D-Day 11-2-02
WH moved out 11-12
Moved back in 4-03 NC
Contact resumed 5-03
Still living at home,won't move back out, but leaves almost every weekend to visit OW 200 miles away, says OW not only works full-time but accomplishes incredible amounts of work evenings and weekends,(seems to leap tall buildings with a single bound,etc.)
Says he cares about me, but she will do anything for him and there are not all the issues between them that we have from 23 years of marriage
Please pray that I can deal with this without LBing. I would like to rebuild my marriage, but WH has always been a conflict avoider and just thinks it would be too hard. We don't share a room now, but just having him in the house keeps this constantly in my face. We have a 15 year old daughter who is now dressing gothic and is depressed. But because she is willing to go with him for the weekends, and she has fun there, it couldn't possibly have anything to do with the affair. The OW also has a 16 year old son who is her pal, and she has a guaranteed 7 hours of Dad's undivided attention on the trip. At least there is no major Public Display of affection in front of her.... She tells me she knows it is wrong, but after all, I shouldn't want someone who treats me this way and it will just be a matter of time until we get a divorce, so she feels as if she needs to get used to this, since this is apparently the way life is going to be....
I don't have medical insurance without him but I feel like our daughter shouldn't be by herself after school because of the depression. She was hospitalized for a week in August because she was afraid she would hurt herself. That poses a real problem with finding a full-time job to get benefits. I have 4 prescriptions which would cost about $300 a month without insurance(diabetes, cholesterol, antidepressant).
Please pray that I can do this and still be pleasant to be around. I am getting more and more angry at him for the continued pain of never getting away from this. In some ways, I am progressing by trying to grow my home business and build more of a life for myself, but I am just overwhelmed by all of this pain. My anti-depressant was changed about a month ago because the old one was no longer working, and this doesn't seem to have really kicked in much. I do have several supportive friends so that helps, but I don't want to just cry on their shoulder all the time. My Pastor has also been very supportive and I have a very good Christian counselor.
My H has agreed to go to a Christian Inner Healing seminar on Sept.13th with me. He had an alcoholic father and his mother responded by preaching sermons to him when he came home from a night of drinking and being a very rigid, legalistic Christian who told him that Christians don't get angry. He is very good at stuffing down his emotions and avoids conflict whenever possible. But his anger comes out in him often talking as if he were a drill sergeant. My family had issues of our own which helped me to feel as if I didn't matter much in the scheme of things, which, of course, is exactly the kind of thing I am feeling in my marriage right now. Please pray that this seminar is helpful to both of us and helps us deal with issues between us. And also that if he is going to stay with his OW, that I can get through this pain and rebuild my life. However, if we could rebuild this into a healthy marriage, please pray that God would give him enough hope in us to do the rebuilding. My H is a Christian, but he has always been afraid to trust God enough to give him any real control over his life.
Thanks for praying.
Kathy

Kathy, I'm sorry for the treatment you are getting and taking. How do you feel about yourself?

Monty,
Thank you for replying to my post.
Actually, I am feeling rather good about myself, and your question helped me to realize my progress in that. For quite a while I had been trying to re-mold myself into an ultra-organized person and feeling pretty unsuccessful about it. You see, I am very good at creative, problem-solving ideas and can creatively network very well to get things accomplished and find information. But the down side of those talents is that I can easily get side-tracked and some projects get set aside and not finished. Thus, the many things I do finish get unnoticed and the unfinished ones become the focus, especially by my very organized, mathematician, WH. He starts and completes each project he does. I always have more projects going at once. I realized recently that trying to live up to his style and wants was almost letting him take the place of God in my life. I've lost a lot of my joy of life. I was so focused on trying to become what I wasn't that I lost sight of the special talents God gave me. So, I spent some time a week ago with a very creative friend, and that helped me see what I was doing and what I was neglecting. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't need to get back to those unfinished projects..... I just need to keep my focus on fulfilling those creative, encouraging talents I have, in the midst of it all. That will give me the successes I need to help me tackle the more challenging(to me,) mundane stuff. So, Monty, I do like me again! Thanks for helping me see this "stuff".
Kathy