Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
Before my re-birth, I would ask God? or just wishful thinking for something to happen to my W because of her not wanting to reconcile. After every fight, I would wish the worse on her. I was being vindictive. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Strangely enough, I pray for her health and protection every day now, but I still wish her some illness(or affliction). This might sound sick/weird, who knows...so bear with me a moment. My reasoning is because God doesn't seem to draw people who don't need Him. If you are well, welloff, happy, etc. you feel you have no reason for God, so you never seek Him out. Again I thought this idea was still round-a-bout cruel. I was thinking about it last night when I was driving to the store. When I got home, I sat down to read some more of Job. Within the first two minutes, I came across...
"Why do the wicked survive, grow old, become mighty in powere?...Yet they say to God, 'Depart from us, for we have no wish to learn your ways'...How often does destruction come upon them, the portion he allots in His anger." Job 21:7-17

So why would my W want to seek God, if everything is OK in her life; if she had her health, could manage the kids, could amke a good income for herself, etc?

Am I way offbase in my logic here? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Btw, she has been physically ill four times in the last three months, and I have been there to help her get better.

God's grace and Mercy be with you all,
Trying <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 123
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 123
Hello TTSMM, Lupolady, Single,
Sorry for not being on for a few days and may need a few more. Probably Thurday I will catch up all. I have a mess right now and am behind. dealing with two very angry lawyers because from the begining I told them no divorce and they went and did countersuits that I knew nothing about. Now I have court Dec 19 and a big mess to clean up. I am shook from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. This push on their part for divorce and of all things they insist I do Bankruptcy! This just did not let me sit and be good. Boy they came up against the wrong girl. I was polite and was told I was kind, but I was very God direct! It was amazing the feelings of being pulled in half by good and bad. Good won! They finally gave in with me asking 100 times if they had faith in God, if they were God loving men, ect. They told me they would do what ever I wanted, but thought I was wrong. I am not wrong I married my husband with the words of God and I will not sign anything. Not now or in twenty years. They said they thought I was wrong bc he cheated on me. I explained how God works. Oh my this went on for over 2 hours - yikes nice bill. Oh well it is only money. My marriage is worth more than that to me. Now I have to figure out where to dig up 5-10 thousand dollars to fight this. Maybe after this next court trip I will let them go and do it on my own. What more can I loose right? Husband lost his job and they tell me my support will be cut in half. I can not afford this but .... .
I will not be joining you this week on phone night if it is Tues? I will have 4 G kids. Two are still babies.
Just thought I would let ya know I am ok I guess and will return soon. Had a mess with my addict son too. He called me a Bible Thumper! I only told him he had to get ahold of someone or something to help him get over this drug addiction and I did tell him God would help. This is a praise report too as he did go back to his wife after many prayers and 14 months. I worry so about this 37 year old!


TTSMM, Please do not ask God to do this as it is not God that would do anything like that, it is satan. Satan is the only one who could make people sick and fool you into thinking it was God. Does this make sense? Satan is cunning and I saw it today. Please be careful Brother. God Bless you and your family.

Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
The call will be Thursday at 8:00 PM EST, if that is ok with y'all? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am going to an Adult Faith Enrichment meeting at my church tonight.

God's grace, Love and Mercy be upon us,
TTSMM

Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 427
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 427
TTSMM,

Yes, LNC is right. Don't be hoping for a bad event to happen to your wife. Your job as her husband is to be the priest of the home. And all you may get is a chance to pray for her right now, but that is enough. Pray sincerely, and God will convict her heart. If God can give Saul a Damascus Road experience, and change him into Paul, He can change your wife too. You can't be good and bad in this, it must be one or the other. What would happen if you open a door and she would become a cripple in some way. And now she is more angry with God than before. The bible says we are blessed when we bless our enemies. She isn't actually your enemy, but her heart is against you right now. Do what S&C said about proving to her you have changed and let God heal her heart.

