Day 12

P2P: We move away from god when we think the alternative plan justifies our feelings. Instead of being under God's law, we want to be in addition to it. That was satan's downfall. God never moves, we do.

V2R: He is the wonderful father we all desire. Imagine Him sitting there with a joyful face and we just want to sit on His lap.

Q2C: This morning I asked God to forgive me for all the garbage that has come between us. The feelings of discouragement, and unbelief. I asked for a new beginning, right now, today, that we would walk hand in hand, and we would talk about things, things important to both of us. That we could have dialogue, and come to an understanding that was good and honorable. I asked that He would answer the prayers that I have prayed for so long. And that He would initiate reconciliation between my father and I.

God Bless
singleguy

Hello TTSMM,
The acess code is the lady that comes on when call is answered and tells you to put in the access code.
Is the phone number **edit** still the same?

Thank you
God Bless you

All,
My brain went. I never confirmed it....but....we still have the same #'s.

Conference Details

Date: Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Start Time: 8:00 p.m. Eastern Std Time
End Time: 9:55 p.m. Eastern Std Time
Participants: 6
Type of Conference: Web-Scheduled Standard
Dial-in Number: **edit** (San Francisco, CA)
Participant Access Code: 7877673
Conference Controls: Conversation Mode (all participants can be heard)

Entry Chimes - Enabled

Exit Chimes - Enabled

Hello TTSMM, Lupolady, Single,
Tonight was wonderful! So much to think about after our conversations! So glad lupolady joined us - I get alot out of you too! God Bless you Lupolady and I pray that your arms get better soon as you have much to deal with those children. I am luckier as I am not at work, but trying times here too.

TTSMM, Hang on tight as you have carried the cross and now are baring the weight of it. I do believe you will soon see more of this confusion, praise it as you know God is working his miracles. God Bless you in your fight. God Bless your children also.

Single, Are you sitting down? Remember telling us the meaning to your Biblical name?
Well the first one is my last name. Mine means Gift from God. Amen

Day 14 When God Seems Distant

P2P: God is real, no matter how I feel.

This means to me no matter what God is beside me, behind me, or in front of me. I know has an unchanging charater. He is good, He loves me, He cares, He already has a great plan for my life I just have to trust in him no matter what comes my way.

V2R: "For God has said, 'I will never leave you; I will never abandon you.' " Hebrews 13:5
God tests us and when you feel he is not there or not answering your prays, he is there! He just lets us figure out things sometimes to see how much faith we have in him.

Q2C: How can I stay focused on God's presence, expecially when he feels distant?

If you believe in God, then it is not hard to do this. I lost faith a good many years ago and will reveal this soon, but in times of problems (why in trouble times?) I always felt his presence. I never gave up on prayer just not totally obedient. MB and other sites turned me back and God has not left my side since. SINGLE I AM GOING TO SIT IN HIS LAP FIRST! Many good things have happened and I know more are coming. My life is in God's hands at this time, I do not try to rule it. If he has other plans then I accept this totally. He made me, he lives with me, walks with me and I trust him 100%.

sg,lnc,ll,
Great call yesterday. I wish we ALL could have talked some more; but I guess the BOY from Iowa forgot to crank up the generator for his phones <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

As for me, just when the conver got onto D, my W walks thru the door, hence my silence and quick exit on the phone. I am sorry it was so abrupt. No coincidence...God's work. When ll said to not quit and retold the story of another WS, it hit me. Then when lnc mentioned "Default" on the D, is when W came home. God doesn't want me to get a lawyer? I am so confused <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Look forward to our next call. Which I would like to place a little control (wrong word <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) on. I would like us to reflect on the impact of the chapters read that week (both positive and negative - those we are enthuiastic about and those that scare the H out of us). We will still have time to chat about theology, and our personal lives afterwards.
ALSO, once these 40 days are thru and we part our ways....just kidding <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . Once these 40 days are thru, I would like to keep this call going and draw some others in from MB, and the other Marriage restoration sites out there. In fact one thing the Holy Spirit has called me to do is have a nation-wide MB call for 5-10 minutes where we all pray the Our Father and then mention, all at once, our spouses and children(s) names. Imagine 150 men and women saying the Lord's Prayer across the country at one time? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I will post the last 2 chapters later this evening.

