Every Wed. we pray and fast for one another for resolution to marriages and our lives. Every Wed. we can check in and let everyone know we have prayed for the group. Prayer does mighty things and group prayer is even better. "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst." Matt 18:20.

I think it will be great to see how God works in our lives and heals our marriages and us. If you want to pray with us I will be more than happy to add your name to the list below.


Prayer Warriors who are praying and being prayed for: -.{137 Prayer Warriors and counting}
cajunky . Ezra . Willgetthruthis . Godisincontrol . Natasha79 . JohnC . NMWBTWBD (Not My Will, But Thy Will Be Done . Wallace . relady . steadfast and committed . morriggs . lupolady . stillwaiting . Broken Hearted . PasDeDeux . hopeful_person . GinnyF . justpeachy . cry2much . SNL . LostAgain (Dave&April) . Dodger (Rtron) . gloriachu . LoveNcare . JMF . WEN . NiteHawk . Absurd . LetSTry . AgainsttheWind . cemmerson . getting better . kellidiane . Terrified . BeeLee . idostylin . Resilient . thiscantbehappening . day by day . Jloves . broken x3 . Sue with Hope . sunrise1 . shepette . Malc . Faithfulwife . timbo-e . Angelia . FeelingAllAlone . broken_joe . dopey . awake . truly a friend . Is it to late . stilltryingtosaveit . landslide . GODBLESSU . vega . LoyalWarrior . janna-m-r . ferbie . epiphOny . simmy . cajeanie . d_rose . lost_lonely . briank4775 . mayflower . Caged_Bird . LunaDove . goldielocks109 . darwud . Mrs. Darwud . Zuzus Petals . adamv . Army Hubby . Gail (mojodiva) & Shane . bonnie five & H . TryingToKeepHope . Hopeful98 . lghoping . SoTired (Mike & Trish) . evega . Douglas and Kirsi Nielson . Jessicafl27 . kimmy2 . auntielala . weezy8550 . miserynmissouri . STBXWife . sealfan . Jen Brown . SMIAJ . cinderella . GreggC . trying_to_accept . solon . serenitydipity . ilia . lonejrock . anchorhugger . Prayer & Patience . Chikar . Alex6 . Hopeforamiracle . fishlady . rookie . Made A Mess of Things . *DeepSigh* . boden . new comittment . deeplyhurting . jeff15679 . Bob Castaldi . k57mo . skottyjay (Scott and Melody) . TROD (Tony and Julie) . thisso . ladysheep . hurtmorethanheknows . singleguy . tryingTOsaveMYmarriage . Keesley . recovering_dad . Terrianna . javaContour . BH . Cheryls . cherry log . AD. . Suebee . REJECTED . LoveMyEx . LostHusband . kings kid . kwhittle . vividwhisper .

Prayers Answered: Most current first.
Steadfastandcommitted (wife is back and we are planning to renew our wedding vows in our church) . tryingTOsaveMYmarraige (D is interested in the Christian music I am listening to and asks a lot about God) . hopeful_person (H seemed more willing to consider a reconciliation) . GreggC (wife's heart is softening a bit and son asking about things in the Bible and believes in it) . WGTT (WH coming home) . d_rose (got a ways to go but we are going there together.) . Faithfulwife (GOT A JOB, Found a house, D is final and got a puppy that “just LOVES me”) . tsc (marriage being restored) . janna-m-r (Husband came home and wants to try to restore marriage even though he is the BS) . Steadfastandcommitted (wife gave up other man) . Stillwaiting (Got to see her husband for 2 hours and his heart seems to have softened) . Stillwaiting (neice is o.k.) . cajunky (wife not engaged & did something with family, told me she loved me) . Free (Marriage Restoration begun ) . Againstthewind (Got job) . betrayed and desparate (sucessful cancer surgery) . WGTT (accepted into mentor program) . Movingonwithlife (Wife coming home) . cry2much(sucessful surgery) . Steadfastandcommitted (first string again) . Lupolady (air conditioner) .