Love Ya Brother
singleguy

<small>[ November 18, 2003, 10:45 AM: Message edited by: singleguy ]</small>

Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 427
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 427
LNC,

I will pray for you. Maybe God wanted you to witness to these attorneys!!! Even if He didn't, you did anyway!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You Go Girl
God Bless
singleguy

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 123
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 123
Hi Single,
Thank you for your prayers!
Yes I believe that God has used in many situations lately <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ! It has been a tough week for me. My Son is still home and returned to work today. He is battling the drugs (satin) and confusion. I know how he feels, but I am not on drugs. These are all very hard calls! Grands are great - so much fun!
I had 1 1/2 hours again today on the phone with one lawyer to finish blocking this divorce up. I have husband where he can not move. No divorce, nothing divided until I consent - no way! I am not being mean which I am sure he will believe this, I am giving him lots of time to correct and want his marriage and time for me and God. My poor lawyers are about crazy with me, but did say today they never knew who they were up against. NY State is a good place to live when you want to contest! It costs but what the heck once they get my paper work done and into the court then I think I will be able to let them go.
Had another problem today with my Bone Specialist! He saw me last in Sept. He told me I had circulatory problems in my wrist from the incident of being twisted. A MRI and two more xrays showed the damaged bone! Now he has talked to comp and all of a sudden it is not that anymore and THINKS it is arthritis setting in. HE DID NOT DO AN XRAY TODAY! Gosh here I go again got to call that lawyer (different one) and begin another battle! Boy if someone can be tested by God I sure have been.

God Bless you
LNC

Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,361
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,361
Hey guys and gals,

You're exploits have caught the eyes of others. Vega and maybe believer may be interested in getting involved in a group doing an online study of The Purpose Driven Life. They'er discussing it on this thread.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=34;t=010230;p=1#000006

Bless ya'll, more than youcan stand. Aloha.

S&C

Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
Conference Details

Date: Thursday, November 20, 2003
Start Time: 8:00 p.m. Eastern Std Time
End Time: 9:25 p.m. Eastern Std Time
Participants: 6
Type of Conference: Web-Scheduled Standard
Dial-in Number: **edit** (San Francisco, CA)
Organizer Access Code: *416972
Participant Access Code: 7877673
Conference Controls: Conversation Mode (all participants can be heard)

Entry Chimes - Enabled

Exit Chimes - Enabled

Last edited by MBLBanker; 02/19/12 03:46 AM. Reason: removing contact info

Story

I asked Jesus, How much do You love me? He said, This much., and spread out His arms and died.
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
Day 20
Restoring Broken Fellowship

P2P: "Relationships are always worth restoring."
I am nervous on what steps I need to take to restore mine (marriage). I don't like conflict, because once I am in conflict, I fight to win. A lesson God wants me to learn from?

V2R: "Do everyting possible on your part to live in peace with everybody."

Q2C: "Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today?"
- Marie (my W)
- Jerome (MDI) he is vey controlling and overpowering. We have gotten into many confrontations because I don't like he tries to control me. I reached out with his local church and he never answered.
- Andrew K, long time, no talk.
- Bobby K, same.
- John Rodriguez, Rich Petrone, Rich Titone, Rocky, others from CCTG.
- Jorge, Andrew H., Krafty, Ed B., others from MDI.

It's tough to call so many people who I am no longer in contact with. Do I chalk this up to part of my past and move on or not?

This chapter had WAY TOO MANY CLICHES. This made it difficult to concentrate.

God's Blessings,
Trying

Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
Day 21
Prtotecting Your Church

P2P: "It is my responsibility to protect the unity of my church."

V2R: "Let us concentrate on the things that make for harmony and the growth of our fellowship together."

Q2C: "What am I personally doing to protect unity in my church family right now?"
Nothing. I am not involved as I would like. See two chapters ago - difficult when only one spouse is a believer.

Pg 163: "Choose to encourage rather than criticize" I have sat on the sidelines many times in my life. I had the nickname of "Almost" when I did an adult LIFE course called "LifeSpring" back in the mid-80's. This was because I would put myself in "second-in-command" position in various aspects of my life. This way I could take the credit with the leader when things went great and side with the team, when things went wrong and point fingers at the leader.

I have to remember, "It starts with me, BUT, it's not about me." Ex: See how our "Purpose" phone call has evolved.

God's Blessings,
Trying

Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
Day 22
Created to Become Like Christ

P2P: "I was created to become like Christ."

V2R: "As the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like Him and reflect His Glory even more."

Q2C: "In what area of my life do I need to ask for the Spirit's Power to be like Christ today?"
- Patience
- Truth of my past
- Gossip (listening mostly)
- Fogiveness

Pg 173; "...life is suppose to be difficult! It's what enables us to grow. Remember, earth is not heaven." I know that in my heart, BUT, I still would like to be happy while I am here. Not experience SO MANY issues and tests.
Pg 174; "You can not produce the character of Jesus oo your own strength. ... He often nudges us with "a gentle whisper". ... ...these things are always available for the asking." I DO want the Holy Spirit working on my heart and talking to/through me. I just have not heard His voice yet. I see/experience signs, but no distinct voice from Him.