God's Grace and Mercy be with you always,
TTSMM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hello TTSMM,
Your post was very interesting. I like the idea of the 15 minute call or more, for the sake of so many maybe joining us in prayer. Maybe post it on Rejoice Ministries. Maybe from there it would become world wide?
We do get off track on this book, but we do talk God's word. It is so interesting and gives more thought when the chapters are read. This call gives me more structure! I was away to long.
Yes it is funny how things are happening in your life and during our conversation.
I have to apologize to you and God for not asking him to Bless your wife in my last post. I went to bed and had to sit up when this came to me. I did say a prayer as she needs many to help confuss her more. God Bless you, your wife and children.

Hello TTSMM, Lupolady, Singleguy,
TTSMM to answer your question which I did not see about a Lawyer? I have readmany boards that say no we are not supposed to get a lawyer that we are supposed to let God be our Lawyer. So it is kinda left up to you and how you feel. Me I know these courts are laid back to say the least. They do not really protect you even when inocent. This is why I went to one and also here they will not let you in the court room without one, they will appoint you one. Good for you if the same cause a case would be postponed for a month or two or more? Hope I helped.

Day 15 Formed For God's Family

Yes God created everyone of us to join his Family, Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.
Confusion though - I did not know we had to be " born again" to come into God's Family.
I guess it is because I am Episcopalian. We have been taught that we live God's way on earth, get baptized, die then go to heaven to join his family. Well was this like me not being 100% faithful and now I am back and have turned my life over to God?

V2R: "His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ"

I Understand this! Just was said different above then I had known!

Q2C: How can I start treating other believers like members of my own family?

By treating them the very same way as we do our own family, in a Godly fashion.
Kindness, patience, respect, honor their wishes and needs if at all possible. Recognize they are our brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers. They will be in heaven!

Hello TTSMM, Lupolady, Singleguy!
Hey where is everyone - am I on the wrong post?
The wind blew here 55 miles an hour since lastnight and yes I have a dusting up snow!


Day 16 What Matters Most

P2P: Life is about Love.

Yup without it you have nothing. It gets lonely too! God made us this way, but look at this world today - so sad! So much war, not to forget the family's breaking apart. You go into a grocery store and the clerks are so rude. I think God is very sad at this time on earth. He made us to love everyone. Reconcile our differences and choose to walk more in his light. This has become such a hard hearted world and we have a choice to make it better by living by God's commandments and word.

V2R: "The entire law is summoned up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
Galatians 5:14

Q2C: Honestly, are relationships my first priority? How can I ensure that they are?

Yes they are without family, friends and people what would life be like? Living way out here is hard as I do not see anyone - wave to a farmer friend once in awhile but unless I go 30 miles no one comes. This chapter kinda got me in the heart because that is who I am. I love people, animals, kids, family. Not having a spouse is hard. We were destined by God to love! I ensure that my family and friends are always welcome to call me if in need. I do my best to get there - gas money is tight lol, but they all know they could ask. If they call I will take the time to talk. Hate to see anyone not being able to talk when they need a shoulder or just to share good news!

We decided to change not only postings but a different website as well. I guess they forgot to tell you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> lol

Naw. You've been the only one updating over the past few days....but here are mine.


Day 14
When God seems distant.


P2P: "God is real, no matter how I feel."
I know He is real. I just wonder sometimes if He cares about me. I guess I mean, I won't know why He is doing the things He is doing to me, or letting htem happen if He cares for me?

V2R: "For God has said, 'I will never leave you; I will never abandon you."
Footprints.

Q2C: "How can I stay focused on God's presence, especially when He feels distant?"
By remembering and thanking Him:
- Jesus died so I may live.
- God loves me.
- God has saved my physical life at least once (car accident when I was 10).

Thanking God (worshiping Him) when I am in pain IS very difficult for me. With God, I can't say, "What have You done for me lately?"
Pgs: 108-109 "Spiritual gloom" This truly scares me. I only started experiencing God's presence the last 12-14 months. It is comforting and helps get me through the pain.
Pg: 109 I had a "near-death" experience when I was 10, I KNOW there is a God. But back in December, (read my postings when I first joined MB), I was full of so much despair that I didn't believe in Him any longer.
Pg: 109 "Seeking an experience rather than God" Ouch.

God's Grace and Mercy,
Trying

Day 15
Formed for God's Family

P2P: "I was formed for God's family."
When I read/think about this, I can't help but be sad for Marie, because she is NOT part of God's family right now.

V2R: "His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into Hiw own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ."

Q2C: "How can I start treating other believers like members of my own family?"
- No conflict/anger
- Sharing
- Supporting/helping
- Praying
- inspriing others

God's Grace and Mercy,
Trying

Day 16
What matters most

P2P: "Life is all about love."
I now understand the Steven Curtis Chapman son, "It's All About Love".