Building Blocks to a Strong Marriage

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When God made marriage, He formed a lifelong relationship that was to find its strength and endurance in Him. Over time, He used the wisdom of His Word to teach husbands and wives how to be friends to their mates. In the process, He gave all of us an understanding of the essential building blocks to a strong marriage. They are:

1. Lifelong Commitment
2. Shared Identity
3. Absolute Faithfulness
4. Well-Defined Roles
5. Unreserved Love
6. Mutual Submission
7. Sexual Fulfillment
8. Open Communication
9. Tender Respect
10. Spiritual Companionship

As we think through these 10 building blocks, remember that they are not man-made. They are given to us by God Himself. Because they are, you can know with certainty that when you and your mate follow them, you will have a marriage that is strong.

But perhaps your marital partner is at a different place than you are spiritually or refuses to accept the authority of the Bible. If your partner is willing to remain with you, this is your opportunity to show your mate the kind of husband or wife God can help you to be (1 Cor. 7:12-16). So don’t put the booklet down. We sincerely believe it will help.


Lifelong Commitment
The first biblical building block for a strong marriage is for the man and woman to make a lifelong commitment. The Scriptures make it clear that God’s ideal for marriage is one man and one woman for a lifetime. With this kind of commitment in view, the Lord Jesus said:
Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?” So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate (Mt. 19:4-6).

Then, in response to a question about divorce, Jesus continued:
Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery (vv.8-9).

Except for the serious exception of marital unfaithfulness, the marriage vow is a lifelong commitment—a vow to God and to each other that is not to be broken (see Eccl. 5:4-5). Marriage is for life.

Consider the following true story: A man and woman had been married only a year when she was diagnosed as a victim of multiple sclerosis. After thinking seriously about it, she told her husband she was “setting him free.” But he did not leave her. The tender care and love he showered on her made her remaining years happy and special. Why did he do it? “Because,” he said, “when I vowed before God ‘for better or for worse’ and ‘in sickness and in health,’ I meant it. And God made both of us unbelievably happy as a result.”


Shared Identity
The second building block for a strong marriage is for husband and wife to see themselves as one. No longer is it a man living his life for himself and a woman living hers for herself. There is now a new union, a new family, a new unit. Adam expressed this shared identity when God brought him the woman.
He said:

This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man (Gen. 2:23).

The next verse concludes with the words, ”they shall become one flesh” (v.24).

But it’s not always easy to live out that oneness in everyday life. This is because the husband and wife have different habits, different backgrounds, different parents, different education, different personalities, and different emotional scars.

Besides, Eve was not a clone of Adam. She was unique, as every human being is unique. She did not come off some assembly line. She was different, both physically and emotionally. She had different needs—needs Adam alone could satisfy. And she alone could satisfy Adam’s needs.

In marriage, a man and woman are brought into union. They become one, blending into each other’s lives. It’s once-for-all, yet it’s a process. Time, love, patience, and forgiveness are needed to bring the shared identity of marriage into maturity. And it has wonderful results. The man and woman are no longer alone. They are one, even at a time when:

> he’s in a motel room a thousand miles away.
> she’s in the pains of childbirth.
> he has just lost his job.
> she has discovered a mysterious lump.
> he has received a good promotion.
> she has been offered a new job.

The two are one. Although they are distinct persons with vast differences, they have agreed to walk the path of life as one. They have a shared identity.


Absolute Faithfulness
Not only is marriage a lifelong commitment of two people who have a shared identity, it also calls for total fidelity on the part of the husband and the wife. They are to be true to each other. The Bible gives no ground on this issue. The man is to be faithful to his wife; she to him.

The writer of Proverbs cautioned:

Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent (6:27-29).

The Bible is uncompromising in its demand for sexual faithfulness. Paul told Titus to have the older women instruct the younger women in the church “to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste” (2:4-5). As a woman enters a marriage relationship, she is to be committed to giving herself only to her husband.

For our good and God’s honor, adultery is strictly forbidden in the Bible. The seventh commandment given on Sinai was, “You shall not commit adultery” (Ex. 20:14). Jesus mentioned this commandment in His conversation with the rich young ruler (Mt. 19:18). And Paul named adultery first in his list of the sins of the flesh (Gal. 5:19).

Marital faithfulness is the fulfillment of the vow made before God and man during the wedding ceremony: “And to you I pledge my faithfulness.” One writer said:

This is how we must love one another, with a vowed love that is not dependent on happiness nor any of the external hallmarks of success. Where is such love to begin if it does not begin with the one closest to us, the life’s partner whom we have chosen out of all the other people in the world as the apple of our eye? (Mike Mason, The Mystery Of Marriage, p.106).