I read this chapter right after my "strange dream" last week.

God's Blessings,
Trying

Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
Day 23
How We Grow

P2P: "It is never too late to start growing."
I believe this. We are always learning every day. When I was an actor, I still went to some classes, to learn more to understand how to use my instrument (me, my emotions, etc.) more effectively on stage. When you (I) stop learning, you (I) start dying.

V2R: "Let god transform you inwardly by a complex change of the mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God - what is good and what is pleasing to Him and is perfect."
I pray for that mind shift. I am not always pleased with my thougths. My mind is sometimes full of the most bizarre thoughts. I will share on our next phone call if anyone's interested.


Q2C: "What is one area where I need to stop thinking my way and start thinking God's way?"
- Masturbation (is it a sin?)

Pg 180: "Your commitments can develop you or they can destroy you, but either way, they will define you." My commitment to porn (past) outweighed my commitment to Marie; that is why my marriage is failing.
Pg 180: "Every choice has eternal consequences, so you had better choose wisely." I will start making the right choices again.
Pg 180: "You can be certain that the Holy Spirit will help you with these changes." I need to pray to the Holy Spirit more. Even though I believe in the Holy Trinity, I have a mental block praying to the Holy Spirit.
Pg 181: "Be careful what you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts." I need to remove hate, anger, malice; and replace it with love, giving, sacrafice.
Pg 182: "...stop thinking immature thoughts, which are self-centered and self-seeking." I want Marie to be saved. Of course I would like to reap the rewards from that as well - a better, happier, more fulfilled marriage. What I have to see/accept is that MAYBE, God will save her after we are divorced; or by the next man she marries. I may not be in her immediate plans for salvation. Will I be OK/understanding and accepting if she is saved but the marriage is not. Honestly, I WANT both.

God's Blessings,
Trying

Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
Day 24
Transformed by Truth

P2P: "The truth transforms me."

V2R: "If you continue in My Word, then you are my disciples indeed; and you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."

Q2C: "What has God already told me in His Word that I haven't started doing yet."
Literally, being truhtful.
Within the various 12-step programs out there, a addcict is told to right the wrongs he/she has done by approaching/confessing/asking for forgiveness for those he/she has wronged. However, if the truth would cause more pain (because certain things were not revealed earlier on) refrain from this until the relationship is stronger. This is a paraphrase.
There are some things (exact dates - A was three months earlier than I originally told my W [duration is the same]; how many online A's [no physical contact] I had; another EA that didn't go PA because she [my W] called at the right time). I have never told my W because I wanted the "security" of a counselor present. But she made every excuse to not have us go to therapy together, so I chickened out.
Do I say something now and bring her over the edge? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Interesting, no underlines or notes in this chapter.

God's Blessings,
Trying

Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
Day 25
Transformed by Trouble

P2P: "There is a purpose behind every problem."
Growing up, "In every adversity, there are the seeds of equal or better benefit."

V2R: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Q2C: "What problem in my life has caused the greatest growth in me?"
My pending divorce and the circumstances that lead to it.
I have come back to Jesus Christ and His Church; I am a "Born Again Catholic" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pg 197: "We know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character.' If, Patience is a virture. I am definintely not very virtuous. Like many/most men; I see a problem, I come up with a solution, problem is resolved, I move onto next problem. I don't have time to spend (waste) on one problem very long.
Pg 197: The entire page is very humbling. How can I expect that I will get off with less trials and experiences than Christ did?
Pg 198: "It is vital that you stay focused on God's plan, not your pain or your problem." I am going to come out of this a better man.
Pg 199: "God never leaves us on our own." FOOTPRINTS!

God's Blessings,
Trying

Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
Day 26
Growing Through Temptation

P2P: "Every temptation is an opportunity to do good."

V2R: "God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him."
Patience and Testing, two words that I must be willing to absorb and assimilate into my life. My W, and my life, are costantly testing me. I need to past these tests.

