would NEVER include div'ing your mate!!

As far as the scripture you quoted, WHY would you think that just b/c God said "time was up" for Jezebel, it would mean "time was up" for LoveN's H to repent?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

In Proverbs, it also says an adulterous woman would be laid on a bed of sickness (suffereing).....same as this. Also declares those who commit adultery with her will also suffer. ANOTHER good reason to continue to PRAY for our S's, for their protection from the sickness their sin will bring down on themselves without repentance.

When you say you "WISH" it were true that God were able to stop people from sinning...... ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> )

How SMALL is your God?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Isn't He powerful enough to do anything He chooses? Just b/c He doesn't choose to do what WE want, WHEN we want, HOW we want, how dare we get high and mighty and think he isn't ABLE?!?!?!

God is not running around behind the scenes like "the great and mighty Oz" trying to keep the facade going...........

THIS IS THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE. THE AUTHOR AND FINISHER OF ALL THAT IS, THAT EVER WAS, OR WILL EVER BE. JUST BY THE WORD OF HIS MOUTH.

I expect He deserves a little more credit for being in control of it all than you gave Him.
IMVHO.

God Bless You!

Thanks lupolady, altough I have read the Bible thru a few times I still don't have a tenth of the answers. God is still working on me also. Smiaj

Hi SMAIG,
I know that God is more powerful than satan, that is a fact!!

Her husband has chosen his own path.

The narrow leads to life, and the broad to
destruction. Right!!!

I didn't like the fact that you said God would work when she is ready!!! That is a terrible thing to say. Acting like it's her fault nothing is happening. She has been ready for him to come
home for a year now. And he has chosen not to, and that will never be her fault!!!!

If God were going to bring him home, don't you think He would have done it long ago, before much
more adultery went on.

I believe God loves her enough to protect her, and that is where you see His power, and what He is doing for her right now. So He is more powerful than the devil, and protects and delivers His children from unreasonable and deceitful men. Even though she wants another answer. God is doing what is best for her, and is protecting her!!!

Amen!!!

Sent with Love, -Ladysheep

ladysheep, you are missing the point that it is not our will that will be done but Gods will. just as in my case; my wife will not be coming home until God feels that I am ready. its been my will for over a year I have been ready. God is not going to do my will but his will will be done. at this time he is working on me. I look back now and see many times where god was trying to get my attention. it wasn't till my wife walked away that he got my attention which started me to get right with him. now I just have to grow in him more and when he feels I'm ready he will return my wife not any sooner.

Thank you Grace27, Smiaj, Lupolady, and Ladysheep.
Your comments all lifted my heart to think that you took your time to let me know how much you all care! God Bless each and everyone of you.
I feel I have been a good wife I only worked ate and slept and gave my H everything I could. When we married H told me God sent me to him. Well after many cards with promises and all the nice things he said this is where I am at. I still do not understand any of this and remember the most H saying he wanted to live his life? I did find phone numbers on a cell phone bill and reveresed them so this is how I found H at another womens house. I raised cane but then gave up and just stayed away and gave all this to God. It has not been easy as H does come with the support check and never fails that he is nasty. I know he still loves me as the way he acts and oh yes the quilt is huge. H never smiles and starts to say things but does not finish. I do not say much. H always was a fun guy and laughed all the time so I see God working very hard. I do send him cards on Holidays and find the ones that say how I feel - H knows that I still love him very much.
My Lawyer has gone through 2500.00 already with a few hundred more adding up. If I let him go there can't be another one hired - ever. I am on Workers Compensation with 200.00 a week for a arm injurery last year - two surgery's and now my thumb swells double. They say I can't go back as a nurses aide as my right arm will never heal, bad tendons. I barely survive now.
I really love our God. He has done many miracles in my life and also my Mom's growing up - she raised 6 of us by herself!
Smiaj I do live near Binghamton, I am in Waverly. I do have a few of the books Steve wrote, one from Divorce Busting. You can also not consent to your D! No one can make you sign anything. Our God is huge and can do anything in his own time. I always ask him to change my husbands heart and feel he is working on it. Like I said H never smiles and sometimes I see fear, confusion, depression. This breaks my heart more. I have a rough time after he leaves but pray more and then feel better.
I will pray for all of you again as I do add all the MBer's to my prayers. A Big Thank you again to all! Keep in touch with me please.

