I have been married for 5 years to a handsome, educated man. Our marriage has been rockie from the beginning. Through the years my H mood swings has escalated and his fits of rage have left holes in our walls. He degrades women in every possible way. When he gets angry he explodes. He was adopted from birth. He had a father who was cold and would degrade him all the time. My H has a sex addiction. He is in a 12 step program for this. He has been in therapy for the past three years but it doesn't seem to be helping too much. He is suffereing from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and taking medication for it. Thisis due to the fact that we found out he was molested as a child. He is not living with me for the past 3 months. He does come around to visit our son. Many times we have gotten into arguments and have even become physical. I have had to defend myself from him when he has blocked my path or cornered me. He has mentally, verbally and emotionally abused me since I have known him. It seems that he is getting worse. I childhood friend invited me to a wedding and my H found out and he exploded in rage. He started to yell and threaten to take our son away from me. He even said that if I went he would take a shotgun and blow me away and anyone else around because he has nothing more to loose since he already has lost everything. He has scared me to death by his threats, his actions and I have had to defend myself many times. The problem is that every day I am at home afraid to leave the house. I am afraid to get close to anyone. I still love him but I am confused and I don't even recognize him or me anymore. When I speak with him he is cold and callous. He speaks to me like I don't matter but then he will apologize and say he loves me. He has asked for another woman's phone number a couple of weeks ago. He is dramatically changing right before my eyes. I can't keep up. The worse part of it all is that we are both studying to be ministers and right when we are reaching a goal of wanting to better our spirituality with God all this is happening. I don't know what else to do. I pray and I pray and I feel my spirits running low right now. I know satan is working overtime to destroy us. I am still faithful, though! I am homebound with my son and scared of trusting anyone. So I ask if you can please pray for us. Thank you!

Hi Praying woman,

Wow. Your husband definitely has a lot of unresolved anger. I'm glad that you are studying to become ministers, but the first thing he has to do it get rid of the anger, through counseling. Praying woman, I am christian to, and the Lord is teaching me now new things and ways of handling things and unteaching me many things I learned in church. You see for the last 10 years in church I was told that feelings don't matter from church teachers, pastors, and ministers. I believed it, even after counselors in
therapy told me to express my feelings, tell how I'm feeling. And I felt great doing that 10 years ago, but then I accepted the Lord and I believed everything the church taught me, to my detriment. They even told me going to a secular counselor is wrong. And that I should only see a christian counselor. Psychology means (soul), and I believe I can learn a lot for my soul through therapy, and God working in it. I think
many christians forget we do have a soul too.

The Lord has told me in the past year that I need that counseling for my soul. We are spirit/soul/body. Your husbands problem may have nothing to do with an attack, or spiritual at all, but is a problem with the soul and emotions. To much pent-up anger, that we are taught and told not to feel, gets suppressed, we ignore it, and next thing you know we are blowing up. Jesus had feelings anger, sad, he cried, he got fearful, distressed going to the cross, but then accepted it as Gods will, he was happy. He felt feelings just as we do. If you read all about Paul, he had feelings, David expressed his throughout all the Psalms. I believe the Lord is dealing with my soul, and I'm beginning again to realize, and feel my feelings, without ignoring them.

My problem right now is anger, and instead of blowing up, I'm learning to say... I'm angry because etc... I feel so much better when I do that than just yelling and saying things I shouldn't. I have not arrived yet, but am still working on it. It's a daily thing. Stress, when someone lies to me, and untrust are big triggers for me. And saying my feelings still is difficult, but works when I do, so I will never give up. And I trust my feelings now, because I know they are God-given, and not something to push aside and not matter, they matter more than you realize.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Dear Praying Woman,
My heart goes out to you, your husband, and your family. I pray that God will give you strength and direction. I pray that your husband will be able to truly forgive those who wronged him throughout his life so that he no longer lashes out at you or anyone else.

As much as your husband is hurting you through his actions, take a moment to imagine things from his perspective. I can't imagine what must go through his mind on a daily basis--not to excuse his actions, just try to understand them better.

In fact, just the other day I rented the video of the movie "Antwone Fisher," which Denzil Washington directed. If you haven't seen it, rent it. It sounds like the young man in the movie and your husband have some life experiences in common.

Please keep us posted on your progress. I am going to believe in the best for each of you. Take care and stay close to God. One last thing I'll share, the words from a little plaque my mom gave me a few years ago:

"Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that YOU and I together can't handle."

God bless,
Prayer & Patience

Thank you. He has had me on a tight leash when it comes to money matters. It was not like this before. I am not working right because I was trying to finish school as soon as possible. Now that I have graduated I have a job out of state pending but he said if I leave he is going to take our son away from me. So now I have about a month to come up with a plan where I am able to work and continue going to school for my master's. I just found out that he opened his own checking account and our joint account is empty. Anytime I need money for groceries, my bills I need to go to him. He left me with no money. He won't give me any money either. He bought himself a new 2003 Honda Accord. He doesn't even have a stable job yet. Many times I stray and I loose sight of Him. I become so discouraged when I realize my marriage fell apart and my life has turned upside down. Eventhough I am going through a hard time I am starting to see a side of me that I had not noticed before. It is a part of me that needs changing. I know that change needs to happen and I am still trying to get use to the fact that I need to change first. That God needs to work on me first. For such a long time I have expected my husband to change but soon realized that this can't just magically happen no matter how hard I begged, cried, yelled. This situation isd making me grow in many ways but I am still constantly afraid of the next blow hidden around the corner. Above all I continue glorifying God. He is wonderful and I praise His name on high! Thank you for your advice and good thoughts and wishes. God bless you on your journey as well.

Praying Woman,

I can't say I know exactly how you feel, since my situation is different than yours but I do understand the hurt and pain you feel. Stay strong in the Lord and he WILL provide. We need to learn to leave all our burdens at his feet and trust him.

"Dear God,
I pray for Praying Woman and her family. You know Lord what is in her H's heart. We know that you are the God of the Universe and with You, nothing is impossible. Please give her all the strength and widsom she needs to keep living one day at a time. We know that the devil is working hard on this but we also know that You are MUCH MORE powerful than he is. Help us to learn to trust you more and more each day and be more like you. We know Lord that you are coming to take us home soon and that we will live a life without suffering there. Praise the Lord! Help us be prepared for that day. In your Son's name I pray, AMEN!"

You'll be in my prayers!

H98

Dear Hopeful98,
Thank you so much for that prayer. It uplifted my spirits! It is amazing how prayers can magnify God's pressence in our lives. Your message was beautiful and I thank you very much for this. God is good and yesterday my H was able to take our son out for a little bit and everything went well. Day after day it is like walking on eggshells but yesterday afternoon my son was able to see his father and not be afraid of him becuase his father did not loose his cool. A prayer goes a long way and a i know that a gruop of prayers uplifts us in so many ways that we don't even see. God be with you and the one you love and my prayers are with you too. May God bless you on this journey. Take care.
Sincerly,
praying woman

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<small>[ July 15, 2003, 12:57 PM: Message edited by: SadEyes ]</small>