Here are some implications of absolute faithfulness—the third biblical building block of marriage:

> We will save our hearts for each other.
> We will keep our promise of loyalty.
> We will not seek comfort from a competitor.
> We will let no one come between us.
> We will realize we are not our own.

By today’s standards, absolute faithfulness “isn’t natural.” Of course not—not in a fallen world. But for our first parents in Paradise, it was as natural as could be. And today it will be part of every marriage that is strong and successful.


Well-Defined Roles
Today’s society has made an all-out assault on marriage. And one of its attacks is on the traditional roles within the family. The wife is being told that since she has the same rights as her husband, she doesn’t have to submit to anybody. Pressure is being put on the husband to take care of himself and not to worry about her. As a result, husbands and wives need direction. They need answers to basic questions about their specific roles.

Those answers are found in the Bible. And when they are expressed in love, they reflect the wisdom of God.

The Husband’s Role. The Bible says that the husband is the head of the wife. Paul wrote:

I want you to know that the head of every . . . woman is man, and the head of Christ is God (1 Cor. 11:3).

The husband is head of the wife (Eph. 5:23).

While this principle is one of the most misquoted and misused principles in Scripture, it doesn’t need to be. Biblical leadership is not dictatorial or blindly self-serving. Before God, this headship is:

> to be provided in love (Eph. 5:25; Col. 3:19).
> to follow the example of Christ’s love for the church (Eph. 5:25).
> to be done with understanding (1 Pet. 3:7).
> to be done without bitterness (Col. 3:19).
> to equal his love for his own body (Eph. 5:28).

Marital headship does not mean that the husband is superior. The same verse that says the man is head of the woman also says that God is the head of Christ (1 Cor. 11:3). And we know They are equal in nature. Both are fully God.

The husband’s headship is functional. It helps the marriage work. When understood and expressed in the spirit of Christ, it provides a servant role. Headship carries with it great responsibility. The husband is to provide loving, understanding, self-sacrificing, patient, God-honoring leadership.

The Wife’s Role. The woman is instructed in the Bible to submit thoughtfully and wisely to the leadership of her husband:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord (Eph. 5:22; cp. Col. 3:18).

Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands (1 Pet. 3:1).

Admonish the young women . . . to be . . . obedient to their own husbands (Ti. 2:4-5).

God made man and woman to come together in a fulfilling, satisfying relationship. He made Adam first (1 Tim. 2:13), and He made him to be head (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:23). Adam was to use his physical strength and his spiritual responsibilities for the good of Eve; Eve was to be ready to help Adam fulfill his God-given role and responsibilities (Gen. 2:18; 1 Cor. 11:8-9).

A woman who does not find joy in helping a man provide loving, thoughtful leadership in the home is doing so to her own harm. Even though she might find it difficult to accept even good initiatives from her husband, she needs to show that her ultimate confidence and trust is in God Himself.

Marriage has its best opportunity when both husband and wife accept their roles. It’s a functional necessity—a necessity exemplified within the Godhead itself. Consider these words of Christ: “My Father is greater than I” (Jn. 14:28). Yet He also said, “I and My Father are one” (Jn. 10:30).

Jesus came to earth to carry out in exact detail the will and plan of the Father. Although He was equal to the Father, He submitted Himself to the Father’s leading.

This relationship within the Godhead is the pattern that provides a background for understanding heaven’s pattern for marriage.


Unreserved Love
The fifth building block for a strong marriage is love—genuine, heartfelt, through-thick-and-thin, till-death-us-do-part love. A husband and wife are to love each other with the kind of unreserved love that leads them to honor each other, to esteem each other, to consider each other’s welfare above their own, and to stay by each other’s side through the highs and lows and the ups and downs that come in every married life.

The husband was told specifically in the Bible to love his wife. Paul said it succinctly in Colossians 3:19, “Husbands, love your wives” (see also Eph. 5:25).

The wife also is expected to love her husband. You will remember, for example, that the older women of Crete were told to instruct the younger women to “love their husbands” (Ti. 2:4).

The love between a husband and wife that grows through the years of marriage does not happen automatically with the saying of the vows or the giving of a ring. It must be worked at! True, many wonderful and deep feelings are experienced by a couple who court, fall in love, and marry. As time goes on, however, they learn that love has a deeper and more practical dimension than the romantic aspect. They discover that they have to work at loving each other.

