Hi Thisso,
Your thoughts sound much like mine 10 mos. or so ago when my husband divorces me against my wishes. Against all hope, I began to believe in reconciliation. Well, not just believe, but having never been divorced before, I was like most people who saw divorce as pretty final... where someone would say, "We're divorcing" and I'd say, "Oh, I'm sorry." NOW... I say, "NO! Don't do it! Let me help! Blah, blah!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Well, I know everyone's situation is different, some with abuse and adultery, and in ways, I tremble when I encourage reconciliation in those situations, but I know I must because I know it is the heart of God. I don't think anyone encouraged my husband to reconcile but rather just said, "Oh, I'm sorry." I truly, truly believe had anyone encouraged reconciliation... I think he would have been more convicted about it because he is a Christian man, and a good man too, but anyways...
I don't believe it's God's will that your husband divorce you. No way! In Deut., Moses told the men if they divorced their wives, they must give them a cert. of divorce (it was for their protection) and he said, "It was not this way from the beginning" and told them it was because of the "hardness" of their hearts that he had to give them instruction on divorce. They were divorcing because they were NOT obeying God by keeping their marriage vows and they had hardened their hearts.
Obviously, even in the case of unrepentive adultery or severe abuse, well, that person doing that has a hardened heart. IF he or she were in God's will, he or she would repent and stop the sin of adultery and/or abuse, and would obey the Lord when he says, "Husbands love your wives" and "Wives respect your husbands." THAT is God's will!
Obviously, yes, God does let us make choices.. to an extent... I think sometimes we give "free will" to much credit because God can change a persons' heart and does (many Biblical examples). But He does let us make choices, even when wrong; thus, there is adultery, abuse, and divorce.
I pray too that your marriage will be restored! While I certainly can't speak for God and tell you that yes, or no, it will be, I agree with you in prayer for it to be and for your husband's heart to turn. I pray that the Lord gives your husband a "heart of flesh". There is a verse that says he turns a heart of stone to a heart of flesh. Can't think of the refernece right now, but that's what I pray for your and my husband... all our husbands (and wives).
There is a spiritual battle and Satan will do all he can to deceive your husband and to destroy his life and your marriage. The Bible says, "What God has joined together, let NO man tear asunder." It does not say... "well, unless it was a mistake to begin with" or "unless you are really unhappy." NO. It says "let NO man tear asunder" period.
Often we divorce before letting God do a miracle in our lives and our marriages. Satan says to us, like he did to Eve... "Oh, surely God didn't mean that." He deceives us into thinking divorce might actually be a good thing. Even in the case of adultery and abuse, it's not a good thing. It's an extremely painful thing and when there are children, well, the effects are far-reaching in their lives and go into adulthood. God never intended for it. I realize that sometimes, in the case of unrepentive adultery, severe abuse, etc... it may be the only thing left, but it still does not diminish the pain... the loss of dreams and hopes, etc... and the hardships of being a single mom or single dad or just single period... and then the regret afterwards. Yes, God can definitely heal and He does forgive also, but ...
Well, I believe it's not His will that your husband divorce you. I agree though that you need to "let go" and not force him to stay in the marriage. You can lovingly let him know that you do not want the divorce but that you cannot force him to love you. Of course, you will be bawling on the inside, but it is probably all you can do. If he insists, I think that he might feel you are manipulating him or causing him to feel guilty if you tell him he shouldn't divorce, etc.
You must put your faith in God during this time. You are going to be literally beseiged with fears, sorrows, doubts, and possibly/probably anger as well.
I do think though that God can use the divorce to change your husband's heart and to change your marriage. Sometimes, something has to die to be restored and "reborn".
There is nowhere in the Bible where God takes away a spouse through divorce. All divorce in the Bible is done by a person's decision.. either with a hardened heart or because it was an unbeliever leaving or because of adultery. The only way God ends a marriage is through death. I mean, that is the only way He "takes" a spouse. I see no reason why God would want your husband to "get his wish" of divorcing you. NO. I don't believe that for a minute!
I am "standing" for my marriage also and believe I could make it single for the rest of my life.
I am not sure that you should contest it. I don't know the laws of your state, etc... I mean, I think you can "contest" it as far as telling him you don't want it and won't sign papers. In many states, with "no fault" divorce, it doesn't require both signatures. Sad, but true. Very sad actually. But, you don't want to further harden his heart. In the Bible when the unbeliever wants to leave, God says to let him go peacefully. I think the opposite would be to cause a struggle which would only leave the unbelieving spouse angry, bitter, hardened, etc.
Even though your spouse isn't an unbeliever (I assume), I believe the same Biblical principal applies. You can think of the prodigal son. He left and the father not only let him leave, but gave him the inheritance. The son came back... AFTER He'd reached bottom and realized how good he'd had it. I believe he was probably forever changed and never left again in the rebellious manner he had at first.
I don't know what will happen with your marriage, obviously, but I do agree with you in prayer for restoration. "Where two or three are gathered in my name..." God is with them and hears their prayers!
I would encourage you to seek the Lord through not only fervent prayer, but also with fasting. Ask Him to show you what course of action to take, and as you ask, BE IN THE WORD. God will speak to you as you are in the Word and He will show you what to do.
I will recommend two sites to you that were absolute God sends to me (truly... I know God led me to them! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ). One is Restore Ministries
www.restorem.org and the other is Rejoice Ministries
www.rejoiceministries.org. I encourage you to read the testimonies at both sites and sign up for the free email devotional (called "Charlyne Cares") at the seond site. If you can afford it, buy the book "HOw God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage" at the first site and put yourself on the prayer list. Also, tapes at both sites are very good... "Be Encouraged" tapes at Restore Ministries are good and at the Rejoice Ministries, any tapes. They are both such sweet, sweet, godly people!
You need to surround yourself with godly people and truth... which you will find in God's Word.
I will put you on my prayer list as a fellow "stander." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I have been where you are now and still have days of thinking I must be absolutely crazy for "standing" and days when I think, "No way, it's impossible!". But it's not. It is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, the most sorrowful, and the most "alone" thing--- by that I mean, very few people understand and it is the first time, I have sought the Lord above man... which is a good thing, but I am learning to truly love and I am learning to have faith like never before. Even if my marriage is not restored, I am very thankful for the pain in which God has used in my life to change me and teach me, and still is.
That probably is not much comfort to you right now where you are at, and I think I have talked too much! Sorry!
May God be with you and give you comfort, peace, rest and strength to face the days ahead. May He give you wisdom and discernment to know what to do.
Oh... one last thing, when my husband and I went to the judge, I signed the papers thinking I had no other choice. My husband later told me, if I hadn't signed them , he would have seen that as me truly loving him and he would have stopped the divorce. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Many times, I acted in fear rather and did what I thought I had to rather than fighting for my marriage. But you have to fight with spiritual weapons and not earthly ones... fight with prayer, faith, the Word in you, love.
Your situation is different from mine, so I can't completely adivse you from what I did and didn't do... but I did think of that example when you mentioned contesting the divorce. I would say that if it costs any money to contest, don't do it... and if it makes your husband bitter or angry, don't do it. Even if the divorce goes through, God can still restore and work miracles. "Walk by faith, not by sight."
May God give you wisdom.