V2R: "The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself."
Very difficult for me when I know my neighbor is wrong.

Q2C: "Honestly, are relationships my first priority? How can I ensure that they are?."
Not really, but often times, Yes; but when I get home from work, I'm exhausted, there is so much to do: chores, bills, computer, etc.
For Family
- Spend time with the kids
- Listen to Marie and the kids when they need to talk
- DON'T BE JUDGEMENTAL - This brings negative emotions to the relationship, causing me to want to spend LESS time with that person
I pray God will give me energy so I have the time for relationships and still get the other things done.
- Take time to tuck them into bed
- Less TV
- Read to them
For Others and Family
- Find opportunities to help
- Volunteer
- Empathy/Listening

- Call the people I love

I was brought up by my parents to "Love everyone". This is why I enjoy doing things for others, it makes them happy and it is an expression of my love for others.
Sadly, in today's world, Loving everyone is so cliche or so 60's weird. I believe in unconditional love, and I let Marie take that away from me; and when it got to be too much, I strayed. The A was out of not getting the appreciation for the love I was giving. Love had become CONDITIONAL for me.

When I told a friend form my former men's group I was looking for a job where I can use my God-given gifts to benefit others, he told me: "You are a people-person." I always felt I was. But I LET the world take that away from me.

In case you haven't noticed, this chapter speaks the most to me. My favorite shape in the world is what?


THE HEART

God's Grace and Mercy (and my heart) to you all,
Trying

Guys and Gals,

Please forgive me. I have been working out of the office and have been putting in some long days this week. Just stopped to grab a file qiuck, but will post soon.

TTSMM, are you getting my emails? I haven't heard back from you on three of them. I have stuff to send you.

God Bless
singleguy

Hello TTSMM, LUpolady, Single,
Thank you TTSMM! When I first sarted reading your posts my heart went to my feet - I thought I had missed another thread or something where I supposed to be! Well whew!
Single apology accepted!


Day 17: A Place to Belong

P2P: I am called to belong, not just believe.

To follow Christ includes belonging to a church which is the body of Christ.

V2R: "In Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all others."
Romans 12:5

I think this means that we join a Church and each member is a believer we all help each other and the church.

Q2C: Does my level of involement in my local Church demonstrate that I love and am commited to God's family?

My involement is as much as expected at this time. I go to a service with my Mom at present once a month to help with the elderly. The Church service is of my own faith.
At this time I can not go 30 miles a week with the financial problems I am having. I did ask God to help and am sure in time things will get better. There is a very small Gospel Church off these hills that I am going to join. This Church speaks to me everytime I go by it.

My Brother and Sisters,
I don't feel like posting the "Purpose" stuff tonight. I will tomorrow.
Tonight, I just want to share.
First, thanks sg for our talk on the phone. It was good to hear. Second, my W came home about a half hour after we ended. She wanted to talk.

She started by wanting to discuss who was going to take what weekend for themselves away from the kids. I did not respond but just listen, as I was doing some painting around the house. She then mentioned that we needed to work that out in case I wanted to go out with friends, or if I had a date. I stopped painting and looked at her with my undivided attention. I said a quick prayer to God to HOLD MY TONGUE.

She said with the pending D, that it would be understandable if I was to be seeing other women and how could I not be. She said that perhaps she might want to go out in the future herself. The conversation was all over on a variety of what I had done to her. At one point I told her that I know I did truly hurt her. She cried, she got angry, she told me why she is D'ing me. She thinks the way I am acting right now is an act; besides, you're a sex addict. She told me she never really loved me. Her ego and pride are deeply destroyed by what I did. She doesn't know if she is hurt because of her pride or because she must have really loved me.

Somewhere in the middle of this when she was talking about needing someone, I said that that was understandable, that God created us to want to be with someone of the opposite sex. She said that that was another reason, because I am getting back into my religion and I should have just said that we (men and women) desire to have someone in their life; not to mention God all the time. We both need an equal baseline: you have religion and you should look for someone who is religious and that I (she) wants to find someone who is in to music as much as she is (she had a heavy EA with her personal trainer [also a musician] and still thinks about him every now and then, although she says he is alot like me - a PLAYER [lol - me a player]). Btw, before her trainer came into the picture, I thought we were working on saving this. Another thing she brought up was that she has finished going through all of the emotions associated with knowing your H has cheated on you; therefore, she is ready to move on.