The biblical pattern for Christian love is spelled out in 1 Corinthians 13. Although the love defined in these familiar verses is true of all relationships, it may be especially applied to marriage. Think about the practical ways the elements of love seen in verses 4-8 apply to a husband/wife relationship:

> love is patient, enduring his absentmindedness over and over again.
> love is kind, helping with the housework when she’s had a hard day.
> love does not envy his important position at work or the praise she gets for her kindness.
> love does not boast about getting the bigger paycheck or making fewer mistakes.
> love is not proud but admits that she may be right about what’s wrong with the car.
> love is not rude, for it speaks to her respectfully in private as well as in public.
> love is not self-seeking, but it looks for an opportunity to be of help to the other.
> love is not easily angered and doesn’t even raise its voice when she does.
> love keeps no record of wrongs and doesn’t raise issues when it’s time to move on.
> love does not delight in evil and does not pressure the partner into wrong behavior.
> love rejoices with the truth by facing reality and changing accordingly.
> love always protects, without resorting to bitter, sarcastic criticism.
> love always trusts, believing that our real security is in the Lord.
> love always hopes, holding to the shared dreams when his job is phased out.
> love always perseveres, growing even stronger in adversity and stress.
>love never fails, though youth, health, and vigor fade away.

“But wait a minute,” you say. “I’m doing my part, but my partner is not doing his. Do you expect me to keep loving him when he doesn’t love me in return?”

Disillusioned husband or wife, this love can change your life. It may not change your mate, but it will give him every reason to realize that you are still there for him. These principles of love aren’t given just to make marriage work. They are given to us by a wise heavenly Father who, above all, wants us to be in right relationship to Him.

Yes, it’s hard to love when all the love seems to be flowing one way. It’s hard when you’re the only one doing the giving, the sacrificing, the holding on. It’s hard when your partner’s ego or pride or selfishness keeps your love from being returned. You’ve tried talking about it but nothing happens. You’re ready to throw in the towel.

If you’re thinking like that, it might help you to think about the Lord Jesus suffering for us. If anyone ever had a reason to stop loving, He did. But He loved us without reservation, even to the point of dying on the cross in our behalf. That is the kind of love we are to have.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Building Blocks 6-10 will appear in next week’s forum.

May God Bless us all as we strive to restore our marriages and ourlives.

TTSMM

<small>[ October 21, 2003, 11:24 AM: Message edited by: tryingTOsaveMYmarriage ]</small>

My fellow Prayer Warriors,
I will be praying and fasting for all of you tomorrow.

This past weekend, I fell into the same arguementative pattern with my wife. I feel there is no way to reach her and stop this divorce. When I try, she brings up all the "things" I did worng and never (rarely) takes any responsibility for her part in the marriage (not my affair - that's 100% my sin). So, this past weekend I pressed for us to have one more session with her therapist "...what are you afraid of?..." (She constantly says that to me when she talks about the divorce, so I usesd it on her to get a session). It worked, sort of.
During our arguing I kept saying to myself to walk away and I asked God for His power. Since i didn't walk away it doesn't mean He didn't give it to me, it means it was more important for me to be right.
I told her that if i go looking for an atty, we will lose the house beacuse of the costs. When she didn't budge, I told her I would drag out the divorce. She called me a bad father, because I was taking the house away from the kids. We can't support a house and an apartment on my salary. I told her that the house wasn't important to the kids; what was important is having a Mom and Dad there who love them and are there as a family. She disagreed, so...I asked our daughter <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . Wrong question to ask, she wants both.
The rest of the weekend was blah.
Monday, my W calls me at work to say she has given it thought and there is no reason to see her therapist. She said that we have both been too much stock in what others say and what matters is what we (she) feels. Now she says this after two + years of her beating me over the head with ALL the people who she said agreed with her to divorce me. She does done this through out the M. She plays by one set of rules and gets very upset if I change them, but then she changes them at her whim.

Sorry, now I am venting wrongly.

Please pray that Marie will be called to Jesus by Our Father in Heaven. That she will filled with the Holy Spirit and her heart will be softened and her eyes opened. That her pride (very strong and never wrong) will disolve from her and the divorce is stopped.

God Bless,
TTSMM

Please pray for "kings kid" and "Jessicafl27". Both were going through some rough times last week.
kings kid - breast biopsy (last Thursday).
Jessicafl27 - suicidal thoughts.

I have not seen any postings from either of them since mid-last week.

