For the past 12+ months I have been praying for my M to be saved. This was not the right prayer; or should I say, my priorities were no right.

This weekend, we got into a mild argument, her not trusting if I bought a Christmas gift for our D that I had promised. Long story short, I told that not trusing me in the past, is the past. I am not going to screw up the kids and disappoint them. She finally calmed down and I tried to discuss saving the M. As usual, she doesn't want to save it because of my actions and that is what I am right now and always will be. I explained that those are previous actions and that I don't want to lose the woman I love. I told her this was behavior I did not do as a teen and that i am ashamed of it. She did not buy it. I asked her if she ever smoked pot when she was a teen? "Yes." I asked if she still smokes pot? "No." I said, "See, you changed." She couldn't answer that one.

On Sunday, I drove her Jeep to the store, by myself, and I was going to change the radio to a Christian station. The radio display is broken, so you have to listen to tune the station. I was thinking about what I was going to do this week, because my W meets with her lawyer on Wed since I did not sign the D papers. So I turned on the radio and it was playing a local Christian station. I have not driven my W's Jeep in the past week. I don't ever remember setting the station before. Another sign from God? and I started crying.

Late Sunday, my W spoke to me about some issues with the kids. During this she spoke about one our nieghbors; how she is flighty, etc. She said, "...but she has a good Christian heart." These are not words my W would ever speak. A little further in the conversation, "I wish to God that our S would grow up faster and be potty trained, etc." Again, my W would not mention God like this. She would only mention God in cinicism (sp).

I forgot to mention that she is an Agnostic.

I came to realize that God wants my W to be saved first and foremost, then the M if if is His Will.

This is scary and I am asking for everyone's help to keep those priorities straight. I want to show my kids the road the Jesus (my D asked more ??? yesterday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ), and I can have a temendous influence as their father. My W has to find this for herself. I can be there to answer questions, but I cannot force or manipulate her.

God Bless all our spouses who do not believe in God and/or Jesus Christ. May He open their hearts by showing them examples of His Love through our actions and the actions of others. Amen.

TTSMM

<small>[ October 06, 2003, 06:54 PM: Message edited by: tryingTOsaveMYmarriage ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I came to realize that God wants my W to be saved first and foremost, then the M if if is His Will.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BINGO !!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ...confetti and streamers falling from the ceiling. The hosts of heaven rejoicing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God didn't send His son Jesus to die on the cross to save marriages. He sent His son to die on the cross to save the lost and make the way for a initmate relationship with Himself. Saving marriages, surviving divorce or any other crisis is a by-product of that relationship.

And you my friend, will represent Jesus here on Earth for her. You will be a witness. God has not called you to be the attorney. You will not argue the case for God. He will be the one to touch her heart as you demonstrate Christ's love to her and your family.

Bless you.

S&C

Brother - You will represent Jesus to W and kids. The image they see, the words they hear, the love that is shown, that is the impression they will get of our loving Savior. You are on the right track and God bless you for it. Win your W over by your good conduct. If she continues to reject you she is in fact rejecting the Lord. A person cannot run from the Holy Spirit indefinitely. Your W will make a wonderful Christian when she comes around. Stay positive and God bless!

All,
The negative first.
Today, Saturday, had an arguement with her because I asked if she wanted coffee? Then I let her con me (my choice) into an arguement. I felt the need to defend myself, again.
God, please give me the inner strength to keep my ego and pride in check. She is testing me and I fail/fall further back when I defend myself.
She attacked my being a Roman Catholic and how she is far better than me, being an agnostic. I defended and told her that there is a God, otherwise, why would people keep any moral code. "Well, if there is a God, you are going to hell after the way you treated me."
She keeps on saying that I will be happier with someone else; that she hates, forget about love; that her therapist (my ex-therapist) agrees with her completely with who/what I am; "...now that you're parents are dead, you will have a better chance to find someone; etc...
I have found out over the past days (I knew it but did not admit it to myself) that she is a very lazy lady. Wait, by this I mean, she expects nothing ever needs maintenance; i.e., "I can't be bothered." - her Jeep is almost dead, our lawn is (never took care of it while I was TRO'd), our D brings home fire safety info and 'she can't be bothered with their recommendations, on and on... And of course, no marriage is as difficult as this one...without proper care and maintenance, what should she expect. I tried to maintain it but I was weak and gave up and you know the rest.
Thanks for letting me vent.
=================================================

Now for the Incredible Power of God (which I need to keep in front of me, because after the above, I wanted to throw in the towel).

I was reading John's Gospel and the following verse brought hope into as well as fear, excitement, and a host of other emotions.

The Raising of Lazarus: '..."This illness is not to end in death, but is for the Glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it." Jn 11:4.

To me this means: "This MARRIAGE is not to end in DIVORCE, but is for the Glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it."
SAving my marriage will take a while because Marie must be saved first. Then, we can give glory and honor to God together.
Am I grasping at straws? If not, could this be what is going for many of us trying to save our marriages.

Second miraculous (to me) sign from our Lord.
I am driving up the NJ Turnpike on my way to work and I was listening to Dr. Charles Stanley on WMCA 570 AM. His sermon was on "How to Survive a Satanic Attack". At the end he said to pray for those who don't beleive and are in Satan's grasp and don't know it. I thought of my wife, Marie. At that moment I was changing lanes because I was impatient with the driver in front of me. A van pulled past me and the license plate was "MARIE". I cried with joy.

Please pray for me to keep the faith. Keep my faith in God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, that they have it all in control. Pray for me to keep my mouth still until The Spirit speaks through me. Pray for me to make the right choices at all times; every situation comes with at least two choices; let me choose wisely through the intervention of the Holy Spirit. Pray for me to have patience with the pain she causes me that is coming from the deceiver of all, Satan. Pray for me to hate the sin and love the sinner, my beautiful wife, Marie.

God Bless all of us in our struggles and growth to do God's Will; to recover our marriages; to save those spouses in the darkness; to be at peace with our Lord.
TTSMM

<small>[ October 11, 2003, 11:12 PM: Message edited by: tryingTOsaveMYmarriage ]</small>