My responses (scattered about through this talk): I am not giving up and all I can do is ask you to take me back; I love you, that everything I am doing is real and not an act; that I am not seeing anyone and have no desire or intention to be with anyone else. If you take me back, you have set up paremeters, and I will have to follow them, period. (I said this because she was upset because I was chatting with some women at the Halloween party. She was sitting at the table and one of the women started a conversation of religion, so I sat down and joined the conversation with all of them - INCLUDING MY WIFE).

The pressure of keeping silent was too much so when she said that most women would feel the same way as her, I told her that NO, most women stay after an A, but they have the right to ask their H where he is all the time for the five years. "Oh that is the time limit?" I told her No, that I was using that as an example.

She feels she was a good/great W, and that what she learned is that she should have been easier with her criticisms about me. She was only trying to change me for my own good. She said she won't make that mistake ever again. Problem here is she thinks I had the A because of her criticism and controlling me. Only a small part. Because I loved her, my W, so much and she wouldn't kiss me because of crooked teeth and said I was not a good kisser, my ego, pride and heart were shattered. Yes we had our problems, BUT, this just pushed me over the edge (BUT IT WAS MY CHOCIE TO CHEAT). <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Finally, I said "I am married to you for life. I will never marry someone else. If those are the consequences, so be it." She thinks I am crazy. I walked away because I did not want to get into an argument, and I told her that.


My personal POV: she says she never loved me one minute and then later on she says she might be hurt because she did love me; opening up and crying to me, sharing her feelings; talking to me AT ALL. I DON'T THINK IT IS OVER. What I do believe though is that Satan has her under his control and is slowly losing his grip. When one of the pts she makes is that I am getting back into my religion and she doesn't believe and equates that to finding someone who is into and knowlegable about music like she is, the devil is starting to lose.

OR - I am a total blind idiot.

God's Grace, Mercy, Love, Strength, Peace, Understanding, Forgiveness, Acceptance, and the countless other Heavenly Gifts be bestowed upon my Wife, Marie and myself,
Thanks for listening/reading,
tryingTOsaveMYmarriage

TTSMM,

If the only thing we did on this thread was to save your marriage, then we could truly say we did move mountains!!!! And I would be tickled pink. [Run with it, S&C] Yes, I think your wife has been thinking about a lot of things, including the future, and what it would be like without you. She DOES love you, but she is also deeply hurt by what has been done. Her flesh [devil] is telling her it can't be. But your saying you are committed to her, and that you will never marry anyone else also impacted her as though the Holy Spirit was talking to her. Women want devotion, and she is sorting thru whether she wants to justify her hurt and anger and leave, or how to work thru the complicated maze of putting things back together. [flesh versus the spirit] Her remark about you dating another woman was actually a dig, or a putdown caused by her anger. I believe if you would leave little love notes around where she can find them, it will help win back her heart. SLOWLY!!!

Heavenly Father, You know Trying's heart. He comes humbly before You asking for mercy, a second chance to continue the covenant he made with his wife. Lord,speak to her heart, overcome the hardness that has taken ahold of her, penetrate to the very core of her soul, and destroy the grip of the enemy. Father God, we ask in united agreement that you would hear and honor our prayers, that we might all see Your mighty hand of mercy and grace, Your unconditional love be poured out upon this family. Show Trying's wife thru earthly examples that divorce solves nothing, and that in fact causes more harm than good. Show her Lord, that she can forgive and overcome the injustice that has been done. That her forgiveness can restore her marriage back to better than it ever was. Teach her to love Trying again. I bind the enemy and his evil schemes off of this marriage, and we lose all the forces of heaven to it's restoration. In Jesus name. Amen

God Bless Trying
singleguy

sg,
All I can say is, thanks (joyous <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ).

I jst came back from Mass and it was very sad for me. I saw many couples holding hands and being in love with eachother. I cried.
There was one funn note. Every week when I go up to communion, my S (3 yrs) gets upset because he is not allowed to receive. Well this week the priest makes a comment (closing words) about two young children who were upset about not receiving the Eucharist. I knew he was talking about my little one and so did everyone in my row. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thank you again, singleguy (as well as everyone else) for your kind prayers.

God's Almighty Love fill you all,
TTSMM

TTSMM,

sg said all the important stuff. You're W is looking for for you to be devoted to her. One thing I will tell you, and nearly all the old timers here will echo this, it takes "time and consistancy" on your part to convince her you are real. She needs you to be the person that is "safe, loving, strong, "steadfast" in your commitment to her", whatever it is that makes deposits into her Love Bank. And it needs to be done over enough time that she trusts that you are no longer the person you used to be.