God Bless,
TTSMM

<small>[ October 21, 2003, 11:49 AM: Message edited by: tryingTOsaveMYmarriage ]</small>

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!!!!

I have been standing for my marriage for 8 months now. I was served divorce papers this afternoon. I was really hurt and felt angry. I know that those are the reactions the devils wants me to have, especially with God. BUT I WILL NOT LET HIM WIN THIS BATTLE!!! Please keep me in your prayers. I need all the strength I can get. Thank You!

I read a phrase yesterday that really got my attention..........

God is SOOOOO big, that if you run away from him....you will most likely run right into him!!!

My H is trying to run away from him, but I know that he keep bumping into him. Pray that he finally CRASHES into him and makes his heart soften.

I will be fasting and praying for you as well tomorrow. Thank you!

hopeful98,
Dear sister, I know the pain you are experiencing. My W served me papers on Sept 12th. I did nothing with them. My W told me that her atty has now placed these in default. I don't know what that means <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> , but reluctantly, I am now looking for a lawyer myself. I want a Christian lawyer, so I protect my interests (raising the children Catholic) while NOT attacking her; keeping the door open for reconciliation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I will be praying for you and all the prayer warriors tomorrow. My heart goes out to you and my shoulder is here for you to cry on.

Oh Most Merciful God, hear the prayers of Your troubled servants. Grant us Your Unending Love to help us through this most painful time in our lives. Enlighten us through the Holy Spirit to accept (if not understand) Your ways for us. We place our distressed marriages and lives at Jesus' feet.
Amen.

God Bless,
TTSMM

Dear ttsmm,
Would you tell me where I can get the " Building Blocks To a Strong Marriage " in print. Can I copy it off of the internet somewhere? Or is it a book? I am teaching the high school kids at my church and I want to use that for teaching.
Thanks
singleguy

singleguy,
If you go to this site http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ you will find this booklet (in Adboe Acrobat format) to download. There are many other titles on a variety of religious and spiritual subjects. You can request copies (small pamphlet form) as well.

God Bless,
TTSMM

Just wanted to let ya'll know I'll be here with ya, bringing up the rear at the end of the day.

Special ones for H98, kingskid, jessicafl27 and my dear friend lupolady (how'z the arms kiddo?).

Hope everyone else is doing well and gets a chance to check in.

May God Bless you all richly and keep you in His protection.

S&C

Hello TTSMM and all others!
I just came in tonight to check this thread and oh my what a surprize! That was the best yet TTSMM! Building Blocks To A Strong Marriage! This is very good for all the new MBer's and even for us older ones! I had the basics on this but boy did it go deeper! I will be looking forward to reading the rest - yup copied address! Thank you!
Divorce Papers in Default - GREAT! They may set an appointment for a trial now - do not worry as this is where you stand firm and tell them you do not agree to a divorce and will not have your hand forced! NJ is both ways (NO Fault and Fault) so that means you have a right to contest this! You did your wrong along time ago and your wife should have proceeded then not now - so this raises a question even with the courts.
God Bless you and all the MBer's.

LoveNcare,
If you know more things about D in NJ, I would love to here them. I will start a new thread or you can email me, OK?
I am still looking for a Christian lawyer in NJ. Any ideas?

God Bles,
TTSMM

I just wanted to give a PRAISE REPORT!!! Some of you may know that I had requested prayer for my daughter. She was wanting to move away from here. Well, as it turns out the jobs that they were promised did not come through and she will be staying here. God does answer prayers.

Thank you for your prayers.

Hello TTSMM,
Just came in and read your post. I don't know the law in NJ only what I read over in Divorcemagazine.com. Please go there and read - type in NJ. Also someone will answer all of your questions. I do feel you need a good Christain Lawyer yesterday! Maybe an ad in the Newspaper or start calling all the Church's. Ask your Church if one comes to the service there.
I know I do not like Lawyers either and most are not out there for us and the whole reason they became lawyers fell out within the first year and it became a job. I will pray that you find a Lawyer soon and one with a heart.
Mine dumped me and had another Lawyer in his office take my case. Well it turns out this lawyer is much better and a family man who is Christain, and is more willing to do things my way! God has his way in everything Praise his Name.
God will not fail you. I know you are at the end and feel lost. I have been there and the most incrediable things happen when I get down.
Please find your hope again and trust 100% God.
God Bless you.