Lovencare, remember you don't need a lawyer! use God as your mighty counselor. just let go and let god!!! he will take care of you. Also if your h sees that you are willing to lose everything like the bible says( if someone wants your coat give him your shirt also) or ( it is better to lose everything than to seek the counsel from a man of this world) he may start to work things out and stop the divorce himself. My wife has barely talked to me over the past year, I got rid of my lawyer and left myself wide open to be wronged and now she is talking with no arguements. lawyers can actually screw up gods plans. Depend on god not your lawyer! Let God take care of you, trust in him alone. Smiaj

Thank you Smiaj!
I have been thinking the same way! You read minds huh? If I do not consent to this Divorce which H has no grounds for anyway then I do not need a lawyer. My support is already ordered by the court so--! It is just costing me for the two lawyers bickering back and forth. I have not gained anything anyway but did need the support as H walked away and left all the bills including mortgage, taxes, insurance up to me. Like I said it has been a rough road and so far I am up to date with all my bills. God is great! I just pray he puts love back into my H heart and shows him the life he had. I have a garage and cellar full of tools and old car, 4 wheeler and all his personal belongings still here. H said he wanted to get them but never does. No place to put all of this? Hard for me to see it all but I try and remember God is working on our M.
Thank you again and I will let you know how it all comes out. Got to call Lawyer in the morning - had to settle down first as this knocked me out of my chair. To old for all of this and I would not remarried if I had known this would have happened again. God Bless you and I will pray for your M.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LoveNcare:
<strong> it has been a rough road and so far I am up to date with all my bills. God is great! I have a garage and cellar full of tools and old car, 4 wheeler and all his personal belongings still here.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi. LoveNCare,
I can see you are getting it! Yes, when my H left, he took only what would fit in his truck. I have ALL remaining tools, and HIS CLOTHES!!! I kind of find that comforting, actually. AND it comes in handy when I have people come to work on things at the house.....I make sure they see his things around......then I tell them my H "works out of town" (ALL TRUE!!!). It helps make me feel safe.....no unscrupulous dudes taking advantage of my being alone.

Second point, I told God when H first left, "Lord, YOU are my H now!! I need $$ help, and I need YOU to do what You said You would do!! PROVIDE FOR ME!" Belive it or not, that whole first year, God provided at least $500 a month extra income!! (Some months as much as $1,000) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Can't explain how, but it's true!

This allowed me to restructure stuff and get myself on even footing as far as bills and stuff go. See, he moved out 2 weeks after we moved into "dream home" we had just spent 5 months and BIG $$$$ renovating! I had bills up the Ying-Yang........I thought FOR SURE I would lose it all. But I perservered. I prayed...."Lord, no way did you let us do all this work just to let someone else have this beautiful home you provided for US!!!" He hasn't let me down in 2 years.

I now have refinanced from variable rate to fixed(AT A MUCH LOWER RATE), have consolidated all CC bills into the mortgage, so NO CC bills and am able to pay it all on my salary alone! PTL!!

Ladysheep,
Here's the thing. WE DON'T KNOW all God's reasons, OR His ways. They are higher than our ways. Remember, He's seeing all this from the FINISHED PRODUCT. We're only seeing it day by day, so it makes no sense to us!! That's why we have to just trust Him. HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING!

Second point, I know there have been many, MANY times I've prayed, "OK, Lord, I'm ready now!! Bring DH home." HAHahahaha. LOL!

I wasn't ready!!! I still had my bad temper, contentious spirit, confusion, sniping, judgmental, etc. In fact, I'm STILL not where I want to be, but every time I've thought I've been "ready" and then look back a few month later, I think to myself, "Wow!! I sure need to change THAT!!"

See, God needs to make US into HIS image, before He will work a work on our WS's. I don't understand WHY, or HOW that works, I just know everyone who tells me that has been through this, and tells me it's true! I'd rather believe someone who worked with the Plan Of God, and KNOWS what they're talking about, than trust ME to know what's best!

