I haven't posted in a few days, maybe a week. I've been reading posts, but I haven't given my input. I just don't know what to say, I guess. <P>After cofronting our babysitter and telling her I don't think her relationship with my H is appropriate, he declares it's divorce time. I wait another week, during which we go to a mediator to discuss our divorce and my H tells me he STILL isn't interested on working on our marriage. It's been about a year now that he's been "thinking about it." A nice male friend shows up at my door yesterday and invites me out that eve. I say "What the h***!" and agree to meet him that night while my H visits with our kids. My H confronts me when I get home and demands to know if I'm dating. I admit that I guess it was a date (even though I have NO interest in this nice man-sorry!). He leaves and then loses it on me today! He admitted that he had been missing me these past few days, but now I blew it and how could I be such a slut? He was screaming slut in front of my kids and said they needed to know (they're 3 and 4 mos.). He's going to stop paying child support and will pay all of the bills himself. He says no other man will be raising his kids and he will get custody if I plan on being a slut and dating or getting remarried. He says he doesn't care if I'm dating (I asked) and I can F*** whoever I want but not with the kids around. He even asked if I had slept with this guy - is that insane or what? I wouldn't even let this guy brush against me, much less sleep with me! <P>I don't feel bad about going out. I had a great time. My H has told me that he doesn't want to work on our marriage and even admitted he wished I would start dating so he wouldn't feel guilty. What the H*** is going on here?

Lizbeth,<BR>Good to have you back. Let me get this straight. You H is with your babysitter?? How old is she? Also, He's been thinking about what for a year, saving your marriage or sleeping with your sitter? Don't let him talk to you that way, espeically in front of the kids. He is doing more damage than we may ever know. And, cuse my French, but screw him. Who says you can't have companionship? There is nothing wrong with enjoying and evening with someone. YOU deserve it after the hell you've been through. Let him spout off all he wants. If him misses you like he says, he'll be back. Good Luck

ceecee, Thanks! If you want the whole blurry story about the babysitter, a.k.a. little lady, check out my posts: Betrayers-Is this an affair?, Emotional Affair, and What is withdrawal like?. I thought she was 22, but he reminded me today that she just had a birthday and I think she's 25 (I had a hard time hearing him talk because of the noise from the blood rushing through my head). <BR>Believe me, I don't let him talk to me that way, but he rants and raves totally out of control. I tried calmly telling him that I don't like that kind of talk around our children. Then I had to try to talk over him, hoping I was drowning out his words. We were in the car, so I simply asked him to drive me home. <P>This big blowup came not long after I noticed my daughter in the backseat playing with her eyes as if she was putting contacts in. I asked my H if she had recently been with someone who wore contacts, (thinking maybe one of his roommates did) but he just shrugged. I asked him again and he got defensive and said HE didn't wear contacts, did I? Of course he knows I don't. But I thought the OW did. Maybe I'm being paranoid...<P>Lizbeth

Lizbeth - aren't they a hoot! My BIL called me Thursday, said he and MIL decided I needed to get out of the house and asked me out to dinner Friday -we've always been close, like brother and sister. I accepted - I DO need to get away from this house and he's family. H called last night and I wasn't home. This am he stopped by unexpectedly (he now lives an hour away) - in the neighborhood, he said. He asked where I was last night and I told him. "My brother? My brother? My brother is moving in on my wife????" No, silly, we've gone out to lunch and stuff hundreds of times. (besides, I thought, didn't you just move out and say you didn't want me or our marriage anymore?"<P>Didn't go balistic like yours, but must have talked about it 20 minutes - incredible!<P>Don't let him treat you like this! He made this choice, you're doing what you're supposed to do. He owes you, at the very least, respect.<P>Glad you had a good time. Too bad for him that he doesn't see how much you're worth!!!<P>Lori<P>

These men make we completely insane. What happened to the MEN we married. I for one am done trying the figure out what the hell all their s*** means. I'm doing the beauty thing tomorrow, for ME. If he doesn't want me, oh well. Doesn't mean I can't look good. <BR>Lizbeth- Tell your husband he already has a women and children at home, why is he looking for another one?<BR>Good luck<BR>cc

Thanks, Ladies! I don't get it either. He wants to run my life and I'm not supposed to have anyone else but him, BUT he doesn't want to be a part of my life. Go figure? I 've asked him why he's looking elswhere, but he swears he's not. Yeah, right!<P>Well, he called me with his tail between his legs and apologized for his behavior. He said these last couple of weeks he's actually been thinking about being together as a family. This is since I told him that I didn't think he'd been faithful during our marriage, and I wanted to address how I could begin to meet his needs instead of someone else. He says he's too angry to work on things. He wants to look at the emotional needs and lovebusters questionaires that I was going to share with him before his outburst. He says he misses me. I'm trying not to get my hopes up.<P>Lizbeth

Lizbeth : sorry for thr troubles you are going thru...... i think you should be able to do what you want when you want, its your life,, be happy. It sounds like he told you he was missing you after he saw you go out with someone else. Maybe he is going to straighten out, if he thinks he may lose you?<BR>You deserve to be happy...:-)

The day I found out about the OW, I asked my H if it was therefore ok if I dated, and he said yes, but warned me about being careful to make sure they weren't married!<P>A relative of mine is pregnant by the OM, and he made some scornful comment about her. <P>Why can't they see that what they are doing is worse than what they are complaining about?<BR>