Q2C: "What Christlike character quality can I develop by defeating the most common temptation I face?"
- Self control over lust
- Patience over finding the easy way out

Pgs 201-202: The fruits. Here are the one I know I need more help with than others.
- Joy (I let others - my W more than anyone else - regulate my joy)
- Peace (with the turmoil in my M, God may have forgiven me my sins, but because my W has not, I am rarely at peace)
- Patience (see above)
- Faithfulness (I am now 100% faithful to my W [I feel - pride?!?!?], but with my Christian faith - I am still growing - I am not ready to shout from the rooftops - my image, in the eyes of others, is in the way)
- Gentleness (not always, could be calmer while still teaching my children)
- Self-control (see above)

Pg 205: "You can be attracted or EVEN AROUSED without choosing to sin by lusting." This is very difficult to fully comprehend and put into practice. God did make the human body very beautiful and tempting to the eye. I find myself shying away from looking at any other woman if I am suppose to be tryingTOsaveMYmarriage.
Pg 206: Praying and bad thoughts come into my head. I never looked at it as a temptation; I thought I was just being evil; not that Satan wass placing those thoughts in my head. This is refreshing to know.
Pg 207: "Request God's help" I forget that God hass so much love for me that He is patience is everlasting. He doesn't tire of having to rescue me from the same perdicament all the time; unlike mankind who say, "yYu still haven't learned your lesson on that. What are you, stupid?"

God's Blessings,
Trying

Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
Let's play a game of follow the leader. Where is everybody?

sg,
I see you posting on various topics, but not on this thread.

lnc,
???

ll,
You have completely disappeared.

Are we all getting complacent in our diligence with this book? I know I was.

With this being a short week, do you want to have the call on Tuesday or Friday? I am unsure about either day with my W's schedule.

I hope and pray to see and hear from you real soon.

God's Blessings and the Nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit be upon all of you,
tryingTOsaveMYmarriage

Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
Well, after all the work I am doing on myself, I blow it with my W. I was trying to let her know that she needs to ease up on the kids (criticism). She said she turned on OK, not like you (me). I won't elab on the details, but, I let her know that all/most of the neighbors think she is wrong for having waited until we got the house to file. I said this after she verbally attacked my F and faith.
Wrong all the way around for me.
How can she ever be saved, let alone the M.
Even though I prayed for the fruits today, I can say that when I was started the conversation, I was trying to prove her wrong. Where was the love in that?
I hate myself for this.

Trying...to pull my M back together. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 123
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 123
Hello TTSMM,
I am with you and yes we are way behind in this book. I have had such upsets with lawyers that I could not get done what I needed to do. Last call I sat on the couch waiting for the time to call in and I fell asleep. I get wore with the fights too!
I am so sorry for your pain. Your family is beautiful! I saw your picks. It is better seeing and praying. It feels more right? Did you ever think that when you fight with your W that you maybe giving in to the devils way and not God's? Just a thought here.
If you did not indulge her with fighting back where would it go? I do know those poor kids need someone to stand up for them - maybe another way though? Behind a closed door - when she is not home? I guess I am lucky in a way as my WH has been gone now for 19 months. I miss him terribly, but the fights he picked drove me insane! I did learn not to go there and it helped. I wish there was an answer to your problems, I am sure there is , but it has to come from God. Hang in there as we all know how hard you try. God Bless all of you and give you the strength to hold your faith tight.

Your prayer call thought is great!
10-10-987.com is only 3 cents a min!

Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 427
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 427
Everyone,

I think it would be a good idea to take a break from the book for a while. Everyone needs to focus on the holidays and getting back to a more solid emotional footing. I want to have as good a holiday season as possible, and I want everyone else to too. Right now I am working long days and then I am helping an assisted living facility get ready for the holidays, so I am home very little. It is my desire to help and encourage people, but I have to keep my batteries charged too, if you know what I mean. So I am going to just post as I can for a while, at least until the holidays are over. If the rest want to continue with the book, I will not be offended. I will be gone every night this week, but I will try to post and stay connected. God bless everyone!!! Happy Holidays!!!!

singleguy

Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 584
All,
I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving; mine was very good from all apsects.

I have not missed a day reading thus far, but I have in posting every day. I am going to continue this book to the end. Many times I have begone a book, or a program, or something that required me to be DISCIPLINED. I feel that God wants me to continue this without fail. I am bringing this to my pastor this week to lead a group in January (one - maybe two chapters a week). I also bought "Power of a Praying Husband" and I want to start that as soon as I am done with "Purpose".

I will post my days, if you want or I can add them when all of you commence after the holidays.

Again, I start and don't finish things (like being faithful in other areas of my life), so I am not going to let the devil get his way again. I am going to finish this as I promised to you, myself and especially to God.

God's Blessings,
Trying...

PS Even if you are not continuing the book right now, we can still have a weekly phone call to check in <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Page 7 of 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (Overcomer4513), 140 guests, and 49 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY, Avianna
71,737 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,804
Members71,737
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5