Obviously, I didn't think I was THAT BAD of a w that my H would EVER leave me!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well, my point is there were problems in my M, and they were not all my H!!! I was "guilty" of not meeting his EN's as well......so if rather than TALK TO ME, he left, that's not good. BUT, there's stuff about ME that contributed to this mess. And that's the part God will work on first ONLY b/c I'm the only one listening right now!

Hope this makes some sense, I'm really rushed right now. I'll return after work, and we can continue this.

Good thread, good discussion. Thanks all!

God Bless,

Hi lovencare, one thing that I am learning is that if God is telling you to do something: he will bring someone along that will reassure what God is telling you. We are strange people and normally if we are doing things that don't make any sense to normal people we are doing what God wants us to do. Smiaj
P.S. most pastors, christians, etc will tell you to get a lawyer and fight for everything. God tells us that if anyone takes you to court give them what they want and don't dispute about it. settle with them quickly. Also do not do what god hates. do not be a part of the divorce process. if your husband gets a divorce granted from the courts at least you didn't consent to it.

Hi Lupolady, Smiaj
Thank you for your again heartwarming thoughts!
Oh I know the stuff here is good, but better is I went and got another dog! I have 4 out in the kennel and needed one in the house. The out ones are collies to hairy for the house, but the guy I got is a rotti/lab and he hates men. They were going to put him to sleep before I got him. It was a weird situation as I had someone coming and sitting in the drive all hours of the night. I live between farm fields with not one house for a mile! So I got this call about a friend giving this dog up and wanted to know if I knew anyone who would take him. Only 1 1/2 old. Gosh I hate to see them put to sleep but at the same time found it quite strange for an offer like this at that time. God does intervene when most needed! This dog is the smartest here and even blows his nose on kleenex - so commical! He only hates certain men and one is my H - oh No but it is because when H comes he swears at the dog and he has raised his voice to me and the dog was out back. Thought he would tear my siding off.
See that is one of the things my H left because of - he wanted to live his life meaning go on vacation, dogs interfeared but I had a sitter - H would not let anyone come on this property to watch them cause he feared someone taking his stuff LOLOLOLOLOLOL! Get my giff? I go out for hours and gosh no one is here now! H married me with a ton more than I have now. I used to raise and show them and made lots of money extra a year as I do groom also.
I do have a few small changes to make I am sure as I clam up when someone gets irritated which was the case here 24-7 with H. He had a problem with anger most of the time. If he dropped something I learned words I never have heard. H bit his tongue when eating he punched his face swore and slammed. Nerves gosh do I have any left? He was a selfish man always poor him. I tried gently to turn him but it did not work. It all just got worse so I worked more. What hurts so much is that I never knew my H to be a liar or a cheat and now that is all he is. Guess it broke my heart.
I have given it up to God as I can' t do it anymore. Oh I still ask God to change him and if I need special cleanup area's to point them out, make me see them. I am willing to see me as I really am too. I can not give up the dogs as they are old and who would take them? The oldest is 17 and youngest is 3 which he wanted me to get her too she came from Canada, lovely little girl who will be bred and shown soon. I guess I will move on in that area. I love animals and if I had my way and more money to do it I would have more. Everyone drops cats off and now I feed 4. Can not starve them. I am soft and easy going, layed back but ask me to go out dancing and I am ready to go. Lol! H never took me many places all I did is work eat and sleep for 11 years. Now all he does is go???
As far as the Lawyer goes he will stay on for a while longer as my Lawyer without my consent went ahead and did that Judge Intervention (I had read it wrong) and if I fire him now I am going into another county and that Judge is a bear. I have time not to go through with anything as my H filed I did not. H has no grounds for a divorce anyway. I will never consent to this divorce and told secretary that today. I just found this to be so funny as I planned this AM I was going to call Lawyer and let him go. Well he is out of town for 2 wks, he covers Fl, Pa and NY and this money (wonder where he got it from 105.00) have all been sent to the other county court. Lawyers secretary told me he did it because H and his lawyer have not answered any request for 2002 tax returns, checking register and bank statements and corrected Net Worth Statement which did not show H insurance or any of his personal property. Well H said he did not file this year YIKES! So is this God's way of shaking him out of his boots? It just all hit me so queer as the Judge forces them to respond to the requests. H is doing a fine job of living his life? I get down when I think of the mess he is in. See the soft side. I just can't get angry.
Well thanks for again caring - love hearing from all of you EXPERIENCED believers in me! God Bless you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I have 4 dogs out in the kennel...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ME TOO!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">See that is one of the things my H left because of - he wanted to live his life meaning go on vacation, dogs interfeared </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ME TOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">H has no grounds for a divorce anyway. I will never consent to this divorce and told secretary that today. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YUP!!! But in our "no-fault" state, he was granted div anyway <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
No prob....at least in MY mind, it absolves me of any guilt associated w/God's Plan.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">H said he did not file this year YIKES! So is this God's way of shaking him out of his boots? ]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, I had to laugh at how similar our sitch's are!!!!

See, MY WH got his (our) joint bank acct. majorly overdrawn once, b/c he pulled out all but $2., then bank charged their customary $5/monthly fee.....so acct. was overdrawn. They slapped $30 fine on it! Next day was 1st of the month, his retirement check went in, but statement sent to me stating he was overdrawn....H then pulled out (thru ATM) all but $2 (again), or tried to, but the overdraw charge went into effect (AGAIN), so now he was overdrawn to the tune of $70!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

He tried to blame ME. I calmly stated I KNEW NOTHING (I really DIDN"T DO IT, so technically I KNEW NOTHING), but had checked into it on-line, AND the statements were coming to "home" address, so I knew exactly what had happened! He thought I was scr**ing around with his $$, so he went to the bank, expecting to B***H them out for "allowing" me to "take all his money!!!"

Only thing was, all they could show him was where (HIS) ATM withdrawals had deficited the acct. TWICE IN ONE MONTH!!!
(I had already opened an individual acct., had NO money of my own in our remaining jt. acct. - for almost one year - had QUIT using that acct....), this was ALL his doing!!! He went to the bank, screaming and yelling........made a complete A** of himself!!!!! A month later, they were STILL talking about him!!!!!!!!

I have no idea what he does with his retirement $$ now.........When I went into the bank after that, I saw that the next month, his automatic deposit wasn't going in, so I closed the acct. No point continuing to pay for keeping the acct. open if NEITHER of us was using it!!!! I think he had the checks sent to <her> house.

DOn't know......can't care........

BTW - I am verrrrrry close to your age, too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So much sooo similar. Sooooooooooooo scary!

<small>[ June 20, 2003, 08:35 PM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>

Hello Lupolady,
I loved your little story about the bank, but while reading it I had all this guilt hit me!
I went two weeks after my husband left and drew out all of our account! I worked and put half in there but all the bills were due here, so I withdrew it all! Thought he would have a heartattack. No other women was going to get it with a pile of bills. I know it was not Godly thing to do but it put me ahead for awhile.
I have not heard from H since two weeks ago and wonder if he will send check as he said he was not doing it anymore. I can not make the bills if he doesn't. Been riding a line here and until I can go back to work it is tough. Today I wiggled the bills some to get a lawn tractor battery as I have a hard time push mowing 3 acres. I have 5 1/2 but only mow 3. My right arm gives me to much pain when I tried it. Gosh how do we do it Lupo?
It is interesting that we are so much near in age! Do you know how many girls this age are alone? What the heck is in the water? My older 60's cousin's hubby just walked out on her too! He said he needed to go figure himself out. Wow they were together a long time too. She said she is ok but I wonder? She lives in Miami and Thank God her house is payed for as she is retired and on a small income too. I just do not understand these guys today. I would LOVE to see things go back the old way. Yes some was hard and yes things were covered up but they stayed till death! Poor God has his hands full when he comes back.
Well I won't chew your ear off anymore tonight. Feel free to write to me anytime. I enjoy hearing from you!
I need a prayer for Thursday if you don't mind as I have to go to another Comp doctor and they always make me loose my comp then I have to fight to get it back. It puts me so far behind.
Thank you in advance God Bless you.