I wouldn't worry about the religion issue. You can be Godly and not speak "religionese". Jesus did it all the time when He spoke in parables. He used things the ungodly could relate to, showing them them it was God's love that they needed.

BTW - it is the love of God that your W deep down is really looking for. I read a book called "The Sacred Romance" by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge; the talks about our desire that is quenchable only by the "wild, passionate love of God". We/She tries to satisfy this desire by substituting other things. Whether it is You, OM, alcohol... whatever; these are "less wild lovers" and cannot quench this desire. Only the wild, passionate love of God can do that. That includes getting her most important needs met by you. That's right my friend, God Himself has designed you to be the person to meet those most important needs (no matter how long it took you to figure it out). Hey, it took me 17 years to get it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

If you have some free time; after you are done with "The Purpose (7877673) Driven Life"; I'd like to recommend a few books (some you might already have). "Power of a Praying Husband", "The Sacred Romance", "Wild at Heart" and "Knowing the Mind of a Woman". All are excellent books along the line of PDL (Purpose Driven Life). ...Praying Husband, I think is a must now if you aren't already using it. The prayers, when prayed from the heart are a powerful tool to help bring your W back to a relationship wiht Christ.

Bless you and be strong.

S&C

<small>[ November 17, 2003, 12:43 PM: Message edited by: steadfast and committed ]</small>

Day 17
A Place to Belong

P2P: "I am called to belong, not just believe."

V2R: "In Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to the others."

Q2C: "Does my level of involvement in my local church demonstrate that I love and am committed to God's family?"

It's difficult to be involved with the church when only one of us believes. But I intend to bring this book to the church, as well as the First Person Portrayals. Also to attend some of the Adult Faith Enrichment nights (one this Tuesday).

God's Grace and Mercy be with you all,
Trying <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Day 18
Experiencing Life Together

P2P: "I need others in my life."
Without a doubt.

V2R: "Share each other's troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ."

Q2C: "What one step can I take today to connect with another believer at a more genuine, heart-to-heart level?
I already feel I do.
My life is an open book:
- Lifespring
- SMW/MDI
- Men's circle
- My workmates
- My friends
- My family

Interestingly enough, the first person I started not to be honest with was Marie. When I was honest, her disapproval and judging became too much.

Pg 138: "Size: This means our weekly phone call is a fellowship. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Pgs 139-140: "Authenticity and Masks" I enjoy this kind of interaction. I don't like wearing masks and I don't like being around people who wear masks. WE ARE ALL HUMAN and ALL OF US HAVE PROBLEMS AND ISSUES so DON'T BE PHONEY!
Pg 141: "As Holy people...be sympathetic, kind, humble, gentle, and patient." Great words to live by...BUT...difficult to put in into everyday practice...AND...I am trying.
Pgs 142-143: "Mercy" "Remember, you will never be asked to forgive someone else more than God has already forgiven you." This should be written on my hands, feet and the inside of my eyelids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

God's Grace and Mercy be with you all,
Trying <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Day 19
Cultivating Community"

P2P: "Community requires committment."

V2R: "We understand what love is when realize that Christ gave His Life for us. That means we must give our lives for other believers."

Q2C: "How can I help cultivate today the characteristics of real community in my small group and my church?"
By being the first to share my story, my faults, my fears (being an example). Creating the space where others can open up.

Pg 145: "Unhealthy relationships" When I compare my W's family to mine, yeah they didn't fight or have loud arguments, BUT, they were false with each other. Right now, her family never backs anyone up. Out of guilt, they are agreeing to her, in thier own way, to her D'ing me. My family argued, were disrespectful (outward appearences) to each other, got into some drag out fights. But...we rarely held grudges, or brought up the past, etc.
Pg 146: "Honesty" Except for a few lies when I was younger, I always spoke the truth. I did have the occassional white lie, and the rare big one to CYOA. As I commented in the last chapter, I am unsure why, but after I met Marie, I became a good lier. When I was honest I received sharp-tongued criticism. I did not want to put myself through that all the time.
Pg 147: "Conflict" We (I was) aer never taught how to handle conflict. I was able to with my family growing up, but those same techniques did not work with my W.
Pg 148: "Humility - admitting my weaknesses" When I addmitted these weaknesses to my W, rather than creating intimacy, it destroyed it.
"Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less." Another one to staple to the forehead (need more room up there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ).
Pg 151: "Nine characteristics of fellowship" What is interesting is before I was reborn in my Catholic/Christian faith I was part of a Men's team where we aspired to all of these fellowship traits. However, God was NOT present and there were many underlying agendas and politics.

God's Grace and Mercy be with you all,
Trying <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />